Chapter 8

And she is, she listens to his observations on Bingley and Miss Elizabeth, and asks: 'Do you agree that Miss Bennet will accept Bingley if he proposes to her?'

Darcy cannot but affirm, when he left things looked really promising, and Miss Bennet is very steady, so her affections will probably be steady, too. Georgiana is glad to hear that, and she says: 'Don't worry about your former interference, it's not all your fault, you know, he does have a certain naivete that invites people to feel protective of him, I have even felt that at times.

What you say of Miss Elizabeth still doesn't worry me, her mother did behave atrociously, and if she is still feeling uncertain about her feelings for you, I'm not surprised at her being rather quiet. Just go back there when our business here and in London is done, and be patient.'

What can he do but live his life and hope she is right?

She accompanies him on his duties to his tenants, the first time she volunteers to do so, and she makes a real effort to be outgoing and interested in their concerns, to the great enjoyment of herself and the tenants of his estate, who cannot but find Miss Darcy a lot less proud and a lot more likeable than her reputation.

When after a few days Darcy gets a letter from Bingley, announcing his engagement to Miss Bennet, he lets Georgiana read it, and she comforts him for the pain he feels at his friend having succeeded where he is still very much in the dark. But she also congratulates him on the certainty of seeing Miss Elizabeth often from now on, with his best friend and her sister married, they will be in the same house very often, and Georgiana admonishes him to take his time. It is so very thrilling to get advice from his little sister, she is so grown up all of a sudden.

Then they drive to London together, a very enjoyable trip for both of them. In London, they find and visit several talented pianists, and Georgiana plays for all of them. In the end, two of them are willing to teach a girl, and Georgiana tells Darcy she likes one of them better because he seems to truly see some talent in her, the other one merely needs the money. So they engage the master in question, a younger man, a stage pianist who hasn't yet managed to reach the highest level of his art, and teaches one or two students each year to improve his income.

Darcy doesn't worry about Georgiana feeling attracted to him, he seems to be the docile kind that she admitted to dislike, and Mrs Annesley will be chaperoning her anyway.

After their successful search for a master, Georgiana pleads to be allowed to stay in London to start her lessons straight away, and Darcy consents and writes to Mrs Annesley immediately, to bid her to come to London as soon as possible by coach.

Then they have dinner together, and Darcy is again struck by the change in his sister, she is so mature and such excellent company! They talk through dinner, then Georgiana retires to her own apartment to put in some extra practise.

Darcy picks up a book, content to be all by himself for an evening. He has chosen a novel, he never used to read those, but he feels the need to drown his anxiety in someone else's troubles. Soon he is immersed in the story, his own concerns forgotten for a few blessed hours.

Until his butler knocks and enters the library, announcing: 'Lady Catherine de Bourgh to see you, sir.'

A surprise visit from his aunt? Whatever might be the reason for that? Though Darcy is not particularly fond of his aunt, he is curious what she has come for, and he puts away his book and asks the butler to receive her in the sitting-room.

Lady Catherine is not happy, that much is clear, she barges in and starts talking even before Darcy has had the chance to greet her properly. He sits down to hear her out, but she doesn't follow his example, she remains standing as if to emphasise her indignity.

'Pardon my impetuousness, Darcy, but I have just been insulted in the most outrageous manner, by a young woman not worthy of the term lady, neither by her connections nor by her behaviour.

I drove by Miss Elizabeth Bennet's house this afternoon, to beg her to clear up some rumours I had heard of her being engaged to marry my nephew, meaning of course, you, Darcy.'

That is the last thing Darcy expected to hear, and even though he can guess where such a rumour came from, his best friend is engaged to her sister after all, it still gives him a little thrill to hear her name mentioned in one breath with his own. He manages to control his reaction, though his aunt would not have noticed if he hadn't, for she is already moving on to the next indignity.

'You know I have shown that young lady every possible consideration when she visited her cousin last spring, and now she thanks me by spreading rumours concerning herself and someone so much above her she should be ashamed to even think of it. Thankless girl!'

