Thank you so much for reading my lil old story! I love waking up to reviews and alerts that people have added my story to their favourites so thank you to everyone that has done that:D

Again, thank you to my awesome beta Magenta.

How lush did Rob and Kstew look at the BAFTAS this week eh? I was totally ready to hump the tele when he came on hehhee!

Anyhoo, heres the chappie, hope you like it!

I have never been to therapy so please forgive me if I have written anything wrong.

Cheers again for reading!

I don't own Twilight.. sadly! The wonderful Stephanie Meyers owns everything!

I stepped into Dr Melinda Jones's office and looked around, I was still nervous as hell and her shit eating smile did nothing to calm that. The office was light and airy and not what I expected at all.I think I had expected a dark room with a therapists sofa and nothing else. I've never stepped foot into somewhere like this, what was I supposed to think?

There was a huge window at the other end of the room and the walls were painted like an off white colour.

There were frames on the wall with certificates in them, presumably her qualifications? I personally didn't care if she was a rocket scientist I doubt she would be able to do anything for me.

The wall to the left of me had a chocolate brown and Turquoise wallpaper with chrysanthemums on it. Interesting choice of wallpaper for a theme wall Shrink lady!

There were a few enourmous house plants dotted around the room and a few smaller ones on the window ledge.

There were two cream leather sofas facing each other with rather large cushions at either end which were the same shade of turquoise that was on the walls and on the floor between them both was a large brown, white and turquoise carpet. Evidently Dr Jones was a fan of 'bringing the outdoors inside'

Did she not watch Justin and Colin's 'How not to decorate'?

Even the curtains were a shade of green that to me looked like someone had vomited on. Yes, It would appear I was not a fan of the green and brown!

She asked me did I want to sit down? Well no, not really but whatever, the sofas were comfier than standing on my feet for the entire hour.

She sat down opposite me and took her glasses off, she smiled at me and grabbed some sort of folder.

'So Isabella, I'm Dr Jones. How can I help you?"

'It's Just Bella and you have my file so you obviously know what's wrong.. just.. I dunno, fix me'

I did not want to be here, discussing my problems with this woman. I know I agreed to come here but seriously did I have much choice? How is this even going to help me? I promised my dad I would come but I didn't say anything about having to like it, or her. I would do my time, let her yap and I would be on my merry way.

'Alright then, just Bella. Yes, I have your file and I have read it's content but that's not what I'm concerned about. I want to hear from you how you are feeling. This won't work if you aren't prepared to help yourself. What you have been through will not be something you can just 'fix' you need to want to help yourself. Let's start with Why did you come here today?'

Well that was easy.

'My dad made me' I replied while shrugging my shoulders.

'Do you want to be here?'

Well no not really, of course I didn't want to be here, I was doing it because it was one of my dads insane conditions. If I had honestly thought something like this would help I would have come all those months ago.

'I don't think talking will help me' I said.

'How do you know if you don't give it a shot? She asked

I just shrugged again while looking at one of the potted plants, what was with all the damn green? I loved green but this was just too much.

'Well, what will help?' She asked while putting the pen she was holding to the corner of her mouth.

'A time machine? I muttered sarcastically.

'Look, Isabe...Bella. Can I be honest with you? You need to give this a go, you need to try. If it doesn't work out you can at least say to your father that you gave it your best shot. He can't ask anymore than that. We dont have to talk about anything heavy today if you dont want to. We will go at your pace until you feel comfortable and think you can trust me. I want to be able to help you, so why not let me try? What do you say?'

I know what I wanted to say and none of it was particularly pleasant, actually It might have gotten me thrown out and banned from the building, but the thought of seeing the disapointment on my dads face stopped me from flicking her the 'V', telling her to ram her session and walking out.

'Fine, whatever. If it keeps my dad off my back, lets do this!' I retorted with fake enthusiasm.

'So, how about we start with why you think you need to be here'

'My best friend died and I feel guilty.' I said nonchalantly

'Did you kill her?' She enquired

What? she was meant to be on my side, why the fuck would she ask that?

