Lily couldn't remember when exactly the sun rose, but at some point the light had risen to the point it was now shining through the blinds. It had been RJ's turn to go to the market, so he had gotten up gently in an attempt not to wake her, but she hadn't been sleeping anyway. How could she? She now knew he had no faith in her to pass her trial.

She had spent the remainder of the night torturing herself with thought of failure after failure that had been her fault over the months. She didn't have to try hard to convince herself she was a complete screw up; there was plenty of evidence for that. She heard a knock on the door and RJ came in, carrying a stack of toast.

"Are you planning to stay in there all day?" He asked her. "We're going to start training in about an hour. You've got time to get changed."

Lily pulled back the covers and made her way into the en suite. She got in a little before the shower had gotten to temperature, hoping the icy water would help her wake up a little. As much as she hadn't been able to sleep, that didn't mean she was anywhere near fully awake. By the time the shower finally got to temperature, she was at least a little closer to being awake. Washing her hair quickly, she made her way back through to the bedroom.

She looked out her training gear, getting dressed as she checked her appearance in the mirror. A couple of dark circles had begun to form under her eyes; she was a little paler than usual. She looked like crap and she knew it, but there wasn't anything she could do about that right now, the others were waiting on her in the training area. Sorting her hair out into a pony-tail so it didn't fall into her face, she noticed the stack of toast sitting on the sideboard. Unable to face it, she swept it quickly into the trash before making her way out to the main room.

RJ, as he had been, was busy going through therapeutic meditation with Fran as part of the healing process for her animal spirit. She was now being encouraged to call it forth for short periods to strengthen it. In many ways she was glad that RJ was concentrating on Fran right now, it meant he wouldn't notice that she wasn't herself.

Looking over, she saw Fran's fox spirit. It was so much stronger, she knew it wouldn't be long until she was back up to speed and ready to rejoin the team.

"She's really strong now." RJ confirmed to Fran as she recalled it. "I think it'll only be a couple of days until you're ready to rejoin the team."

"You really think so?" Fran asked him.

"I'm sure of it." RJ replied. "Not a moment too soon either. I have a feeling I'll need some support around here in a couple of days."

Lily hung her head and made her way to the training mats as she overheard this. He knew what he was talking about having heard his phone conversation the previous night. She knew the trial was coming soon, and since RJ was talking about bringing Fran back onto the team to help him out in a couple of days, that meant it was likely to be coming in a couple of days time. She still had no idea what the trial was likely to be, but it obviously had to be harsh if RJ was already making provisions for having to deal with Dai Shi alone during the period of the trial.

"Lily, you're up." Casey told her, gesturing to the mat. "You get to spar with me for a while."

Lily sighed and took her place on the mat slowly, drawing into a guard as Casey prepared himself for their match.

"Three points to a finish?" Casey asked her. Lily just nodded wordlessly, not really paying attention. Her thoughts strayed again to the upcoming trial. What could they possibly expect of her? What could they really think she could...?

Her thoughts were interrupted as her legs were whipped from under her and she crashed to the floor without offering any form of resistance or counter. Casey would have followed up, but his front sweep had been a mere feint. There's no way that should have caught Lily out like that, she should have easily been able to avoid it.

"Lily, are you ok?" Casey asked her, offering her a hand. Lily took it, allowing him to help her back to her feet. She hadn't even seen the attack coming. She'd been too busy worrying about...

Before she knew it, Casey had taken her to the floor again, and had her locked in a strong arm lock. By now even Dom and Theo were beginning to notice something was odd about the way she was acting. Although Casey was good, and had trained to the point he was a match for her, there was no way he should have taken her down twice in a row without so much as a move in response.

"Lily are you sure everything's OK?" Theo interjected. "You seem...distracted."

Lily looked to her friends gathering around her and felt a little crestfallen. She knew that he was trying to be diplomatic about it. He might be asking 'are you sure everything's OK?' but the look on his face screamed, 'you look like hell, what's wrong?'

"I'm fine." She told them. "Uh, I think I need to get some fresh air or something. I'm going for a run, I'll be back later."

She made her way to the fridge to get a water bottle for her run. The others had resumed their practice, but by now RJ had also noticed something odd. He came to Lily's side, wrapping his arms around her.

