Say You Won't Let Go

Chapter Eight

It had taken a few months after Caitlin's "fight-or-flight incident" (as Barry liked to think of it) on their hilltop for her sadness to begin diminishing. Caitlin had not been able to reset her life in Central City from the way it used to be, so she had chosen to adapt her lifestyle instead. The small changes had made significant improvements to her well being.

She no longer appeared drained in the mornings, as if she had spent the entire night crying herself to sleep over the memory of Ronnie. Her eyelids did not look red and puffy nowadays. In fact, Caitlin's eyes were back to their normal sparkling shade of bright brown and the best part of her healing was her smile. Her laughter was no longer forced or strained, as if nothing in the world could give her joy anymore, and it was evident to those closest to her that she was slowly overcoming the guilt she felt for being happy while Ronnie was dead.

So Barry took advantage of making Caitlin smile. He had made it his personal mission to amuse her as often as possible just so he could see her face light up or her eyes brighten. He took pleasure in being able to chase away any remaining frowns that lingered on her fair skin. It was a simple gesture, yet the sound of her husky laughter always made Barry feel exhilarated, as if he had just saved the city from impending doom. It was intoxicating.

It was also clear that Cisco felt the same way about Caitlin's happiness because he too went out of his way to crack more jokes in her presence. Generally Cisco's humour was laid back but Barry knew that he was actually making an effort in recent times all for the sake of Caitlin's smile.

However the most important sign that Caitlin had finally learned to let go of her late husband, was shown to Barry the day he had stopped by her apartment to have dinner with her. Caitlin was busy heating up the gravy she had prepared over the stove much to Barry's confusion.

"You know, you could just use the microwave for that." He threw over his shoulder before he reached above his head for her dinner plates to set at the breakfast counter.

The brunette turned her attention away from her task and onto Barry. "If I don't stir the gravy continuously while it's being reheated, then it will get lumpy." Caitlin told him simply but Barry knew better than to argue with her. Caitlin was a foodie and she enjoyed cooking simply because she loved eating.

Giving her a suit-yourself shrug in return Barry went to set up the cutlery and crockery for their intimate meal together when he heard Caitlin make a sound that was caught between a gasp of shock, a grunt of frustration and a cry of pain. Barry instinctively went over to Caitlin as she shook her hand in the air.

"Caitlin?" He asked concernedly and she shut her eyes tightly for a moment before looking at him with a self depreciating smile.

"It's nothing." She told him while vigorously shaking her wrist back and forth as if she were practicing jazz hands, only sideways.

Barry raised disbelieving eyebrows at her. "If it was nothing then you wouldn't be gritting your teeth or waving your hand around like a maniac."

Being the sort of rebellious girl that she was underneath all her bravado, Caitlin immediately stopped waving her hand and offered him a false smile which wasn't very convincing for Barry who knew her well enough. The doctor then stubbornly tucked her arm behind her back and went over to the stove to remove the saucepan with her uninjured hand. Barry could tell from the redness around her fingers that she had probably burned herself while heating the gravy but paying him attention.

Rolling green eyes at her stubbornness but smiling regardless of her obstinate nature, Barry went over to her freezer and pulled out a bag of peas from it. He wandered over to Caitlin and took her hand from behind her. She reluctantly turned around to face him and Barry gently placed her fingers on the frozen bag of peas he was holding.

"Better?" He asked as a small sigh escaped her full lips.

Her only answer was an eager nod and her brown eyes shining brightly up at him with gratitude. Barry chucked softly. He continued to hold on to her hand as her fingers scrunched the icy bag of peas in search of relief. As Barry rubbed her knuckles in a familiar gesture of comfort while examining her red fingers, he noticed that something was missing.

Her wedding ring was gone.

With surprise, Barry's thumb involuntarily went to her ring finger on her left hand. He rubbed the pad of his thumb in small circles on the skin where her wedding band used to sit. When he felt Caitlin's head jerk up and her small hand about to pull back from his hold, Barry held on tighter.

He slowly raised his head to look at her, his expression deliberately blank. She bit her bottom lip before offering him a timid smile. However, it was the look in her eyes, which were staring straight at him, clear and concise, that made Barry realise that Caitlin was okay. She really was okay. And in that moment he didn't need to know why or what, how and when, he was just happy to have her back.

"Much better." Caitlin finally voiced and Barry knew that Caitlin wasn't talking about her burnt fingers alone.

He felt his heart rate spike up at her words, electricity jolting through his veins making the hand holding onto Caitlin's tingle. Barry swallowed back the thick emotions gathering in his throat before grinning down at her. His voice was hoarse as he spoke though.

