thanks so much for reviews/adds to favorites:) the interrogation will be in the story also. in the next chapter. the whole david/olivia situation is coming up too.
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Olivia blinked open her eyes. She squinted as she saw the time on the alarm clock on her bedside table. 3 30. She had done this the last couple nights, knowing about Pamela was weighing on her mind heavily now, too. Elliot knew that, and she knew that. It was so hard for her to talk to anyone about her emotions, especially people close to her. She sighed heavily knowing she wouldn't be able to get back to sleep. She felt Elliot beside her, still wrapped around her comfortably. This was still so new for her, but she enjoyed it.
She tried getting up, but Elliot was stopping her. She literally could not move from her spot without waking him. She wanted to get up and make coffee. She almost started laughing at the situation. Olivia now had the option to move his arm from around her, but that would wake him. Anything she did would wake him.
Oh well. She thought as she grabbed his hand and moved it. He stirred and woke up from her moving.
"Liv," he said, "What are you doing?," he groaned and almost slurred, still partially asleep.
"Going to the bathroom," she lied. "Sorry. Go back to sleep."
She walked into the bathroom as he watched her, still adjusting to being awake at this hour. He knew something was worse than she was telling him. Obviously Pamela, and now David, and him coming back into her life. He felt like the biggest ass for doing this to her now. He wanted her, but he was the cause for most of her pain. She came out, and he watched her again leave her room without going back to bed. This was his cue to follow her.
"Liv, now what are you doing? That's not going back to bed," he said.
"I know, now I'm too awake to go back to bed. No point in laying there for 2 hours not sleeping. You should go back to bed because you can," she told him.
"No. I want you to tell me what's been going on with you. Talk to me Liv."
"At 4 in the morning? Good timing El," she forced a laugh after her comment. It was all part of what she did to get people to think she was okay.
"Yeah right now. Why not? We're awake and in a couple hours you won't. What's going on?"
"Well, Dr. Huang," she joked again, but he wasn't laughing. She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Elliot why? It isn't going to do anything."
"How do you know if you haven't tried?," he argued.
"Because I have done this before, talking, and it doesn't help." She didn't think at that moment it was going to help her.
"You know after as well as I do you feel better. It takes the burden off. So talk," he told her, almost demanding. He had to push her now.
"Can we get coffee first?" She wanted just a few minutes to put herself together as much as she could. They also really needed coffee to even start the day. It also meant he may have a shot at getting her to talk.
"Yeah," he said as they both got off the couch and went to the kitchen. She felt crazy for even being up this early without having to be, and also now that she was possibly going to talk was terrifying her. He would think she was crazy. What if he left again? What if she caused him to leave because of her being like this? These thoughts alone were driving her crazy.
She got her cup of coffee as he did and returned to the couch.
"Where do you want me to start?," she asked. There was a lot she could have started with.
"Us," he simply said. "How do you feel about us?"
"Scared," she stated.
"Why?"
She stared at her coffee cup before beginning to answer.. "Because... what if I do something that makes you disappear again? You said I am making you stay... Well what if I do something you don't like? What if you decide you don't want me anymore? Why do I deserve you?," she said, asking everything she could think of.
He grabbed her hand not holding the coffee. She looked up at him to see his blue eyes staring into hers. "Liv. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone in relationships does things the other doesn't like. I will always want you because you are special and beautiful in every way humanly possible. Things may come up, but we will get through them. You deserve to be happy like everyone in the world does. You are... an amazing woman that any guy is lucky to have. I am lucky I have you," he answered honestly. She was falling apart at his words, again. He had a way with words that she couldn't fight.
"What if-" he cut her off with a soft kiss.
He pulled centimeters away from her lips and whispered, "No more questions. About us. We will be okay. If you want us to be." She melted into his words and kiss. They felt everything within the kiss that they missed that day. He softly kissed her before inching away again to continue their talk.
"So... how do you feel about David being around again?," he asked.
"El, I don't want to upset you by talking about that. Talking about us almost made me throw up. I thought... you would run away after that," she answered.
"You won't upset me. Promise," he said. Promise. She sighed again trying to keep calm and starting to talk. "Well.. I hate that he is just now deciding to come back. What's the point? He left me. Just a week ago too. Not the other way around..." she paused. It was still a healing wound what he did to her. "You know I don't open up like this or with anyone, and with him I did some, and he just left me like that. Because of a fucking job. I thought I understood it when he explained but I am pissed about it." She was truly heartbroken by him telling her the way he did. The more she held onto it though the more it pissed her off.
"I can't... I can't let him be in the way of my life anymore," she said. "When I meet with him today or soon, I have to cut things off completely. I don't want him around anymore," she told him, knowing it was what was best for her to move on. "I... I have you now, and I know now I will always have you." She gave him a slight smile as he looked at her smiling. He was happy to hear her say that. "You will always have me," he said, putting emphasis on always.
He kept a hold of her hand as he prepared himself for a possible fight on talking about the next topic.