"You don't seem like yourself." He commented. "You want to talk about it?"

"No thanks." She replied, taking a sip. "I just need some air to clear my head."

RJ looked at her, a little concerned. She hadn't been focused all morning, and she didn't look like she was feeling that great, but if she was determined not to talk about it, there wasn't really much he could do about it, she could be incredibly stubborn when she wanted to be.

"Just...remember to take your morpher with you." He told her. "Keep the communications relay open. We don't need a repeat of the Whiger incident."

Lily kissed him as he made his way to train with the others. She really wasn't feeling that good, the result of her lack of sleep. Making sure no-one was watching, she grabbed a couple of energy drinks, before heading out the door. There wasn't much else she could do right now, her head wasn't clear enough for sparring, that much was clear. Perhaps a run would be the best thing for her after all. Outside, she quickly downed the energy drinks and disposed of the cans in the trash before heading off for the woods.

"Surely even I can't screw up a run." She grumbled to herself as she began.

The sun had risen high above the tree-line as Lily stopped for a breather deep in the forest outside Ocean Bluff. Even when she was at the temple she liked to go into the woods for a run. She loved the scenery of the slightly less beaten tracks, especially at this time of year when summer was just starting to come to an end. She also enjoyed occasionally catching a glimpse of some of the woodland creatures making their way around, but most of all, she loved that it was quiet.

Making her way over to a log, she tweaked her ankle painfully, causing her to swear loudly as she hobbled over and sat down taking her weight off it. Looking at it, it wasn't swollen, and she hadn't heard anything snap so she was sure it wasn't broken, but it still hurt.

Sitting on the log, she breathed a huge sigh and thought back over everything. Some time over the next few days, she was going to be expected to undertake a trial to prove she was worthy of the title of master. She began stroking her neck as she felt her muscles tighten uncomfortably as she pondered that thought. She had been studying Kung Fu and training her cheetah spirit now for years, she couldn't believe that she'd finally be put to the test to see if she was to become the first female master since Master Guin.

Though while that made her nervous, that wasn't the real reason she was upset. She kept punishing herself with thoughts of what might happen. She couldn't believe at first that RJ would have concerns about her and not voice them, then again thinking back over everything that had happened over the last year, she could see that it wouldn't exactly be a leap of faith to see why he might think she wasn't ready, and thinking about it logically, her fiancé was hardly likely to turn round and tell her t her face "I think you're a failure."

Taking a long slug from her water bottle, she winced slightly as the cold liquid hit her stomach. Having run this far, she was quite warm, and sweating badly, but her body war warm while the water was still cold, so it was a bit of a shock to her system. Shivering slightly, she hunched over thinking about what she could do about this.

She didn't want to face her trial feeling this way. She had known that the masters would call on her to undertake it one day, but not like this. She didn't know what bothered her more. Her nerves over what the trial might require her to do, her fear over the possibility that she might fail and let herself and the others down, or the hurt over the fact that RJ thought she'd let him down. Nothing could be worse for her than feeling like she'd let him down. She'd already felt that once before the night he screamed at her for going after Camille alone while she held him captive. Fresh tears came to her face as the feeling returned to her in sharp detail. She finished off her water bottle and threw it to the ground, completely drained by her emotions.

"What do you think you're doing?" She heard an elderly voice snap from behind her. "Pick up your trash and take it…!"

Lily turned to see that it was Master Phant. Looking around she recognised the area and realised how far she'd run and knew why she was tired. She was way beyond the city, and even the location of the temple. Phant's house was only a short distance away; she had no idea why she had come out here. Phant bent down to pick it up and sat down beside her.

"Lily?" He asked her, handing it to her. He could tell she was upset about something even without seeing the tears running down her face. She had none of her usual spark and energy, and seemed to be completely oblivious to the rest of the world. She had looked straight at him and turned away without as much as a hello. That wasn't like her. "What are you doing out here?"

"I went for a run to clear my head." She told him, fidgeting with the cap of her water bottle nervously. Master Phant smiled and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Perhaps you'd like some soup." He suggested. "It should be almost ready."

"I'm not really hungry." She whispered.

"You could have fooled me." He laughed light-heartedly. "I could hear your stomach from the other side of that ridge, that's what let me know someone was here."

