A/N: Thanks for all the support and follows guys- this has been fun.

And now for this chapter let's explore how paternity tests work in Fire Emblem.

After all that business with Donnel was over, Robin was just chillin' out in the Shepherds common room, being bored.

He would've normally used this time to work on his 'research' but the thing was that there wasn't actually that much material for him to work with.

"Hey, Lizz, watcha doin'?" Robin asked.

"Robin, don't call me 'Lizz,'" Lissa said, who was very engrossed in reading a book. "And I'm reading the latest volume of The Grapevine of Loss."

Robin scuttled over near Lissa and took a glance at a page which went like this:

Mrs. Pennyworth greeted her husband as she usually did, with a bright smile as radiant as the midday sun.

Mr. Pennyworth, however, had a face as a stormy as a twilight typhoon.

"W-what happened my dear?" Mrs. Pennyworth asked.

"Oh, I was taking little Tim for training today," Mr. Pennyworth said. "And during that time, he showed a rather unusual skill… Luna."

Mrs. Pennyworth started sobbing. "I-I can explain!"

Robin frowned. "Wait, what's happening here?"

"Oh, that," Lissa said. "Mr. Pennyworth just found out that his wife was cheating on him, and that their eldest son isn't his."

"How?" Robin asked.

Lissa sighed. "Oh, that, Mr. Pennyworth wanted to become a Knight earlier on, but he wasn't able to and is a Hero currently."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Robin asked, flabbergasted.

Lissa sighed again. "Robin, do you not know how babies are made?"

"Well, of course I do-"

"I don't think you do," Lissa said. "So let me explain-"

"Lissa," Robin said, face turning bright red, "I do not need you to explain to me how babies are m-"

"So, you see," Lissa said, interrupting Robin, "When a man and a woman get together, the child inherits the man's last skill, and the woman's last skill as well. So you see, if Mr. Pennyworth never knew Luna at all, his son, who's never been trained up till now and is an Archer, would never have gotten to know that unless Tim was someone else's kid, meaning Mrs. Pennyworth cheated on him with someone who was a Knight. Really, Robin, stuff like this is Genetics 101 at Ylisstol Medical School- oh yeah, you kind of had your mind wiped, didn't you?"

"Oh so that's how that works," Robin said, relieved. He had been afraid the conversation was going to go in a totally different direction. "So, is it a good story?"

"Yeah, it's great," Lissa said. "It starts out in Mr. Pennyworth's childhood when he's trying to become a Knight, and it goes through all the trouble he goes through when the evil sorcerer Morgath rises and tries to take over the kingdom of Ravenna, you know, that's where this takes place, but then his sister gets kidnapped by bandits in the middle of his training, and he's forced to run away from Knight School to rescue her and teams up with-"

Lissa went on and on about the plot of The Grapevine of Loss for, no kidding, half an hour. And she still wasn't done.

"Hey, Lissa," Robin said, interrupting her. "I just remembered I had… uh, stuff to do, with someone, somewhere, so, I'll go do that now."

Robin got out of there as fast as possible and went to the courtyard, where he saw Chrom gazing off at the moon in the distance.

"Hey, Chrom, whatcha doin'?" Robin asked.

"Oh hi Robin," Chrom said. "I was just gazing off into the distance at the beauty of the night sky and stars, thinking about how totally not gay I am. Like why doesn't anyone else see it man? I'm totally straight."

Robin nodded, but by now he was also in the 'Chrom is totally gay' camp much like Fredrick and Lissa, he just wasn't saying it.

Just then, Marth approached them.

"Greetings," Marth said.

Chrom was shocked. "How'd you get in?"

"Through the breach in the wall, behind the maple grove," Marth said.

"Oh," Chrom said.

"What's he talking about?" Robin asked.

"Oh, it's the same place that Lissa and I used to sneak out when we were playing hookey at times, I thought it was well concealed," Chrom said.

"Wait, you mean, the hole you went through so you could avoid your lessons on Feroxi politics to watch the Green Lantern movie which later on almost got us all killed?" Robin asked angrily.

"Are you still mad about that?" Chrom asked.

"I'm afraid we have more pressing concerns," Marth said. "I do not know how to say this but… let's just say that I've seen the future. And Exalt Emmeryn will be assassinated, here, tonight. I've come to stop it."

