Good morning friends! I'm sorry for the delay in posting. I originally planned to have this chapter up Wednesday, but since I got a case of strep throat for Valentines, it didn't quite work out that way. I did get another story posted though called "Committed" that is based on this story, but is still separate. That story was written while I was still feverish, so take it with a grain of salt.
Anyway here is chapter 8. It's a long one. In some ways this is my favorite chapter so far, but at the same time I'm actually very scared to post it, because I'm not sure about all the details, and I'm afraid it could easily be picked to pieces. So please be honest with your reviews, but I really hope you like it so that it doesn't suck to read your honesty! :) I do need to hear what you really think though, because I'm working on future chapters and am stuck, and your reaction to this chapter will most likely determine where the rest of the story goes! So thank you in advance!
As a caution to you, this chapter is quite the emotional roller coaster. You may laugh, you may cry, you may even blush a little, who knows!
Last I checked, I still didn't own any characters from Castle or any other show, so the lawyers can now relax.
Chapter 8
"Tell me I was right." Castle said to Beckett as they stood side by side in the hotel entrance.
"You were right." She responded dryly and rolled her eyes.
"Awwwww you can do better than that. Say it it like you mean it!"
"Oh wise and grand weather forecaster, you were correct about the blizzard hitting the city."
"And...?"
"And about getting snowed into the hotel."
"And I will never again doubt your supreme judgment for as long as I live."
"Now you're pushing it."
Castle shot her a toothy grin and put a strong arm around her shoulders. "Come on, lets go check in to our rooms."
XXXXXXXXXX
"What do you mean you only have one room?" Kate asked the man behind the desk, who's name plate bore the name Roger. Turning to look at Castle, she pointed an accusatory finger at him. "You said you got two rooms."
"I did, paid in full. Here let me show you my reservation confirmation." He whipped out his phone and immediately began searching through his emails.
Roger typed furiously on his computer keyboard. He pulled up the reservation just as Castle found his. "I am sorry, Mr. Castle, I have your reservation right here, two standard suites, non smoking, king size beds with complementary breakfast. I don't know how it got changed in our system to only one room. If you give me a minute, I'll see what I can do."
Roger continues his assault on the keyboard as Rick and Kate step back to talk.
"I'm sorry, Rick. I shouldn't have accused you. You would not lie to me like that. I just freaked out for a second. I'm just glad they're fixing it."
"It's OK. I understand," he said and hugged her. "You couldn't bare sleeping in the same room with such an ugly, boorish man."
Kate whacked him on his chest. "Yes, that is exactly what I mean." She shook her head at his crazy antics. "You know as well as I do why it would be a bad idea."
Still holding Kate, Rick moved his lips to her ear, so only she could hear his words. "Because if we shared a room, you wouldn't be able to resist ripping every shred of clothing off of me, before ravaging my body in tantalizingly unique ways for hours on end?"
Kate's pulse began to race. "You wish".
"A man can have dreams can't he?"
"Mr. Castle," Roger called. "I'm afraid I have bad news. I've tried everything I can. We only have the one empty room left in the entire hotel. Under different weather circumstances, we'd probably have at least one extra room I could offer you, or I could offer you rooms at our sister hotel across town, but we are full, the roads are closed or impassable and it doesn't look to improve anytime soon. Aside from the one room we had reserved for you, literally the only empty space is here in the lobby. I don't even have any roll away beds left."
Rick looked at Kate to see what she wanted to do. She was flushed and looked like she might shoot someone. "Kate you take the room, I'll crash down here on a couch. It's no big deal, it'll feel like college again."
"No, Rick that's ridiculous, we can share the room. I trust you to be the gentleman I know you are. It may not be ideal, but it will be fine."
"I really don't mind ..."
"Shhhh, no. It's settled." She turned to Roger to confirm. "We'll take the room."
"Very well and on behalf of the hotel we want to apologize foe the inconvenience. You will be completely refunded for this stay and we'd like to give you a voucher for a complementary two night stay at any of our locations, in the future."
"Thank you Roger."
"Please let us know if there's anything we can do to make your stay more enjoyable."
Kate mumbled a reply under her breath that neither man understood, and Rick was to scared to ask her to repeat.
Rick signed some papers and took the key cards.
