Chapter 8

'trouble me how?' she started laughing, 'never mind that what's this l-word all about? Is it worth a watch? Thomas's mum is coming tomorrow, she is taking the kids out for a few hours. So fancy showing me an episode?'

Why did I think Facetime was a good idea? I couldn't hide the expression on my face.

'Oh that is good least you get some time to yourself, she taking them anywhere nice?'

Chloe started laughing, 'Bec you completely swerved my questions, do I need to just google this L-word? Or you going to explain it to me? I know your embarrassed I can see it in your face.'

I placed my hands over my face 'Omg it's just a tv show from years ago about a group of Lesbians who live in LA. Nowt big' I looked up and Chloe was holding her iPad, before I knew she was like oh yeah there are clips on YouTube il have a look, what episode you on'

I started to have a small heart attack. 'omg Chloe don't, seriously it's not that good anyway, il tell you about it tomorrow' she smirked and I could hear a clip playing. I wanted to totally die. So much so I ended the facetime call. What the fuck. Shit. I needed to get a grip of this. At the same time my god did I want Chloe badly. All this sex talk and awakening so to speak was waking up a side of me I never knew was there. Chloe was calling me back. I didn't answer. She rang three times followed by a message.

Chloe-Bec answer my call, that show looks hot. I didn't mean to embarrass you, I thought we were going to be honest about things, and I think it is important we are so please just call me back. I miss your little face xx

I dialled her back. She was looking at the camera, 'hey, thanks, I didn't mean to upset you. Forgive me?' she winked at me. 'don't apologise, it was me being an idiot. Just with the conversation we were having before about sex and experience when I got back it played on my mind that you have been more adventurous than me and if this thing between us was to go to a different level, oh my god I can't believe I am even saying this, then I just didn't want to not know what to do if that makes sense? So I came across this show and thought it may help. Shameful I know.'

Chloe looked right at me. 'Bec do me a favour, hang up and come over.' She had this look about her that I knew I wasn't to argue. 'Just come in the door will be unlocked il be in the snug.'

'Chloe its like near 2am lets just go sleep.'

'Beca you have 5minutes to get here. Bye' with that she hung up.

Shit, I wish I hadn't said anything now. I got out of bed threw a black vest on and some grey sweat pants. I ran a brush through my hair and headed out. I walked into next door and made my way to the snug, There were a few candles lit, the fire was on and the ipad was on the top of this little table in front of a few bean bags and a throw. 'Hey, glad you made it' Chloe said kissing me on my cheek, before guiding me to sit down. 'I made you a drink. I thought we could maybe watch a few episodes together, I mean I have no idea about any of this either. It is all as new to me as it is you, so let's just get embarrassed, together right?' She took hold of my hand 'plus Bec when we do get to the stage where we want to take this next step, I want us to be totally ready, not feeling nervous. We have nothing to be nervous about ok. It is just me and you and if we don't talk about things especially intimate things then we may as well stop before we start, right?' I smiled at her, I mean how did she make everything seem so simple and relaxed. This was unlike anything I was used too.

'ok, you are right, thank you' She pulled me in for a hug. I seriously don't think she was prepared for some of the scenes that were about to play out. The fact she was turning me on these days in a way that just confused me more than I already was. I was having thoughts about her that I really should curb, I mean how at any point did I think that watching some of these scenes with her wishing that was us would be easy to manage? Oh boy.

So we sat and watched the 3rd and 4th episodes which showed Tina and Bette trying for a child. Chloe turned to me. 'Bec, how come you never had children with Jesse? An it sounds crazy but watching that scene then was so full of love an I wish my children had been conceived like that I mean I had no meaning behind falling pregnant other than wanting to come at the time and it being an accident. An seeing that just made me think how beautiful it was.' She looked at me and seemed keen on my response. I mean how was I going to say oh we didn't have children because I didn't want them.

