In Confidence
Stage II
Chapter viii
Chakotay went to his shuttle and made the preparations for the launch; this is what he had come to do: change the past and make a new future. The shuttle was perfect for this mission. Thank god for B'Elanna in any time.
Before he had made the trip back, 'his Tom and B'Elanna' had equipped the 'Alpha Flyer' with all the necessary technology to not only make the trip back, but be assured that this Voyager would make the trip back the Alpha Quadrant safely and in one piece.
He had made sure this timeline's B'Elanna was aware of all of the modifications that needed to be done – and if history repeated itself – those modifications would have to be started soon; Miral would be making her appearance early tomorrow morning.
Chakotay made his way to sickbay, and sat at Kathryn's bedside. He cried looking at Kathryn lying so peacefully on the bed, but knowing her inner turmoil to be extreme. He cried for the child that would never know the world, and he cried happy tears for the life he and Kathryn would hopefully one day have together; and he cried for the children she would hopefully one day give him (if she was willing).
He lay down on the biobed next to her and held her close, loving the feel of her; loving the smell of her; loving the look of her.
He wanted her so badly and he could feel himself getting hard in her close proximity. Then he felt himself getting warm and red with embarrassment.
He loved her and he never wanted to let her go.
Kathryn was dreaming; she saw a child with pleading eyes, red hair, and faint temple ridges: "Why did you do this to me mommy? I deserved to live." She felt tears coursing down her cheeks and she knew that even though it wasn't right, it was necessary. I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry. The words escaping, like a mantra.
Chakotay stared at the troubled woman in his arms. He held on tighter as he heard the words flowing from her lips, like a prayer. "I'm so sorry baby."
She paused in distress. "I'm sorry." She stated louder as if it would change the facts at hand.
She was crying tears of sorrow and regret for the child they would never know. "I know that you deserved more: you deserved to live."
He watched her hand stray to the now barren abdomen. "I needed to do it for the crew, for Earth: for humanity."
Chakotay reached up and wiped the tears that were flowing from Kathryn's crystal blue eyes. "It's okay Kathryn, you did what you had to do: I understand."
He brushed the hair away from her face, letting her porcelain skin glow. "I'll give you all the children you want, and I'll give you a happy life: with everything you've ever dreamed of. I promise you that."
A smile crept to her lips. "Oh, Chakotay; I love you so much. I wish I could tell you; I wish we could be together without hurting Seven."
She paused, and he knew if she were awake and her eyes were open that she would be staring into his telling depths. "Seven is like a daughter to me, how could you?! How could you betray me in so many ways?!"
He held her closer as her diatribe continued. "I thought we made a promise to each other that when we finally made it to Earth we would be together, or at least give it a try; and then, weeks before we get home you do this. You move on - " She cried some more and he simply held her.
Chakotay was thinking: How was I supposed to know that it was going to be only weeks until we got home? But then he remembered the words he had said to her many times: "You are not alone Kathryn, we have plenty of time." She had taken these words at face value, putting all her trust in him: And he had betrayed her, betrayed that trust and betrayed her love for him.
He held her closer and whispered in her ear: "I'll make everything okay Kathryn, I promise you."
END CHAPTER viii
