JIM

Mondays were normally boring days, everyone trying to focus and convince themselves they could push through another week of selling paper, but today had been insane. Andy got taken off reception and given a final warning for his temper, Ryan volunteered to do it until they could find a suitable replacement, and Hannah slapped Creed for sending pictures of her left breast over the internet while she was breastfeeding.

Laura, the HR representative had to write up Creed, which he bitched about most of the morning. Jim was hoping for a quieter afternoon when Ryan buzzed him.

"Jan Levinson on line one."

Jim sighed, something he realized he did a lot lately, "thanks man, put her through."

"Hey Jan."

"Hi Jim, listen, we would like you to go make the hard sell to Pam Beesly, she ran the office well, and that was with Michael screwing things up."

"Yeah, about that, listen, Pam and I have a history, I don't know if I'd be the best person. We sort of hooked up a while back, the truth is I've like her for a long time, but we were talking, then got drunk, and now she won't speak to me because I was dating someone when it happened. So…."

"Listen, we've all made drunken mistakes, believe me, I've made many, but we need her. Do whatever it takes, ten thousand in moving costs, fifteen hundred a month raise, and an extra week vacation, also don't forget that she can have the good medical coverage corporate and branch managers get."

Jim closed his eyes in resignation, "fine, I'll do it. I'll take off now, I thinks she's working as a temp, so I might be able to catch her on her lunch and not disrupt her day entirely."

"Thank you, Jim, you're doing great and for what it's worth, even Wallace thought she liked you."

Jim shook his head in disbelief. "Awesome, thanks Jan."

After the call, he had to talk with Karen before leaving, she had been more than reasonable with Jim, she was still kind and they still talked, he hated that he didn't feel what she did, but he was through hurting people.

"He Filipelli, I get to leave and do something excruciating."

Karen looked up from her computer, "please tell me it's getting anyone other than Andy or Ryan to work reception, Ryan has asked me out four times a day at least since you kicked me to the curb."

"Yeah, more awesomeness as a result of my awesomeness, go Halpert."

"Hey, don't be that hard on yourself. I understand, believe me, we don't' get to choose who we fall in love with, it doesn't seem fair, but it's true."

Jim nodded hating that he had hurt, while he didn't love her, she was important to him, "and adding to that theme, guess who I get to go give the hard sell to as Jan put it and convince to come work here."

"Oh shit, Pam?"

Jim offered a fake smile, "oh yeah, I get to go and try convince someone who hates me to come work with me, what could be better?"

He was thirty minutes into his drive when his cell rang, "hello?"

Moaning came from the other end of the phone, he could tell it was Dwight. "Dwight, what happened? Mose or Angela?"

"Angela, she did it, we're done." His sentence was followed by more moaning.

"Shit, that sucks. Guess what though, I'm driving to Scranton to give Pam the hard sell to come work for me here, as commanded by corporate, so at least we're both in hell."

"Yay for us."

"Yeah, yay for us."

"You want a roommate?"

"Why, are you kicking Mose out?"

"No, I'm selling, I need a change. I'll buy some land or a building in Stamford to lease out and just rent a small place for now."

"You are welcome to move in, if you think we won't drive each other crazy, I can be a slob."

"Yeah, well you don't have a freaky relationship with scarecrows and you didn't break up with me, so I'll take that."

"Alright, I guess we can be roommates then, misery does love company."

"It also loves vodka, lots of vodka."

"Don't do that, my last time with vodka got me where I am today, and it is not good. Let's go out to dinner, you choose the place, I'll pay."

"Cracker Barrell it is, I never went there with Angela and they're used to pathetic people crying."

"I look forward to a pathetic meal with pathetic people."

"Call me when you're done with Pam, so I can look presentable, it's been a rough eighteen hours since she drop-kicked my heart."

Before leaving, Jim had texted Larissa to find out where Pam was working, telling her it was work related and the last thing he wanted to do. She reluctantly told him and wished him luck. There was accident right outside of Scranton on the highway, so as he drove up to the pharmacy, he saw Pam walking out for lunch.

He quickly parked, paying the meter and then jogged after her, he though she would go a few doors further down to the Mexican café, but she instead turned in the baby clothing store, Small Frye's Boutique. Jim paused to catch his breath outside the boutique, he was breathing hard from his jog, she had gotten a sizeable lead on him.

As he stood panting, he could hear Pam talking to the woman at the counter, the door was open since it was an unusually warmish day, even though it was February. The woman asked Pam if she was buying for a friend and Pam started crying, and through her crying blurted out that no, she was shopping for herself.

The words struck Jim like a baseball bat across the face, she was pregnant? He knew it was him, Pam wasn't a player and she wouldn't have done it again with Roy, he hoped, but pregnant? How could she not tell him?

He let her calm down and then straightened out his shirt and pants and walked into the boutique, he wanted to stay professional, but it was going to be really difficult.

"Jim, what the hell?"