"Liv... I know it's hard, but can you tell me how you are feeling about Pamela?," he asked, not sure how else to ask. He definitely was no George Huang. He was a cop, and could only talk to her like her partner, and trying to be a friend and also a therapist for her at once.
"How can I answer that? That's a stupid question," she said a bit defensively, then realized how it sounded. "I'm sorry El, I didn't mean it."
"I know. So start at the beginning, when you got the call in the squadroom," he told her.
"Honestly? I felt like crying. I felt like breaking things. I didn't want any of you to see me fall apart. I felt... something I don't feel a lot with the job. I felt helpless to do anything for a while the other day. I didn't know..." she paused, about to cry from going back through the emotions of the day. "I didn't know what to do. I am a cop, and able to help the victims by catching the perp and putting them away. It was unfair to Pamela because I caught one perp, and then she was doing better, and was going to be okay... Then... she was murdered the way she was, so then we have to get someone else for hurting her.. She's... she was," Olivia said, correcting her grammar. "She was only a little girl and went through a woman's worst nightmare, and handled it better than..." she paused again. "Better than many women do." He saw the silent tear fall down her cheek.
Elliot didn't know how to respond to that answer. He went on to what happened after the phone call. "What about when we were at the house?"
She looked at him, then looked away quickly. "I... I shouldn't have tried to see her that way, not that you guys needed to see her like that. Seeing her that way took away the little girl I remembered, and still is. I feel a lot of this with other victims, but she... she was so much for me, to a lot of people. I wanted to get out of there. I knew I had a job to do, and so I blocked wanting to get out and tried to stay within the job. It's what we all have to do. We don't get to pick the vic. So I know I have to do my job."
"True.. but we all know we can only handle so much of work before it starts truly getting to us," Elliot told her. They both knew how the other one handled cases. Elliot and Olivia both internalized what they were feeling many times with cases until it boiled over to be too much for them, and that is what was dangerous for anyone on the job. There were many ways trying to cope with it on their own could go wrong.
Olivia sat silently as Elliot stared at her for a moment. "Liv?," he said in a questioning voice. She looked at him. "Thank you for talking."
She didn't know what to say. She was going to fight him on this, but he wouldn't leave her alone til she sat and talked about these things. "Is that all?," she asked, ignoring his thanks.
"Yeah, for now," he told her.
"Then you should go back to bed," she said, looking at the clock. "It's 4 45. You could sleep for an hour."
"No, I'm awake now. No point. But we have a long day today."
"We have to get a confession on Pamela's murder..," Olivia said.
"Are you ready to hear it?," Elliot asked her, knowing it was going to be hard for her to hear any details. This case had taken it's toll on her, but Elliot also knew that Olivia knew how to do her job.
"Yeah.. I wanna know why-"
"Liv even if we don't find out why you have to be okay with that. You know a lot of perps don't give it up right away, if ever."
She kept staring at her coffee cup as she heard him speak. He was right. She couldn't beat herself up with why.
"You're right," she told him.
"I know," he said, giving the classic Stabler grin. She looked at him and smiled while rolling her eyes. "Your ego does not need the boost."
He went over to where she was on the couch and kissed her again. This time it was more insistent between them. She wasn't fighting against it. She leaned back into the arm of the chair as he hovered overtop of her. They just got done talking seriously but it made her more sure of herself instead of fighting this. Him doing what he had done for her proved he was always going to be there with her, and proved he would be there when she needed someone.
She had already fallen in love with him... 12 years ago. 12 years of wondering what could have been, 12 years of knowing what should have been all along. They were finally getting what they wanted. No more wondering, and no more waiting. He continued kissing anywhere he could of her exposed skin. She moaned and writhed against him, begging with her body for him to go further. He chose to take the slow route with the teasing and she couldn't do a damn thing because of her position. Her nails dug into his hands as he continued his slow torture. He had moved his body, slithering down her stomach, kissing her breasts gently before reaching her naval. Just when she thought she couldn't take it anymore, he pulled away.
"We... will finish this later," Elliot teased and got off the couch. Her labored breathing was not helping her argue to keep him there.
"Fuck you," she said bluntly. Her legs shook as she followed him. She realized how close she was to exploding without him even really touching her. Now she had to go to work with this frustraton.
Elliot and Olivia showered separately for work. She was pissed at him for leaving her craving his touch. It's all she thought about as she showered. She would get him back.
Leaving for work, Olivia's focus shifted as she realized what was about to happen in the interrogation room. Her nerves were creeping up on her slowly, and anger. She had to remember to stay calm in there, and she had to know that no matter what was said she couldn't let it get to her in front of the perp.
Elliot was nervous, too. For him and Olivia. He was nervous because he hadn't really been in an interrogation with the team since he was back. He was nervous for Olivia because he knew how close to the case she was.
Going into the squadroom, Cragen informed them that Anne was in interrogation room 1, and he was ready when they were to start.
She was as ready as she could be for this moment.
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again alot in this chap. he got her to talk, she is nervous for this interrogation. but what happens in the interrogation? with olivia and david? oh and elliot leaving her the way he did. she is pissed lol. how does she get him back? ;) leave a review and thanks for reading as always!