Here, Darcy feels called upon to say something in Miss Elizabeth's defence, since he knows she would never do such a thing. 'Dear aunt Catherine, please keep in mind that a coming wedding always gives rise to rumours of this kind, and with my friend Bingley engaged to her sister, this rumour is most likely the result of the neighbourhood gossiping.'

Lady Catherine contemplates that, she has always had a healthy respect for Darcy's opinion, and she replies: 'However true that may be, the insolence of that girl knows no bounds, for after she denied my implications fervently and without the slightest respect for my person, she refused to answer my question whether you had made her an offer of marriage, and told me in the most offensive manner possible that it was none of my business to know.'

Did that signify anything? It would have been such a triumph for Miss Elizabeth to have told Lady Catherine frankly that he had, and that she had refused it. Her Ladyship would have been mortified, and Miss Elizabeth's feelings on being thus addressed would have been vindicated.

'And when I told her you were engaged to my daughter, she suggested that would make an offer from you to her impossible. I then explained patiently that that had been the wish of both your mother and myself from the very first, that there was no formal engagement between the two of you.

She then presumed to instruct me that it was solely your choice to either honour our wish, or not, not hers. She even suggested that if your choice was not for Anne, but for herself, she would not feel hindered by my wishes nor your late mother's to accept you.'

Staggered by his aunt's angry words, Darcy feels a sudden hope rise inside him. Miss Elizabeth speaks to Lady Catherine of accepting an offer of marriage from him? He needs to hear more, and since his aunt is not done by far, and working herself up to even greater anger, his wish is granted.

'I told her she would be the most ungrateful girl in the world if she were to marry you, and that she would be slighted and despised by all your connections. And you know what she said?'

Darcy is completely stunned, and not able to give an answer, but of course it is not needed or even expected.

'The obstinate, insolent girl replied that that would be most unfortunate indeed, but, and this is literally what she said, that the wife of Mr Darcy must be so happy by being just that, that she could not be expected to have any reason to repine. She actually said that, I have never been talked to in that way.'

Oh my god. Dare he hope she said these things because she truly believes them? Does Miss Elizabeth believe that she would endure being slighted and despised to be married to him? Not that she'd care about any of his aunt's pompous connections.

Wouldn't she have laughed at Lady Catherine if she hadn't cared for him, and told her he could marry his cousin for all she cared, and sire a brood of sickly runts on her? No that's his opinion on marrying his cousin, Miss Elizabeth would never be so rude. But she would have told his aunt frankly that she didn't care about him, if she in fact didn't care about him. Therefore, she must care about him.

His mind is running in circles by now, but his aunt is still not finished.

'I worked on her honour, her compassion for you, for your respectability, but she did not budge. In desperation, I asked her whether she was engaged to you, and fortunately after some time she admitted she wasn't. But she did not oblige me by promising me she wouldn't ever enter such an engagement, and instead accused me of officious interference in your affairs, and her own. I then threw her youngest sister's elopement in her face and she became positively resentful. Will you believe she told me I had offended her? As if she wasn't the one being offensive, refusing to listen to reason and stay in her own little world.

So I came here instead to warn you that she is determined to have you, and to make you promise me not to fall for her devious plotting.'

Darcy would not have chosen Lady Catherine as his witness when he vowed not to trust on his own observations to decide that Miss Elizabeth felt at least some love for him. But isn't this the sign he had hoped for? Wouldn't Miss Elizabeth have scorned the very suggestion of intimacy between them if she hadn't learned to love him at least a bit?

He needs to know, and he needs to know soon. As soon as Mrs Annesley has arrived he will ride to Netherfield, and he will have the truth of it, whatever Georgiana may say about taking time.

A sound brings him out of his musings, to see his aunt waiting for a reaction. She has not asked him to promise anything he cannot keep, so he will answer her frankly and truthfully: 'Thank you for your warning, aunt Catherine. I feel I can safely promise you to not be taken in by any devious lady plotting against me. I will marry only where my heart lies, and after serious consideration of the consequences of my choice.'

That is the entire truth, even if it means marrying Miss Elizabeth as quickly as he can get her to agree. He has after all considered the consequences for months, and he doesn't care what anyone thinks. Anyone except Miss Elizabeth, and he has never had so much hope of her before.

