Chapter 8

Mac's apartment

Georgetown, Washington D.C.

2301

When Harm reaches my apartment, I have to laugh. He is still in full mess dress and I can't help thinking of how he will look packing boxes in that. But when he enters my apartment, he gives me a short kiss that leaves me wishing we had time for more and shows me a small duffel bag.

"What's that?" I want to know. I've never known Harm to have anything in his trunk but golf clubs and a spare tire. "I brought that, because I knew I was going to need them. I'm not dumb enough to pack boxes in these." He refers to his uniform.

At that he turns around and walks right into my bedroom to get changed. I turn around and busy myself in the kitchen. God knows we wouldn't get any work done if I followed him now. I only saw him in his boxers once and that was a very long time ago. I won't be able to stop myself if I see him half naked… in a bedroom no less. No staying out here and packing my microwave into a cardboard box is a lot safer.

He returns only minutes later. "I put the uniform on your bed for the time being. I couldn't find a hanger for it." He gives me another short peck on my lips and after I change into some jeans and t-shirt again, we work ourselves through my kitchen cabinets. I won't pack the food and stuff. That would be wasted until it arrived in Britain anyway. And maybe Varese will be grateful for some of it. Though I doubt she is a big fan of microwave dinners.

My kitchen is pretty much the only room I haven't finished packing, apart from the few items that remain in my dresser. The living room is all packed except for the computer; even the sofa is already wrapped in cloth, just like the one back at Harm's place.

Once the kitchen is done, there is really only one other thing to pack and I need to print something out before that happens. Booting my computer, I open the folder where I know the document was saved a while ago. Harm moves behind me and looks puzzled when he realizes that my letter of resignation has already been typed.

"I wrote it a while back when I thought you were running off to Russia again to look for Sergei. I wasn't going to let you risk your life alone." I turn away from him and back to the screen because I know what I would see if I looked into his eyes. He is that kind of man who always feels responsible for the people around him. His hand is still on my shoulder and I give it a slight reassuring squeeze before I start scanning the contents of the document. I already know what it says, but I don't want anybody finding any formal mistake that would create problems later. Finding nothing I change the date and hit the printing button.

"You really don't have to do this, Mac." He is back to where he was earlier, looking at me with his sad eyes. I know it pains him. "Harm, we've been through this. I love you and next to that nothing else really matters." I get up from my chair and move my hands to his shoulders. I wish I could take away his frustration. "I want this! And now that I've finally gotten you to admit how you feel, I'm not letting you slip through my fingers again. It will be ok. I promise!"

I kiss him on the cheek again and walk over to my printer, taking a pen and signing the document without looking at it again.

In a way this is a heavy step. But for all intends and purposes, it doesn't feel as heavy as when I signed this the last time, almost 8 years back now. The fact that it feels a lot better this time, than it had last time, tells me I'm doing the right thing.

We finish my apartment in under an hour, allowing ourselves a short break on my sofa, each of us a soda in hand. Harm sits down on the opposite site of my sofa and I recognize the look he gives me. "It seems safer from here." He jokes. He is right about that one.

We both look at the boxes that are lined up next to the door. They will be picked up by the Navy guys who organize that kind of stuff if personnel get reassigned, tomorrow. "You moving in our out?" He grins. "Out I guess."

I grin in return and finish my soda. "Let's head over to your place. The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can catch some sleep." Harm only walks back into my old bedroom and picks up his uniform which he places over his arm, not daring to stuff the jacket and the pants into his duffel bag from earlier.

I take one last look around my place. Or rather what is left of it. I liked living here, but in the last couple months, I have accumulated some very bad memories here too, mainly with Webb and everything that came along with it. I'm not really going to miss this apartment and I'm glad that Varese wants to sublet it, so I won't have trouble with the landlord.

Harm's apartment

North of Union Station

Washington D.C.

0037 local

When we enter my apartment, I remember what happened here earlier and I can't help but feel warmth in my stomach. I close the door behind me and spin her around into my arms. "Harm!" she complains in that annoyed voice I've come to know so well over the years. I know we don't have time for anything at the moment, but I just want to hold her close for a second to remind myself that this is really happening for us.

