Thanks all for your support and nice reviews. No, I'm not a writer for the show, ha ha. But I wished I were ^_^. "The Kiss" aired the other night. These two have to get back together soon!!
Samantha @~~
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CHAPTER EIGHT: CRISCO DIMORON
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When Elliott and Maya made it to his mother's house in Jersey, Elliott was sweating, shaking, and stammering.
"Will you calm down, Elliott? The news is that you're gonna be a father, not that you're trying to give up heroin," Maya said.
"Yeah, easy for you to say, both your parents already know," Elliott said.
"Well, dad didn't take it well. But do you see me shaking? No!" Maya said.
"Yeah, well, you're not the one he wants to castrate," Elliott said and opened the door to his car, and with Maya, walked towards the door.
"I think you're exaggerating," Maya said.
"Maya, this is the woman who gave birth to me, fed me, changed my diaper, bathed me for 13 years--"
"13 years?" Maya asked.
"Hey, that moisturizing soap is slippery!" Elliott exclaimed.
"Well, I think you're underestimating her," Maya said.
"Maya, my mother never talked to us about sex because she was so scared we'd go out and get someone pregnant. And now look what I did," Elliott said.
"Oh, come on, Elliott. You're not 15 years old and this isn't one of those sad after school specials. You're a grown man, perfectly capable of taking care of a baby and dealing with the consequences of your actions. Besides, it's what WE did, we're in this together," Maya said.
"Really?" Elliott asked.
"Of course," Maya said.
"Then, do you mind staying here and telling her? I think I saw a Denny's down the highway, that Grand Slam is now 2.99 all day long," Elliott said.
"Very funny, Mr. I Didn't Know Condoms Had An Expiration Date," Maya said sarcastically.
"You know, that was only funny the first time. 9th time, not so much," Elliott said and knocked on the door. Rhoda came out quickly.
"Hi, sweetie. Hi, Maya," Rhoda said, kissed Elliott and hugged Maya.
"Hey, ma," Elliott said, trying not to appear nervous.
"How are you, Mrs. DiMauro?" Maya asked.
"Oh, it's Miss Angelico now, I changed it back," Rhoda said proudly.
"Oh, good for you," Maya smiled and they walked in.
"Donnie, look who's here," Rhoda said.
"Hey, little brother," Elliott said, patting Donnie.
"Maya!" Donnie said like a little kid and clapped his hands.
"His speech has gotten so much better. Before, he couldn't even talk, now the first thing he says when he wakes up is "bring me breakfast, ma!" God bless him," Rhoda said proudly.
"Indeed," Maya said sarcastically.
"Do you kids want something to drink?" Rhoda said.
"I'm fine," Elliott said.
"Maya?" Rhoda asked.
Trying not to give away her weird cravings, Maya just said no.
"Ma, we just wanted to talk to you about something," Elliott said.
"Is everything okay?" Rhoda asked.
"No... I mean... yes. Well--" Elliott stammered.
"Maya's pregnant," Rhoda said.
"WHAT!" Donnie yelled.
"Ma!" Elliott exclaimed.
"How did you know?" Maya asked.
"Jack called me the night you told him," Rhoda explained.
Elliott lowered his head. "And?"
Rhoda walked into the kitchen, came out with a kitchen towel and smacked Elliott over the head.
"Ma! It was an accident!" Elliott exclaimed.
"Why didn't you tell me!" Rhoda said.
"Wait, you knocked up Maya?" Donnie asked.
"I didn't know how," Elliott told Rhoda.
"But we brought you an ultrasound picture, see?" Maya said, digging into her purse and giving Rhoda a picture.
Rhoda let out a sigh and sat down. "I'm not mad about the baby, you're grown ups and you know what you're doing. But you should have told me as soon as you found out!"
"Sorry," Elliott said.
Rhoda looked at the ultrasound and smiled. "Well, congratulations." She gave Maya a hug.
"You're not mad that we're not getting married?" Elliott asked.
"So let me get this straight--" Donnie said.
"Maybe five years ago, but after what I went through with your father, I wouldn't want you to get married just because you're pregnant," Rhoda said, ignoring Donnie.
"What do you mean married because we're pregnant?" Elliott asked.