His aunt seems satisfied by his empty promise, and she returns to her carriage immediately, not even enquiring after Georgiana. When she is gone, Darcy goes back to the library and sits down, mind in a complete flutter. His thoughts keep spinning, dare he hope that this is it, the fulfilment of his dreams?

No, he dare not. But he will find out, soon. Before Georgiana goes to bed, she comes to find him, and he tells her about Lady Catherine's visit, but not of his intention to propose to Miss Elizabeth again as soon as possible. She'll disapprove, but he is determined to do it.

She is very sweet, and says: 'See, she does love you. Now don't be disheartened if she's still quiet, just do your best to draw her out and she will do the same for you. Everything will work out fine. Now let's have some fun together until Mrs Annesley arrives, that will make time go a lot faster until you can ride to Netherfield.

And indeed it does, for when that estimable lady finally arrives, it doesn't seem like three days have passed. It's still early afternoon, so he has his packs readied, and his horse saddled, and takes his leave of his sister. The last thing she says is: 'Write to me, Fitzwilliam, don't leave me in the dark, please!'

She doesn't tell him to be patient, or not to rush things, she knows he will propose, and she wants him to write her. She expects success.

And with that comforting thought he soothes himself during the short ride to Netherfield, where he is received with pleasure by Bingley, who has obviously forgiven him his interference in his affairs and is supremely happy with his fiancée

After Darcy has congratulated him with genuine feeling on his engagement, Bingley says: 'I have a dinner engagement tonight at the Wrights, but I suppose you must be rather tired anyway. You'll come with me to meet my fiancée tomorrow morning, won't you? She has loved me all this time, and was sadly disappointed when I left. I didn't tell her anything about what Caroline and you did, I want you all to be friends, I just told her I was very occupied with business and felt too insecure of her to write. She believed me.

I guess she'll blame Caroline for not telling me she was in London, but Jane is so forgiving, she won't hold it against her for long. I'm so happy, Darcy, I wish you could be the same.'

Having dined alone that night, Darcy retrieves the novel he was reading at home in London from his luggage, and his evening passes quickly, with only a little apprehension for the next morning.

As they ride out to Longbourn, Bingley in an excellent mood of course, Darcy feels his nerves rise so much, that even his horse reacts to the tension in his body and shakes its head and refuses to stand still. It doesn't get any better when they arrive, and Miss Elizabeth is still as silent as she generally has been the last weeks. But he congratulates Miss Bennet heartily on her engagement to his friend, and is received well by the one person in this household who does seem to like him. Bingley then proposes they all walk out.

That would be best, for being active and out of sight of Mrs Bennet will be a great plus. As Bingley and Miss Bennet let the others outstrip them, and Miss Catherine turns into a lane to visit a friend, he is now on his own with Miss Elizabeth, whose nervous mood he can feel even from where he is walking beside her.

This is it, this is the moment that will make him the happiest of men or break him.

But before he can think of anything to say, his beautiful companion racks his nerves even more, by thanking him for the kindness he did her youngest sister. Will things never work out for him, how could she have found that out? He tells her he sincerely regrets her having been told about that, he never meant to cause her any unease, and she explains that her featherheaded sister gave him away.

She practically begs him to accept her thanks, in name of her whole family, who fortunately still haven't the slightest idea that he was the one who rescued the girl from infamy. But since he didn't do it for them, but for her, she might as well know that, now the moment of truth has arrived. So he tells her he thought only of her.

Despite her not giving any reaction or reply to that, no encouragement or sign of caring whatsoever, he must know, and now it is his turn to beg, to beg her to tell him where he stands, does she still hate him? He still loves her and wants her to accept his hand in marriage, will she please put him out of his misery of not knowing?

It's done, and her continued silence and averted face don't bode very well. They have stopped moving, and he can feel his heart beating in his throat, making breathing difficult.

And then she speaks, haltingly, strong feeling colouring her voice: 'My feelings for you did change, a lot. For I didn't know you then, but I think I know you now, and I think I love you. I do love you. I am very grateful and happy to hear you still want me in your life.'

