"Tyrants have not yet discovered any chains that can fetter the mind." - Charles Caleb Colton

It was difficult to be treated by a doctor without ever seeing them face to face. Dr. Aurelius called every week, and Peeta always made sure to pick up the phone. He knew the exact time to expect the call, and he knew how long to expect the call to last depending on how good or bad the week had gone.

Peeta knew that Katniss was in contact with the doctor too. She had apparently been very reluctant to receive treatment at first but was doing better now that she realized it could be helpful. Still, Peeta saw her reluctance on the days of her own calls. She would be more withdrawn during breakfast, and afterwards, Peeta would go back home and leave a frowning Katniss to wait for the call.

Peeta was much more open with the doctor. He wanted the shininess to go away. He wanted his memories back. Most of all, he wanted to stop the desires to hurt Katniss. The episodes had become less and less frequent over the months. Winter, in particular, had been a good season. Since December, Peeta had only been overwhelmed by the horrible anger and fear once. Dr. Aurelius said that was a good sign, but Peeta wondered if Dr. Aurelius had any doubts. The doctor couldn't see inside Peeta's head for himself after all. What if Peeta was exaggerating because he wanted to get better? And maybe he was. There was no unbiased third party to declare Peeta sane. Peeta wasn't naive enough to think that Katniss wasn't giving the doctor the same sort of information on Peeta that Peeta was giving on her, but even then, Katniss knew very little of what went on in Peeta's head, and he planned to keep it that way.

If there had been a doctor in District 12 with a good knowledge on illnesses of the mind, Peeta would have gone. As it was, they currently had one doctor who seemed to know enough about the workings of the body but not so much the brain. That would probably change in the future if Delly's plans for a nicer clinic and then, eventually, a hospital got underway, but Peeta couldn't wait around for that. Keeping Dr. Aurelius's services were essential, if inconvenient.

Peeta just wished there was someone close by to talk with about the worst of the feelings. He didn't want to burden any of his friends, who had gone through their own horrors, but Dr. Aurelius was never very effective when Peeta needed him most.

Time had made Peeta very aware of the intense emotions that signaled an episode. It was as if he was suddenly filled with an uncontrollable anger that hadn't been there before. Typically, Katniss would come to mind on the rare occasions she wasn't already in his thoughts. The farthest thing from his mind at that point was calling Dr. Aurelius, although the doctor had said that Peeta should if at all possible.

Peeta couldn't help it that during those moments everything faded away around him, and he couldn't think of anything the doctor had said in the past. Peeta was doing good if he had something nearby to grasp tightly as he willed the horrible memories to go away. He was getting better at it. The first several times after coming back and going through episodes alone, he had gripped his living room table so tightly for so long that it had been difficult to unbend his fingers afterwards. Now he was usually capable of calming himself down in about fifteen minutes, although the occasional worse episode would come along.

At any rate, Peeta considered himself lucky that none of these episodes had transpired around Katniss. It had been a worry at the forefront of his mind for months. The episodes always centered around Katniss, and the more time they spent together, the more Peeta worried that something she did would trigger an episode. It didn't though. If anything, Katniss's presence kept the horrible memories away. It was so much easier to remind himself of who she really was when she was right there for him to see.

Katniss had become the best treatment he knew. Not that he was shunning the expensive pills that Dr. Aurelius sent him regularly or giving up their weekly talks, but nothing helped like Katniss did.

Peeta wasn't going to tell her this of course. They both knew that they helped each other. Each calmed the other from whatever mental ailments they had. Peeta couldn't bring himself to confide in Katniss about the episodes though. There was a part of him, one he knew was wrong, that worried she would be scared and push him away if she knew. It had been logical at the beginning when their process of becoming reacquainted with each other was still in the hesitant stages, but they had past that stage long ago. Their lives were too tightly intertwined, too dependent on each other for Katniss to bolt if she learned of the episodes, yet Peeta couldn't bring himself to tell her.

He should have known that his reluctance would backfire spectacularly. He had only been spending more time with Katniss over the months, and sooner or later not even she was going to be able to ward off an episode.