"Oh, honey," Rhoda winced and stood up. "Remember how we told you that you were a premature baby?"
"Yeah," Elliott said, Rhoda shook her head and he gasped. "I was born out of wedlock!?"
"What the hell is going on!!" Donnie exclaimed.
"Honey, your father and I met in school and in one night of passion, it just happened. Then we waited until he graduated and by the time we got married, you were already born," Rhoda explained.
Elliott started to hyperventilate while Maya tried to make him feel better. "You mean all this time... you always said... I feel dirty!"
"You know what? If anyone needs me, I'll be in the porn shop down the street," Donnie said, picked up his jacket and left. No one noticed.
"Elliott it's fine, it's no big deal," Maya explained.
"No big deal?! I was the result of a loveless night of angry sex!" Elliott exclaimed.
"Honey, it wasn't like that. I loved your father," Rhoda said.
"But you weren't in love with him," Elliott said.
"That's why I don't want you to make the same mistake I made, that's why I raised you the way I did," Rhoda said.
"Maybe I should leave you two alone," Maya said.
"No, Maya, please stay," Rhoda said.
"Why? Because she's on your side?" Elliott said.
"I'm not on anyone's side," Maya said, eyeing a cake that sat on the table and feeling her cravings suddenly kick in.
"Elliott, I'm sorry. I can't turn back time but even if I could, honey, I wouldn't change anything. You being born made me happy, you were a blessing. It didn't matter that it was out of marriage," Rhoda said.
Elliott moaned. "Ma."
"Elliott, will you love the baby less because we're not married?" Maya asked.
"Of course not," Elliott said.
"See? It doesn't matter, it's okay. Your mother loves you, you love your mother, we love the baby, there's really no problem here. Now, can I just take a little bite of that cake?" Maya asked and didn't wait for an answer before she went over and began to eat from the cake.
"I'm sorry, honey," Rhoda said and hugged Elliott.
"You're not hiding any other secrets from me, right? I wasn't born with a tail or a third nipple or anything, huh?" Elliott asked.
"Nothing like that," Rhoda said.
"Um, do you have any mustard?" Maya asked.
"You know, when I was pregnant with Elliott I'd get all kinds of crazy cravings," Rhoda said.
"I bet you can't beat Maya's," Elliott said.
"Oh, you weren't around the night of Twinkies with Salmon mouse," Rhoda said.
Maya thought about it, and then gave Elliott a pleading look.
"I'll run to the store," Elliott sighed, picked up the keys and walked out.
"Hey, where's Donnie?" Maya asked.
"Oh, probably taking a nap. So, are you excited?" Rhoda asked.
"You know, I wasn't at first but now I really am, and scared, both at the same time, and it's making the morning sickness around the clock throwing up," Maya said.
"I know what you mean. Elliott made me throw up all the way to the delivery room," Rhoda said.
"That doesn't sound so magical," Maya said.
"Oh, it is. When that big head of Elliott's lodged on my pelvis and they had to force him out with those cold forceps I thought to myself, God, just come down here right now and rip my legs out of my body," Rhoda said.
Maya widened her eyes, feeling like she was about to throw up.
"See, the DiMauro children are born with big heads, but once they're out--" Rhoda couldn't finished because Maya ran off to the bathroom to throw up.
"Don't worry about the colic, that means they're healthy!" Rhoda added.
------------
At the office.
Jack walks out of the elevator, with a cane and his leg wrapped in a cast.
"What happened to you?" Nina asked.
"I was playing with my virtual reality game and I twisted my ankle," Jack said.
"What were you doing, chasing Indians on the West?" Nina asked.
"Bird watching," Jack said.
"By the way, next time you need to go to a hospital at 2 am and you wake me up to drive you, I'll make sure you'll stay there for a while," Finch said.
"Dennis, you're might right hand man! If I need something, you're the one person I want to be by my side," Jack said.
"Please, for the salary you pay me I wouldn't even hose you down when you need your diaper changed," Finch said. "And you interrupted my sex dream."
"Like you don't have a sex dream every time you take a nap," Jack said.
"Yeah, all the sample magazines on the break room have the pages stuck together," Nina said.
"Hey, don't blame me for having a healthy body," Finch said.
