Okay, here's chapter eight. Background info: the Sixth Year Ball is an old tradition that used to happen every year Hogwarts, where the sixth-years got to dress up and have basically a little prom. So it's sort of like prom, but Hogwarts-style. You'll need that info if you don't want to be confused =). Now R&R!
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the song Set Fire to the Rain by Adele.
While it had been bad enough to avoid one boy at a time, Sasha was now steadfastly ignoring both Sirius and Severus. She had messed up, horribly. How could she have kissed Sirius? Right after she ran out on a pleading Severus? I'm a horrible person and a hypocrite, she thought, lines of misery forming slowly on her forehead.
The other half of her didn't agree. Severus was sleeping with a picture of Lily underneath his pillow! He deserved it! But Sasha knew that wasn't true. If anything, it made her actions more treacherous. She had told Severus she couldn't be with him, and then gone and kissed Sirius. Who was now watching her with a broken smile almost constantly. "Oh, what have I done?" she moaned, slumping down in her favorite armchair in the Ravenclaw common room.
"You messed up, again," said Carmen quite honestly. She seemed eager to give advice, but she had that knowing look on her face that conveyed to Sasha that she understood perfectly. "Here's what I think you should do. Well, first, are you absolutely positive that the kiss with Sirius was just a stupid emotional thing?" Carmen's brown eyes were a little too intense for Sasha's taste.
"Of course," Sasha assured her. "I would never have done it... except, well, I was broken up about Severus, and then he found me in my room, and I just told him all of this stuff... I have no idea why..."
Anna was painting her fingernails in Ravenclaw bronze beside them. "Well, I think you should tell Severus the truth and apologize," she advised.
"He'll never fall for that! Not after I broke up with him over that picture of Lily!" Sasha protested, feeling very hopeless. There was no way out of this mess. "Besides, what do I tell Sirius?"
"He would fall for it," Anna disagreed. "I mean, a picture under the pillow is much more than a kiss. You kissed Sirius, which was a mistake, but he's sorta-kinda still in love with Lily Evans, which is a much bigger deal."
"Well," Carmen reasoned. "I think that Anna's right, but you shouldn't tell Severus. Honesty is the foundation of a good relationship, of course, but sometimes a omission of a detail can do more good. I mean, it didn't mean anything, right? So just forget about it, talk to Severus and see how he tries to make it up to you, and talk to Sirius and make sure he understands that it was a mistake."
"A kiss always means something," Anna piped up. Both Carmen and Sasha glared at her briefly, before starting back up.
Sasha was against the plan. "I can't just talk to them! I'll feel like a horrible person while Severus apologizes, and then I'll break Sirius' heart."
Carmen snorted. "It'll take a lot more than that to break the heart of Sirius Black, Sash. And the horrible person thing you just have to deal with. Trust me. I've done this before." Sasha scowled at her, but didn't argue. After all, it wasn't like she had better ideas.
"Sasha!" Severus called in Potions. "Do you wanna be my partner?" Sasha turned her head slightly, hiding her eyes under her chestnut curls. He had been asking her this question in Potions, Charms, and Transfiguration every day she had them for the past week, since the fateful day in Slytherin house. Usually, she would just ignore him and partner up with one of her Ravenclaw classmates, but when she turned around, she found Carmen and Anna had already paired up, best-friend-smiles on their faces.
Sasha sighed loudly and turned to Severus, whose half-hopeful, half-hopeless expression nearly broke her heart. "Sure, Severus," she accepted, cautiously moving her cauldron next to hers. He seemed concerned that she was looking so miserable. If he knew why... she thought, and suddenly, it felt like the air was being squeezed out of her. What good was all of this, if she ended up as the girl that was being torn apart? Oh, I should have just ignored them, both of them, she realized dismally, but before she could wallow in self-pity any more, Severus spoke.
"Sasha, I can't take this," he exclaimed, bumping their cauldron abruptly and almost spilling its contents. "I can't take us not talking, and I can't take you being this sad all the time." If only you knew why, she repeated to herself. "Let me make it up to you. Please. I know that's the second time I've said that, and I feel horrible because of it. But... the Sixth Year Ball is coming up, and I wish you would come with me. Please. I know I don't deserve it, but -" On this note, Sasha burst into tears and collapsed into Severus' arms, knowing that she didn't deserve to be held so gently by those hands, sobbing uncontrollably. Severus looked at her with a bemused expression, but accepted it without comment, only saying, "I'll take that as a yes, then."
Sasha could hear Carmen's eye-roll in her voice as she snapped, "Come out. You looked great fifteen minutes ago, and if you make me late for my date with Mark, I am going to murder you. Got it?"