"Good." He cleared his throat while looking down at her hands, shifting from one foot to the other and rolling back his shoulders. "We should get to that gravy then. Before the lumps start to settle in that is."

For a small minute Barry thought that Caitlin's eyes shadowed with disappointment but then she laughed softly before nodding her head and pulling her hand away from his tender grasp. "Good idea."


"IRIS?" Caitlin breathed out in surprise as the attractive journalist walked into her office on beautiful designer heels and a smart business suit.

"Hi." Iris said neutrally, although Caitlin could sense a small amount of uncertainty in the other woman's voice. No doubt Iris was unsure of how she would be received.

"This is a pleasant surprise." Caitlin said truthfully. "I was told that a …" Caitlin trailed off as she fingered the page on the diary lying open upon her table to recollect the journalist's name. "… a Mason Bridge would be interviewing me today."

Iris shrugged her poised shoulders. "He had a break on one of his other stories and asked me to cover for him." The journalist told the doctor easily. "May I?" Iris gestured towards the empty chair opposite of Caitlin's.

Caitlin couldn't help but think that it was the very same chair Barry frequently used whenever he visited her. Caitlin did her best to suppress an ironic laugh before nodding her head professionally. This was a business call after all. Right?

"Of course." The brunette said simply, straightening her skirt self consciously and then sitting down as well.

There was a moment of awkward silence where Iris set up her recorder and then opened up a file that she had carried with her. Dr Wells had insisted that Caitlin, for all her scientific knowledge and ability to be guarded and evasive, be the one to field the questions Central City Picture News was dying to ask. Dr Wells had already held a press conference on the development of the particle accelerator, yet it seemed that the city's local newspaper house was still sceptical about the eccentric doctor's latest project. After they had pestered him for months on end for a one-on-one interview he had told Caitlin that he had refused to do so, but had compromised with them in return for their promise to wait for the next press conference like every other media place.

Caitlin hated being in the spot light, especially when journalists were involved, but no one said no to Dr Wells. Her boss had really left her with no choice and Caitlin felt somewhat indebted to him for giving her her old job back without question and then bearing with her through her state of depression as she worked past her grief the last year.

The clearing of Iris' throat brought the doctor out of her reverie. Caitlin studied Iris closely as the woman finally looked up at her. Dark eyes narrowed for a second before Iris inhaled deeply.

"Okay, I confess, when I heard that you were the one being interviewed today I convinced my colleague to trade stories with me." Iris looked apologetic and Caitlin was taken aback by the ready confession.

"Why?" She asked simply although Caitlin was not naïve. She had an inkling of exactly why Iris was curious to see her now that she was back in Central City again. Barry had told Caitlin that it had been Iris who had ultimately severed their relationship, but could Barry's former fiancée be having second thoughts about the break up?

As if reading Caitlin's slight nuances Iris sat forward and waved her hands quickly in front of Caitlin's face. "No, no, it's not like that." Iris denied and Caitlin frowned because there was no way a woman she had met only a handful of times could understand her personal thought processes so effortlessly. Iris gave her a rueful smile. "Look, Caitlin, I was just curious to see you ever since I heard you were back. It has nothing to do with Barry." As if rethinking her words, Iris amended her statement. "Well, it has nothing to do with Barry and me because that's history."

Caitlin's frown only deepened. She was sure that this line of conversation was not what Central City Picture News had in mind for an article about S.T.A.R Labs. "You didn't have to orchestrate an interview for your newspaper to meet me, Iris. I would have willingly agreed to have coffee or lunch with you if you had asked." Caitlin told the journalist seriously, trying a different angle when she wasn't sure how to reply to Iris wanting to see her.

Iris' smile was full and pretty this time, her neat teeth white as she spoke. "I'm relieved you feel that way. Actually though, it's the first time in a while that I've been back home for more than a few days now. And honestly, when I mentioned getting together with you, and Cisco of course … well, let's just say that Barry was still in overprotective mode to let me anywhere near you."

Caitlin gave a small wince over Barry's protectiveness. Also, she had not been aware that Barry and Iris had spoken about her, but with this knowledge she was pleasantly surprised to learn that the two really had managed to become good friends regardless of their failed engagement. Caitlin knew this because Barry would not discuss her with just anyone. Maybe Barry and Iris really had moved on from each other after all.

"I didn't know." Caitlin apologised. "Barry does tend to take his hero complex overboard sometimes."