"Anyway, I'm too old for these games, I used to climb trees all day long and ended the day like a hummingbird. Now I reach for a donut, trip over my own feet and break my neck," Jack said.
"Jack, dear, aging is a state of mind, there is no such as being or looking old," Nina said.
"Then what's that wrinkle next to your eye?" Finch asked.
"AHH!!" Nina screamed and ran towards the bathroom.
"Dennis, Nina is not a dart board of mockery," Jack said and walked towards his office. Finch followed.
"So can I have your virtual reality game? I downloaded the porn world," Finch said.
"Sure," Jack said.
"You know, you can just use your computer, go on the internet, play with online geeks," Finch said.
"I don't know, that's a little too much," Jack said.
"Think of it this way, you can chat with 16 year old girls in your underwear and no one will frown upon it," Finch said.
Jack gave him a look and then turned to his computer. "I guess a little game of poker wouldn't hurt."
"Yeah, call me if a little missmuffin16 logs on," Finch said and walked out.
Jack looked at his computer, turned it on, and logged on to the internet.
"You've got mail," the AOL voice said.
Jack looked around to make sure no one was spying and continued. "Singles chat room," he whispered to himself with a smile.
------------
Maya's office. She's working when Elliott knocks on her door and walks in with a bag.
"Hey, are you busy?" Elliott asked.
"No, what's up?" Maya asked.
"Mom sent over some baby stuff," Elliott said.
"Aw," Maya said and stood up. She looked inside at some baby clothes and took out some books. "What are these?"
"Oh, no," Elliott moaned.
"Aw, these are your baby pictures!" Maya exclaimed.
"Great," Elliott said sarcastically.
"Why are you naked in all of them?" Maya asked.
"Diaper rash. Mom let me run free to get rid of it, until the plants around the house started drying," Elliott said.
Maya laughed. "Aw, your first day of school."
"And my last. One of the kids pushed me down the stairs, so I changed schools," Elliott said.
"Why did he push you down the stairs?" Maya asked.
"So him and his friends could sing Humpy Dumpty," Elliott said. "I was a little chubby back then."
"I can see that," Maya said.
"And had little hair," Elliott said.
"Evidently," Maya added. She kept looking at the pictures and then put them down, with a dreaded look on her face.
"What's wrong?" Elliott asked.
"Oh, Elliott. What are we doing to this baby?" Maya asked.
"What do you mean?" Elliott asked.
Maya looked at him, then reached inside a little box on her desk for a key and opened a drawer by the file cabinet. She reached inside and took out a picture. After thinking about it for a while, she showed it to Elliott.
"EW!" Elliott exclaimed.
"My 7th birthday party," Maya said.
"What did they do to your hair?" Elliott asked.
"Those are my ears," Maya said.
"Oh," Elliott moaned.
"Elliott, this child is coming into a family of freaks!" Maya exclaimed.
"Maya, calm down," Elliott said.
"Elliott, look at these pictures! Look at my ears, look at your... girth!" Maya continued.
"Everyone is a little awkward when they're growing up," Elliott said.
Maya dropped her body on the chair, letting out a sigh. "Elliott, you think of my father as your father. But my father slept with your mother while we were dating. Now we're going to have a baby! We might as well move to Arkansas and set up a tent!" Maya exclaimed.
"Come on, Maya. Our parents are not dating. And even if they were, that doesn't make us siblings. And look at us now, huh? Look at you, you're gorgeous, I'm an Adonis," he joked.
Maya just chuckled.
"Our baby's going to be okay, because if he's half as beautiful as the amount of love he's going to receive, his beauty will blind the most righteous of men," Elliott said.
"You're reading that off my inspirational calendar," Maya said.
"Do you think they'd put that on a calendar if it wasn't true, Maya?" Elliott said. Maya just moaned. "Plus I heard awkwardness skips a generation."
"Really?" Maya asked.
"It was on the Discovery Channel," Elliott lied.
"Liar," Maya said.
"You're always going on and on about how beauty is skin deep," Elliott said.
"Oh, that's just a bunch of crap," Maya said.
"Then why do you say it?" Elliott said.
"Because, that's something ugly people say to make themselves feel better," Maya said.
"You're not ugly," Elliott said.