As he hears her declaration of her love, his heart soars, and a feeling of intense joy takes hold of him. She still doesn't look at him directly, but she takes his hand and holds it against her, and she is standing really close to him all of a sudden.

His love for her washes over him, and for once he feels the urge to speak: 'My dearest Elizabeth, you have no idea how happy the assurance of your love makes me. I have had no thoughts but of you for months, you were always with me, in my dreams, but also in my every waking moment, wherever I went. I've been so afraid you would never be able to love me, I've never met anyone like you, nor will I. May I hold you for a moment? I've wanted to for such a long time.'

She doesn't speak, but lays her head on his chest and wraps her arms around him, and he does the same, and for very few moments they stand together in their first embrace. It is even better than he imagined all this time, and his desire for her awakens, slowly for having been repressed for so long, finally setting fire to his body until he has to break the embrace or lose his control and kiss her passionately. That can wait, he has waited so long to find love, and now she is finally his and he will wait a little longer. But he kisses her glossy hair before they part and move on, and now she does look him in the eye, and strokes his cheek softly.

Her loving gaze and her gentle touch nearly overcome Darcy, so real, and yet so much like his secret fantasies, his dreams have finally come true, and his years of loneliness and yearning are over.

Both a bit shy at their own audacity, they walk on quickly, not touching, but closer to each other than they have ever been for any length of time.

They have never exchanged more than a few sentences, and always in the company of others, but now they find out they can really talk, that they can relate to each other.

'You are the only woman I have ever met whom I could imagine spending my life with, Elizabeth. And I was so very afraid I would never succeed in winning your affection. I was still so very much in love, and so afraid to find nothing but rejection again. It would have broken my heart forever.'

He mentions his aunt's visit a few days ago, how she tried to get him to promise her to never marry Elizabeth, but managed to accomplish the exact opposite by giving him some hope of her, knowing she would have just told Lady Catherine if she had still hated him.

And finally they can speak about what happened in Hunsford Parsonage, Elizabeth tells him she was nearly as ashamed of her part in that scene as he has been of his. Though he is glad to know that, he still protests it, and he describes how he has taken her reproofs to heart and has tried to change, to become a better man, finding value in people all around him and a new bond to his sister in the process.

They spend at least an hour talking intimately, walking on all this time, until they are so far from her home that even Elizabeth doesn't know where they are anymore. Still, they find their way back, and they discuss even the most sensitive subjects, and all this time Darcy feels an ever stronger sense of rightness master him, he was not mistaken, Elizabeth Bennet is the woman of his life, they can talk for ever and ever and still find each other interesting. He is even starting to appreciate this habit of hers, of rambling through the country.

And as he is musing quietly for a few minutes, she looks at him with humour, then says: 'I am already getting used to those moments of silence. I wondered why you wanted to walk with me in Hunsford Park when you hardly said any word at all, but now I see you're very comfortable just being together.'

And still he doesn't speak, he knows his expression will show her the love he feels hearing her say that. He takes her hand in his own, and very briefly they walk on hand in hand, until they get too close to the village and let go of each other once more.

When they enter the house they are like strangers again, and Darcy wonders a little why no-one questions their very long absence without chaperone, though they do exclaim on Elizabeth's admission of getting lost. But apparently country habits differ from city habits, or maybe it's just Mrs Bennet's way of raising her daughters.

Darcy doesn't manage to wonder for long, though, frankly he is a bit overcome by his feelings, after months of anxious suspense, Miss Elizabeth has told him that his love for her is mutual, his intense feelings for her finally returned. And with her on the other side of the room, talking to Bingley and her sister, it all feels a bit unreal.

It becomes virtually impossible for him to talk, he needs to take a few moments to compose himself, to order his thoughts and his feelings. Fortunately he is often silent, and no-one asks him for an explanation. Slowly the truth sinks in, Miss Elizabeth, no, just Elizabeth now, they're engaged, Elizabeth loves him, she wants to spend the rest of her life with him.