Iris laughed softly, the sound melodious and Caitlin felt ashamed at how this beautiful woman had once conjured up such uncharacteristic feelings of jealousy inside of her. Caitlin had always been conflicted over how to feel about Iris. Caitlin could never hate her because Iris was a good person, but it had always been difficult to like her when she was engaged to the man Caitlin loved.

"I think it was warranted this time. I'm sorry for your loss." Iris told her genuinely and Caitlin nodded.

"Thanks. It was a difficult time, but I've managed since then." Caitlin accepted before offering Iris a small smile which the other woman returned sincerely.

"I know we've had a strange sort of relationship when Barry and I were together, Caitlin, but I was hoping that that could change. In all honesty, there's been something that's been eating at me ever since I heard you came back to Central City." Iris lowered her dark eyelids coyly and Caitlin felt herself frowning as she studied the journalist.

"What about?" Caitlin probed gently.

The other woman looked up before grimacing slightly. "I feel guilty for holding on to Barry after you left. His feelings for you were there then, they had all come to the surface, plain for him and everyone else to see, but of course Barry had done the noble thing and insisted we stay together because we were engaged." Iris recounted.

Caitlin chewed on her bottom lip for a moment. "But, Iris, Cisco mentioned that you told Barry to come after me."

Iris nodded sadly. "I did, because I felt obligated to do so, because I knew deep down that it was the right thing to do. However, I was selfish in my love for Barry, Caitlin. I didn't really try my best to convince him to examine his feelings because the thought of him leaving me was devastating." Iris admitted ashamedly. "I think I knew that I wasn't really fooling anyone though, that's why I suggested we hold of on getting married. And I was right, of course." Iris gave a solemn laugh that spoke volumes to Caitlin.

Caitlin swallowed. She understood what it must have felt like for Iris to be faced with the possibility of losing Barry. Caitlin understood that type of pain all too well and she did not blame Iris in the least for wanting to hold on to Barry, for daring to hope that they could have made their engagement last.

"Hey." Caitlin said tenderly, reaching over to cover Iris' hand with her own. It was strange to think that a gesture which she always performed to comfort Barry with was now being used on his ex fiancée. "It's okay. You're only human after all. Besides, you were brave when you let go. That shows true love, Iris."

Iris turned her hand over and squeezed Caitlin's. "No, true love is having the courage to walk away from someone you love for the sake of someone they love."

Caitlin's cheeks turned a bright shade of pink and she felt her eyes blur slightly. Caitlin wasn't quite sure why she was feeling teary but somehow Iris' admissions and acknowledgement of what Caitlin had sacrificed touched her more than anything anyone could have ever said to her when it came to Barry.

"Oh no, you're going to make me cry." Caitlin took her hand back to place her fingers under her lower lids. She lifted her head up to control her emotions from spilling over. Iris chuckled again and Caitlin found herself smiling gratefully down at the other woman.

"I'm sorry I was confused over how to feel about you before, Iris. I can see now that I made a grave error in judgement. You're an amazing friend, not just to Barry, but to me as well." Caitlin told the other woman earnestly.

Iris grinned broadly at Caitlin. "Now that that's out of the way, as a friend, why aren't you and that dork together as yet?"

Caitlin's eyes widened before her cheeks pinkened yet again. She awkwardly cleared her throat before replying. "Well, it hasn't been that long since Ronnie died – "

"Oh come on, Caitlin." Iris interrupted lightly. "Don't give me that. It's been almost two years now and you aren't wearing your wedding ring any longer. If you were, I would be using a more tactful and sensitive approach but it's clear that I don't need to. Both you and Barry are still single and spend more time together than is healthy if either of you plan on seeing other people."

Caitlin bit down hard on her bottom lip while contemplating Iris' words. "You really don't beat around the bush do you?" Caitlin was at a lack of what else to say to the domineering woman.

Iris shrugged before offering the doctor a slightly smug smile. "I'm a journalist."

Seeing a loop hole Caitlin quickly took it. "Speaking of which, don't you have questions about the particle accelerator to ask me?"

Iris however was not to be deterred. "Don't give me that." The journalist wagged a finger at Caitlin. "I know for a fact that Barry's madly in love with you and after seeing you today, I can tell that your feelings for him haven't changed either, so what's the problem?" Caitlin sighed softly and as if that was answer enough Iris spoke again. "Ah, so you're both too afraid to make the first move. Of course."

Iris hit her head with the palm of hand before smiling fondly at Caitlin.