Kate headed to the elevator, before remembering their bags were still in the car, and reminded Castle about them. He arranged to have one of the valets, who were currently quite bored, get them from his car and bring them to their room.
Castle slid the key card in and out of the lock and opened the door for Beckett. Stepping into the room though, was like stepping into a new atmosphere. Both could physically feel tension. He just wanted her to be comfortable. She wanted... well, she didn't really know what she wanted, and that scared her.
Rick took Kate's coat and hung it with his in the close, before coming to stand by her. He reached out and rubbed her arms lightly in what he hoped would be a comforting way. "It's not so bad is it? Not only do we have the bed, but there's a couch I can sleep on, plus we've got a fully stocked mini bar, and a good size TV. I think we can survive a night here without making anything too uncomfortable."
"Rick you can't sleep on that thing, it's barely a love seat. You're twice as big as that thing."
"Fine, then I'll sleep on the floor."
"I can't ask you to do that."
"You didn't ask, I offered."
"You would really sleep on the floor all night just to put my silly concerns to ease?"
"First of all, if it concerns you, it concerns me. Second, I think you'd be surprised what I would do for you Kate."
"Thank you, Rick." She whispered and rested her head on his shoulders.
They might have stood like that all night, if not for the knock on the door.
After he retrieved their bags and tipped the man who delivered them, Rick plopped down on the edge of the bed, kicked off his shoes and started loosening his tie.
"It's only 11:30, I don't know about you, but I'm not super tired yet. Do you want to watch a movie or play some cards or something?
"Sure, I love games, and it's been ages since the last time I played anything."
"Great, why don't you go put your pjs on in the bathroom, I'll put mine on out here, then we can get our game on!"
Kate grabbed her bag and headed for the bathroom.
"Oh and Kate, please knock before coming out. I know how much you'd love to catch me with my pants down, but I'm very shy."
Kate laughed out loud. "Whatever you say! I'll be back in a couple minutes."
Rick heard the bathroom door close but not lock, so he knew she was already feeling more confidant about their situation. He quickly shed his suit, dress shirt and socks, leaving him only in his white t-shirt and Star Wars boxer shorts. This is normally how he'd sleep, but after a quick look in the mirror, realized that sitting around in his underwear might not go over well with Kate. After a quick look in his duffel bag, he realized his only other option was jeans, which he would wear if she wanted him to, but right now the thought of just relaxing was too tempting.
After a little deliberating he figured that the only way he'd know how she'd felt was to ask, so he crossed the room and knocked on the bathroom door.
"No I don't need help getting out of my dress, but thank you."
"That's too bad, maybe next time. But that's not why I'm knocking. I have a question for you and I need you to be completely honest. I usually sleep in my boxers and a t-shirt, so I didn't even think about packing pajama pants. Would it bother you if I'm sitting around in my boxers, or would you rather me put on jeans?"
Silence.
"Don't worry about it Kate, I shouldn't have asked. I can wear my jeans."
"No, no. That's not why I didn't answer. Your boxers cover everything right?"
"Yeah, as much as any boxers do. I mean both Alexis and my mom have probably both seen me running around the house in them."
"Then it's fine. Now I have a question, and please don't read anything into it."
"Ok"
"I didn't think we'd really be here tonight, and then even if we were, that we'd have separate rooms, so I didn't bring any pajama pants either. Do you happen to have an extra pair of boxers I could wear?"
The image of Kate, his Kate, wearing his boxers was so intimate and sexy that his body started reacting again. Oh boy he thought.
"Um, yeah." His voice cracked, and he prayed she didn't notice. "I've got dancing monkeys or Thundercats, pick your poison."
"Okaaaaaaay, I guess the monkeys." Kate opened the door several inches to get the shorts. Rick handed them to her and tried to be discreet, but caught a prolonged glimpse of her standing barefoot on the tile, hair pulled back into a messy knot, wearing an oversized blue Eli Manning jersey with her long shapely legs bare from upper thigh to the ground.
She shut the door, and he turned away quickly. She was hot, and every inch of his body knew it. A quick glance down confirmed that indeed every single inch knew. He needed to do something quick. If she came out now, there was no hiding his arousal.
Rick grabbed his key, a neatly folded hotel robe from the dresser and the ice bucket from the table and headed to the door. "I'll be right back!"