'NO, of course not. Why would you even ask that, what the fuck is wrong with you? I screamed at her, I didnt even care who heard me, she didn't even know me why the hell would she say something so blunt and cruel?

'Well you said you felt guilty and if you didn't kill her why would you feel guilt?'

'I didn't murder her......... my actions led to her death but no I didnt murder her' I sneered the last part to her. What was my dad even thinking putting me through this? It was hard enough that I had to live through this once without having to recall it to this ... witch.

'Ok, so we've established you were the one who killed your best friend but you believe you are to blame? Why do you think that?'

'Because If I hadn't introduced him to her, to my family then she would still be here' I could feel my chest start to tighten at the thought of him. I was so not ready to talk about him yet, I just couldn't, I didn't have the strength.

'Who is 'him'?'

I wasn't even listening at this point anymore, all I could hear was the pounding of my heart in my ears and my breathing which was fast and ragged. I kept seeing that bastards face with that evil sneer as he stood over me. I would never in a million years forget the way he looked at me, even as he was dying he still kept sneering at me. It was an image that would forever be burned into my brain.I closed my eyes and slumped backwards on to the sofa while trying to catch my breathe. I couldn't seem to get enough air into my lungs. Crap, I thought, I'm having a heart attack in the Dr's office!

'Bella? Bella, look at me, relax. Ok relax' Dr Jones was in front of me now holding my hands as I gripped by bag in a death hold.

I felt dizzy and sick,I thought I was about to pass out.

'Here, drink this' Dr Jones handed me a glass of water and slowly after about 5 minutes the thumping in my ears started dying down. I could hear over my heart beating and the dizzyness started to fade.

'Are you alright Bella? Do you need me to get you a Dr?' Dr Jones asked.

'I thought you were a Dr?' I said while leaning back on the sofa with my eyes closed.

I heard her chuckle and she sat back down.

'How often do these attacks happen Bella?' She asked

'They used to happen a lot... but got better with time. The last few months though they have been coming .. more, the nightmares have been more frequent too, when I do eventually manage to get to sleep that is. Its just because I'm back here and reminded of everything'

I was still feeling light headed and the pain in my chest was still there although not as crushing as it was before. My breathing had calmed down and I didn't feel as nauseaus as I had done.

'Did you ever seek medical advise or take any medication for this?'

'No, I didn't think I needed to see a Dr about it, I didn't want them to think I was going insane, I thought I was just stressed about everything that had gone on'

'

'I believe its possible that you have may have Post-traumatic stress disorder which is very common in people who have had a traumatic experience such as yourself. You are exibiting some of the main symptoms such as the strong guilt you feel over your friends death, the nightmares and the angry outbursts. What you just experienced was an anxiety attack. I think you should consider maybe taking some kind of medication for this'

'No, I don't need medication thank you, I've dealt with this for long enough now, I really don't want to have to rely on medication'

It was true but more than anything I was afraid that I would lose control and become dependant on the pills and to be honest that was just another problem I could do without. So I told her thank you but no thank you.

'Right, well we still have another 30 minutes what would you like to talk about?"

'Actually, I think I'm done talking' I said, it was true, I had said too much already, I just wanted to go to sleep or even cry. I had had enough.

'You've done really well Bella, I think we should stick at this, Let's talk about your best friend.' She quickly put her glasses on and looked at her folder. 'Jessica, let's talk about Jessica.'

'No, I don't want to' I stated.

'Alright, then why don't we talk about your family. Why did you decide now to come back home? Why not say a year ago?'

'I wasn't ready to come back then, I was still a mess' It was true, this time last year I was a wreck, It took all of my energy just to get out of bed in the morning, Angela was fantastic, she would coax me out of my room with the promise of no talking, buffy reruns and a huge tub of ice cream. She was really a god send.

'Your ready now?'She enquired.

'Well, Im here aren't I? I sarcastically replied to her. I knew I was being a bitch to her but she just caused me to have a massive panic attack my pushing me to talk about things that I clearly wasn't ready to talk about and as I didn't want it to happen again so if I didn't talk then nothing could happen.