'erm me and Jesse didn't have children because I fell pregnant not long after we got married, however I had a miscarriage and after that I decided I didn't want to go through that again so I told Jesse I didn't want children after that. Selfish really. I never talked about it either and Jesse knew not to push me. I feel bad now for him, however I am glad we didn't because it was just easier'

Chloe had squeezed my hand I knew she understood as she had lost a child, she told me at the reservoir and then she just stared at the screen. I knew what was going through her head. I didn't want children yet she had three where did that leave us. I knew I had to reassure her.

'Clo, your children are amazing, like total mini versions of you, just because I didn't want any of my own doesn't mean I don't like children. I just couldn't bare letting a child of mine down again like I already had.' I started to feel upset and emotional, 'I should go' I stood up and walked towards the door. 'Beca..; Before I knew it Chloe was pressed up against me and looked deep into my eyes before kissing me, her hands ran through my hair and I wanted nothing more than for this to go to another place but I knew It couldn't. My lips rested on hers and I smiled. 'I am off home Clo because I need a cold shower and you need sleep' she laughed at me 'you would never let your child down Bec, always know that.' With that she leant in and we shared a gentle kiss at the door before I left.

I got back to Grans and sat on the sofa and found myself thinking about the little boy I had lost. I messaged Jesse.

Bec- Hey sorry for the randomness today, I am just sorting through some stuff. I hope you have children with Hannah. You will make an amazing dad one day. Xx

With that I pulled the throw off the sofa and closed my eyes.

I shut the door behind Beca and walked back into the snug. Turned everything off and went to bed.

I woke up about 3hours later as Niamh climbed onto my bed. 'mummy, I want some breakfast' I opened one eye, I was so tired but I knew with the kids gone all day I could catch up on some lost hours. I climbed out of bed and walked into the kitchen. 'Shall we make pancakes?' Niamh got so excited she ran upstairs to get Patrick. I laughed. Those two had such a love hate relationship. I hit play on my system and Wham- Wake me up before you go came blasting out. I couldn't help but laugh and began dancing around the kitchen. Niamh and Patrick came in and I could hear their giggles. I picked up the wooden spoon and started using it as a microphone as I danced around with them. Siobhan entered what must of looked like chaos. Niamh went running over to her and held her two hands 'Come on and dance Siobhan.' I pulled out my phone and started to record us. I hadn't heard the kids laughing that much for ages. 'right let's pick a song each. 'Siobhan come on it's your turn, Patrick then you and then last it's you Niamh'

Siobhan hit play Beep Beep by Little Mix- Her and Niamh took the wooden spoon and were singing away 'Come on mum films us' I crouched down with them as we sung away while Patrick drank some milk. 'this is for girls' Siobhan shouted over to him 'whatever Patrick I have seen you dancing to my little mix music' they all started laughing. I pinched Patricks cheeks 'I still love you Patrick even if you love little mix' he started laughing 'shut up mum, it's my turn now, Yesssss'

He ran over and the next minute Swalla by Jason Derulo came on. I could not stop laughin he was giving it loads like he was some sort of dancer, Siobhan had tears coming down her face. He was shaking his little arse all over the place while wearing his boxers and his vest. Niamh was trying to copy him and she was clapping to the rhythm of the music. I was snap chat recording him, god he was funny when the track stopped he stood with his arms folded like he was some performer.

I gave him such a big hug 'Patrick, where did you learn the moves kid?' he looked at me and went I watch youtube mum and copy, I would love to be a break dancer, like in diversity' I chuckled why did I not know this? 'well how about I see if there are any classes you could go too?' He ran off and jumped 'Yessssssssss, that would be the best mum'

Right Niamh your go, lets pick a song sweetie, 'That one mum please' I looked down, oh lord. 'are you sure?' She hit play before I had chance to change her mind. 'Patrick quick its our song' Siobhan shook her head and started to get things ready for making pancakes as Swish Swish by Katy Perry rang out. The funniest thing was the dance they were doing, I hit record on my phone, Patrick was trying to rap ha ha ha. I wanted a song to send to Thomas I knew it would really make him laugh.