When he returned five minutes later, Kate was sitting cross legged on the bed, shuffling a deck of playing cards. She looked up at him and smiled warmly. Afraid that his body would respond again, he lowered the bucket of ice to block her view and continued walking to the tiny fridge on the wall.
"Are you thirsty or hungry?"
"A bit."
"What would you like?"
You she thought, but instead answered "Surprise me."
Rick grabbed a couple bags of pretzels and some candy bars and tossed them on the bed next to Kate. Then feeling more relaxed, he tossed his robe over a chair and grabbed two glasses, put some ice in them, poured a healthy shot of vodka in each and then topped them off with lemonade.
Then while sipping from his, he handed the other glass to Kate who couldn't seem to take her eyes off of him, and then sat on the bed.
"So what are we playing?"
"I don't know," she answered, forcing herself to stop staring at Castle's tan, muscled legs. "Poker?"
"Texas hold'em?"
"Sounds good, what are we playing for? And we ARE keeping our clothes on."
"Well, that limits the options I guess. I don't have poker chips or much cash on me either." He looked around the room searching for other possibilities. "We could bet with pretzels but what are the stakes? How about truth or dare poker?
"I don't think that's a good idea."
"Probably not, but it would be fun."
"How about instead of truth or dare, whoever loses the hand has to tell the other person something about themselves that the other person doesn't know."
"I like that. A rare look into the enigma that is Kate Beckett." Rick started dividing pretzels between them.
"You assume I'll lose. Maybe I'll just get to learn a lot about you."
"You talk big, but I think it's time to put your pretzels where your mouth is. Start dealing, woman!"
Kate dealt the first hand and won with two pairs, Jacks and sixes. "Ok, Ricky, spill 'em."
"Oh gosh, what do you not know about me? How about that my birth name is actually Richard Alexander Rodgers?"
"That's lame, I knew that already. Now you owe me two juicy tidbits."
"Oh, is that the way of it? Hmmmm. Juicy, you say? Alright, for my first revelation: my first kiss was when I was thirteen years old, with Ashleigh Westlake who was fifteen. She also happened to be the only daughter of my boarding school's headmaster. Revelation number two: The kiss was the result of a dare from my roommate, and when her father found out, I spent every afternoon for two weeks helping out in the laundry department washing and pressing bedding.
Kate laughed, "Why am I not surprised?"
Rick dealt the next hand, which Kate won again. This time with three kings.
"Again! Are you sure you're playing fair?"
"I always play fair. So now what are you going to tell me?"
"Um, let's see. When I was a freshman in college, I tried pledging to a couple frat houses. I got pretty far with one and even dressed in drag and sang 'It's Raining Men' at a karaoke party at the sister sorority."
This image actually had Kate holding her sides, she was laughing so hard. "Oh please tell me there's video of that somewhere."
"Not that I know of. I'm sure I would have heard about it by now if there was."
"So did you get in the frat?"
"They did accept me, but you know how I am with rules and conformity and stuff. By the time they were making their decisions, I had already decided it wasn't for me. But it didn't stop me from crashing their parties."
Kate shuffled again and dealt out the cards. This time Rick won with a flush. "Finally! I thought you'd know all my secrets before I won a hand!"
Kate looked a little uneasy now that it was her turn to share. "You won't tease me?"
"Never."
"Fine. Most people don't know this, but I am deathly afraid of being over extremely deep water. I've flown over it in a plane and crossed somewhat deep water on bridges, which I don't really like. But being on a boat, on the ocean puts me into a full blown panic attack."
"How did you find out you had this fear?"
"When I was seven, my family went on vacation up to Nantucket for a week. One day we went out on a friend's sail boat. I was playing with a couple dolls on the edge of the boat, and I accidentally dropped one overboard. I leaned over the edge and watched as she sunk slowly into the dark deep water. I can still remember the way her face looked as she was swallowed by the ocean. It just freaked me out. I couldn't calm down. It wasn't even about losing my doll, it was about being lost at sea, and drowning. I avoided being out on the water again for years, then about six years ago, my boyfriend at the time surprised me with a whale watching trip. I thought I could handle it, but I was just as scared as I was when I was a kid. I had to get off before the boat even left the pier."
"I had no idea. You always seem so fearless."