Bewilderment now makes way slowly for total content, his dearest wish has come true, they will always be together, in a few weeks, happiness will be just an arm's length away from him. He has a hard time keeping from smiling ear to ear, and to settle his mind he quietly rethinks everything they have just talked about, all the things that ever happened between the two of them, and after half an hour he is ready to face the world once more, enabling him to just sit and enjoy dinner with this weird family in total complaisance, talking to whoever wants him to, making himself agreeable.

Tomorrow, he will have to face Mr Bennet, who will not refuse a man of Darcy's consequence his consent to wed his daughter, but who may flay him with words in the process of giving it to him. But tonight he will relish his good fortune, that the woman without whom life would not have had any meaning for him, has managed to overcome her abhorrence of him and found it in her to love him.

Elizabeth is silent, too, but Darcy now knows she does love him, she just gets tongue-tied when she experiences strong feelings. Once they are comfortably settled she'll become her old self again, and continue to tease him with pert remarks and witty observations. He can't wait!

After dinner he finds a few moments to talk with her a little, and when they take leave he first does his very best to show his utmost courtesy to her silly mother, then touches Elizabeth's hand for the tiniest moment, to remind her of their understanding. Rewarded with a shy smile, he leaves in the best of spirits, eager to share his happiness with his best friend, and soon to be brother.

And as they straighten their coats and walk towards their horses, saddled by Mr Bennet's stable boy and very well-cared for as always, Bingley takes a good hard look at Darcy and exclaims: 'I say, my friend, I have not seen a smile like that on your handsome noble face for..well, actually I've never seen a smile like that on your face. Ever. Surely you must have popped the question, and met with approval of the young lady?'

For a moment, Darcy is lost for words, Bingley sounds as if he didn't expect Darcy to have a chance at all, does he know something Darcy didn't? But he has no time to formulate his question, for he is taken in a bear hug by his smaller friend, who says: 'My congratulations, Darcy, imagine you having the nerve to ask again, and to be accepted. Jane will be so happy to hear that.'

Accepting his friend's token of affection graciously, still smiling broadly most likely, Darcy thanks the stable boy and hands him a few pennies as a token of his appreciation, takes his horse from him, then mounts in one fluid move. Bingley follows suit, and as they ride off Darcy asks: 'You didn't think she'd me accept then?'

'Frankly, I didn't expect you to try again so soon or I would have warned you. Jane knew about your proposal in Hunsford, her sister had told her, and though Jane admitted to having quite a fancy for you herself for loving her sister, she likewise told me you probably didn't stand a chance with Miss Elizabeth, since she truly disliked you. I'm relieved she was wrong, and very glad to see you happy at last.'

That is peculiar, but since Elizabeth did accept him, and he is seeing her again tomorrow, Darcy doesn't think of it for long, he is way too happy to think of anything but his beloved, and her beauty, and her fabulous mind.

Remembering his promise to Georgiana, Darcy writes her a few lines to share his success and his happiness with her, and leaves the letter with the butler to have it mailed in the morning. Then he retires to his bedroom, packs away the novel since he doesn't need it anymore, and lies on his bed wide awake, reliving the whole blessed afternoon in his mind again and again, and trying to envision how life will be with the woman of his dreams finally at his side. His happiness knows no bounds, he's almost giddy with it, never in his life has he felt like this.

When he finally does find sleep, his subconscious sends him a very titillating dream, with intimacies being exchanged between himself and Elizabeth of a rather different nature than holding hands and stroking his cheek, but rather kissing feverishly and stroking each other in very intimate places.

In his dream he is not embarrassed or ashamed at all at touching her, and she receives his attentions with pleasure, reciprocating his caresses with equal passion, it all feels very natural and right. He wakes up sweating with the heat of his ardour, instantly ashamed of his own forward behaviour, the sense of rightness replaced by a deep mortification at his lack of control.

How long can it be before they are actually married? A month, maybe two, no need to hurry being intimate. His mind back in control, still his body refuses to obey, it takes at least an hour to cool down enough for him to be able to sleep again, but no part of his mind doubts the rightness of resisting the temptation, so eventually his urges do give up.