'Well that was fantastic let's pick one we can send to dad?' I put my hands on the top of Siobhan's shoulders and kissed the top of her head, 'what do you think Siobhan?' she smiled 'yeah what about that one he always has on in the car? I started laughing. Thomas was obsessed with The Killers Mr Brightside, I don't think there was a day he didn't listen to it. 'ok then, lets go into the snug and set up our little band and we can pretend we are doing it in concert. Patrick do you think you could be as cool as Brendan Flowers?' Patrick grabbed the spoon, 'yeah I think so. I will get changed, Siobhan will you be the drummer, Niamh is too little, she is better at guitar' an off he went.

He came back down with his school pants on a white school shirt and a tie of his dads around his neck. 'ready, lets do this'

I placed the ipad on its stand so it could record while we were all in the video. 'this is for you dad' Siobhan shouted and the track kicked in. She was using the xbox drum set from Thomas's game and Niamh used the keyboard and I had been given the guitar. The kids looked amazing and Patrick was everything a front man should be, my heart swelled so much. They gave it loads, and they all knew the words. In that moment as I looked at all the laughing they were doing ad how cute they looked I was so proud of what me and Thomas had done. Our children were amazing. As the song came to an end Patrick threw his spoon down and they all shouted, 'we love you dad.'

I wiped a tear from my cheek, they had been so distant from him for such a long time, but it just showed you that the love they had for him was still there and I knew that would help him. I sent him the video via WhatsApp. We cracked on listening to music while we made pancakes and before I knew it Sofia arrived. I had set the children's clothes out and they were all getting ready. The place looked like a bomb had gone off. 'How are you?' I kept myself busy cleaning up 'yeah I am ok thank you, just sad really, as much as I know it is the right thing to do it's still hard. Siobhan knows she asked me and I didn't want to lie. Thomas knows I told him, she had lots of questions and got a bit upset but we are going to talk to them all tomorrow night when he gets back. They made him a video this morning.' I showed Sofia and she could not stop laughing. 'oh my god I bet Thomas loved that! You any plans today while I have these lot?'

I put some washing in, 'erm not really probably get the house in some sort of order before thomas gets back tomorrow, need to get some shopping and maybe go for a coffee with Beca, Graces granddaughter.' Next minute the kids all came down, Niamh shouted up 'where we off to Gran?' she picked Nimah up 'well I thought we could go to Tayto Park' before Sofia could even finish what she was saying the children started screaming 'yesssssssss' with that they all pilled out of the house. Sofia gave me a long hug 'use this time to relax, I will help you tidy up later. You deserve the break'

I walked back in and tidied up the kitchen I couldn't leave it the way it was. Beds were all changed uniforms all ironed for tomorrow. I messaged Beca.

Chloe- Afternoon You, the door is open if you fancy a coffee. Xx

I continued tidying up the living room while singing and dancing along to slow hands by Niall Horan. Beca hadn't txt back yet so figured I would finish my house work.

I had woken up about 11am, Gran had made sure I was awake. I told her I would take her Paint shopping, she said she wanted a new kitchen so would I go with her to look. I had a shower and put my skinny denim jeans on, and my blue and white striped fitted shirt tucked in and I had thrown on my navy fitted jacket. I had my hair down and had put my boots on. 'ready Gran?' she looked up at me 'bloody hell where do you think you are going? Have you invited Chloe and not told me?' I stood there 'Erm no I haven't but I can if you want?' she started laughing 'Well you look very smart for DIY shopping, and you can if you like love, I saw all the kids heading off before. Though she is probably going to catch up on her sleep. I mean if I was up until 4am with the neighbour's granddaughter then I would be having a few midday naps.' Gran looked at me and winked. 'well go on then go and ask her, she probably has better taste than you anyway.' I walked towards the door 'whatever Gran'