Marth then drew his blade as an assassin rushed out from the bushes, only to be killed in an instant by Marth.

"Now… do you believe me?" Marth asked.

"Okay, the hard part to believe isn't that you're a time traveler," Robin said. "The real question is, that guy is an Assassin, meaning that he's and advanced class- and you're just a level ten basic class character. How did you one-shot him? You shouldn't be strong enough to do that!"

Marth turned towards Robin. "W-what are you talking about?"

Sadly, this meant that he was distracted as another assassin burst out from the bushed, and Marth tripped as the assassin very conveniently only managed to break his mask in two- revealing that he was a she!

Chrom ended the assassins' life easily- again, even though that shouldn't have been possible, but oh well.

"I don't believe it," Robin said as he looked at Lucina carefully. "Y-you're a reverse trap! I've never seen one before- only heard of them in legends! And this only leads to another question- does liking a reverse trap make you gay?"

"Well, we don't have time for this," Lucina said. "We have to save the Exalt!"

"But wait!" Robin said. "I have to ask you some questions for my research!"

Neither Chrom nor Lucina stopped, however.

Once they reached the interior of the castle, they noticed that it was swarming with enemy soldiers and Emmeryn was hidden in a corner.

With Validar

"Alright men, I want Emmeryn dead on the floor and the Fire Emblem in my hands," Validar said.

"Yes sir," an assassin replied.

"Wait- you're talking about killing?" Gaius said. "I wasn't here to kill man- I mean, the Exalt's such a sweet old lady. Like, sure, I'd steal her purse, but I wouldn't hurt her or anything!"

And Now Back to Chrom

"Okay, men, time to take up arms!" Chrom said. "And women too- I mean, #Feminism."

Just then, Panne appeared on the scene.

"Don't worry," Lucina said. "She's a friend of mine- we can trust her."

"Alright then- but she isn't human, is she?" Chrom asked.

"I am a Taguel," Panne answered.

"Let me explain," Robin said. "They're basically another non-human class, like the Manaketes, but nerfed down so that they can only attack one space away." He leaned closer to Chrom. "I think she's just in the game 'cuz we need to pander to the Furry audience."

Chrom shuddered. "Okay, let's start fighting then."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa," Robin said. "Just hold on for a second here."

Chrom sighed. "Let me guess- you've found a weird inconsistency in this situation."

"Not just one, but several," Robin said. "For one, why is everyone who is gathered here to attack us so low leveled? I mean, these guys clearly have Assassins which are advanced class soldiers, and we saw another one in that cut scene with Validar, but these guys are basic class soldiers and pretty low level ones at that."

Chrom sighed. "I don't know Robin."

"And then, why don't we just give Emmeryn a tome or something and have her deal with the invaders herself? She's a Sage, after all, and that's more than what I can say for us," Robin said.

"Yeah, but she isn't used to fighting or willing to anyway," Chrom said. "Plus, she still has only like 5 HP."

"Yeah, that's another thing I want to take a swing at," Robin said. "How does she have only 5 HP? And suddenly she'll be like level 20 when we find her again in one of the 'extra stories?' And coming to my next complaint, how exactly did close to thirty assassins come this far? I mean, someone along the way, guards or something else, would've picked this up."

"Okay, but we'll figure that out after w-" Chrom said before being interrupted.

"And, the worst part is that if 'Marth' over there somehow gets beaten, she gets to 'retreat' and yet if we die, it's permanent?" Robin asked.

"Look, Robin, we can discuss this later," Chrom said with an exasperated sigh. "For now- let's focus on getting through this with our lives and Emmeryn's intact."

"Oh, okay, then maybe we should recruit that guy over there," Robin said.

"How do you know he'll join us?" Chrom asked.

"Oh, that," Robin said. "That's easy- because he isn't the boss and he doesn't have a generic sprite."

"Hey, you over there," Chrom said. "You look reluctant to fight."

"Yeah," Gaius said. "Well, these guys said that they needed to break into some safe- said nothin' about killing anyone. I'd as soon sit this one out."

"Oh really," Chrom said. "Perhaps you'd be willing to fight for the right cause then?"