It was strange to think but Iris was almost a mixture of Barry and Cisco with a touch of her own personality that made her unique. Caitlin found the thought comforting and could now understand why it had been so easy for Iris to read her emotions so clearly.

"I just don't get it." Caitlin felt like she could finally admit to someone about what had been troubling her in recent times. "He knows how I feel about him. I think he feels the same way about me, but it's like he's holding himself back, you know. Is he uncertain about his feelings for me or am I simply being delusional? And I don't want to ask him about it because I'm afraid that I might be interpreting the situation wrong. I mean, I don't think I am, but the pain from the last time is still – "

"Whoa, easy there girl." Iris raised both her hands to halt Caitlin's rambling. The doctor smiled apologetically at her.

"Sorry, it's been on my mind for a while now." Caitlin admitted almost shyly.

There wasn't anyone Caitlin could speak to about her feelings for Barry, about her doubts and insecurities when it came to him. Even if her mother was making more of an effort to build a relationship between them in recent times, it didn't make them close. Caitlin did not feel comfortable talking to Cisco or Felicity – the only other two people who knew both her and Barry well enough and whom she could open up to – about her inner turmoil because she did not want to place them in between Barry and her yet again.

Iris nodded in understanding. "I can imagine. Listen, Caitlin, this may sound weird coming from me, but you and Barry need to stop tiptoeing around each other, for whatever the reasons may be. Put your friendship aside for a moment, because right now the fear that you may lose each other completely over a failed relationship is holding you two back from being together. And that's something that you both really want, I know that. Who knows, maybe you two aren't really right for one another, maybe the love that has built up between you guys isn't romantic in the least and has just become convoluted by how much you guys have been through and how much you mean to each other. You won't really know unless you try though, but this state of not knowing isn't doing either of you any good. It's holding you both back from moving forward, whether it's together or separately. Honestly though, you know that you and Barry can't keep doing what you're doing now, because it's going to tear your friendship apart in the end."

"That's reassuring." Caitlin muttered sarcastically over Iris saying that she and Barry may not be good for one another.

Maybe her displeasure was a reflex reaction for Caitlin. Maybe the truth about the situation coming from Iris, Barry's former fiancée, stung so painfully that Caitlin immediately became defensive. Yet Iris had done something that no one else had wanted to do; she had dished out the cold, hard truth. And Caitlin knew that it was time to suck it up and do something about her complicated relationship with Barry, because Iris was right, she couldn't go on living in limbo with Barry forever.

Iris shrugged unapologetically. "It's the truth. You both are adults, start acting like it. Barry is hopeless when it comes to the fairer sex, Caitlin. It took him years to admit how he felt about me and by then I had already been in love with someone else. It took him a decade to figure out there was more to his feelings for you than friendship and by then you had already left the city and married someone else. Maybe it's time to stop waiting for Barry, Caitlin. I know you've gotten used to him being there for you in every time of need, even when you didn't have to explain things to him, but when it comes to matters of the heart, Barry's not very well equipped at dealing with his own feelings."

Caitlin couldn't help it; she smiled fondly at this assessment of Barry. She knew that Iris was right. Caitlin was about to tell her that when the other woman's mobile rang. Iris gave a small groan as she glared at the phone as if it had offended her. She looked to Caitlin in askance who nodded easily for her to take the call.

"Mr Evans?" Iris said professionally. "Yes, sir. I'm almost done." From the look Caitlin got she could tell that Iris was lying over the interview she was supposed to be conducting with her. Caitlin tilted her head and raised an eyebrow at Iris but the journalist only shrugged shamelessly. "Of course, sir. I'll be right there." Iris could be heard saying before ending the call. "Ugh, you would think dating the boss would have its perks, but he's harder on me because we're sleeping together." Iris said candidly and Caitlin's brown eyes widened.

"I'm happy for you?" She pressed her lips together and frowned, lifting her shoulders up uncertainly.

Iris grinned before standing up. "You should be." Iris said seriously. "I'm dating a tall, dark and handsome man while you're going home to a lonely bed every night pining over Barry." Iris made a face. "Gosh Caitlin, this is the twenty first century and you are not some fictional maiden stuck in a tragic romance novel."

Caitlin stood as Iris gathered her hand bag and folders. "Hey, I'll have you know I am a far cry from the damsel in distress type." The doctor crossed her arms over her chest.

"Good." Iris said before coming over and hugging Caitlin tightly. The affectionate gesture took her by surprise but Caitlin found herself relaxing in Iris' hold and returning the embrace. "Now prove it." The dark haired beauty challenged with an arched eyebrow before giving Caitlin one last parting smile.