I walked up the path and opened the door, as I walked in to Chloe's I could hear music, as I got closer to the living room. The song playing was Niall Horan-Slow Hands. I nearly died. Chloe was wearing denim ripped shorts, and a black bra under a very white shirt with the first few buttons undone. Her hair was all pinned up and she was moving very well to the beat, her hips had me lip biting for sure, and her voice as she sang along just had me froze. She turned around and screamed. 'OMG Bec you gave me a damn heart attack' I bit down on my lip and swallowed hard as the song continued and she walked up to me wearing a big grin, while dancing in a seductive way, she started singing as she placed her hands on my shoulders and ran them down my chest, gripping the lapels on my jacket. I was struggling to breathe. She moved her hands down my chest resting them on the waist band of my jeans. 'Got me now and I can't say no, wanna be with you all alone, take me home, take me home, Fingertips puttin' on a show, Can't you tell that I want you, baby, yeah?'

She smirked and I didn't know where to look. God I had never been so turned on in my life. I swallowed hard as I watched her giggle at the fact I couldn't get my words out. She turned away from me and had her back up against my front and she was putting her hips to good use. I couldn't help what came next, as the song was nearing the end I placed my hands on her hips, spun her round and pushed her up against the table, I lifted her so she was sat on top of it and I stood in between her legs. My hands roaming up the side of her shirt as I kissed her neck, she let out a soft moan before I kissed her passionately. I whispered into her ear as I felt her hands in my back pocket 'You will be the death of me, I have never wanted anybody more than I do you right now' With that we began kissing and Cloe was smiling into the kiss. 'You calling me a tease Mitchell, because I think you will find that you walked in to my home and was watching me. People have been arrested for less.' She winked, and pulled away. 'right erm I came around, because I am off out with Gran and she wanted to know if you want to come.' Chloe smirked 'I'd love to come' I went bright red and she laughed so hard, 'sorry I couldn't resist, il get changed be down in a min'

I went outside to where Gran was sat in her car waiting. I climbed in the front of the car. 'I am guessing I don't want to know why your face is so red Rebeca?' I turned the radio up. I instantly laughed as Chloe jumped in the back with her black ripped jeans and a white tee, with her black bra straps showing. Her hair was tied up and she had red lipsticks on. 'hey Grace, how are you?' as my gran was about to reply the radio started playing Slow hands. I could feel myself going bright red. I went to turn it off, Chloe jumps in 'awww Becs don't I love this song.' Omg Chloe were you trying to kill me. 'Beca turn it up for Chloe, and I am good thanks love. I want to get a new kitchen fitted and have the place decorated thought you could help me, along with this one! When she has calmed down from whatever has just gone on in your house.' I spun my head round from looking out window 'Erm just so you know Gran nothing happened in the house.' Gran looked at Chloe, then me 'Rebeca your face says otherwise, so does hers.' I could hear Chloe giggle and she started singing 'there aint no stopping your plans with those slow hands.' I could see Gran looking at my now super red face. I pulled my phone out.

Beca- There is no need, Chloe, such a tease. If you don't tone this down I will not make it through today. My Gran is right here! Xx

I was flicking through some work emails while, gran and chloe were talking kitchens and colour schemes. My phone vibrated.

Chloe- Chill out babes, if your faces gets any redder your gran will think ive already been screaming your name. xx

I opened my message, Wtf. I could hear Chloe laughing. Thankfully we arrived at the DIY store, as we walked in my phone starting ringing, it was James my assistant. 'Hiya James everything ok?'

'Bec, you are only like a 90min flight away from London while at your Grans aren't you?'

I indicated to Chloe and Gran that I would catch up with them.

'Yeah James why?'

'Its just the guy producing the new Little Mix album and the girls have had a fall out and they have binned him off so thought you may want to swoop in and erm save the day.'

'is that code for you have said you will do it?'

