Here it is. After so long of trying - and failing - to edit the stupid thing. It's going to be the last update in a while, because school is catching up to me, but after that it's pretty much smooth sailing!

Enjoy! Thanks for reviewing the previous chapter!


Chapter 7: Fireside Chats


Love is alien to us

Yet only natural

Its only motivation:

To make fools of us all.


When Izumi flipped the back door open and disappeared into the house, Kouji took a deep breath and hoped that his composure would last the rest of the night.

Although he didn't turn to acknowledge any of the other guests, he could feel uneasy and disapproving glances coming from both sides. Kouji couldn't blame their discomfort. First with his brother and then with his…friend, he had shown more emotion to them today than in the rest of his twenty years combined.

And now he was swinging to the other extreme: complete detachment.

Was it any wonder that his family felt a little bit unsettled?

But just understanding why they were all staring at him didn't make it less uncomfortable to be in the center of attention.

Kouji really envied his brother right now. In fact, he wondered if Kouichi had planned the punch – since it provided such a convenient excuse to get away from the party, leave Kouji and Izumi alone together, and give the older twin some private time with his fiancée.

If only they could switch positions.

But then Kouji would be somewhere alone with Mimi. And Kouichi would be – would have been – with Izumi.

That would be very awkward.

Kouji decided not to think about escaping anymore. It let strange thoughts run rampant over his normal tranquility. Instead, he focused on the food and the soft conversation between his mother and stepmother.

He felt a jolt of gratitude for their presence. The two women formed a buffer on his right, preventing the people from that side of the table from conversing with him. To his left, there were so many empty places already that discussion was awkward for the few guests that remained.

Which was very good for him. Kouji was tired of playing host. It wore on his nerves and made what should have been a simple introduction into a mass of infuriating chaos. Now that he had time to reflect, there were really only a few bright spots to the evening. Seeing Izumi again was one of them.

Izumi. Holding the crystal glass up with dainty little fingers…

No, he wasn't going to think about that. Or about the toast. Or about engagement.

Or about proposals.

Damn it, he needed a drink.

Through years of trial and error, Kouji had discovered that he could only stand alcohol if it was in wine. The taste of beer was off-putting, and the harder liquors would get him absolutely smashed. But wine was all right. And unfortunately, there was plenty of that to go around.

Kouji looked longingly at his empty wineglass, feeling very tempted to get it refilled. But logically he knew that it wasn't a good idea – his tolerance level wasn't very high and drinking any more would impair his judgment. So he retrained himself. Ah, self control… So nice to see you again, where the hell were you?

"It's been too long since Izumi came to visit," his stepmother said.

Kouji blinked, suddenly thrust back into another conversation right when he had his thoughts back under control. He managed to sound noncommittal. "Yes."

She flashed him a knowing look. He concluded that his love life – or lack thereof – must have been the topic of her conversation with his mother. Why did everyone want to interfere with his personal problems? He must be some kind of busybody magnet.

His mother said, with a grin, "She's nice, isn't she?"

"Yes," he replied, somewhat fondly. Even though the concession was frighteningly revealing, he couldn't help himself. A friend was still a friend. Izumi was still Izumi. "Did you talk to Mimi?"

They glanced at each other and began to smile slowly. Kouji felt alarm rising at the sight. He began to think of escaping again, if only to hole himself up in some dark room and avoid all human contact for the rest of the night.

"She was nice, too."

"And pretty."

"And sweet."

"What is this, some kind of commercial?" he muttered.

It was obviously the wrong thing to say, because both women frowned at him. Kouji couldn't bring himself to care too much, though. Today's emotional roller coaster had been an exhausting affair. He could feel the headache pulsing in his temples.

He stayed long enough to hear his mother – or rather Kouichi's mother, as he was more used to calling her – sigh quietly. "Kouji, you need to know when to talk and when to stay silent."

"I know," he murmured into the suddenly hushed air. He knew all too well, actually.

"No," his stepmother said gently. "You don't."

"And why don't I know?"

"Because you don't try to understand," she sighed. "You can't reason yourself out of things like this, Kouji."

