AN: Wow, I've written a long chapter. That's amazing. And the next one is going to be long too. Even more amazing. So this is Mer/Der drama, not really fluff, but them in an elevator which is always good. Still don't know where this is going. Read and Review.

"You look too happy to be Meredith. What's up, you've been half in tears all day." Christina eyed Meredith suspiciously.

Meredith smiled more. She was feeling happy enough at that moment to ignore Christina's antics. "Today I scrubbed in on an emergency surgery with Burke. Burke, signifying that I was not assigned to Derek's case, though I am sure he requested me, always does when I'm mad at him, anyway, I got to work in the OR with Burke instead of stared at by McDreamy."

Christina nodded. "Uh-hu." She sounded as though she was talking to someone mentally ill, as she always did when Meredith was rambling.

Meredith nodded vigorously back. "Also, I didn't see Derek all day. No awkward elevator rides, no stares in the hallway, and no fights in the stairwells. That constitutes a good day. Surgery, and no Derek."

"Right." Christina slammed her locker shut and picked up her bag. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow, McHappy."

"Come on, you have got to be able to come up with something better than that to call me. McHappy sucks."

Izzie peaked around the corner. "McHappy. I kind of like it. You certainly are McHappy right now Meredith." Her grin matched Meredith's in intensity.

"Says the girl who coined the term McYummy," Christina muttered. "Happiness makes me nauseous." She left the locker room, clearly annoyed.

Meredith and Izzie burst into a fit of giggles as soon as the door closed. "McYummy is McHappy," Izzie chortled.

When they calmed down Meredith managed to say, "I'll met you at home, I'm going to go visit my mother for a while." This definitely was not going to be the best evening of her life, but Meredith felt a certain obligation to her mother.

"See you there." Izzie was still giggling over her own not-so-funny joke.

Meredith the locker room and ran to catch the elevator. She stopped short before the opened doors, her mirth immediately evaporating. This is how I know its my life. The elevator was occupied by only one person, the man she had successfully avoided all day. Of course she would run into him as she was leaving. She was Meredith Grey after all.

She had a fleeting notion to flee and take the stairs, but instead stepped onto the elevator, staring determinedly at the floor.

"Dr. Shepherd." She didn't met his eyes when she acknowledged him.

"It's Derek, but Meredith, please. Let's just talk, that's all I'm asking of you." Meredith could picture his dreamy, pleading face in her minds eye.

"We did talk. In the middle of the night. I told you. I won't be the other women. That's just the way it is. You're not even officially divorced yet, and you've made no announcement." She hadn't meant to respond at all, but as soon as she opened her mouth, word had come pouring out.

Derek pulled the alarm, and the soft buzzing filled the elevator.

"What the hell, Derek? I said no, just accept it and move on."

"Meredith." He pulled her towards him, and with two fingers gently brought her face up so he could met her eyes. "Meredith."

A silence came over them as they stared into each others eyes, the alarm now white noise in the background. Meredith found herself melting into his eyes, and, despite the fact that he had a wife and had been an ass for the past couple days, knew beyond all doubt that she still loved him. Damn.

Derek smiled. "That's why I can't accept no for an answer."

As soon as the moment was broken, Meredith jumped back into defense mode, making a mental note not to let him catch her off guard like that again.

"Why?" Her voice was sharp, and echoed slightly off the metal box.

"You know why, Mer. It's because I love you. And you love me. Don't deny it. It was written all over you're face just a second ago."

She wanted the deny it, but knew that she couldn't brake his heart like that. Not when it would be a lie. She opted instead for not answering, and started at the wall in front of her.

"Meredith." Derek turned her towards him. "Remember the day we kissed in this elevator?"

She hadn't meant to smile, she really hadn't, but she did, and, as she had known, it was all the encouragement it took for him to kiss her in that elevator again. Damn. She had been thinking that a lot lately the last couple of days.

Her body left her conscience control, and she felt her mouth opening to his, and allowed him to back her against the wall. All thought of wives, mistresses, and dignity left her mind as she wrapped her arms around his neck, and leaned her entire body into him.

She heard him groan slightly when they drew apart for air, and again when she pressed against him hard as she brought their mouths back together.

"Meredith." She hardly heard her name whispered against her lips, as Derek ran his fingers through her hair.

The only thought her mind could process was that she loved him. It registered slightly that that was not the right thing to be thinking, but the fleeting feeling passed when his hands moved between them, and under her sweater. She allowed him to draw his hands all over her stomach and breasts, but her conscience thoughts came abruptly back when he attempted to pull in over her head.

"Jesus, Derek, we've in an elevator!"

She realized exactly what she had been doing the second she had moved away from him. Unfortunately the elevator was very small, and she couldn't move far enough away from the man who had caused this lapse of judgment. He's married, and I can't let him brake me again. I won't ever recover.

"That did not just happen." She reached across him, and pulled the alarm off, allowing the elevator to move again.

"I'm pretty sure it did." He smirked slightly at her. "You shouldn't of stopped me. I've never had elevator sex before."

Meredith felt her stomach sink as she realized how close they had just come to elevator sex. The on-call room had started with just kissing too.

"I'm not going to fall back into you're arms, Derek."

"Why not? I know you like them. I bet you like other parts of me too."

He's taking this so lightly, like it means nothing. Like I mean nothing. Meredith chocked back tears, and new beyond doubt that she could not go back to him. Ever.

"I can't let you brake me again." Her voice was little more than a whisper, and when she glanced up at him, she saw the smile evaporate off of his face.

He grew somber. "Meredith . . ." Their eyes met and locked.

The doors opened with a soft ding.

They both jumped slightly at the noise, and Meredith stepped off the elevator. She looked back at Derek standing there alone. She shook her head slightly. You missed your chance. She knew the message was conveyed as easily as it would have been with words.

Meredith keep staring at the door after they had closed. She heard the other elevator stop on that floor, but did not bother to look and see who was getting off.

"Meredith?" It was Izzie.

"Meredith, are you alright? What took so long? You left 15 minutes ago."

Meredith looked sadly at her friend, knowing that her guilty expression, swollen lips, and mussed hair would give her away immediately.

"Meredith . . ."

Izzie sounded reassuring, as if the next words out of her mouth would be that it was okay, and that was more than Meredith could handle. She started sobbing, not caring that she was in the middle of the hospital lobby.

Izzie immediately pulled her into a comforting hug, and Meredith did not attempt to stop her tears.

"I love him. I'd give anything to stop, but I can't, and I just can't be with him. It kills me because I love him." Her voice was ragged and slightly muffled, but she knew Izzie would still understand, even if she couldn't hear all her words.

"I know."