'erm no I said I would ask you, but think about how good that would be? They must have it done within the next 7months. I mean you could stay in London and then fly back to Dublin for a few days a week. A working vacation?'

I laughed, 'sounds like you have this planned out, however I don't want to be in London really, I don't mind the odd few weeks but Find me somewhere in Dublin and it's a deal.'

'Il get back to you by 5pm and let you know, and what the schedule will be. Enjoy the rest of your day'

Well so much for a month off. Well I best find myself somewhere to stay in the city, producing an album is none stop even a commute of 40minutes there an back is too much. I found Gran and Chloe looking at kitchens. 'everything ok Rebeca?' I walked to the side of Gran. 'Yeah looks like I have a new work project coming up. It should be in London but I am hoping to get it based in Dublin, was too good to give up really. So much for a month off'

Gran looked at me with concern. As did Chloe. 'so how long is the project? When does it start And I assume you will be looking for somewhere in the city to stay?'

I was looking at tiles, and didn't look up as I spoke. 'Well it starts immediately really, I will have to probably go to London within the next few days and it will probably last about 7months, and yeah I am going to look for an apartment'

Gran looked at me and then at Chloe.

'can't you just stay with Grace?' Gran looked at Chloe. 'Chloe love I have been around her before when she is producing and I don't fancy it again. It is very intense for her and the hours are up the wall. For me to continue to love her she needs her own space, isn't that right?'

I started laughing, 'totally Gran but less about me and more about this damn kitchen!'

We spent the next few hours going through unique designs, colours etc. We had enjoyed lunch together, but I had noticed Chloe had become a little quiet. We arrived back at the house.

'right guys thanks for today I have had a lovely time, best get in and prepare for the mob returning. Thomas is back tomorrow too, can't say I am looking forward to that, but I know it has to be done.'I gave Beca and Grace a hug and a kiss and headed into the house.

As I walked into Grans my phone went off it was James. 'Hiya James, everything sorted?'

'yeah Beca I have sent you over a schedule and an email with all relevant information and contact details. I need you to come to London Wednesday for a meeting, so thought you may want to fly over Tuesday? We have hired time at Westland studios in Dublin to complete the project. You want me sort you an apartment out or you doing that yourself? I will sort flights and a hotel for tues and Wednesday.'

Cheers James, if you could sort London out for me and let me know and meet me there, then il sort Dublin out. Cheers James, take it easy.'

Gran was currently putting tester colours up around the place. I heard a car pull up outside and could see three very tired children.

I messaged Chloe.

Beca-Hey you, everything ok? Can I come around later, thought you may like to help me pick a place to stay in Dublin? Xx

I got back in the house, poured a glass of wine and sat down, my thoughts filled with this morning and I was becoming anxious about as of tomorrow, then what was going to happen now Beca was working? I heard Sofia's car pull up and before I knew it my little troops came in. I don't think I have ever seen them look so tired.

'hey you three, you had a good time?' Niamh walked up to me 'Mummy I want to go to sleep Granny Sofia had me doing so much walking. I think my legs are broke.' I picked her up and gave her kisses, come on little one. Siobhan, Patrick you both ok?' Siobhan dumped her back and gave me a hug 'Mum I am going to have a shower and then read my book in bed, I am really tired.' I gave her a kiss on the head 'Mum loves you so much' with that Siobhan walked up the stairs. 'Patrick will you have a shower after your sister please?' he walked up to me holding his jumper and his bag. 'yeah mum.'

'Guys do not forget to thank Granny for your day out.' An unison 'Thank You' echoed down the stairs. Sofia gave me a hug, said the children had a brilliant time and that she would see me tomorrow. With that she left.

I bathed Niamh and read her a story, I heard Patrick in the shower and I checked in on him and Siobhan both were flat out. I gave them kisses and headed downstairs.