"I'm hardly fearless, I just try not to let it rule me. I wish I could get over this fear. It's so dumb."
"It isn't dumb. I can understand why that would scare you. And just so you know, if you ever want to try going out there again, I have a boat. Maybe I can help you through this. You know, baby steps."
"Thanks Rick, I think I'd actually like to try that. Maybe this summer."
It was Castle's turn to deal. Kate won again, this time with only ace high.
Castle tried stalling a bit, but Kate called him on it and told him if he didn't start talking he was going to have to share two things again.
"Ok, Ok. Do you remember this afternoon in the car, I told you I'd tell you something from my high school days, that you'd get a kick out of?"
"Yeah."
Rick ran a hand over his face and sat back to watch Kate before going on. "So when I was a high school junior, my buddy Mark, I think you met him at my New Year's party, found out that the girls were all into reading these paperback romance novels. So we got the bright idea that if we wrote our own romance novels the girls would go crazy for them and then in turn, think of us as real romantics and go crazy for us. So we each came up with a pen name". He paused and took a breath before continuing in a much quieter voice.. "His was I. M. Horney, and mine was Dick Hardon."
"Oh my gosh, are you serious?" Kate's jaw was hanging wide open in disbelief.
"We were in high school. We weren't smart. It seemed like a great idea at the time."
"That's hilarious! So what happened?"
"We started writing these stories, one chapter at a time, then after hours, we'd sneak into his uncle's law office, where Mark worked part time, and make copies. Then whenever we got the chance, we'd go to the girls dormitory and slip them under doors or just leave them out somewhere. Amazingly enough, we never got caught doing that. But eventually we did start hearing rumors about these mysterious stories showing up and it seemed like our plan was working. The stories started getting steamier and bolder and more ridiculous. We're talking, the full nine yards, heaving bosoms, throbbing members, glistening skin type of romance stories. Then near the end of the semester, Mark thought it was time to reveal himself to the girl he was trying to impress. It didn't go the way he planned. In fact, it completely backfired. When he told her, she laughed in his face and told him that the girls thought it was all a joke. It really creeped her out to know that he was trying to use the story to woo her. She told all the other girls and poor Mark never got another date the rest of the year."
Tears of laughter were now flowing freely down Kate's face. This was too good to be real. "What about you?"
"Mark is one of the best friends a guy could have. He never ratted on me. He let everyone think he was writing under two different pen names. I will never forget that he did that for me. We're still close."
"Don't piss him off, imagine if it ever got out that the world famous Richard Castle also wrote under the name Dick Hardon."
"I know, right!"
"You made that up!"
"Don't you think, if I made that up, that I would have told you I got the girl?"
Kate couldn't stop laughing and rolled onto her side, causing the boxers she was wearing to ride up, showing Rick so much thigh and hip that he even saw the edge of her blue lace panties.
Rick tore his eyes off of her, despite the temptation to let his hand follow the same path his eyes had taken. Instead he grabbed a pillow and smacked her with it, before putting it in his lap to once again hide his arousal. "Ok it wasn't THAT funny. Let's get back to this game. I need to hear more about you."
She eventually was able to pull herself together enough to sit up and deal. This time both of them had good hands, and the betting went on for a while. Eventually his four eights beat her full house.
"That was an amazing hand, so you better tell me something really embarrassing. I deserve it." Castle announced.
"Why does it have to be embarrassing?" she asked.
"After what I just told you? I want as much enjoyment from your tale as you got from mine."
"I don't know if I have anything that embarrassing."
"I'm sure you have something."
Kate took a drink from her glass while she thought. "Fine. I have a birthmark that I kid you not, looks like Batman's bat symbol."
Castle's eyes openly roamed over all her exposed skin. "I don't see a bat signal birthmark."
"No, you can't see it. You'll just have to believe me."
Castle started to chuckle and reached out to grab Kate's arm but she hopped off the bed and out of his reach. "Where is it?"
"Nevermind where it is."
"Oh! It's somewhere good!" Castle was now slowly chasing her around the room. "Is it on your boob?"
"No, it is not on my boob." Kate jumped up on the bed to avoid his reach.
"Is it on your inner thigh?" Castle jumped up on the bed too but that caused her to hop off.
"No."