Caitlin found herself chuckling as Iris made to leave, the other woman's easy going nature was infectious, before she spotted something on her desk. "Hey, Iris, you forget this." Caitlin quickly made to catch up with the departing journalist, recorder in hand.

"Shit. Thanks." Iris said gratefully, taking the recorder from Caitlin and clutching it to her chest.

"Although, I doubt your editor slash boyfriend would be interested in anything you've recorded the last hour." Caitlin teased.

Iris grimaced before her demeanour brightened. "Well, a new story just broke so I doubt he'll be too concerned about the debauchery going on in S.T.A.R Labs." Iris rolled her eyes dramatically to show that she thought the interview was a waste of time, something for which Caitlin was grateful for. S.T.A.R Labs' morality was in no way questionable when it came to their experiments. "Just to be on the safe side though, I'm going to email you the questions we had planned on asking and you can answer the ones you like." The journalist winked conspiratorially at her.

Caitlin shook her head at the other woman's antics but she felt a genuine jolt of affection for Iris in that moment. "Sure, what are friends for after all?"

. . .

The disappointment that assaulted Barry when he found that Caitlin was not sitting perched atop his desk, reading one of his case files that she shouldn't be looking through while she sipped her coffee, was not unexpected. For the past few months he had become accustomed to the enticing and all too welcoming sight of the beautiful doctor framed against the backdrop of sunlight from his office window.

While Caitlin had not had the heart to quit her job at S.T.A.R Labs or move out from her old apartment, her fading guilt and sorrow over Ronnie's death had seen her change some of her daily routines. Now, instead of Barry taking her a morning cup of coffee everyday, she could normally be found in his office having a chat with him or waiting for him when he was away on a case.

Caitlin also went down to Central City's branch of Palmer Technologies to join Cisco for lunch every so often. Sometimes the three friends ventured out to sample foods or sit at their city's park, content to spend time together just for a chat or good laugh. For Barry his life had never felt more complete than it did in those moments, when he and Caitlin could lean into each other again and chortle while Cisco did a demonstration of Captain Singh reprimanding Barry for being late yet again or of Oliver's reaction when Felicity asked him to change their son's diaper.

Yet the sudden attack of jealousy that slammed straight into Barry's gut made him feel off kilter today. Caitlin was standing in front of Julian's desk, laughing brightly over something the other man must have said. Julian was watching Caitlin with a rare sort of fascination that his impassive colleague only reserved for intriguing cases. Somehow it irked Barry in a way he wasn't quite familiar with.

Barry adjusted his shoulders which had unknowingly slumped at the cosy sight Caitlin and Julian presented before walking into his office with a morning greeting that sounded a bit too cheery, even for Barry. Julian gave his usual grunt in response and Caitlin turned around to face him with a wide smile that Barry, even in his slightly uneasy state, couldn't help but respond to. He made his way to his desk, casually rearranging papers when his ears perked up at Julian's voice.

"So, I'll see you at seven then?" Julian asked in his pompous British accent.

Barry's eyeballs roved upwards as he tried to look over at Julian and Caitlin without lifting his head. He noticed Caitlin nod in agreement. "Sure." She said sweetly and Barry quickly averted his eyes when Julian gave her a pleased half smile before standing up.

The other forensic scientist grabbed his brown briefcase and a cup from Jitters which he raised at Caitlin. "Thanks for the coffee."

Barry looked up then, feeling something akin to a growl bubble in his throat. He wasn't normally familiar with such uncharacteristic behaviour but he knew that if he looked deeper he would find such reactions were stemming from the jealousy he felt over Caitlin going on a date. When the woman in question made her way towards his desk, evident by the clicking of her heels Barry glared at her.

"Did he just leave with my coffee?" Barry had meant his question to sound playful, but even to his own ears his mock affront sounded too close to jealous anger for his liking.

If Caitlin noticed this she did not comment on it or react to his emotions either, even though from the narrowing of her bright brown eyes it was clear to Barry that she had picked up on his irregular tone of annoyance.

"He made some smart comment about how he always has to smell coffee in this office and I felt bad." Caitlin shrugged. Barry simply nodded and pursed his lips in a way that clearly said, "of course you did". He sat down and Caitlin followed suit, sitting on the edge of his desk.