"Kouichi can."

His mother's gaze sharpened and rested on him from across the table. "Kouichi didn't have a choice."

"And I do?"

"Unfortunately." A pause, then she said more gently, "Kouji, I know it's hard for you. Just try, okay?"

"I do try," he nearly snapped back, surprised by his own vehemence.

Both women blinked, taken aback by the sudden flash of emotion. He gritted his teeth.

The pause that followed was awkward. Much like Kouichi, neither mother knew how to deal with Kouji in one of his arbitrary emotional phases. The mood swings didn't come around very often, which meant that whenever they did, almost no one could do much about it. Even Kouji didn't understand where the strange outbursts came from. Only that they had become more and more frequent as time went by…

His stepmother cleared her throat, uneasily. "Kouji. It's okay. Do what you think is right."

There was something dismissive about the way she said it. Kouji felt like they were purposefully letting things hang in the air, letting him ignore the proverbial elephant in the room. What did they want?

What did he want?

Not marriage, that was for sure. 'Til death do us part' would never work out for someone like him. As much as he hated to admit it, he was too much like his father: reserved, preoccupied, and overly practical. Even his stepmother sometimes admitted that her relationship with Minamoto Kousei left much to be desired…although she probably never meant for Kouji to hear her say so.

Good senses were as much of a curse as they were a blessing.

Still, he couldn't lie to himself. It was sometimes a tempting thought to share his apartment with someone else, not even a girlfriend, just someone else.

Happy endings, Izumi had said. Sometimes, he wished that he knew how to make one work.

Being content and being happy were two very different things.

So what did he want? What was he missing?

Maybe just someone to talk to. Kouichi's engagement had easily secured the older twin a family away from his brother, which left Kouji hanging.

Maybe more time to spend with people who actually understood him.

Maybe the spread of soft golden hair against his shoulder. Or pretty green eyes blinking at him sleepily in the mornings. Or maybe even…

Stop, he commanded himself roughly. His thoughts were going too far too fast. It was one thing to feel a vague something-more around a friend. It was quite another to picture that friend living with him, in settings that were too suggestive to be ignored.

Some hint of his thoughts must have found its way onto his face, because his stepmother patted him gently on the arm.

"It's okay," she repeated. "Go slowly if you like. But just keep going."

A strange grim smile twisted its way onto his face. If only she knew. "Yes, mom."

When he excused himself from the party a few minutes later, he could still feel the stares aimed at his back. He chose to ignore them, knowing that the rest of his family couldn't help him any more than his well-meaning classmates did with their endless blind dates.

As the only exceptions, the two mothers in his life knew him well enough to predict what was wrong with frightening accuracy. And they could offer him solutions. He just never knew what to do with all the advice. It was just like before, when his friends had thrown them together in that closet. Or that boat trip. Or that sleepover. Or…

So many memories like that. Too many.

Kouji had had enough.

Without really thinking about it, he let his feet guide him into the house. When he heard voices down the center hall leading to the front door, he slid against the entryway to listen. The sounds were so soft that he could barely hear what was being said, but there was one voice that he quickly recognized.

It was low, slightly more cheerful but otherwise identical to his own. Kouichi.

Which meant that he had to be with Mimi…and possibly Izumi as well.

Kouji closed his eyes. Should he go? Should he stay? Neither really made for a good option. Or he could just leave and go somewhere else…

He discounted the third idea as soon as it came. Now that Kouji was finally away from his family's scrutiny, he just wanted to go to his brother and have a real conversation. Not a conversation that was laced with subtle inferences and demands, or accusations and frustrations, like so many of their talks had been like lately. He didn't want that. He never wanted that.

Why would he? The twins were close. Or rather, they had been close.

Kouji wasn't sure when that had changed. It was just a sudden flash of surprise, one day, to realize that they hadn't exchanged a single email for weeks and a telephone call for months. That same day, he casually pushed everything aside and sat down to actually talk to his twin. It was probably the first time Kouji actually initiated their once-weekly calls.

