Gamer4 in. Coming at you with a new concept I haven't tried before. A brief word of explanation before we begin: this is actually a concept that I had in mind as early as Hylian Stone, but for reasons that even I can't comprehend, I never thought to actually implement it until now. Basically, this idea amounts to: when I'm having trouble doing normal chapters, or when I feel it would be appropriate to the story to do so, or sometimes just because, I'd throw in a chapter much shorter than normal, with a loose connection to the main story (if a connection exists at all) and is mostly just to have a few laughs. Just a quick little mid-story oneshot. I'd consider this one sort of a test run to see how well you guys like the idea- let me know in reviews if you'd like this kind of thing to continue! Of course, it'd never override the main story- it's just for fun. Alright, let's get to it.
Disclaimer: I'd like to thank Markiplier and Lixian, two Youtubers who are both to thank for the animated shorts this little quicky is based on.
Random Quicky
Where's the Guardian?
Outside of the Smash Mansion, a panting, red-haired figure stood, looking up at the building he'd been working towards for so long. "Ah... it's about time I got here..." he said to himself, feeling triumph. He'd long since learned to live with the fact that he was randomly talking to himself. "Now, to break in and-" he was cut off as a random wave of cold broke over him, and he ducked behind a nearby tree. Looking out, he saw a hulking floow floating by. "What the- floows? They actually put floows around a school?"
Sighing, he put his hand to his head and brushed his hair in an exasperated fashion. "Well... this is just fantastic. I'm already a little nervous here, because they've got these floating freaks of nature around this place... I really don't like this at all..." Suddenly perking up, he said, "So, let's dive right in, shall we?"
XXXX
A few moments later, using special methods that will not be discussed because they are subject to spoilers, he had managed to get into the Mansion itself. After skulking around a bit, he found himself in the kitchens among a whole tone of yoshis. (Technically, this shouldn't be discussed until the next story, but what the heck.) "Seems pretty much the same as when I went here..." he muttered aloud from the doorway, alerting the yoshis to his presence. "Nice fireplace!" he added, eyes falling on an ornate fireplace at the end of the kitchens. Whipping out a random false moustache, he quipped, "I can see the budget was just astronomical when they were designing this place!"
"Who are you, sir?" said one of the yoshis, approaching him slowly.
"Don't mind me, I just came down because I need to borrow... a knife. Don't ask why, I just need one."
"We isn't supposed to lend knives out!" another yoshi objects.
"So, I can't take this one with me?" the red-haired stranger asked, pointing to a nearby one that had to be at least a foot long. "Why can't I take it with me? I would like that. Wait, what is that?" he suddenly asked dramatically, approaching an object that looked really out of place in the kitchen-like area.
One of the yoshis approached, looking just as confused as the man himself did. "It is a typewriter that says 'racoon' on it..."
"Huh, that's weird," the man shrugged. "Anyways, it's clear that I'm not getting any knives down here... unless-"
"BOO!" came a sudden cry, and the man jumped back in surprise as the Boo suddenly appeared in front of him, wearing a Halloween mask- well, that's being pretty generous, it was just the stereotypical glasses, big nose, and moustache.
"Wow... they still haven't gotten rid of y-" the man started, looking through half-closed eyes before his eyes abruptly widened. "Whaaaaat?" he sounded off, staring at something behind the yoshis and the Boo alike. "What is that?" As they all spun around to look at whatever he was indicating, he turned and rushed out of the door- knife in tow.
XXXX
Not long afterwards, he was tiptoeing through the Mansion, slowly climbing the stairs. Strangely enough, he had yet to run into anyone else, which struck him as a little strange, though he wasn't about to curse his luck. He sighed as, for roughly the fourteenth time, he heard a random musical note blow into his ear from the only other being in the hallway- who didn't seem keen on alerting anyone else. "Well, that's one thing that's changed," he remarked. "No background music anymore, just this stupid ghost playing a sousaphone in my ear." As he spoke, the Boo rushed right next to him, put said instrument right in his face, and blasted it as hard as he could. Knitting his eyebrows in anger, he growled, "STOP IT, sousaphone ghost!"
"Oh, that's how it is, is it?" the Boo said, floating upwards in mock-indignation. "Well, you know what? I'm tired of working for you!"
"You weren't working for me..."
"Well, I already know I'm smarter than you," the Boo smirked. "Isn't the fact that you eat meat and I don't proof enough?"
"WHAT?!" the man asked, suddenly enraged. "Just because I don't eat meat?! How dare you, sir?! I love meat! I love to put meat in my mouth! I'm serious, white meat, dark meat, sausage, ham, steak, bacon- I really, really love meat!" As he continued ranting, the Boo smirked, his work done, and quietly scooted off down the corridor.
"Actually," the man said, putting his finger and thumb up to his chin, "that puts me in the mood for a nice, juicy sausage. Oh, now I'm looking forward to it... I'd love the flavor from a nice sausage to just explode in my mouth... mmmm..."
XXXX
At this point, a transition came in to move things along. The next time anything noteworthy happened when the man came to a staircase with a large gap in the middle. "Ah, I remember this kind of thing from when I came here," he muttered, ignoring the painting watching him from the top of the stairs who instantly recognized him, but seemed to be paralyzed in fear. "These stairs with big gaps in them, you need to find some secret way to go up... hmmm..."