Barry had never been the type of man who had objectified women. It wasn't in his nature to do so. Yet he found the way Caitlin's figure hugging pencil skirts rode up her creamy thighs distracting. He enjoyed the way her rose scented perfume wafted towards his nose every time she shifted to tidy up a stack of loose papers on his desk or reach for a pen to scribble something down for the case she had been reading through. His intimate observations were due to the fact that Barry was finally looking past the boundary of friendship and viewing Caitlin with attraction. It was a heady sense. The feeling felt new and exciting yet vaguely familiar at the same time. It was as if he had always known these feelings but never paid it any attention before.

"Anyway," Caitlin's voice filtered through his thoughts and Barry looked up, without realising that he had been staring at her as he sat back in his chair, his thumb under his chin, index finger vertically placed on his cheek and the middle one sitting on his lips. "I thought we could share, since we always end up doing so."

She offered him her cup with a pretty smile and Barry reached for it. "That's because yours is mostly finished before you get here and you help yourself to mine." Barry teased.

"Semantics." She told him with a haughty tilt of her button nose and Barry grinned at her. She did the same before getting off his desk.

Disappointment flowed through his veins at her quick departure because he had only spent all of five minutes with her today. Barry was used to Caitlin leaving soon after he returned, if she had been waiting for him while he was away, but this time, coupled with jealousy, he felt its effects tenfold.

"So, you have a date with Julian tonight?" Barry was grateful that his voice sounded only curious and not unhappy about the thought.

He took a causal sip from Caitlin's coffee, watching her carefully over the rim of the cup. When he set the drink down he absentmindedly found Caitlin's lipstick imprint on the side. It was an involuntary habit of his to finger the red mark with his thumb.

Caitlin was watching him with equal caution. "It isn't tonight and neither is it a date." She told him flatly, yet there was something almost hurt in her voice that Barry couldn't understand. Was she still feeling guilty at moving on because of Ronnie?

Barry may not like the idea of Caitlin going out on a date with Julian, or any guy that wasn't him for that matter, now that he was aware of his feelings for her, but if this was what she wanted then he would support her all the way.

"Cait, I know that you've been grieving and the furthest thing from your mind has been dating, not when your husband died, but it's been almost two years now." Barry stared straight at Caitlin before his green gaze fell upon her left hand. "I've also noticed that you're not wearing your wedding ring any longer."

He saw Caitlin's fingers twitch before her hand dropped to her side, clenching into a fist. "It's not a date." She said again, this time her voice sounded slightly angry and Barry felt a sense of foreboding creep up his spine.

Had he said something wrong? Why was he having such a difficult time reading Caitlin in recent times? He normally knew her telltale sings and quirks easily, but recently it felt like she was intentionally being extra guarded around him. Were his own emotions on the situation clouding his judgement? Did his support sound insincere to her? That could be it. Hell, his very own ears didn't believe what his mouth was saying when he encouraged her to go out on a date with Julian. However she was his best friend and he would support her decisions no matter how unhappy they made him, just as she had done for him.

"Look, Caitlin, I know better than anyone – " Barry was rudely interrupted by his best friend.

"No, Barry, you don't know." She said coldly. Her brown eyes flashed icily at him and Barry felt his insides clench discontentedly at her anger. "Julian has been taking night classes at CCU and one of his professors there is Martin Stein. We got to talking about it and when Julian learned that not only was I in Stein's class, but aced the subject as well, he asked if I would offer him some advice on a paper he's writing."

The relief that washed over Barry was voiced on a sigh. "Oh." Barry knew it was the wrong thing to say when Caitlin's eyes narrowed to dangerous slits. He grimaced slightly. Her sudden burst of anger was disconcerting when he was oblivious to its cause.

"I'm not doing this with you again, Barry." Caitlin said sharply and Barry raised his eyebrows innocently at her.

He stood up immediately; feeling as though he was standing on the edge of a crumbling mountain and one wrong move would see him plummeting to his untimely and gruesome death. "Caitlin, I – "

Again he was interrupted before he could finish his sentence. "No, hear me out first." Caitlin raised a palm before taking in a deep breath. "If this is you trying to be supportive of me dating other people because you think it's something that I want or because it's what I did for you, then don't, Barry, because that's not friendship, that's cruelty."

Barry's eyes widened at the insinuation. While Caitlin was right about his intentions, because he was trying to be her friend, if she was suggesting his cruelty was directed at her then he would need to set her straight. Caitlin knew him better than most people did, couldn't she see that the punishment was meant for him, that he deserved it for what he had put her through.

"If you think that you need to do this for me then you're wrong. If you believe that your chivalry will only hurt you then you really don't understand how I feel about you. Look again, Barry. Do something that you haven't done with me before. See me, Barry." Caitlin's voice was no longer angry but sounded almost pleading and Barry swallowed passed the lump that was forming in his throat.