And then, when he found out that his brother got a fiancée and didn't even bother to tell him…

Furious wasn't the right word. Betrayed. No, that was too strong. Disappointed? Upset?

Lonely…?

Yes. That was probably it.

Maybe he still was.

At any point, the voices outside had hushed and the faint creaking of the old oak door spurred him to action. Kouji didn't really think about it. He just took off, slinging his arm around the bend and stopping at the sight that met him.

Three heads jerked up at the sudden intrusion.

When he looked past Kouichi and Mimi to see the girl that was almost out of the door, he froze. His assumption had been correct…but knowing that didn't satisfy him at all. Why didn't he wait until the coast was clear before rushing out?

Why didn't he?

Kouji felt like he was going mad.

And Izumi wasn't really helping.

She looked so…so…something, leaning lightly against the solid wood and looking at him with wide eyes.

He stared at her, then at his brother.

Kouichi looked just as surprised as Izumi. Kouji couldn't summon up any of the expected satisfaction at seeing the older twin actually look flustered for the first time that evening. "Kouji," his older brother said, "where is everyone else?"

"They're in the backyard," he managed awkwardly.

"The backyard." A pause, then the accomplished look began inching back. "I see. Already abandoning your own party?"

Kouji scoffed faintly. "It's their fault for expecting me to host it."

"Right, right."

The two girls had been looking from one twin to the other, showing both bafflement and amusement. Izumi's cheeks were slowly turning pink, but she still met Kouji's eyes daringly.

Kouji was beginning to see a pattern. For some reason, the blond girl was completely fearless when he engaged her in banter or when she thought he was being a jerk to the others, but the minute the playful atmosphere dissolved, she would suddenly shy away.

Well, at least he wasn't the only one who felt like fate's personal voodoo doll.

Or just Kouichi's.

Mimi coughed slightly. "It's kind of late, Kouichi."

His older brother jerked. "Oh! That's right. Classes tomorrow and all."

"Kouichi," he said quietly. "I need to speak with you."

The cheerful smile suddenly vanished into a very odd expression. It was a combination of anxiety, expectation, understanding, and smugness. The slightly faded bruise didn't detract from Kouichi's cheekiness at all.

Kouji growled inside. One punch wasn't enough. Seriously.

Izumi giggled softly, and he instinctively tuned in to the sound of her voice.

"It was good to see you again, Kouji," she said.

He nodded, a little more curtly than he intended. "Yes."

Kouichi was pressing a lingering kiss to his fiancée's forehead. The sudden urge to do the same to the smooth, creamy skin on Izumi's temple was so strong that he had to clench his fists to hold himself back.

Just a friend, huh?

Great, even his own subconscious was mocking him now.

Izumi glanced sideways at him, soft feathery lashes casting long shadows on her cheeks. She was smiling again. "I guess I'll see you later."

"Unless you're not coming to the wedding," he retorted dryly, relieved to be back on safe ground and solid footing.

The smile widened. "Believe me, I will. Mimi's pretty scary when she's mad."

He watched her slide away, right after the other girl's steady footsteps. Kouichi closed the door on their backs. As soon as the lock was shut, he turned around again.

Kouji wasted no time dragging his brother through the halls into the private sitting room upstairs. If the guests came back, they would probably stay in well-stocked kitchen or in the living room on the first floor. At least moving away from those areas would ensure some level of privacy.

Not as much as he would like, but it was enough.

As soon as they burst into the inner rooms, Kouji let go and drifted off to the far wall. Kouichi was watching him expectantly, as if waiting for an explanation while knowing very well that Kouji didn't want to give him one.

The younger twin realized after a few minutes of silence that Kouichi wasn't planning on making this easy for him. Something very close to aggravation burned in his gut, but the sudden rise of emotion was actually easy to suppress this time. It was getting easier to regain control of himself. That was probably a good sign.

"What are you doing?"

Kouichi looked puzzled. "What I'm doing?"

"Yes," he snapped.

"I," his brother said matter-of-factly, "am helping you."

"No, you're not. I don't need you to keep doing this, Kouichi."

"Again, keeping doing what exactly?"