"Is it on you butt?"
Kate didn't need to utter a word, her face answered for her.
"You have to show me."
"I don't have to show you anything!" Kate's voice held both warning and amusement .
"You just told me that you have a birthmark of Batman's symbol on your ass and you aren't going to show me! You're a cruel tease. That is... unless you just made it up."
"Why would I make something like up?"
Rick sat on the edge of the bed only a foot or two away from her. "Why not? It makes sense. It's your turn to tell me something juicy, you either have nothing interesting in your past or your past is just so juicy you're afraid to tell me, so instead, you make up a really cool fact that you don't have to prove and I can't prove without risking being shot and/or arrested."
Kate stared him down for several long moments. Then just as Rick thought he'd pushed the limits again, she slowly turned and lifted her shirt. His flannel monkey boxers were hanging low off her hips. With her right side closest to him, she reached back with one hand and carefully lowered her panties and his shorts about three inches, revealing almost one entire cheek. On the side of her curve was a light reddish brown mark that looked exactly like the bat sign.
It was was one of those rare moments when Richard Castle was completely at a loss for words.
"I'd ask if you were happy now, but I can see that clearly you are." Kate readjusted her clothes and just stood there smirking.
Rick looked down and again grabbed the pillow to cover himself.
"You know, if you keep that up all night, you're going to need a cold shower. No pun intended." She returned to where she had been sitting on the bed. Her face held the same smugness as it did when she broke someone in the interrogation room.
Rick still had no words.
She gathered the cards that had scattered and tossed them on his pillow. "Your turn to deal, Mr. Hardon."
"Whatever you say, Batgirl!"
They continued to play poker for another hour, sharing little tidbits from their lives, regaling each other with tales both happy and sad, never leaving out the sordid details. As the night wore on and walls between them began to crumble, the conversation turned serious. Castle talked about his divorces and insecurities about being a single dad, and the fact that he was disappointed that despite his failed marriages and parental doubts, he had always hoped to have more kids. Beckett opened up more about her mom and shared that she wished she had a better relationship with her dad. She also told him if she was completely honest about it, when she joined the police academy it was not to seek justice for her mom's death but to get revenge for it, and sometimes it was still hard to squelch those feelings when they rose up. They seemed to open up about everything in their lives, while still tiptoeing around anything that had to do their feelings for each other.
"Four aces, read it and weep" Rick said as he flipped his cards up. "It's your turn to talk, can you possibly have any secrets left from me?"
Kate's face became so serious that Rick didn't know how to respond.
"Or we could just go to sleep. It's late." He offered.
"Actually I do have something I haven't told you. I haven't told anyone, ever. I didn't think I ever would tell anyone, because it's something I just want to pretend never happened."
"Kate, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to."
She sat silently for what seemed like an eternity. "I want to tell you."
Rick had no idea what she was going to say, but he knew it was hard for her to open up about, so he didn't interrupt her but moved so that he was sitting next to her, and covered her hand in his.
Kate dropped her head and stared at their hands in her lap, his large one covering her smaller one. She rarely felt delicate, but right now she felt as if his strength was the only thing keeping her from shattering. She swallowed hard and took a deep breath, fighting back the tears she knew would come.
"Right after my mom was killed, I went wild. I was self destructive and got into a lot of things that I knew better than to get into. My dad wasn't really there for me physically or emotionally because he threw himself into his work and and every bottle of booze he could find, just to cope. I was alone. And I think we've both been in our field long enough to know what kind of harm can come to a girl when she's hurting and alone. After some of that stuff, it's probably a miracle I'm alive today. I drank to forget, I smoked anything I could get my hands on to escape the reality that was crushing me. I slept around looking for the love I couldn't find anywhere else. It was bad. About seven months after this all started, I got sick. Very sick. I figured it was from all the partying and my destructive lifestyle. So I tried to sober up a bit but it didn't help. So I partied harder, trying to cover the physical pain like I tried to cover the emotional pain."
Tears ran unchecked down Kate's face. Rick wrapped his arms around her and drew him to her chest, just letting her get all this pain out. His heart broke to hear her words, but at the same time, swelled, knowing that he was the one she chose to open up to.
