"Your heart is trying to feel. To start walking alone, and keep my mind off you, my eyes are crying this pain. Fogging to regret, those harmful feelings I felt, my heart is screaming for you. Take a while to express, your reasons one more time, I want to fall out of love."
It was the end of summer, and like snow falling in winter, the cherry blossoms swayed in the gentle breeze. The soft, pink petals landed on the surface of the courtyard pond, and tiny, delicate ripples awakened the silent calm. Turtleducks flocked and nibbled at the edges with their beaks. There were no children, having grown up and flown away over the summer to find their own place and have babies. Their parents stayed behind, and were happy to eat the cherry blossoms, until they passed a reflection of a girl they knew all-too-well. With a frightful cry, they darted to the opposite shore, where they would be safe.
Pinching her two fingers together, Azula picked the petals off of a blossoms, and tossed it into the pond. A pile of immature flowers were in a neat pile next to her. She threw the pits into the pond with a loud "plunk!".
It was process, something she did over and over. Something achieve. Perfect. Do it again. Repeat. Good girl. Nice. Repeat it again.
Azula was stuck in a mental lapse.
"Azula…"
Pause… Continue. Repeat again. Wonderful. Keep going. Don't fail. That's my girl.
Ty Lee shaded her eyes in the bright sunlight of the courtyard lawn, watching her friend the petals off the blossoms, her movements repeated, fluid. Azula didn't respond and reached for her next flower. What would happen when she ran out?
Ty Lee sat down next to her in the grass. Azula's face was rigid like a statue's and didn't notice her. She didn't look, didn't pause, and didn't turn. Instead, she reached for more blossoms. A cluster of flowers gathered on the water's surface with the absence of turtleducks.
"Azula," Ty Lee said again. "Why?"
Why what? Ty Lee echoed in her head. What had Azula tried to murder her brother? Why had she banished every royal servant in the palace, including her advisors? Why had she been chained to an iron grate in the Plaza, screaming like an animal? Why had she lost her mind when Mai betrayed her and when Zuko became Fire Lord?"
Most of all, though, why had Azula dug her own grave? Why had Azula caused her own destruction?
"Can't you talk to me?" Ty Lee asked. Azula had said nothing since waking from her coma, and Ty Lee couldn't tell what was going through Azula's mind. She could only guess. She wanted to reach out and hold Azula's hand, her pain radiating off of her, but what would happen if she interrupted her? Azula was silent, shutting out everyone and the world around her.
Do this again. Try it. Succeed. Repeat. You got it, Azula. Again.
"I mean… I know all of this must be hard for you… It's hard for everyone… Can you please talk? I won't tell anyone you did. It can be our secret. You know, like when we were kids. You and me. Remember? We used to tell secrets behind Mai's back all the time. We still can."
Ignore outside distractions. Keep your rhythm. Don't let your emotions take control of you. That's a good girl. Repeat. What an excellent form.
Her words had no effect. Ty Lee decided on a different method to get her to talk.
"You know, I'm gonna hate it when you move to Ash Springs… I'm gonna miss you. Mai's getting married soon, and you're my best friend. I always dreamed you would be with me at her wedding. Don't you want to say something before you go? It would be really nice to talk."
Again, no reaction. Azula paid more attention to her petal-throwing than to Ty Lee, who was scooting closer and closer to her, as if being in physical contact would make her talk. Azula noticed that the flowers were clustering the pond, and the turtleducks were gone. She had scared them away. She picked up a smooth, round stone between her feet and rubbed it between her fingers.
"I… I'm sorry, Azula. I don't know how many times I've said it, or how many times I have to say it to get your approval, but I'm sorry. If you would just talk to me and let me know if you forgive me, then I'll leave you alone."
Failure!
"GET BACK HERE!"
Azula roared, leaping to her feet, and hurtling the stone at the turtleducks. They squawked in fear and took flight. Snarling, Azula raked her hand through the air above her head, trying to grab one.
"Fine! Leave me! Who needs you anyways? I don't need you! I can do this on my own! You cowards!"
Ty Lee jumped and shrank back. Azula glared up at the sky, waiting for the turtleducks to come back, but they were gone. Azula suddenly curled down and braced herself, as if being attacked, but nothing happened. Things were still peaceful, the cherry blossoms blooming and the palace in a strange hush. With closed eyes, Azula sat in the grass again. She reached for more petals to throw, but there were none. She leaned forward, a hand covering her face, shielding her from Ty Lee's view.
But Ty Lee could the tears between her fingers and hair, dripping down her cheeks and chin and onto the grass. After a couple of sobs, Azula glared at her out of her one eye, angry.
"Why are you still here?" Azula barked. "I told you to leave!"
Ty Lee lurched forward and threw her arms around her. She embraced her as tight as she could, even as Azula dug her nails into skin, now refusing to let her go, her hands hot and threatening fire. Ty Lee knew she could get in trouble. She knew she could get hurt. But it didn't matter and it wouldn't happen, for Azula stopped her fighting and leaned into Ty Lee's shoulder. Slowly, Ty Lee caressed Azula's back, calming her, soothing her, like a child coming out of a temper tantrum. Azula hugged Ty Lee close.
"I don't want to be left alone."
"I know."