"Setting me up. Throwing me around with her. Trying to get us together," Kouji retorted sharply. "I told you before."

"Once," Kouichi said quietly. "You've said that once. When we were younger and you were still talking to her. Why did you stop?"

The muscle in Kouji's jaw was pulled taut and he didn't answer for a while. When he did, it was curt and close to snapping. "Don't change the subject."

"I haven't."

"Then answer my question."

"Why don't you answer mine?"

"Because I asked first." Kouji felt incredibly juvenile, but at the moment there wasn't much better to say. Kouichi's face was molded into a look of incredulity.

"Did you really just say that?"

"Shut up," he groaned. "Answer the question. What are you doing?"

"You already answered that. So now it's my turn. Why did you stop?"

"Stop what?"

"Stop talking to her."

"Don't change the subject," he repeated, feeling irritated again. "Why didn't you tell me she was here?"

"Because you stopped talking to her."

They were going around and around in circles, and Kouji gritted his teeth angrily. They weren't talking about what he wanted to talk about, and Kouichi knew it. "Stop. That's not it."

"Then tell me what it is."

"Why didn't you tell me that you were engaged, Kouichi?"

His brother shut his mouth and tilted his head calculatingly. "Is that all?"

"No," Kouji admitted, "but it's a start. So. Spill."

"Eye for an eye, Kouji. You first."

Kouji knew that it would be easier to just give in. But he still wasn't ready to. So instead, he replied, "You already know enough about me."

"Apparently not," Kouichi murmured, "because I didn't expect today."

"You didn't?" That was a surprise. As far as he knew, his brother had never been the kind to plow into a plan without taking every single possibility into consideration. And that meant every single possibility. This particular revelation was making Kouji's head spin.

"No." Kouichi's voice was clear and low, a sure sign of honesty.

"Oh," he murmured, before adding lamely, "I see."

"So. Talk."

"I don't know where to begin."

"The beginning is usually a good place."

Kouji growled slightly. "Would be nice if you told me what you already know so I don't repeat myself. Bastard."

"Technically if I'm a bastard then so are you – but anyway. You like Izumi."

His breath caught and he groaned quietly. Kouichi was dropping the subtle act and the sudden personality change caught Kouji by surprise. He still managed to say, "That's not the problem, Kouichi."

"No," his twin agreed, "the problem is that apparently you won't act on it."

"I don't want to."

"Yes, you do."

Damn it, his brother knew him too well. The conversation was beginning to spiral downwards with absolutely no hint of letting up any time soon. Kouji wondered why he thought it would be a good idea to speak with his brother right after the dinner party. They were obviously still caught up in that drama even though Kouji wanted to talk about something else.

"Kouichi."

"That's my name."

Kouji growled again. "I'm not going to get together with her. Period."

"Why not? Question mark."

"Because…" Kouji trailed off. In his head, the swirling motives were clear enough, but he didn't know how to put it into words. And what about Kouichi? How much did he know already? How much more should Kouji tell him?

If he wasn't careful, he might let too much slip out…especially with how chaotic his emotions had been recently.

It was unbelievable that he even had to take his emotions into consideration. Normally, they wouldn't affect him at all. But recently…he would lose his temper over the strangest things, and then end up doing or saying something that he would regret later. But realizing this made Kouji aware of the danger – and being aware made all the difference. He willed himself to stay calm, trying to ignore the lingering resentment that his brother was still manipulating him.

Kouichi sighed, obviously in frustration. "Are you going to tell me or what?"

"Do you," Kouji licked his lips indecisively, "want the long version or the short version?"

"Either would be good right now. Because you're really not making any sense."

That was true. Kouji winced, because sometimes Kouichi would adopt his caustic, blunt personality, and obviously this was one of those times. It was always an unpleasant experience, but never so much that Kouji considered changing. "I'm sorry."

His brother regarded him with a thoughtful look. "Are you?"

"I don't know."

"Then don't say you are."

Anyone else would have just apologized again, but Kouji didn't feel like giving his brother any more of the upper hand. Instead, he replied, "Fine by me."

