Author: T'Reilani

Title: Life as a Technorganic

Summary: Riella's guidelines for living as a technorganic.

Rating: T for safety.

Disclaimer: I only own Riella.

A/N: My friend gets credit for rule 111, and my brother gets credit for rules 125 and 126.

111. Don't imitate Blurr, Warpath, or the Dinobots' speech patterns.

-It's bad enough we can't break them of the habit.

112. Don't borrow and misuse Mirage's invisibility projector.

-Poor 'Raj got blamed for the incident with Defense Secretary Keller. Of course, I bailed him out of the brig when I found out who Optimus automatically suspected. That was another "should have thought it through" moment.

113. Don't make fun of the 'bots whose robot modes have their front bumper on the upper chest.

-Jazz, Bluestreak, and Smokescreen do not appreciate being 'mistaken' for femmes. Although I think in the case of General Morshower it actually was a mistake.

114. Don't scare the medics or the scientists.

-Turns out First Aid screams like a femme. Who knew?

115. Fireworks are only allowed on base on the Fourth of July, and then only with Optimus, Prowl, Ratchet, First Aid, and Red Alert present and a bomb shelter ready for the humans.

-And Wheeljack and the Chevy Twins are not to be allowed near fireworks unless they have first watched every safety video, read the directions twice, and Ratchet or another sane 'bot is standing right next to them. Inferno would prefer it if Hangar 2 didn't catch fire again.

116. Don't let the Corvette Twins tell stories about anyone when they are under the influence of high-grade.

-Prowl was not happy that they told all of his "not my best moment, okay?" stories. I was amazed that they even knew them.

117. Don't tell stories while under the influence of high-grade.

-Apparently that's where the Twins learned all of Prowl's "not my best moment, okay?" stories.

118. No hamsters on base.

-Ever. Period.

119. Request: Stop speaking like Soundwave.

-Reason: Annoys other Autobots.

120. Don't say or do these things randomly either.

-MEATBALLS! (at full volume)

-AIR RAID! (That should be obvious. You will either be knocked down by an enthusiastic Aerialbot, or, more likely, the apocalypse will hit the base when Red Alert freaks.)

-Can I haz cheezburger pleez? (Bee actually went and got me a cheeseburger. Aww...)

-*in a sing-song voice* This is mine, that is yours, you have yours, don't touch mine... (Everyone moved away from Bluestreak. Fast.)

-Nice shoes! (This one really creeps out the Autobots.)

121. Don't ask Wheeljack to help you with pranks.

-He has good ideas, but they're dangerous. To both the pranked and the pranksters.

122. Again, DO NOT MISUSE THE SECURITY CAMERAS!

-This rule was jointly added by Prowl, Riella, Ironhide, and Chromia. All of whom will be VERY TICKED if they see the security cameras being used to record their interactions again!

123. The game "20 Questions" is not to be played over and over and over with any short-tempered 'bot.

-Ironhide blew the chair out from under me.

124. Don't kick any mech 'where the sun don't shine', as the humans say.

-It hurts them just as much as it hurts human males. I will say, though, that it's a femme's best weapon.

125. When playing the game 'Metroid Prime', the 'Portal' series, or 'Dead Space', do NOT allow Wheeljack or Red Alert in the room.

-Red will glitch, and Wheeljack will start inventing. Neither one is a good thing.

126. More movies you need permission to watch:

-"Demonic Toys": Red will take away every stuffed animal and toy Annabelle has, and she will scream. He freaked when Miles got a remote control stuffed bear, which no longer exists. Nice, Red.

-The "Lord of the Rings": Every married human will be very, very angry that their wedding rings have been taken. And the Twins will be talking like Gollum for weeks.

-"Friday the 13th": Ironhide destroyed Leo's hockey equipment. We are no longer allowed to watch hockey on-base. Also, Red shot the calendar when he saw it was Friday. (He doesn't check dates very well.)

-"Napoleon Dynamite": Ironhide won't stop saying "With a freakin' twelve-gauge, what'd'ya think?"

-"Hellraiser": Do I even need a caption?

127. Don't sing any songs from Veggietales.

-Prowl was hitting himself repeatedly in the head, yelling, "GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!" That's a really scary image, just for the record.

128. NEVER repaint Sunstreaker while he's recharging.

-Even though he looks really good in pink.

129. Don't spike any human's drink with energon.

-It's nontoxic in small amounts, but it's...an acquired taste, shall we say.

130. "Twilight" is forever banned on base.

-Yes, this one is aimed at the human females. The 'bots do not appreciate being compared to angsty teenage vampires.

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