"Caitlin, that's all I've been doing since you came back." He told her earnestly, praying she heard the sincerity of his words.

Barry wanted to go to her, walk around his desk and grab a hold of her arms and shake her so that she could see that he was holding back only because he didn't want to hurt her again. However he knew that he needed to hear her out first. That he needed to give Caitlin the space to express herself properly.

"If you have, Barry, then we wouldn't be hear right now, standing on opposite sides of a desk while you encourage me to date someone else. Barry, there's a reason I've always turned to you for comfort. Why I keep coming back here when everything else in my life falls apart. It's because I've always loved you, Barry. I've loved you when I didn't know it myself, when you didn't love me, even when we were apart from each other, I've loved you. Ronnie earned those feelings from me because he was kind and compassionate and he saved people for a living. I fell in love with him because he reminded me of you. He made me laugh, he understood me. And even though he knew that there was a part of me that would always belong to someone else, he didn't mind. He didn't mind because I was there, with him. He told me he loved me more for my ability to care so deeply, not in spite of it." Caitlin took a deep breath as she looked past Barry and to the window behind him as if recalling her past.

Barry was speechless. Her words were still tumbling around in his head and he was having a difficult time processing them, let alone finding a response to her confessions. They were raw and honest and sliced straight through the doubts and uncertainties that had secretly plagued him when it came to her marriage to Ronnie. Her admission of her love for him though was something that was completely indescribable for Barry. Caitlin's brown eyes found his again and this time they weren't sad or angry any longer, but slightly more resolute, as if she had been waiting a long time for this.

"You've known how I feel about you for a long while now, Barry. I couldn't blame you for not doing anything about it when you didn't know. I could understand when you didn't come for me even after you did figure it out because of the timing. I will even praise you for the patience you've shown me this past year while I grieved for Ronnie. The respect you've always given me, the care you've always showered me with, Barry, it's all the reasons I love you unconditionally and I could never fault you for being who you are. But if you're going to keep thinking about our friendship now, like what I've done for years, if you keep feeling like you owe me or need to punish yourself for the past, if you let your noble, hero complex come before what you want every single time … then that's cruel, Barry."

"Cait, I never meant – "

"Yes, I know." Caitlin interrupted again, almost impatiently now, her brown head bobbing quickly. "You never intended to hurt me. But, Barry, don't you see. You can't keep being there for me, hugging me in support, rubbing my knuckles when you hold my hand, carrying me in your strong arms, tucking me into bed, brushing my hair back from my face, tugging my jaw when I bite my lip, kissing my forehead when you say goodbye. You can't do all these things when we both know how I feel about you, Barry, because it's cruel to make me believe that maybe you feel the same way about me."

There was a long pause where neither spoke. Barry wanted to tell Caitlin exactly how much she meant to him. He wanted to rush over to her and hold her so that she never questioned the way he felt about her again. He opened his mouth but no words came out. It was as if panic gripped his vocal cords and muscles. His heart raced in his chest and he lost control of all rational thought.

Caitlin offered him a small smile. "It's okay. I know how frightening the thought of loving your best friend can be. I've lived through it for years now, Barry. It's almost impossible imagining sacrificing your friendship for something that may only be side effects of a relationship that has become so intimate over the course of the years that it has blurred the lines and boundaries that we've always placed around each other. It's one of the reasons I've never come out and voiced my feelings for you, because I knew there would be no going back once I did. But Barry, I believe."

Caitlin looked at Barry bravely, her brown eyes open and honest, more vulnerable than he had ever seen them and something shifted inside of him. She reached out, taking a step closer. Her thighs pressed against his desk as she placed her hand on his shoulder. Her touch was like life flowing through his blood again. It accelerated his being into a frenzy and Barry's mind was speeding, looking to regain his bearing, desperately trying to catch up to the surreal situation he found himself in. "You should too."

She didn't wait for his response, she probably didn't expect one when he stood standing so still before her, almost unmoving. Yet she offered him a smile that was full of understanding and acceptance and Barry couldn't believe the woman in front of him.

He was in awe of her fearlessness. Barry watched as she walked away from him, her head held high and small shoulders squared. And suddenly it was as if a weight had been lifted from him. His doubts, all his fears and uncertainty disappeared with Caitlin, but Barry knew that he couldn't let Caitlin go a second time around. Not without fighting this time.