It was a cold day in February when it finally happened. Another snow storm had hit that morning, and although even less of a storm than the one that had led to their meadow excursion, Katniss had opted against heading into the woods that day. Instead, she had consented to spending the day locked up indoors watching crappy Capitol television with Peeta. It had become one of Peeta's guilty pleasures when he didn't want to go into the emotions of painting or thought he'd baked too much food already. The television was mind-numbing and an excellent way of escaping his own problems. Katniss didn't seem to share the sentiment, but she at least got some amusement at mocking the more out-there behavior that they witnessed.

All entertainment was still being largely provided by the Capitol as only they had the money necessary to fund such unnecessary productions. District 1 was starting to show itself as a viable competitor though and was becoming known for shows that weren't quite as shallow. Peeta found it interesting to notice the minute differences between the productions of the two locations. They were small, but they were noticeable.

With the lines of communication more open than ever, both the Capitol and District 1 were trying to appear more diverse in their television, yet nothing they did ever accurately portrayed life in the other districts. Peeta had to hide the remote during a particularly horrid portrayal of District 12 life that Katniss had adamantly refused to watch any further.

A show all about weddings was playing when his episode hit. The bride had been going on an epic rant about not having violets that were the wrong type of purple, causing Katniss to scoff that no real violets were the shade the bride wanted. Peeta would never know if it was the annoyed, slightly angered tone of Katniss's voice that did it or if it was just the inevitable moment where one came, but soon he was bent over with his fingernails digging into his palms and his thoughts full of shiny snippets of "memories."

Peeta could only vaguely hear Katniss calling his name frantically over the sounds of his thoughts. Once or twice he even caught a word or two spoken in a Capitol accent that must have come from the television. Peeta pushed the words of the television away much easier than the memories as he tried to focus on the real Katniss's voice. He could hear the fear she held for him at the moment, and he tried to let that thought overcome him and strip away the anger and willingness to kill of the Katniss in his mind.

Unsurprisingly, Peeta found himself coming out from the episode in record time as he focused on the real Katniss. Her arm was around his shoulders, and she was closer to his side than he could remember her being since the hijacking. He relished the closeness as his eyes remained squeezed shut and his shoulders bent over. The shininess had dissipated, and the Capitol voices were back at usual volume in the background. Katniss's frantic words had quieted as she felt Peeta relax.

The sound of angry shouting began rising from the television set, startling Peeta from his thoughts. He finally lifted his head from his hands and turned to look at Katniss, who hadn't left his side and was watching him closely.

"Was that-" She cut off her own question as if not sure how to continue.

Peeta nodded anyway, knowing what she had intended. He took a deep breath as he launched into his explanation.

"They've been happening now and then ever since I got back, but it's rarer now than they were before. That was my first one in at least a month. I was hoping you'd never see it."

Katniss was frowning, but she nodded as if she meant to assure Peeta that it was alright. Peeta almost got the impression that she had suspected his episodes or at least considered it a possibility that he was struggling more than he let her know. Peeta briefly wondered if Katniss was dealing with something as major too, but he pushed the thoughts aside. If she wanted to confide in him, she would. He couldn't push it on her when he had wanted to shield her from the same thing.

"Is it still like before?" Katniss asked as she leaned over for the remote and shut the television off. Peeta knew her attention wouldn't be leaving him for a bit. "With the shininess and not knowing what is real?"

"Kind of." Peeta shrugged. "It is, but it's not as intense. I've gotten good at remembering that whatever I'm seeing is fake, and that helps it go away. But I still get this overwhelming feeling of anger and terror, even when I know it's not real. It's as if a part of my brain still hasn't accepted what the rest of my brain has."

Katniss nodded, and Peeta was thankful for her attempts at making him think she actually understood what he was saying. Not even Peeta really got it, even though Dr. Aurelius had assured him before that he wasn't the first person to experience similar things. Plenty of people experienced madness though, so Dr. Aurelius's words hadn't really been comforting.

Peeta had expected more questions from Katniss, such as what he actually saw during episodes or how he knew he wouldn't actually hurt her. Instead, she surprised him by holding the remote up and clicking the television back on. She leaned back onto the couch now, far closer to him than she had been before. Her arm was firmly pressed against his, and even their legs were only a hair length apart.

The bride on the show was wailing loudly as the television came on, a stark contrast to the quiet that had permeated the room seconds before. Peeta could just barely make out Katniss's soft words over the noise.

"We'll be okay."