'Yes, your here. But why did you decide now?" She pushed.

I sighed and thought I might as well just tell her or she wont ever let up.

'I needed closure. I needed to be told by someone other than Angela that I wasn't to blame for this nightmare. My family were constantly on my mind, I missed them. I missed jasper even though I'm pretty sure he hates me.I want my life back, I want to be the happy care free girl I once was and not this sobbing quivering mess. I miss Jess more than anything.

This would never have happened if I had just listened to everyone, they warned me he was bad news but I didn't listen. I wanted some fun, but now all I want is my boring life with Jessica back'

I hadn't realised I had spilled all of that out until I had finished. The floodgates had been opened.

I choked back a huge sob and hung my head.

'Thank you for telling me that Bella, I appreciate how hard it was for you and how upset you are right now but believe me this will all help. I know you don't think therapy is the answer but I assure you I will do everything in my power to help you over come some of the emotions you are feeling'

'Thank you' I muttered

'So, tell me, who is Angela?'Dr Jones asked me

'She's my room-mate back in London, she took me in when I had no where else to go. She's incredible.'

'She sounds lovely, do you still keep in contact with her?'

'Yes, every single day we speak. She's really proud of the fact that I decided to come to therapy, even though technically it wasn't my decision' I smiled as I thought of how excited Angela had sounded when I told her. She thought it was an excellent idea.

'She sounds like a wonderful friend Bella' Dr Jones smiled at me.

'She is' I smiled back.

'Who is Jasper?' She enquired.

'Jasper is my older brother' I told her

' I see, so why do you think he hates you?'

'Jas is pissed at the way I left, I couldn't handle being the person everyone was talking about. I live in a small town, everyone knew what that monster had done to me and Jess. I couldn't handle the constant stares and people talking behind my back so instead of ignoring it I ran. Alice.. Jasper's girlfriend told me he was really upset that I didn't think I could talk to him about what was going on, it wasn't that I couldn't talk to him, I couldn't talk to anyone. They didn't know the full story and I didn't want to make them feel even more disgusted by me so I didn't tell them'

'So what is the full story Bella?'

'I don't .. I can't.... I'm not ready' I stuttered out.

'OK, ok, we don't need to talk about that today, we can approach this slowly. Its up to you what you want to tell me remember that, but I want you to know for your first session you have done really very well.'

I knew I had opened up, I was pleased but at the same time annoyed that this woman who I had only know about an hour had broken down the barriers I spent a long time trying to put up. No one had ever pushed me to talk about what had happened before, I guess they just thought with time I would get over it. My dad pretended like nothing happened, which was really hard seeing as I had made the national news. My brothers didn't ask me anything and never pushed me for information. They barely spoke to me, I just put it down to them not knowing what to say or that maybe they were just too disgusted with what I had done.

Edward had told me he was there if I ever wanted to talk and I nearly took him up on the offer until I heard his evil girlfriend tell him I was a freak and he needed to stay away from me. After that I refused to aknowledge what had happened, I suffered alone until I couldn't take anymore and left.

I remembered the night I had stormed out, everyone was sat in the living room watching some lame assed game show on the tv. They were laughing and joking like nothing had even happened and I was so pissed. How could they act like I had not been through hell and back. Losing Jess was bad but then having to sit around and have everyone act normally just crippled me.

I screamed at them and told them they were all selfish pricks and ripped open the front door.

My dad told me to come back inside and appologise for my behaviour but I told him I hated him.. that I hated them all. Edward was just stood there gaping, he didn't know what to do or say but this was nothing to do with him. This wasn't his family and I was sick of being treated like I was glass. They all tip - toed around me like I was about to break. To me, that was worse than living through what I did.

Dr Jones brought me out of my little bubble of thought. I knew she was talking but I didn't hear what she said.

'Huh? Sorry, what?' I asked.

'I asked, if you can, can you tell me what happened to him?'

I sat there for a few minutes wondering what the hell to say....I took in a huge breathe of air and looked at Dr Jones.

'He's dead. I shot him. After he left me to die'