I kiss her and force myself to keep things as lightly as I can, but I didn't quite count on her response. Feeling the tip of her tongue requesting entrance I grant it willingly. I hear a moan from somewhere and I'm not sure if it comes from her or me, but who cares anyway?

Releasing her before things can get out of hand, I tell her we should start with the kitchen and then pack up the rest of my wardrobe, which consists mainly of clothing, since I haven't even started there yet.

"Did you hear from Mattie today?" she asks as we put some of my pans into a cardboard box. I nod yes and tell her, that I had called her after SECNAV had made my new rank official. "She sends her best wishes to you too." I see her smile brightly at that. I know she likes Mattie but they barely know each other.

I know a part of that is my fault even though I don't know how things could have possibly been going differently. In a way I hate what happened in Paraguay, mainly because of what it did to the relationship between me and Mac. She had known why I had dropped everything to go after her then, and she didn't want to acknowledge it. That's the only explanation I have.

Of course, Paraguay was only the beginning. Chegwidden made it clear that he didn't want me back and I was forced to go looking for a job elsewhere. I ended up flying for the CIA after Catherine Gale had made quite a couple phone calls for me.

In a way it was really ironic. There I was flying missions on any number of different planes and jets and yet, my heart wasn't in it at all. Flying didn't bring me the joy I had hoped it would. It never took away the regret and the pain of knowing what I couldn't have. And then I suddenly didn't even have flying anymore until a minor employed me to fly a crop duster.

I don't know what I'd do right now, if Admiral Chegwidden hadn't come to get me back. I probably wouldn't be planning my wedding to Mac; that much is for sure. After everything that has happened, I don't think she'd still be with Webb, but Sarah MacKenzie is a beautiful woman. And I'm sure she wouldn't have had to wait long until a guy came along to make her happy.

In a way I have to be grateful for Chegwidden that he didn't take me back at first. I don't think I would have gone to Blacksburg to check on Sarah if it hadn't been for the huge mess my life was back then.

Mac puts her hand on my arm, startling me for a second. "You ok?" She must have realized that my mind has wandered off somewhere. "Yeah, sorry." She isn't entirely convinced with my answer, I can see that much. "Pleasant thoughts?" How should I answer that? In a way yes. And in another way…

"I was thinking about Mattie." I say, which is basically true. Mattie's situation is bad enough to explain the clouds over my head which I'm sure Mac has seen. "Are there any news from the juvenile court, yet?" I'm surprised at her question and shake my head. "We are still waiting for that, though her father doesn't want to fight it. I think he knows that he isn't in any condition to help Mattie get through what is ahead of her."

Tom Johnson had fallen off the wagon and badly so, when Mattie was still unconscious. In a way I can't blame him. Many people like him turn back towards the bottle if things go bad in their life. It makes my respect for the woman next to me grow exponentially. "I would like to be part of it."

Lifting my head to look at her, I only see determination. "Mac, please…" I trail off. What am I doing? The woman I love and want to marry tells me she wants to assist in being there for my foster daughter and I try to turn her down. Sighing I start again. "We haven't quite talked about that part." I carefully focus on her, trying to guess at her reaction.

Putting down the tape in her hand, she walks over to where I stand and sits down on one of the barstools. "When you were doing your Hornet qualification in spring, she came to see me at JAG. At first I thought she had forgotten that you wouldn't be at the office, but she really came to see me." She pauses for a moment and considers me through her eyelashes.

"She asked me why you would just sign off on the custody papers without a second glance, after you had always claimed to like her." She starts fiddling with her hands as she always does when there is more to what she has to say and she doesn't quite know how to put it into words.

"What did you answer her?" I'm curious about this one. A small smile tugs at the corners of her mouth, but it doesn't really reach her eyes. It's more a sad smile than a happy one. "I told her what I thought. Namely that she had taught you to love unconditionally, and that you have become a better man for her presence in your life. She made you grow up in many ways."

I cannot disagree with that. It is true. Having the responsibility for Mattie has changed my life considerably. But maybe I'm just getting too old for the kind of games I used to play. "I was sad when she came with Tom to tell me she wanted to go back to live with him. But it wasn't my place to take a child away from her father. And even more so it wasn't my place to stand in the way of what she really wanted."

