Love at Fifth Sight

Part 3-5

"Ami, I'm trying to tell you… I mean, I've been meaning to tell you for a long time now, oh, to hell with it." Zach kicked the rock that was Ami's stand in, then spent another minute hopping around clutching his toes.

He leveled a hostile glare at the rock, which hadn't budged an inch. "Sheesh, okay. If I'd known you'd take it so bad…"

He groaned in frustration, unaware that a couple miles away, Ami was rehearsing similar lines to a weeping willow.


She spoke directly to the silvery gray bark of the tree trunk without a hint of a smile on her face.

"Zach, we've been friends for some time now, and I had a really good time at prom. And I was wondering… I wanted to tell you that I…"

Ami buried her face in her hands. It was always at this point that she found herself unable to go on. She checked her watch for the time and felt herself growing faint when she realized that she didn't have any more time to practice. She had promised to meet Zach at the park which was within walking distance of both of their houses at three, and it was already 2:58.

When she reached the entrance to the park, slightly out of breath, he was already waiting for her.

As she approached, she could have sworn he mumbled, "Just between you and me, Rock, what are my chances?"

She chose to ignore this oddity, however, and smiled at him nervously.

Zach managed to indicate a random path, and they started past the children screaming on the swing set, each steeling themselves to begin.

"Ami, I–"

"Zach, there's–"

They stopped and laughed at each other. "Okay, you first."

Ami said firmly, "No, you go first. You started speaking first." When he started to protest, she cut him off. "I won't say another word unless you start talking."

He sighed. "I never should have gotten you started on that speaking your mind crap. If only you were still shy and obedient."

She glared at him. "Too late for that. Go on."

"Okay. So. Well…there's this…thing I've been meaning to tell you for awhile about."

Her pulse skipped a couple of beats, but she made herself smile and nod innocuously. "All right. What's on your mind?"

Zach trained his eyes on the packed dirt of the path. "Well, there's this program I was interested in doing. Actually, it's with an NGO working in South America. I applied, and they've agreed to take me." Now his head lifted, and she could see that his eyes were bright and excited.

She smiled, somewhat confused. "That's wonderful. Wow, South America. Is it for the summer? Why haven't you told me about it before?"

He shook his head. "Well, the thing is, it's – it's not just a summer. It's for a whole year." Even as the smile faded from her face, he forged on determinedly. "I'm taking a year off before college."

"What?" Ami whispered. "Taking a year off?"

"I really, really want to do this, Ami. You have to understand." He looked at her pleadingly. "This is really important to me. They have these laboratories they're setting up, which are beyond cool, but they're also working on providing healthcare services because the government infrastructure is so weak there…

"It's a really great opportunity," he finished up. "Usually they only take college students, and upperclassmen at that, but they've agreed to take me, too. And it's legit. I've checked it out and everything, been through it with my parents and some of the teachers a million times."

Ami just looked at him, trying to push past the feeling of betrayal and listen to the passion in his voice. Clearly, he had put a great deal of thought and work into these plans. 'So that's where he's been disappearing off to instead of going to study sessions,' she realized. With a pang, she wondered whether she had ever heard that degree of enthusiasm in his words before.

But why hadn't he ever mentioned this to her? Weren't they close friends? Hadn't he sworn that he was thrilled about going off to college with her? Did she even know him as well as she thought she had?

"But – why can't you do this later? What are you going to do about college? I thought you were set on going to MIT."

He felt his stomach clenching. The talk wasn't going the way he wanted it to. "I'm going to defer enrollment for a year. I've already applied for it, but I haven't heard back from them yet. It doesn't matter, Ami. Even if they don't take me, another school will take me when I get back."

"That is so irresponsible! What about all the work you put in this year, getting your grades up? Are you just throwing that away? And your parents, they were so proud of you for getting into such a great school. This is just selfish." Ami couldn't stop the hard words from pouring out of her mouth, but she felt so disappointed, and so frightened that he was leaving her behind.

"It's not irresponsible or selfish! So I worked hard, and I'll work hard when I come back. I already told my parents, and they'll stand by me. Why can't you? I want to do this! Why can't you understand that?" he demanded, hearing his voice rise in temper.