"Caitlin." Barry called as he rushed around his desk and sprinted down the stairs of Central City's police department. He looked over the railing and saw that she was heading towards the exit. He didn't bother calling her again. Instead Barry picked up his pace, thankful for his long legs and speed as he easily bridged the distance between them.

He grabbed a hold of her arm and spun her around. Brown hair flew around her face and her eyes widened. Barry could tell that she couldn't help but notice that people were watching them curiously. He knew that Caitlin didn't like attention on herself but this was something Barry needed to do now. Barry gripped both her arms tightly and pulled her into his chest.

"What are you doing?" She asked nervously, clearly unsettled as he continued to hold her to him, his green eyes roving her face with an intensity that could only be described as smouldering.

"Something, I think, I should have done a long time ago." Barry said determinedly.

And then he kissed her.

Her lips were soft and plump beneath his but he was surprised to be met with reluctance when she pulled her head back without reciprocating before he could deepen the kiss. Barry wasn't in the mood for reassurance or rationality in that moment though, he didn't care about the number of colleagues watching the interaction with fascination or the fact that Caitlin looked like a deer caught in headlights right then. She had said her piece and he had listened to her patiently. He hadn't gotten a word in edgewise. He was tired of talking and trying to justify his actions. Now he would show her exactly how he felt about her.

So with a soft groan Barry kissed her again. This time there was no fear when Caitlin's head lifted up so that she could meet his intensity with her own passion. Their heads moved in sync, as if they had kissed a million times before. Their tongues met with ease, as if they had always touched each other so intimately. It felt like Barry had just turned the house upside down in search of a beloved, misplaced possession and then finally held it in his hands again.

The sensation was beautiful. The force of it was breathtaking. The moment after the initial reluctance was everything a first kiss should be like. When they both finally broke for air, they stared at one another with a look that they had never seen reflected in each other's gazes before. Desire.

The almost deafening clapping, catcalling and whistling though were enough to make red colour creep up Barry's neck and stain his cheeks. Caitlin looked like she was about to faint from embarrassment as she groaned and ducked her head in Barry's chest. Her shy reaction made him chuckle softly and he wrapped his arms protectively around her, sighing with a happiness he only remembered feeling when both his parents had been alive. Placing his chin on her head he looked up to find Joe watching them with a wide grin on his face. Joe lifted his thumbs up in approval and the fact that Iris' father was genuinely happy for him made Barry feel like it had been a long time coming.

"Let's get out of here." He told Caitlin and she nodded before courageously lifting her head. She smoothed down her skirt and made her way towards the exit. This time, when Barry walked beside her, he slid his hand into hers and she looked up at him with such wonder in her wide eyes that he felt his chest swell up with pride.

. . .

It was later on, much later, when they were lying naked in each others arms after having explored the new relationship they had begun, as they left behind their past for their future, would Caitlin tell Barry about Iris' visit.

When hours had passed and the darkness no longer mattered because they were intrinsically aware of the other, that was when they finally bared their hearts and souls to each other. They became intimately acquainted with every dip, curve and indentation of the other's body. Barry and Caitlin encouraged each other when one showed signs of nervousness or hesitation at moving forward. Words were traded for moans of pleasure and eventually their initial discomfort was replaced by need, a need that over time had burned into something fierce that neither could ignore any longer.

It was only then that Barry finally expressed his feelings for Caitlin using words. "I've always loved you, Cait. I never understood it then but I see it clearly now. My love for you may have started of as friendship, but it was love nonetheless. It was actually much purer than falling in love with someone, because I know now that falling in love with someone means you can also fall out of love with them. But when you love someone like you love your parents or siblings or friends, like I love you, that love is unconditional and will always be there. And that's how I love you, Cait, unconditionally and forever."

Barry would always be grateful that his love for Caitlin, that her love for him, had not only withstood the test of time, trials and tribulations but had also become the sort of love that you could depend on. The depth of their emotions for one another was something that had always seemed so simple, but in reality was the purest form of love, the truest kind there was. It was encompassing in its form. It was the kind of love that you just knew would last several lifetimes.

. . .

Author's Note: I sincerely apologise for the delay in updating this story. Unfortunately this is a really busy time of year for me so my writing time has been very limited. To top it all off I recently met in a car accident (which wasn't my fault) that left me a little shaken. I'm perfectly fine though. Anyway, please know that this story is very close to my heart and will most definitely be completed … very soon actually. As always, let me know what you think, and yes, I did mention my accident for sympathy reviews too. Lol. Until the next chapter, happy reading everyone.

Nova*