She stares at me, and I have the feeling that she looks deep within me with those beautiful brown eyes. "She made me promise to watch out for you, when she's gone, you know?" I'm startled at that. I would have never guessed. But then again, that's Mattie for you; always meddling with other people's lives. "And I told her I would…"

I reach over to her and take her in my arms. I can't help myself. Mac is such an incredible woman and I still haven't gotten over the fact, that she is really mine. We are great together like this and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

"So, how about we get these boxes packed up now? I'm really tired of doing this." I grin at her and resume working. Our moment of seriousness has passed and we work together in comfortable silence, only joking here and there. It's good to see her like this. And it sure feels good to have her here for doing this.

It is way past 0100 when we are finally finished with packing all my stuff and I would like nothing more than go to bed. But as that comes closer, I get more and more nervous. I haven't been nervous about sharing a bed with a woman since High School and in a way it does feel like I'm that nervous 17-year-old all over again.

Mac comes up to me and – drawing me down towards her – she brushes her lips lightly against mine. It's more a comfort thing than a sexual one and I don't stop her when she pulls away. I decide to leave the choice to her. I mean, sure we have decided to get married, but I kind of always saw me proposing AFTER we had been in a romantic relationship for a while, and not before that.

Damn it, Rabb. What the fuck is up with you? You've been hoping for this for like forever and now you freak out like this? What is wrong with you?

"Do you want me to sleep on the couch?" I stutter in a much undignified manner so unlike my usual self. Mac looks at me and starts snorting like a girl. "Harm, we've slept in the same bed before and we didn't kill each other. Besides, if I can remember correctly, we agreed to get married." With that she takes my hand and leads me to the elevated part of my loft which served me as a bedroom for the last nine years.

"Are you sure?" I still can't believe how nervous I am. But looking closely at her, I can see that she isn't her usual self-assured persona either. Funny thing though, seeing her biting her lip slightly as we stand in front of my bed, puts my mind at ease for a bit.

She turns around and gives me that beautiful smile that I love so much. Giving me a slight peck on my lips, she whispers that it will be alright and I believe her. She throws my boxers and t-shirt at me that I had put aside to sleep in earlier. It sure will be funny. I haven't worn a t-shirt to bed in … like forever. But I didn't want her to think I'm looking for sex tonight, so I opted for the more conservative approach. I decide to walk into my bathroom to get changed, leaving her the privacy of my bedroom to do the same.

I'm just putting on my t-shirt, when she asks if it is safe to come in so she can go about brushing her teeth. We stand next to each other at the sink, both brushing our teeth and I have to hide a big grin that threatens to spread over my face. We look like an old married couple.

She stops doing what she does to look at me strangely when I can't hold in the snort anymore. "Think this is funny, huh?" Yes, I do, but I cannot really say that. However, I can see the grin forming on her face too now and I know we are alright. We finish in silence and when I'm about to turn around to head back to the bedroom, she takes my hand and motions for me to lead the way.

She climbs into my bed, and the look of that alone is enough to cause a very strong reaction. Mac scoots over to the far end of my bed and lifts the covers to let me in. I'm glad she does, because I'm not sure I can hide what is going on for long. I never thought shorts and t-shirt could be so sexy on a woman. And I'm grateful for the fact that only the bedside lamp is still on, as I'm pretty sure that my face would give me away because I just know I'm wearing a blush.

We both turn to our sides so we can look at each other, keeping a respective distance between us. I have another reason to turn to my side too, because my summer sheets wouldn't really hide certain things and I don't think she has seen it yet. I'm thankful for that too, since I'm not sure what she expects to happen and I don't want to do anything that would make her feel uncomfortable.

Mac's expression doesn't hide anything. I've seen it before on a handful occasions and I was never so close to letting go of that lifeline she once accused me of clinging to. Swallowing hard, I close the distance between us and kiss her. The moment our lips meet, I'm lost in a storm, the blood rushing through my ears and I can't focus on anything but the woman next to me.

I only touch my lips to hers gently at first and if I didn't know better I could easily think it's just an imagination. But it becomes very real when she reaches one hand behind my neck to pull me closer, increasing the pressure of our kiss. I slip out my tongue and trace the shape of her lips, running it along them and begging for entrance.

As she opens her mouth to allow me in, I can't stop myself and pull her closer to me. I hear a groan when my tongue slips inside her and I'm not sure if it comes from her or me. I feel her other arm snaking around me, drawing it up and down my back.