Jim held up his hands in surrender, "don't blame me, Jan sent me, believe me, I told her everything and she still wanted me to come and try to talk you into it. Can the company buy you lunch while I make a job offer, better than the pharmacy."

She let out a long breath, "fine, let's do this, I was just looking for a present for a friend, she's having a baby."

Jim swallowed, his mouth suddenly parched, "cool, yeah, I get it."

They started out with very small talk, Jim filled her in on Dwight and Angela, Pam knew they were dating but was surprised they were breaking up. Jim figured he better hurry with the sales pitch before telling her he knew she was pregnant.

"So, I know how you feel about me, believe me, but the job, ten thousand to move, fifteen hundred a month raise, and the same health plan they get at corporate, they are desperate. I'm sorry I've ruined this offer for you, but I promised Jan I'd try."

"Man, I could use that…the money."

Jim felt himself losing the will to play dumb anymore, "not the healthcare? For say, um…"

Pam stared at him, "what do you know and how?"

"I know you're pregnant, and I know it's mine, don't ask me how I know that part, but I'm still certain, I had to run to catch up with you, so I was outside panting like an out of shape person and with the door open, I heard."

Pam looked at him, it was a hard look, he had never experienced a look like that from her, "I expect nothing from you, okay? Nothing."

Jim wanted to scream or cry or anything, she had to understand how desperately he wanted to show her he loved her and be a part of her life, "Beesly, I will give you whatever you need or want and more, I will of course do my part, I want to do my part, I would never leave you alone in this. Here's the thing though, I have told you in no uncertain terms that I am crazy in love with you, you have told me you love me, so why not give the kid a fighting chance with two parents who love each other, together?"

Pam pushed her plate forward, "because we're done Jim, we never were. We had one night."

"No Pam, don't do this, don't push me all the way away, we had five amazing years as friends, the best years of my life even though I suffered because I couldn't be with you, I wouldn't trade them for anything."

"I'm sorry Jim, I just can't. Please…"

Jim fought as hard as he could to keep his emotions under control, only Beesly could do this to him, "let me ask you one question, and answer honestly, because it is all that matters."

"Fine, ask." She looked away from him, obviously dealing with her own emotions.

"Do you love me?"

"Jim, it doesn't matter…"

"No, to hell with that, it's all that matters, if you love me, then you will let me into your life, not in little chunks, not for one night, but into your life so we can see if we work together, as us. You say you love me, but you have never tried this, us."

"I need to go, I have to work, I'll call you later with details of appointments and stuff, so you can be involved." She left him crying over Mexican food, he was surprised the staff could understand him. The walk to his car calmed him down, Jim sat in the driver's seat and stared at his phone. He left Pam a message and then called Dwight.

"You hungry already?"

"Man, you have no idea, I just sat at a restaurant and ate nothing, big stuff to tell, big. Why don't I pick you up?"

Jim was thankful Dwight was always prompt, he was waiting on his porch as Jim drove up, Dwight hopped in the car and immediately put on some heavy metal music, Jim could only laugh.

"Sorry, you look like some angry music might help, not a woman trying to get in touch with her touchy side. But seriously, what did she say? You look like she kicked the emotional shit out of you, hard."

Jim had to steady his breathing, "well, you have to promise to tell no one, it's crazy you're the only one I'm telling."

Dwight held up his hand, "an oath of secrecy, you know me Jim, my good, my bad, this will go with me to the grave."

"Luckily it won't have go that far, Pam's pregnant, it's mine, she still wants very little to do with me."

Dwight's jaw dropped open, an awkward silence followed, he tried to start talking a few times, but only stammered.

"Yep, that's how I feel. The woman I love is pregnant, with my child, but wants nothing to do with me. I feel like Michael at the firing range, I'm getting shots off but they're all hitting in the wrong places. I wanted to be with her, I was, but for one night that ruined things. I would love to raise a family with her, I will, but she wants to do it on her own."

"Don't let my ex know, she'll judge the hell out of her, I loved her, but man, she makes me look like a wuss when it comes to judging people. We obviously had sexual intercourse, obviously, but she would still make comments about others doing the same thing, it was like they were going to hell, but she was fine. I bit my tongue so much it nearly put a hole in it."

"Thanks for this, being my friend and all that. I wouldn't know where to turn today."

"Hey, you're taking me out because my ass got dumped, so thank you, but a sincere one, I felt like Andy the way I said it, that guy's the worst."

"He is the worst."

PAM

If it weren't for the fact that she was definitely pregnant and had a child on the way, she would have stayed in bed, but she needed money, she had no insurance, so work was a necessity. Her body ached as she got out of bed, she got up early so she could shower, but her feet already hurt so she settled for a bath. As she sunk down into the hot water, she couldn't get him out of her mind, despite all of the anger she felt, that night was amazing, physically, the moments at least. The way it was done and the fact that it hurt people, she hated that, but she couldn't get certain images and memories out of her mind. The way it felt to have him hold her, the way he tenderly kissed her entire body, the way he felt inside her. Roy had once joked without knowing she and Jim were truly so close that he was probably gay with a small dick, which Pam found humorous because even though he was the only man she'd ever been with, she knew he wasn't packing much.