Lily heard another distinctive grumble from her stomach and realised he was right. Thinking about it, she hadn't eaten anything that day, and she was quickly becoming hungry. It was little wonder she was feeling run-down. Phant shook her gently to bring her back to reality.

"Come, an old man could use some company while he eats." He continued, nodding in the direction of his house. Lily felt a little better as Phant put his arm around her shoulders, leading her back to the little house she loved visiting so much. She'd never met her grandparents, but she always thought of Phant having that role in her life. She wiped her face with her wrist, feeling that maybe there was a reason she'd ended up here.

Arriving in his house, Lily made her way over to a chair and sat down while Phant went back to the kitchen to check on the soup. Looking around, she noticed that he had already prepared the house for the winter. The hanging baskets had been emptied and put away for the season, and she had noticed as she was approaching that the flowers she had planted out the front had begun to wilt.

"I never used to care about winter." He announced as he returned to the room with a large bowl of soup and some bread. "Of course my garden was never anything to speak of before. Still, it'll grow again in spring."

"The snowdrops should be out in a few weeks." She stated, accepting the bowl. "They should give the garden a little colour in the meantime."

Phant sat down with her with a broad smile and began with his own soup.

"It's been an interesting year." Phant put down with authority. "To think it wasn't long ago the only person who used to visit me here was Gabby and I spent most of my time sitting around feeling sorry for myself."

Lily shot him a little glance before turning her attention back to her soup. That wasn't especially subtle for him; she knew it wasn't really himself he was talking about.

"Now, what seems to be troubling you?" He asked her as he realised she wasn't going to open up anytime soon. Lily just looked at him a little bemused. "Normally I can't get a word in edgeways. I had an easier conversation with my dentist when he was pulling my wisdom teeth."

Lily put down her half-finished bowl and sighed deeply. Master Phant could always see right through her, but thinking about it, she wasn't really that hard to read in this situation.

"Have you...ever wondered whether you were cut out for all this?" She asked him. Phant looked at her for a second and chuckled.

"I only had doubts every day until my trial." He answered. "When I first started I was only about ten years old. Everyone was so much further on than I was I never thought I'd catch up."

"But you were one of the greatest masters." She replied.

"I wasn't always." He chuckled. "The first time I tried to use the Jungle Mace I broke my own nose and almost strangled myself."

"But you got better." Lily responded. "You mastered it as an art form."

"But it wasn't without its pitfalls." He told her. "Everyone messes up once in a while, and it can take a lot of confidence out of us when we do."

"Well I've been messing up a lot lately." She sighed. "Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't have been better if one of the others was chosen."

"The thing about making mistakes is that we make them to learn." Phant reminded her. "What determines your character is if you pick yourself up and keep trying, or lose faith and give up. Do you know what I did when I broke my nose with the Jungle Mace?"

"Kept trying?" Lily asked.

"Actually I had been trying to use it without my master's permission. He was so pissed at me for stealing it he made me do push-ups until I passed out before letting me get my nose fixed." He informed her. "But yes, I tried again."

Lily looked down at the floor, unable to respond. She just couldn't visualise Master Phant being that way.

"It even happens to old men." He told her. "When the temple put me out to pasture I just lost all faith in myself. I felt so useless I just felt sorry for myself and sat around waiting on the day I wouldn't wake up. The only thing that shook me out of my mood was the day a young blonde girl who was more stubborn than I was sat in my garden and refused to leave until I taught her."

Lily let out a small snigger as she recalled that day.

"Now, about all the times you've messed up. Why are they sticking in your mind? You've got to remember everything you've accomplished." He reminded her. "For one thing you taught a grumpy old man that he wasn't worthless."

He moved a little closer, trying to look into her eyes as she continued to look away.

"When you had your accident and lost your eyesight, no one would have blamed you for giving up, but instead you worked harder and were determined not to give up." He reminded her. "You were able to keep pace with Swoop, you impressed the hell out of all of us, and you just know you impressed RJ."

Lily sighed as he said this. He figured that he must have hit on something mentioning RJ, and decided that was the way to go.

"You know we were all impressed the way you confronted us over how we treated RJ during his trial by combat." He recalled. "And you did manage to escape Dai Shi's fortress with the prophesy."