"Is that what you're gonna tell our child when he comes home with his underwear draped over his head?" Maya asked.
"On the up side, circus freaks don't have to pay taxes," Elliott joked and ducked at the pen Maya threw at him. Taking the albums and hearing her chuckle, he walked out.
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"Jack, you have to sign this purchase orders," Finch said as he walked into Jack's office, but Jack was hunched over the computer, junk food spread all around the desk.
"Jack?" Finch asked again.
"Huh?" Jack finally looked up, wincing at the light of day.
"God, you've been in here for hours, it's almost time to go home and you haven't done any work," Finch said.
"Dennis, this is incredible. I can go on a tour of Italy, France, and I never have to leave my office. This place is amazing. It's almost like... an Information Super Highway!" Jack exclaimed.
"Smart," Finch said sarcastically.
"I'm in this chat room and the women who come in here, it's almost erotic," Jack said.
"Jack, there's nothing erotic about a 36 year old fat guy who still lives with his mother and pretends to be a model on the NSync chat room. I'm not gonna fall for that one again," Finch said.
"Cancel my meeting with Calvin Klein, tonight I have a date," Jack said.
"Alright, I'll bring you the moisturizer before I go home," Finch said and walked out.
Jack smiled, looking at the chat on the screen.
Chat:
Power_n_Money: So what's your name?
2Sexy: I don't know you yet, no names.
Power_n_Money: Okay. So what is a lovely lady like you doing on a chat room?
2Sexy: I don't feel like going out tonight. I'm a little depressed.
Power_n_Money: Why?
2Sexy: I just found out my daughter is going to have a baby. I'm going to be a grandmother. I feel so old.
Power_n_Money: Hey, my daughter is going to have a baby too.
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"Hey, Finch. Is my dad in? I wanted to say goodnight," Maya asked.
"Forget it, he's having cyber sex with some chick," Finch said.
"What?" Maya asked.
"Hey, don't get all judgmental. It's safe sex. Maybe if you got it on with the computers every once in a while, you wouldn't be pregnant all the time," Finch said.
Maya smiled and shook her head. "What does he do afterwards?"
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Jack's office.
Jack is leaning back on his chair and smoking a cigar.
Chat:
2Sexy: That was amazing.
Power_n_Money: Oh yeah.
2Sexy: I know this sounds weird, but I've never done this before.
Power_n_Money: Me neither, first time. I mean, online.
2Sexy: Well, even in real life. The last time I had sex that powerful was with my ex-husband.
Power_n_Money: He's a lucky man.
2Sexy: He's a bastard.
Power_n_Money: What does he do?
2Sexy: He owns a magazine.
Jack frowned, sitting up right.
Power_n_Money: Really? What kind?
2Sexy: Oh, one of those fashion magazines, sex tips, clothes, dumb models. My daughter is working for him now.
Jack opened his mouth and his cigar fell down. His eyes widened and he screamed. "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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At the office's bathroom.
Jack was on the shower floor, Maya and Finch kept pouring cold water over him. Jack was crying, shaking with fear, and speaking incoherently.
"Dad, you've had sex with mom before," Maya said.
Jack just hugged himself, trembling under the water.
"Come on, Jack. At least it wasn't that 36 year old guy," Finch said.
"I love 36 year old guys," Jack finally said. "Oh, God. What have I done?!"
"Come on, dad," Maya said.
"I feel dirty," Jack said as he scrubbed himself. "The dirt won't go away!"
Maya walked away a little and whispered to Finch. "Maybe we should take him to the hospital.
"Please, he'll get over it," Finch said. "Tomorrow he's gonna wake up and forget all of this even happened."
------3 months later------
"The dirt won't go away!" Jack exclaimed as he sat on the couch at his therapist's office.
"Jack, we talk about this every day, just try to put it on the back of your mind and move on," the therapist said.
"I committed a sexual act with my wife! How will I be able to move on?!" Jack exclaimed.
"Maybe we should call Eve and bring her here, I think that would help," the therapist said.
"I don't want her here! I don't want her near me!" Jack screamed and ran out of the office.
The doctor's intercom went off. "Yes?"
Jack's voice came on. "EVER!"
TBC (pretty soon)