"I went on like this for weeks. I couldn't keep any food down. I slept all the time, only waking to find some way to go back to sleep. I was depressed. I was beyond depressed. I thought I would die and actually looked forward to it. But then I just started feeling better. I assumed I had just caught something from God only knows where, and went on like I was before."
Kate paused to take a breath and try to pull herself together. She kept her head on him, drawing strength from his solid body and steadily beating heart.
"You were pregnant weren't you?" Rick asked softly.
Kate nodded. "I didn't know it though. I was such a mess, I wasn't paying any attention to what my body was trying to tell me. One night I wasn't feeling well again so I took some sleeping pills and washed them down with whiskey. I was out cold, or I should have been, but I kept waking up in the dark, in horrible pain. I felt like my insides were being ripped out. By dawn I finally sat up and found that I was laying in a puddle of my own blood. For a person who wanted to die so badly, I sure was afraid when it looked like it was actually happening. I called 911, but then passed out again. When I woke up, it was a day later, and I was in the hospital. They asked me lots of questions and in return answered mine. I'd had a miscarriage. They had no way to know exactly how far along I was because of the way I was living. I know I wasn't showing, but they said the baby was also smaller than they estimated she should have been, but was developed enough to know she was a girl. I never saw her. I never knew her. I didn't even know she existed until after she was already gone, and I knew I couldn't blame this on anyone else."
By this time Rick was rocking her and stroking her hair. "Kate, don't blame yourself. These things happen sometimes."
"I know that that's entirely possible, but I also know my body was toxic to myself, let alone a baby. I may not have caused the miscarriage, but I never gave her a fighting chance either."
They continued to hold each other, to cry together, to work together at finding healing for Kate's wounded soul.
"Does she have a name?"
Kate pulled back and looked into his eyes surprised to find them red rimmed from crying with her. At this moment she was completely amazed by this wonderful man.
"Not at first. I was working through too much to name her, but after I left the hospital, I started getting myself together. I cleaned myself up, I came up with a plan. I kept telling myself not to lose hope, which is something my mom told me all the time as I was growing up. Then I had this, this epiphany of sorts. I realized that my daughter saved my life. She gave me a second chance for hope again. So that's what I've named her, not on paper, or on a grave marker but in here," Kate patted her chest, "Hope Beckett. My hope."
Rick kissed the top of Kate's head, and just continued to be there for her.
Eventually he spoke quietly. "I am so sorry that you've been through all these horrible things, and as much as I wish I could take all this pain from you, these things have molded you into an amazing woman and a fantastic cop. Now I really know why you are, as great as you are at your job. Your past allows you to comfort victim's and their loved ones because you know what they're feeling. And that same past that evokes compassion for those left hurting is the same past that makes bringing criminals to justice your passion."
They were quiet again for a while, partially because they were both deep in thought and partially because coming down off of all the raw emotions and a long emotional day had left them both exhausted.
"Thank you Rick. I haven't felt this like this since, well, maybe since forever. Telling you these things has lifted a weight off of my shoulders, that I've had for so long, I forgot I was carrying it."
"Thank you for sharing your burdens with me. I know it wasn't easy, and I don't take it lightly. I hope you know you can always come to me like this, no matter what. I want to share your joys and your pains."
Rick stopped himself before he said something more, something that might scare her off. He knew his words carried the weight of his meaning, without completely bearing his soul.
Kate heard Rick's words, both the spoken and the unspoken and they did scare her, but not as much as they warmed her. Things were definitely changing with them, and the time was coming when they would need to address the matter head on, but right now she just wanted to savor the moment they were in.
"Rick, I know you said you'd sleep on the floor for me tonight, but will you stay here and just hold me? I don't want to be alone."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Then there's no place I'd rather be."
They pulled apart long enough to put the cards on the nightstand, get under the blankets and turn of the light.
Rick laid on his back with an arm under Kate's head. She laid on her side, facing him, with an arm draped over his chest and a leg over his leg. Within minutes her breathing evened out and became shallow. Her body relaxed against him. Rick wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head. At last he felt it was safe to speak the words he longed to tell her, "Sleep well, my precious Kate, I love you."
Little did he know, Kate finally dozed into a peaceful sleep, but not until after she'd heard his whispered words.
Ok, so there you have it. I hope you liked it. I can't wait to hear what you think!
Thanks for you continued support!
DeBo81