"Yeah," Gaius said. "So long as you're willing to sweeten the deal."

"You want money you dast- okay fine," Chrom said. He reached into his pocket but then some candy fell out.

"S-sugar!" Gaius said and grabbed the candy. "CHOCOLATE!"

"Gods, he's like that guy from Spongebob!" Robin said as he watched Gaius go on a total rampage.


Let's view the support conversation for this chapter!

Robin x Gaius x Virion

Robin: Wow, look at him go- he's really on a sugar rush isn't he?

Virion: Why hello there, Robin- uh, who is that madman over there?

Robin: Oh, that's Gaius. I'm assuming he doesn't usually act that way, but he's on a sugar rush…

Virion: Ah yes, this reminds me, Robin, I've been told through the grapevine that apparently you found a credit card somewhere in the woods?

Robin: Oh yeah.

Virion: Well, you see, I believe I had lost mine in much the same woods as you had found them… so I think you might've picked up it by mistake.

Robin: Oh! Well, that's too bad then- 'cuz I gave it to Gaius so he'd help us as 'real' payment, and I told him he could put whatever he want on it.

Virion: What? But I'm going nearly bankrupt already!

Robin: That's okay, let me go ahead and explain it to him- I'm sure he's a reasonable man.

Virion: He's a thief who looks like he's on a cocaine rush right now or something.

Robin: Eh, hey! Gaius, come over here!

Gaius (who's now calmed down a bit): What happened?

Robin: I'm going to need that credit card I gave you back, see, it belongs to this guy over here.

Virion: I do object to be called and introduced as 'this guy' to strangers Robin, for I, archest of archers do-

Gaius: Why is he wearing a bib?

Virion (angrily): This is not a bib! I will have you know that this is the height of fashion!

Gaius: Come to think of it though, a bib would be useful- I might use it so that all that sugar doesn't dribble onto my clothes.

Virion: It is not a- whatever, just give me my credit card back.

Robin: Oh yeah, give it back, Gaius, turns out it belongs to Virion.

Gaius: Alright then, I trust that you'll pay me back somehow later? Hey- what's that!

Robin: Oh, looks like Lissa left it here- it's the latest edition of The Grapevine of Loss.

Gaius: Oh really, that's great! Hey- this is an advanced copy!

Robin: Yeah, I think Lissa got her hands on it early 'cuz she's a princess and all.

Gaius: Well, d'ya mind if I take it? I mean, I've been a pretty big fan of it…

Robin: I didn't know it was that popular…

Virion (shocked): Are you telling me that you haven't heard of the magnum opus of Ylissean soap operas?

Robin: Oh there are more of you, you know what, I'm leaving and you guys can talk about that where I'm not.

Virion: I do believe that Sully must be calling for me- she's being a real Tsudnere, but the thing is that I don't think I've gotten to meet up with her sweet inner self yet.

Virion and Robin leave.

Gaius: Good thing I stole that guy's credit card back again. Hmm, now I need to find me a nice place to read…

Gaius, Robin, and Virion all reached support level C!


Validar approached Robin. "Oh… I know you. Perhaps if you'll submit, then I'll go ahead and tell you the truth."

"D-did you use a Master Seal too early?" Robin asked.

"W-what?" Validar asked.

"You're clearly too weak for a Sorcerer," Robin explained. "So I'm assuming you used your Master Seal too early, y'know, probably when you were level ten or so, but the thing is that you've gotta wait to use that, y'know, or you end up topping off too early."

Chrom then defeated Validar.

"See what I mean?" Robin said.

"No- Emmeryn was supposed to be an easy target," Validar muttered with his last breath. "I mean… we practically walked in here with half an army with literally no resistance… how could be ever lose?"

"Well, that's over," Robin said.

"Yeah," Chrom said. "Let's go see how the others are."

"My apologies, Your Grace," Phila said. "I should never have allowed these intruders to get inside the castle grounds."

"It was nothing," Emmeryn said. "Don't fret over it."

"Yeah, you should feel bad!" Robin screamed as he walked in, panting. "Why does nobody in this fanfic seem able to do their jobs properly?"

A/N: Thanks for reading. And was I the only one who found Panne to be mostly useless? The inability to attack at two spaces is a real deal breaker.