I tangle my fingers in her soft brown hair with one hand, while the other lazily draws circles on her back. By now I'm desperate to touch her skin, so I slip my fingers underneath her shirt every once in a while. I gasp when I feel her hand going on a similar journey and I know that this time it is definitely my groan when I feel her warm hand on my spine. She touches my back lazily, but wherever her hands go, she creates a fire and if she doesn't stop soon, this will end in an inferno, with me burning to ashes.

We continue to kiss and caress slowly, exploring each other with our mouths and hands. I'm dimly aware of the fact, that my right leg is between Mac's and I feel her pressing up against me in all the right places and I press back down, making her feel my arousal against her thigh.

When my lungs begin to burn from a lack of air after what seems like endless kissing, I lift my head from hers and look down at her. In that moment I would do anything for her. She looks so incredible with her hair mused and her lips swollen from our kissing. Her brown eyes gaze back at me and I notice that they have turned into a dark brown, almost black. Her skin is flushed and I can only imagine what I look like after this.

I want this so very much. I'm not even sure if I can stop right now, but I have to make sure. I don't want to fuck this up now that we have gotten this far.

"Sarah, are you sure?" Her eyes lighten up at me calling her by her given name. I've only called her that a handful of times before, and each of these times were special to me. I don't usually think of her as 'Sarah' because I know she prefers to be called Mac. But this one simply slipped out and from the look on her face, she isn't mad at me.

She nods and smiles up at me before she moves her right hand up to my cheek and asks me the same. "Are you?" I'm still out of breath when I answer her and I can only whisper, afraid of spoiling the moment. "I've been sure for a long time, Sarah!" At that her face changes, from wonder to understanding and I can almost hear her thoughts. She once accused me of not being able to let go, and back then she may have been right. But it's been her who couldn't let me in during the last two years.

But I don't want these two years to stand between us tonight. I need to be with her tonight, and I feel like I would loose a part of myself, if I couldn't. I'm confident in what I want and I lean down to kiss her again, to emphasize my point.

She deepens the kiss again, and I reach over to shut down the bedside lamp but she reaches for my hand when she realizes what I'm about to do. "No, leave it. I want to see you. All of you." Who am I to complain about that? At this moment she could ask anything from me and I would do it, no matter what.

She smiles at me when she lowers her lips to mine once again and I feel her reaching for the hem of my shirt, moving it upwards slowly and I get the picture. Unwillingly I release her lips for a moment, so she can pull the cotton material over my head. Our lips engage in yet another wonderful firestorm before she moves to explore along my face, nibbling on my jaw and then slowly moving lower to my neck and throat.

I let myself fall to my back, dragging her with me. Her lips never leave contact with my skin and all I can do is lie there and enjoy what she does to me, knowing it will be my downfall. I swear that there isn't an inch of skin on my throat and shoulder that she hasn't tasted yet. I loose all track of thought when she reaches my chest, slowly torturing me with playing with the few hairs scattered across my torso. She takes her time and I'm drowning; willingly so.

Harm's apartment

North of Union Station

Washington D.C.

0139 local

I can barely hold in a gasp when I take off his shirt. I've dreamed about this so often, fantasized about it, but reality is so much better. I have touched him before of course. I always knew he has a well build upper body with strong muscles in just the right places. But this is perfect.

I run my lips and my fingers lightly over his jaw first, and then move on to taste his throat and shoulders, lightly caressing the strong chest underneath me. I can feel his muscles quiver under my touch. I would have never guessed, that the usually so self assured man could be so shy and even a bit insecure about himself.

I take my time exploring. After all I've been dreaming about this for so long, I can't even remember not dreaming about it. And now that the moment has finally arrived, I want to savor it and not rush through it.

I feel the movement of his arms before I realize that he tries to pull up my shirt as well, and I grin inwardly at the fact that he has finally decided to participate again. I sit up slightly to make it easier for him and he follows me up into a sitting position.

I feel a slight shyness creep over me, when he bares my upper body completely. His hands start exploring just like mine still do on his chest and back and he drags me closer to him again, claiming my lips in another fiery kiss.