After spending about an hour mulling over every possible solution, he finally took a deep breath and leapt forward, managing to clear the gap with relative ease. "WEEELLLLL!" he shouted, looking back on the gap in anger, "I'M JUST THE BIGGEST IDIOT THAT EVER WAS! I AM SO STUPID- I DIDN'T EVEN THINK TO TRY AND JUMP! WHAT KIND OF MORON AM I?!" Finally calming himself, he turned and muttered, "Forget it, I'm moving on to Nintendo tower..."
XXXX
Hearing this, the painting that had been watching him turned around and rushed off up the hallways. Finally, he arrived in the same painting as two women in the middle of a discussion. "Yeah, seriously," said one of them, a blond in a teal dress, "It took him three stories to get the color of my dress right. Dang colorblind authors..."*
"Rosalina!" said the painting, panting.
"Oh, hey, Polari," Rosalina said, turning to see him. "What's going on?"
"Roy Alluvia! Roy Alluvia! He's in the Mansion! And he's heading up to the Nintendo Hub!"
Rosalina's eyes widened, but the other woman suddenly raised her hand, saying, "Quiet! He's right over there!"
A large number of lumas began to gather to watch as Roy stomped down the corridor. Their eyes immediately fell on the knife in his hand.
"I don't know," he was muttering to himself. "Maybe I am the maniac. I mean, I'm just stomping up to this door, with a bunch of kids behind it, carrying this big ol' knife muttering..."
Up to this point, his words had been unintelligible to the painting, but his next words reached them. "WHEEERE'S THE GUARDIAN!" he suddenly cried, freezing as he saw the portrait guarding Nintendo's hub.
"Wh- why does he want to know where you are, mommy?" one of the lumas asked, peering up at Rosalina. Rosalina desperately motioned for silence.
"WHEEEERE'S THE GUARDIAN!"
"Mommy, he's scary, make him go away!"
"Don't worry, he's going away," Rosalina said, pointing. But this didn't help much- a few moments later, he returned with a ladder and a crazed look in his eyes.
"I HAVE COME TOO FAR TO FAIL NOW!" he shouted, looking beyond any sort of reason. "So, if I just use this knife on the ladder..."
"Why is he using the ladder to try and get in?!" the lumas cried, looking even more afraid than before.
"No, huh?" Roy asked, heaving. "Don't worry, I've got plenty of tricks up my sleeve... like this RAKE! I can use this rake to get in! But how?" Looking down at the fallen ladder, he said, "Ah, I see..."
"Why is he using the rake on the ladder?!" the lumas cried. "We don't know!"
"No?" Roy asked, glaring at the empty painting. "Well, how about... THESE ASHES! I'LL TAKE THESE ASHES!" As he spoke, he pulled a handful of ashes out of his pocket. Who knows where he got them.
"WHY?!" the lumas cried. "What does he need them for?"
"I'LL TAKE THESE ASHES... AND PUT THEM ON MY FACE!" as he spoke, he threw the ashes backwards to cover his face.
"Mommy... please help us!" the lumas cried, dancing around Rosalina. Seeing how afraid they were, she suddenly put on a game face.
"Don't worry, my children... I'll go out and... take care of him," Rosalina said, stomping through the portraits.
"WHEEEERE'S THE GUARDIAN?!" Roy asked again, jumping up and down with rage.
"Stop this and go home!" came a sudden shout- he turned to see Rosalina standing there, wand out and pointing threateningly at him. "You've been tormenting the lumas too much!"
Suddenly, the Boo appeared over their heads and, seeing what was going on, cackled. "You do know that you're just a painting, right? You can't affect the real world..."
Rosalina's eyes widened. "Oh... right..."
Roy's eyes looked even wilder than normal under the veil of ashes. "I WILL MURDER YOUR FACE!" he cried, and he jumped at her with the knife. As he tore the painting to shreds, Rosalina suddenly dashed from it, running as fast as she could. The Boo cackled, then flew through a nearby wall.
"WHEEEERE'S THE GUARDIAN!" Roy cried out again. Suddenly, he stopped, seeing the painting all torn up. "Ah..." he looked around, trying to see if he'd hurt Rosalina herself. "And now she's dead. Or maybe she's just run away? I don't know, she might be dead..." Suddenly, he dropped the knife as the full thought slammed into him. "Oh, crud, she might be dead!" Without another word, he reached down and grabbed the knife and tore through the Mansion, sprinting until he made it out.
Next time he tried to get in, he vowed, he'd watch a little less Markiplier first.
XXXX
* I don't think I've ever actually noted this in the author's notes, but it is true, I am colorblind. If I ever get any of the colors wrong, feel free to alert me in reviews, as usual.
And this is our first random quicky! I don't know, how do you guys feel about the concept? I'd be perfectly willing to do some more of these if you guys enjoy them- heck, I've even got a few in mind! Some might be longer or shorter than this one is. It won't be an every-other-chapter thing- just whenever I feel like really deviating from the story.
Credits- most of this is inspired by some Markiplier Animated shorts- specifically, in order, Psychosis, Outlast Whistleblower Highlights, Wilfred Warfstache, 1,000,000 Subscriber Special, and, of course, Where's the Blacksmith.
Well, that chapter was different! But I'd like to hear how you guys feel about it! Please R&R, constructive criticism and questions all welcome, flames not so much, Gamer4 out!