"But I'm still worried I'm not good enough." She grumbled. "There's no way I'll ever be ready for the trial..."

She stopped short as she realised what she had said. It was Phant that RJ was talking to on the phone, they were keeping the trial under wraps in the meantime, she had just blurted out the fact that she knew. She looked at Phant, but instead of being angry, he seemed a little relieved.

"Well now at least I know what's bothering you." He told her. "How did you find out about that?"

"RJ told me?" She suggested weakly, though she knew that wasn't going to fly. Both she and Phant knew that if it was this important she didn't know before the trial was set, then he wouldn't have told her. "I heard him talking to you on the phone. I got up in the middle of the night and I overheard him."

"Well that explains some of it." Phant responded. "It's understandable to be nervous. I was in pieces when it came to my trial." He saw the way she fidgeted on the chair, unfocused on the conversation.

"That's not the only reason you're upset is it?" He asked. Lily shook her head.

"I just can't believe RJ doesn't believe in me." Lily muttered. "He's been there for me so much. The thought of the trial's always made me nervous, but if I thought RJ believed in me..."

"What makes you think he doesn't?" Phant asked her. Lily looked at him nervously.

"I heard him talking about me." She replied. "I heard him say he was worried about me, that he didn't think I was ready."

"You know people rarely hear anything good when they eavesdrop." Phant reminded her. "Especially when they only hear part of the conversation. RJ wasn't worried about you."

"He wasn't?" Lily asked him. "But the others..."

"Everyone has failings; RJ knows all of your strengths and weaknesses. He is well aware of all your capabilities." He pulled over to her and wrapped an arm around her warmly. "He has no doubt whatsoever about you; I know that for a fact. What's more I don't either."

"You...really think so?" Lily asked him. Phant smiled at her.

"You'll be a great master." He told her with heartfelt sincerity. "Now, do you want me to see you home?"

"I think I should be alright." Lily replied. "I guess I should remember not to listen into other people's phone calls."

"Well that would be an idea." Phant agreed. "You see what a state you've gotten yourself into?"

"Well, I guess I must look like a bit of a fright." She giggled. "I didn't get much sleep."

"Just try not to worry so much." He told her. "You're one of the strongest people I know. Just have faith in yourself and you'll be fine."

Lily gathered up her water bottle and headed for the door, before stopping.

"Master Phant, since I now know the trial's soon..."

"Nice try Lily." He chuckled. "You still have to face it without knowing the nature of the challenge, or the exact date. Oh, and don't say anything to the others."

Lily groaned and left to head back home, leaving Phant to his thoughts. He was glad he could make her feel better. He had always known Lily to be strong, he had seen it in her from the first time they met, he was confident that she had little to worry about. He couldn't wait until the trial.

Lily arrived back at JKP, only a little before dark just as the others were finishing clearing up.

"Nice timing Lily, we've finished." Casey told her.

"Sorry guys, I was a little messed up." She said apologetically. "Has anyone seen RJ?"

"He's upstairs." Fran informed her. Lily made her way upstairs, finding him meditating.

"How was Master Phant?" RJ asked her. Clearly Phant had called him to let him know that she was alright.

"He's fine." Lily replied. "I went a little further on my run than I thought."

"You really have come a long way." He replied. Lily knew fine he wasn't just talking about the distance from Master Phant's house.

"Look, I overheard you on the phone last night." Lily admitted. "I was worried you didn't have any faith in me over the trial."

"Phant told me how upset you were and explained, but I'm glad you admitted it." RJ stated. "Lily, I've never had the slightest doubt in my mind about putting you through the trial."

"I just wish I'd known that earlier." She replied. "I convinced myself I was weak."

"Well you're not." He told her. "You will take the trial, and you will earn your master's mark. I just know it."

"Really?" Lily asked him. RJ pulled her into a strong hug.

"Really." He responded. "I love you Lily, you can talk to me about this, just remember that."

"Thanks RJ." Lily whispered. "Now, since I know the trial's coming..."

"Nice try Lily." He interrupted her. "You can't tell the others either."

With that, they both held each other in a tight embrace. RJ was glad that he now knew what had been bothering her. Now all that was left for him to worry about was getting them through the trial.