He turns us around again and gently puts my back down on the mattress and I see the self confidence return to his eyes as he gives me a slight grin "my turn". He starts kissing my breasts and I gasp for air when I feel his lips kissing my already hard nipple, swirling his tongue around it while his fingers work their magic on my other breast. I swear I can't take much more of this.

My breath comes in pants already and I feel completely defenseless to his ministrations. I couldn't move if I wanted to. Then he switches sides, paying the same attention to my other breast. I can't keep in the moan that threatens to leave my throat, tumbling out from between my lips. This only causes him to work my breast harder, squeezing it gently with his hand, while I try to pull him even closer to me, trying to encourage him to move things along.

He growls at my movement and his hot breath tickles my skin, sending waves down to my core, increasing my own arousal that is already there between my legs. "You're so beautiful!" he whispers and I melt even more into his embrace than I already am.

Very slowly, way too slowly for my taste, Harm moves his hand down from my breasts and trails his fingers across my torso, down to my stomach and slips the tips of his fingers under the waistband of the shorts I put on earlier. They aren't much to look at. Just ordinary training shorts that I usually wear when we are on board ship somewhere. I didn't want to be too obvious and wear lingerie or something.

His hand stills inside my shorts and I know I whimper in disappointment and frustration and I don't care. His mouth is just above my breasts again, kissing there and I can feel the form of his lips change when a smile spreads across his face. Well, I don't know what is so amusing about this, but I guess its time to give some of it back.

Rolling us over so I'm on top again, I kiss my way down his torso once more, following the slim trail of dark hair down to his groin. When I reach the waistband of his pants, I slide my hands up his left leg, deliberately brushing against his hardness. He groans and I hook my thumbs into his shorts and tug them down.

He has the sense to lift his hips to assist me and looking into his eyes, I can see that he enjoys watching me like this. When I free him completely, I swallow hard when I lay my eyes on him for the first time. I always expected him to be well proportioned and what is now in front of my eyes only confirms that. Good thing we left the light on after all. I lower my head for a moment and place a kiss on his tip, tasting him. I can't help myself.

I slowly move up his leg, my hands going as slow as I dare. I only skim his skin lightly, and I smile at the goose bumps and quivers I get in response. The higher I get, the even slower I become. I have to concentrate hard not to rush to where I know he wants me most.

"Mac…" he hisses between gasps for air. He pulls me down hard to him and turns us around again, burying me under his weight.

He moves his hands from my breasts toward my waistband again, slightly stroking my stomach and I feel the ripples go through me wherever his fingers touch. He slowly eases my shorts off and throws them to the floor where it joins the rest of our clothing.

Then he starts kissing his way back up my right leg and he looks at me while he does so. I feel myself drowning in his blue-gray eyes that have become so dark in the last minutes and I don't think this has anything to do with the dim light in the room. What I look at is nothing short of pure desire and passion.

Harm's apartment

North of Union Station

Washington D.C.

0149 local

I can't believe what I see. She is so beautiful. I can't remember why we waited for so long to experience this miracle. I look at her looking at me and I lean forward again, kissing first her stomach and then as if on a leash, I'm dragged lower by my own desire to give her what I know she needs desperately.

Her scent there is intoxicating and I know I'm going dizzy. She arches her hips forward when she feels my breath there and I know she will go crazy if I don't start doing something. But I'm not ready to finish my explorations just yet, and touching her there would only accelerate things.

I stretch up so we are aligned from head to toe again and find her lips. She grabs my shoulders and flips us over once again, straddling me and hovering just a few inches from my hard-on. But instead of scooting back and closing the distance between our lower bodies to complete us, she reaches behind her and takes me in her hand. I feel the blood leave my face and rush south and coherent thought is no longer possible.

Her touch feels so good, her grasp so sure. "Oh, God, Sarah!" I cannot keep my groans in. I want to yell and I know I'm not going to last much longer if she keeps that firm rhythm up. She keeps moving her hand up and down and so slowly that it is more torture than pleasure, because I'm getting frustrated.

Her thumb brushes over my tip, and I know there is already liquid forming there, but she doesn't care and simply spreads it over me. I need her to stop this or I'm going to explode but when she pulls her hand away I already mourn the loss of contact. I know I'm whimpering by now and I don't care.