Jim though, it was surprising someone so skinny was hiding that, as she remembered the best moments of that night, her fingers found her center once again, she needed to feel something, anything, even if it was wrong to get off to the memory of the man she was pushing away. Her fingers worked faster and faster until her legs shot forward, sloshing water over the side of the tub, but instead of the satisfaction she normally felt after this, she felt sadness, loss, absence.

Once she was dressed she ate some toast and drove to work, she didn't hate this job, but it was boring and the pay barely covered her apartment. She needed something better, but she didn't want to work with Jim, it wouldn't work out, it just wouldn't.

The morning was painfully slow, she entered in a mountain of forms and information, her fingers clicking along the keyboard without much thought. During her first break she looked up good doctors in the area who would work non-insured women, as if that wasn't depressing enough, she then had to apply for welfare and try to figure something out, this baby deserved a fighting chance.

After her break, she felt nauseated, but snacking on a single saltine put it at bay enough to keep working. She thought of the note Jim had left Saturday, she knew he must want to kill Roy, but he did his part to keep cool about things. She hated that he had communicated with her, he wasn't making it easier on her, but he seemed to have good intentions.

When lunchtime rolled around, she sighed, she wasn't really hungry, she wanted to walk a little, it was good for her circulation and the baby. She finally decided to go check out the baby boutique down the street from the pharmacy, looking at baby clothing was one of the fun parts about being pregnant, right?

As soon as she walked in and was greeted by the nice shop owner, she started to lose it, the woman had only asked her if she was shopping for a friend when the reality hit her and she let loose how she felt, the baby was hers, she was alone, that was the truth.

Walking around the store calmed her down, she started to feel better when she saw him, the last person she wanted to see in the last place she wanted to see him. As soon as she laid eyes on him she knew he must have already known she was pregnant, she just didn't know how.

Sitting in the Mexican café, she couldn't stop second guessing herself, whey was she so insistent on denying him, he was offering her a job, a great job. Every time she looked at Jim she felt something, the problem was everything that had happened, the way they had hurt people.

She listened to everything he had to say, unsurprised when he told her he knew she was pregnant, though she was surprised how he found out. His look of profound hurt and love upset her, she didn't know why, she felt determined to do this without him, he wasn't part of it. As she let the acidic words slip of her tongue she hated the reaction on Jim's face, in his countenance, but the words kept coming, the words that cut him, that pushed him away.

Jim's promise to everything he could for the baby nearly undid her, they were almost enough to deter her from her plan, but this isn't how people in love get together or start a happy family. True love didn't start with hurt and lies, not getting pregnant while you cheat on your girlfriend in a drunken stupor.

His next words nearly destroyed her, knowing what would follow, "let me ask you one question, and answer honestly, because it is all that matters."

"Fine, ask." She looked away from him, fighting with everything she had to bury her love for him.

"Do you love me?"

"Jim, it doesn't matter…" In her head she screamed liar to herself, she knew this was a lie, it did matter, but everything was wrong, everything.

"No, to hell with that, it's all that matters, if you love me, then you will let me into your life, not in little chunks, not for one night, but into your life so we can see if we work together, as us. You say you love me, but you have never tried this, us." His candor and passion moved her, they did, but what did it matter?

"I need to go, I have to work, I'll call you later with details of appointments and stuff so you can be involved." Her legs couldn't take her out of the café fast enough, she knew he was crying, she could hear his heavy breathing. She waited until she was in her car, driving away from the café before she released her tears, it physically hurt her as she cried. When she finally pulled into her apartment, her face felt red, she knew she couldn't be a pretty sight right then.

The light was flashing on her answering machine, she pushed the button afraid of what she might hear.

"Pam, this is your sister, call me, you haven't answered my calls the past few days!"

Beep

"Pam, Roy, I'm sorry, so sorry, it's just I pictured you guys, but I get it. If you could please call me…"

Beep

"Pam, I know you don't believe we can be together, I understand your reasoning, I just know I love you, I love our baby, with all my heart, I am nervous, terrified even of being a father, but knowing that this baby will be the best of both of us, it makes me happy. I need to know what you need, if you don't want me around for appointments, I won't be there, I want to be, but I want to respect what you want Pam, I want you to be happy, I truly do. I know this baby isn't what you had planned, but I've always thought you'd be a cool mom, a fun mom. I remember you on bring your daughter to work day, I saw it in you. Please don't let what's happened ruin all this for you, I hope we can work together to raise him or her, you are not in this alone, no matter what our status is, I am here to help you, also, despite how you feel about me, please consider taking the job in Stamford, full medical, that could helpful for something coming up in say nine or so months. Again, I'm her for you, please don't push me away, regardless of us, we are going to be parents, don't do it alone, okay, I've rambled, bye."

Beep