I hit the ipad up and thought I would watch some more of this L-Word. I had my phone on charge so hadn't noticed Beca's message. A scene came on that was very detailed and I found myself thinking of Beca and what could of happened this morning. Without realising my hand had made it inside my underwear. I could feel how wet the thought of being with Beca had made me. For the first time in a very long time I needed to release some of the sexual tension I was feeling. I moved my fingers around my clit slowly before making faster circles, I could feel a building in my stomach. I had been so long since I had felt this, all I could see was Beca with her head between my thighs and my hands in her hair begging her not to stop. Within a few moments I found myself at the height of an orgasm and my god had I missed that. My body shuddered and my chest was heaving. I had ended up in this state just by the sheer thought of her. I can only imagine what effect she would have on me if she did touch me.

After a few moments of calming down, I poured myself another wine and picked my phone up. I saw her message and replied.

Choe- Yeah Bec, come round whenever you like, kids are all in bed and I was watching some Lword. The door is open.

I felt my phone vibrate and smiled seeing it was Chloe, Gran was asleep in her chair. I left her a note and headed next door. I slowly walked in to find chloe putting a War on Drugs album on.

I walked up to her, and placed my hands around her waist. 'hey' she turned around and kissed my cheek. 'hey to you too'

She poured me a drink and we sat down. 'you were a bit quiet before when Gran was driving back everything ok?'

Chloe looked down at her hands. 'yeah I am just anxious about tomorrow and then I know it sounds selfish but I was thinking about you going back to work and what that means and I am pretty sexually frustrated. So quite a few things going on.'

I moved closer to her. 'tomorrow was never going to be easy, you are closing a chapter with somebody you have loved for over 10years, who you have moved countries with, have had children with, you have had your homes and you have grown with each other. You are not just sad for you but you are worried for your children and what will happen. It is all change. As for me going back to work, you don't have to worry about that, it will be a good thing. We have only spent several days together and we have become so connected but I am excited about what is to come. I want you and the children to be together, to get through this together. I don't want to be in the way of that, and I want to be able to take you on a date and for the world to know I am. I want to be able to surprise you and to spend quality time with you, I want to understand all the tiniest things about you, we don't have to rush any of this, I know I am normally in LA and that is my home but for the next 7 months I will be 40minutes away.' I wiped a few tears away that had fell on to Chloe's cheeks. I leaned forward and kissed her. I placed my forehead on hers. We were looking into one another's eyes. 'chloe I know we have been quite flirty with each other and we both know there is a massive elephant in the room, but one day that will melt away when we get to make love to one another, but for now how about we focus on the children and helping them through this and when Thomas has the children you come and stay with me in the city and we can look into what you need to do to get back in to work and we can use that time as time for us, to go on dates without other people and their prying eyes. What do you think?'

Chloe looked at me. 'Beca, thank you. I think that sounds perfect and I think that you are one of a kind. An I am excited about what will happen, even if it gets tough lets always talk, lets always be honest. I understand it isn't as easy as just dating me it's me and three other people. An I appreciate everything you are doing for me and them.' At that point we kissed and both smiled as we broke away. I sat back into the corner of the sofa and Chloe snuggled into me as I turned my laptop on and went through apartments for sale. I wanted Chloe to have an input, with everything going on I wanted her to feel relaxed when she came to stay, somewhere she could be chloe and not mum. After around 2hours of looking I found one, and emailed the letting agency. 'right I am going to let you get some sleep, your eyes look so heavy and you have a busy day tomorrow. If you need anything at all just call, even if it is just to talk or you just want a hug. Promise me you will.'

Chloe looked up at me. 'I promise.' With that she leaned in and we kissed. 'you are pretty magic you know.' I smiled 'Not as magic as you' I walked to the door holding her hand. As I stepped outside I turned around and held her hands in mine. I lent in and kissed her gently on the cheek. 'good night Chloe' I didn't want to let go of her touch an as I did to walk down the path I felt something missing already. I looked back as she was stood halfway behind the door watching me, she was so beautiful.