"Why did you stop talking to Izumi?" The sudden change of subject had Kouji blinking in surprise, but Kouichi's impatience was obviously eating away at his courtesy.

"Long story or short?" Kouji asked again, wearily.

"Stop beating around the bush."

"She moved away."

"You still talked to me. Even when you went all the way to Osaka."

"That was different."

"How?"

"Because you're my brother. And she's…"

"She is?"

"Something else," Kouji muttered, feeling almost embarrassed.

Kouichi's lips were twitching. "Really."

"Yes. My turn. Why didn't you tell me when you got engaged?"

"You're not done answering me yet."

"I gave you a reason."

"You gave me an excuse."

"What do you want me to say, Kouichi?" Kouji finally growled out, feeling drained. "What do you want me to do?"

"Get together with Izumi. Your words, by the way."

"Kouichi."

"Yes?"

"Why do you think I did it?"

His brother stopped fiddling with the curtain tassel and turned to stare at him. "Me?"

"No one else I could be talking to."

"It's because you're scared." Kouichi said, flatly. His blue eyes pinned Kouji with a penetrating look.

"What would I be scared of?" Kouji snapped back, feeling surprisingly insulted.

"Of her. Of yourself. Because you like her, and you don't know how to deal with that."

"I'm not scared, Kouichi," he snarled.

"Yes, you are! You think I don't notice, Kouji? How you look at her? How you talk to her? It's obvious. Everybody knows except Izumi and you!"

"I don't need a girlfriend, Kouichi!"

"No," his twin hissed, "Not right now. But I'm not going to be around for much longer. I have Mimi. You have Izumi. It works out."

Kouji had been facing away from his brother, leaning against one low-lying couch, but now he whipped around. "No, it doesn't! I don't need anyone in my life, Kouichi!"

"You really haven't thought about it?"

"What?"

"About marrying. Or getting your own family. Or anything like that!"

More than he'd like to admit. "No."

Kouichi's breath sucked in and he exhaled slowly. "Liar."

Kouji closed his eyes. "No."

"Tell me the truth and I'll tell you the truth, Kouji. Were you glad to see her today?"

He felt his limbs stiffen and let the silence dominate for a minute. "You already asked me that."

"A punch doesn't count as an answer. Were you?"

"…No."

"Liar." Kouichi slid into the dark armchair next to the door. His eyes were rigidly focused on his younger brother, who wasn't quite meeting his gaze.

"I'm not lying," Kouji muttered unconvincingly.

"Really."

"Look, Kouichi. It'd help if you actually listened."

"I'm all ears."

Kouji made an exasperated noise with his throat, but otherwise stayed quiet.

His brother finally asked, "What did you want to talk about?"

"…Nothing. Just call me."

"Oh. Well, that's not necessary."

"Kouichi?"

An alarmingly cheerful grin appeared on the older twin's face. "We're going to have dinner with Izumi on Saturday."

Kouji really didn't know what to say. Luckily, his brother didn't seem to need a response, because he plowed on cheerfully.

"To discuss the wedding, you know."

"Izumi's a bridesmaid, isn't she?"

"And you will be my best man."

"Well, obviously."

"I think you should talk to her."

"I did."

"Longer."

"And when exactly would I do that?"

Kouichi coughed discreetly. When Kouji's annoyed look didn't change, he asked, "Were you even listening to me?"

"Yes. Dinner on Sat–" A look of horrified realization dawned on his face.

"Well, yes. At my house. Because we need to discuss…wedding matters." Kouichi was genuinely enjoying this.

Kouji was not. "I told you not to help me."

"Can't help it. Both of you need to be there anyways."

For a moment, Kouji wanted to protest, but realized that Kouichi was right. At the very least, he probably needed to get used to his brother's fiancée. Not that it would be extraordinarily hard. Kouji took great pride in his ability to tolerate just about anything. "Fine."

"Good." Kouichi was almost out the door before he stopped and turned his head back. "And try not to get married while Mimi and I are off on our honeymoon, okay?"

Kouji sputtered and shoved his brother out.