Saturday, January 7, 2012
The ride home from work is filled with dead silence.
From my spot in the passenger seat, I can tell that Aaron is fuming as he drives. It's a little odd to me, especially since Dave told me that the man was so insistent on having me stay with him. It's so odd that I finally ask him about it after fifteen minutes of deep, dead silence.
"Why are you doing this?" I ask. He doesn't look over to me even though we've just pulled up to a red light.
"Because I don't trust you," he replies flatly. I tense up, expecting some form of a continuation- a calm explanation or worse, a whole lot of yelling. The light turns green and Aaron just drives stone silent. His behavior is now starting to freak me out a little. I'm not sure if the man is actually going to take me to his house, drop me off at a psych ward, or drop me off in the middle of the woods.
"So you don't trust me? Professionally or personally?" I ask.
"Both." He pulls the SUV to the van to the side of the road and parks. Because of my head being in the clouds, I hadn't noticed that we were approaching his apartment. Aaron quietly gets out and walks around the back of the SUV. I slowly slide out of the passenger seat and pull my go bag over my shoulder. He meets me on my side and then without a word, walks into his apartment building.
As I follow Aaron up the ten million stairs it takes to get to his apartment, a thought suddenly hits me. Sometime in the last month, I had overheard Spence tell Derek about Beth moving in with Aaron. I don't remember when exactly this conversation had occurred, but it makes me assume that I'm about to intrude on what is technically her premises. If I were in her shoes, I'd be a little pissed. However, this is Beth. Even though she's about to marry the man that I love, she's still one of the nicest people on the planet.
"Beth lives with you," I say, hopefully loud enough to him to hear me.
Aaron glances back to me and responds, "Yes. She knows that you're coming."
"And she's ok with it?"
"Yes," Aaron answers. We finally reach his apartment and find Jack in the living room. The seven year old jumps off the couch and bolts over to his father not even two seconds after we arrive. When Aaron sees his son, he immediately turns into loving father and smiles at his little boy.
"Dad! You don't get to leave?" Jack exclaims. He stops in his tracks and notices that I'm standing at the door as well. "Auntie Emily, what are you doing here?"
"Remember what I told you, Jack?" I hear come from the kitchen. It's Beth and she steps out of the kitchen as she dries her hands.
Aaron places his bag on his counter and tells Jack, " Can you go to your room, buddy? Beth and I have to have a grown up talk with Emily."
"Ok, Dad," Jack turns to me, " Beth said that you're sick. I hope you feel better!"
"Thanks, Jack," I respond, " I hope I get better soon too."
The little boy takes off down the hallway, leaving me in a very awkward spot with Aaron and Beth. Beth gives me a warm smile and points to the couch. " Why don't you sit?" she suggests.
"I'm comfortable right where I am," I say in a defensive tone. "What's this about?"
"It's about you," Aaron replies from his spot next to the kitchen island. Beth places a and on her fiancée's shoulder and adds, " It's about a plan to help you move on-"
"No!" I snap angrily. This woman that I barely know has no right to help me move on. "You don't get to try and fix me, Beth. I barely know you!"
The woman puts her hands up in defense. "I'm sorry- I'm just trying to help. I'm going to marry Aaron and since you're a part of his family, it kind of makes you mine too."
My focus changes from Beth back to Aaron. I laugh in disbelief, "Family? Aaron, you consider me to be family? That would mean that you actually care about me and right now, I'm not so sure about that!"
At this moment, I have the biggest urge to walk out of the apartment. I hate that it's become a habit as of late, especially since I'm usually not one to run. However, I know that if I were to run off somewhere again after a big fight, no one on the team would let me out of their sights ever again. So with that option gone, I turn to Plan B.
"I'm going to lie down," I state. A sad and shocked Aaron is staring at me in disbelief and says nothing. Beth nods a little too quickly at my comment and points to the guest room door in the hallway. Without a word, I grab my bag and walk away, not caring about what either of them are thinking at this moment. Once I'm in the bedroom, I drop my go bag on the ground and climb onto the queen size bed. The blue comforter feels so comfortable that I don't even bother climbing under the sheets.
My eyes begin to feel heavy rather quickly. I'm starting to drift off to sleep, rather reluctantly because I already know that I'm going to have nightmares tonight. I know that like the many, many nights before, I'm going to wake up screaming and there'll be no one here that I trust to help me through it.