Then she starts kissing me there, kissing her way down my arousal and then runs her tongue back up as if I'm her favorite ice cream. I can't help but grip her head to urge her on. I don't want to force her on this, but I want to feel her there. When I feel her lips close over me, her warmth moving up and down on me, her tongue swirling around and her hands stroking my thighs, I think I'm going to die. And I'd die a happy man.

I feel the unmistakable tightening in my lower regions and I know she has to stop this now or it will be over in mere seconds. I drag her back up to me and kiss her hard, tasting myself on her but I don't care for that either.

I know I need a couple moments to calm down a little so I turn her over again tracing her hips and then her lower lips with my fingers, slipping one finger in and enjoying the emotions that play across her face. She gasps when I slide through the wetness and find her clit, teasing her there.

I leave her lips and kiss my way down once more, paying special attention to the skin between her breasts and when I reach the juncture between her legs, I slide my finger even further into her, causing her to groan in pleasure.

I can understand her now. I too feel the strong desire to taste her, so I reach out my tongue and lap at her entrance and the dizziness returns full blast. Slipping in a second finger, I keep teasing her bud until she calls out my name. I know she is lost now and I know for sure when she arches forward, pushing my fingers even deeper inside. Her hands are as white as I'm sure mine were earlier when I gripped the sheets for all I was worth.

I keep swirling my tongue around her clit and then bend my fingers deep inside her. "Oh my god, Harm!" she yells and I'm filled with pride, knowing it was me who gave her the pleasure to cause this outcry. It is the most beautiful sound I've ever heard and I grin up at her.

I move back up to her and hold her close for a moment while she comes down and I'm completely taken by surprise when she rolls back on top of me, crashing her lips to mine in a searing kiss that leaves both of us breathless.

She moves backwards again, lowering herself. She isn't quite in contact yet, but she is close enough to moisten me with her own arousal and I have to break the kiss that we are engaged in because I can't wait any longer.

"You sure?" I ask again. I just hope she doesn't deny us this after everything that has happened in the last few minutes. "I want you!" It is a simple message and yet, it sounds like a wonderful song.

I struggle for the last ounce of self control that I have and roll her underneath me again, supporting my weight on my forearms. I'm poised at her entrance, sliding along her and lubricating me further, her hips moving forward in turn to encourage me. I know what she wants, and I don't have the power any longer to deny it to her.

Easing myself in, we both groan at what is happening. "Is this alright?" She nods at me and pushes her hips forward even more, taking me deeper. But I hold back "No, I mean… you know…" I trail off, not really able to form the words in my pleasure-dizzy brain. But she gets the message, I think. "I'm clean!" That wasn't exactly what I wanted to know and when I feel her pushing me deeper again, I tell her, that I'm clean too. But I have to know. "No, I mean… what about…?" I don't have the power to form complete sentences anymore and I only hope that she will get the hint this time.

She places her hand on my cheek and smiles softly at me. "Less than 5 percent, remember?" And then she kisses me and pulls me in completely with one sharp movement of her hips and I collapse against her, overwhelmed by what we are about to do.

We both moan and my hips start their movement on their own. I can smell our arousal, the scent that makes Sarah MacKenzie and I never want to leave this place. This has to be heaven.

I feel her clinging to my upper body as we both move. I feel her hands trailing up and down my back while I tangle my fingers in her hair. I'm sure I'm uttering one gasp or another as we rock in a dance as old as time. This is how it is supposed to be, as it was always meant to be for us.

I can feel the tension building in me once again and I know I'm close, but I want to take her with me, so I reach down between us and start stroking her again and I'm rewarded by a quickening of her gasps. It doesn't take long for me to feel her contracting around me and I know she's there when she calls my name.

I try to hold on as long as I can to prolong the pleasure for her, but I'm not far behind her and I have to let it go. I hear myself call her name as I pour myself into her and for a while neither of us moves. We both catch our breaths, the scent of what we just did filling the air around us.

When I finally find the strength to move to the side, she turns around immediately to face me again, a happy smile on her face and I know there is forming one on me as well. She puts her right hand over my heart and leans in to kiss me. "Thank you!" What does she have to thank me for when I should be thanking her for letting us experience this?

"I love you!" is all I can say right now, and she smiles even wider at that. "And I love you!" I know she means it.

Wrapping her in my arms tightly, I feel sleep finally getting the better of me, and if her even breathing is any indication, she isn't far behind.