Sasha was sitting in their bathroom, staring at herself in the mirror. She did look nice, and she knew it. Anna had done something with her chestnut ringlets involving three sparkling pins, and Carmen had transfigured her school robes into soft, spring green dress robes, because the school's financial aid program didn't seem to apply to robes, and her father would never give a cent to her magical education. She sighed. How could she be bitter about her dad? She was the one with the most sins to atone for at the moment.
"Sasha!" Anna shouted, banging on the door loudly, even though she was convinced that every movement would ruin the silky curtain of black hair that she had been brushing for hours. "If you don't stop moping around and deal with yourself, I am coming in there, putting you in a full body bind, and carrying you out to the dance."
"That, or we'll leave," Michelle added, sounding alarmed at the usually-soft-spoken Anna's words. Finally, Sasha hauled herself out of the bathroom, following her friends into the common room, and out to where Severus, Mark, and the other girls' dates were waiting nervously.
"Wait a sec, Sasha, can you help me with something?" Carmen called from behind, causing her to turn around, which gave her best friend the perfect opportunity to drag her into the corner and continue in a hushed voice. "Look, Sasha. Just act normal. And I realize that's an oxymoron, but you need to calm down. This is me, as your best friend, saying this." Carmen's forehead creased worriedly. "Go on, Williams. Give 'em hell."
Sasha smiled in appreciation, then rejoined Severus, who held his arm out chivalrously. She took it, pasting a thin smile on her face, which soon became real as he teased her about Carmen and her protectiveness. The ball was splendidly organized, with the Great Hall decorated like a ballroom, small, round tables crowded around the edges. Severus and Sasha headed to one of the tables, neither particularly liking to dance, but ended up laughing and spinning on the dance floor anyway. After what seemed like hours - wonderful, carefree hours - Sasha ended up by a table where a supervising Professor was pouring out goblets of a suspicious-looking red, bubbly drink.
"Hey, Sasha," a voice said from behind her. She whirled around in surprise, and the person emitted a bark-like laugh. "Having fun?"
Sasha froze, her eyes on the speaker. Suddenly, that breathless happiness vanished immediately, and was replaced by the 5,000-pound weight she had been carrying around since the incident in her "room." "Um, hi, Sirius," she whispered once her lips melted free.
"So, it's a great dance, isn't it?" Sirius laughed. "Do you like cheesecake?" he asked, pointing to her plate. What's going on? Sasha wondered. Why is he acting so - cheerful? But as soon as she thought this, she looked up into his eyes, and saw a certain degree of uncertainty behind his cheery facade.
"Um, yeah," she responded, resolving to match his eerie cheeriness. "I love cheesecake. I'm kind of afraid it'll make me fat, though."
"Oh, you shouldn't worry about that," he told her, winking. Sasha smiled back, knowing that her inner turmoil showed on her face, but making no effort to hide it.
"Look," they both said at the same time. Exchanging a surprised glance, they laughed and then continued in unison, "You first."
Sasha motioned for him to speak, so Sirius sighed, teetering on the edge of saying something, before shaking his head and inviting her to go first. "Okay," she agreed. "Well, I wanted to tell you, that that kiss meant nothing. We just got caught up in the emotions of the moment... and I want you to know that you can't expect me to continue... that."
"Oh, really, Sasha?" Sirius responded, advancing forward a few steps, until he was nearly towering over her. "It didn't mean anything? A kiss always means something."
"It. Meant. Nothing," Sasha repeated through clenched teeth. "I'm dating Severus."
Sirius looked away for a moment, and when his eyes found hers again, she could detect traces of sadness in between the (planted, she was sure) relief and politeness. "Great," he told her. "I was actually kind of worried there. The last thing I would want is for you to be unhappy, Sasha."
"Thanks, Sirius," she said, smiling thinly. "I really -"
Before she could continue, however, Severus came up, placing his hand on Sasha's back, scowling fiercely. "Is there a problem here?" he demanded angrily of Sirius.
Sirius sneered. "Only problem is you," he jeered, an ugly expression on his face.
"Sirius!" Sasha exclaimed, shocked. Why was it than whenever Severus was around, Sirius became this mean, jeering version of himself? She glowered at him, then took Severus' hand. "Come on, Severus. Let's get out of here." Without letting up her grip, she dragged Severus straight through the packed dance floor and out into the snowy March night, until they collapsed at the site of their date a few weeks previously.
"I love you, Sasha," Severus whispered into the night.
Surprised? Well, you'll have to wait until next time I happen to have internet to see what Sasha says! Do you want her to say it back? Tell me in reviews!