"I thought you wanted to go to MIT," she said quietly.

"I did! But not right now. That's what you want – going to a top school, probably the best school in the nation, and taking the pre-med track until you get into another top school. I want to break out of the mold and stop following everyone else. I want to get out and see the world."

Ami felt the bitterness welling up in her throat as she asked, "So you think I'm just some goody-two-shoes, fitting the mold, doing what's expected of me? Am I too boring for you, Zach?"

"No, that's not what I meant. I just – come on, Ami!" he tried.

The fear that he was making a mistake, that he was losing her friendship was swamping him. The fact that he had wanted her to support him so badly made her anger and incomprehension sting.

"Don't make this about you." He wished he could take back the words as soon as he said them when he saw her turn pale, but he couldn't. So he plunged on, trying to fix it.

"This is my dream, just like med school is yours. My way isn't yours. It's not better, it's just different. I didn't mean to say otherwise."

She felt the tears start to burn at the corners of her eyes. She wanted him to stop spewing those placating words that only hurt more.

Her silence gnawed at him, frustrated him beyond belief. "Why are you being so stubborn? Why can't you just be happy for me?"

Because you're leaving me, she wanted to say. Because you didn't tell me, and it's hurting me so much now. Because I thought you were going to tell me you liked me, too, but instead, I feel like I hardly know you.

But she didn't say any of those things. Instead, she held back her tears and stared at him coolly. "Because I think you're doing the wrong thing."

She turned and walked away from him as quickly as she could.

He stood still, his hands stuffed deep in his pockets like always, only they were shaking. He didn't go after her, and she didn't come back. It wasn't until later that he remembered she had wanted to tell him something, too.


They didn't speak to each other for the rest of the school year, which only had two weeks left in it. Zach stopped coming to study group, and they stared coldly away from each other in the classes they shared.

At graduation, Rei took pictures with Ami and of Ami with Kira, her friends, and even Jaden. But there were no pictures of Ami and Zach together.

No matter how hard Rei and Jaden tried, neither of them could get Ami and Zach to reconcile or even talk about what they had fought about.

A few days after graduation, Zach's parents drove him to the airport so he could catch a flight to Buenos Aires. Jaden kept glancing at his cell, hoping to see a text from Rei confirming that Ami would be coming to the airport.

No such luck. Zach himself was dawdling at the gate, glancing around as if he hoped to spot that familiar head of dark hair. His regret was stronger than ever now, but he couldn't wait any longer and finally readied himself to pass through the gate.

As he rechecked his boarding pass, there was a small commotion as a girl raced headlong towards them. His heart squeezed painfully until he realized that her hair was too long. He tried to smile at her but couldn't quite pull it off. "Hey, Rei."

"Hey. I'm sorry – I'm late," she amended at the last minute, figuring it would be a bad idea to mention Ami's name.

He shrugged. "It's okay. Thanks for coming to see me off."

His hope, so bitterly crushed again, disappeared. Ami had never spoken to him that way before, looked at him so coolly, as she had the last time they had spoken. It had been silly to think she would just forgive him and come to the airport today.

As he passed through the gate with a jaunty wave to his parents, Jaden put his arm around Rei. "Too stubborn, both of them," he remarked sadly.

Rei nodded, trying to smile and wave at Zach even as the corners of her mouth threatened to turn downwards. "Look who's talking," she tried.

Back at home, Ami wiped a few last tears from her eyes. She ignored the shrilling of the telephone and even Rei when she came in and tried to speak to her again. She only lay down on her bed and stared at the ceiling dully. But eleven hours later, her computer screen confirmed that Zach's plane had landed safely in Argentina.


In August, Ami's mother drove her and Rei to Boston, where they settled Ami into her freshman dorm. She met her roommate, a blond-haired girl who liked to wear her shiny blond hair in two buns on the top of her head and who had a heart and an appetite huge enough to belie her tiny size. She found her classes just difficult enough to be challenging but maintained a phenomenal G.P.A.

One time, which she later explained away as a moment of weakness, she tried to send a letter to the address Zach had left with his family, the address for the NGO's South American branch. There was no response.