(None of the characters are mine. Just a quick short that I thought was funny.)
That
"That's your New Year's resolution! What are you thinking?" Lula shouted at me.
It had honestly seemed like a good idea last night. But, then again, it's not the best idea to make life altering decisions after having a few beers. Okay. Seven beers. And four shots of Vodka. And two margaritas. No wonder my head feels like it's about to fall off. Come to think of it, I think I might even still be drunk.
"Maybe I should re-think this," I finally admitted.
"It's too late now," Lula huffed. "You're stuck with that one."
I suddenly started feeling rather queasy. Lula was right. It was now New Year's day and I had to start going through the steps of my resolution. I'd have to start at my house and purge it. Then, I'd have to get rid of the stash in my car. Getting rid of the hidden treasures in my cubby at the Haywood office might be a little more difficult. But, Lula was right. I was stuck with this resolution until my will power caved.
"You just need to find a replacement," Lula suggested from across the table. "Find something else to fill the void."
"Like what?" I asked around a mouthful of eggs.
"Sex?"
"I'm single."
"Veggies?"
"Not."
"Running?"
"Option number one."
"Okay. Now we're getting somewhere," Lula said as she rubbed her hands together. "How about dancing?"
"Every night?"
"Why not?"
"Option two," I said hesitantly.
Lula leaned back into her side of the booth and seemed to go into a deep thought process. I was thankful for the slight reprieve, given that I had just barely gotten started on the plate in front of me when I dropped my bomb on Lula. Brunch was something that the two of us did together on New Year's Day. It gave us a chance to cure our hangovers together and share how our nights ended. Her's, of course, ending in Tank's arms. And mine, of course, ending alone. The rest of brunch flowed nicely, ending with the two of us going our separate ways.
Later that day…
"What are you doing?"
I looked over my shoulder at Lester and felt my face heat with embarrassment. I had just been caught, by a Merry Man, trying to purge my cubby of my newest enemy. This was absolutely the most embarrassing moment of my life so far. This was worse then rolling in garbage. This was worse then what Joe wrote on bathroom walls. This was worse then driving Big Blue.
"Nothing," I finally said as I closed the bottom drawer of my desk and shoved the brown paper bag behind me.
"What's in the bag?" Lester asked as he tried to peer around me.
I shifted my weight to block his line of sight as I said, "Just trying to clean out my desk."
"Hey, Ram!" Lester called out as he shifted to his other side to try, once again, to look in my bag. "I need your assistance."
"No, no, no," I pleaded. "It's really just trash, Lester."
"Then you won't mind me taking a look," he said as he tried to reach around me.
I slapped his hand away as I brandished my fully charged stun gun. Lester immediately jumped back into the isle and crossed his arms over his chest. I was now dead. I'd have to quit working for Ranger. I'd have to move to another city. I'd have to change my name and dye my hair blonde. I'd never have my mother's pine-apple upside down cake again.
"What's up?" Ram asked as he stopped next to Lester.
"Bomber, here, is hiding something," Lester said as he grinned down at me. "Something big. Something embarrassing."
"She's armed," Ram pointed out.
I watched as they looked at each other and did some silent communication. Wide grins broke across their lips at the same time and my heart sunk in my chest. This was not going to end well.
"Binkie!" Lester shouted. "I need your assistance."
"Hal!" Ram shouted. "Come here."
In a mater of seconds, there were four large men standing just outside my cubby. They were all silently communicating to each other. After a minute, Hal's face fell as he looked down at the stun gun in my hand. NO! I couldn't take stunning Hal again. He was just so damn nice. Would he really fall on another stun gun to find out what I had?
Long seconds later, I had my answer.
Everything happen quickly. Hal jumped into my cubby, startling me into action and stunning him with a fully juiced gun. Horror washed over my face as he tensed and then fell to the floor at my feet, his head hitting the corner of my desk as he went down. My stomach flipped as I saw a small, dark red line form across Hal's forehead as he lay unconscious on the floor.
All thoughts of the secret that I was protecting washed out of my head. I ducked under the three large men that lunged at me and dropped to the floor next to Hal's head. Pulling out my cell and some tissue from my pocket, I called Bobby as I applied pressure to Hal's now profusely bleeding forehead.
"Was it fucking worth it?" I shouted once I closed my phone after a brief conversation with Bobby.
I glared up at the three men taking up space in my cubby. They all have pieces of my enemy in their hands.
"Hal got hurt because you guys couldn't back off!" I shouted. I pointed up at the offending articles in their hands and shouted. "All for a bunch of male porn magazines!"
