I knew I'd deserved it. I deserved more than just the slaughter of one night on my own body. What I did not deserve was the way she had allowed herself to fall into my arms. How even after all the anger I could tell overpowered her, she didn't send me away. Of course, I knew better than getting my hopes up once more. My Violet. I'd betrayed her more than I dared admit, and yet she still rested in my arms. It had brought back a memory, one where I'd felt helpless. A night when I'd failed her, like I seemed to do so often. The night she'd died crying in my arms. Tears that had only lasted for so long before she breathed her very last living breath. She'd forgiven me that time. She didn't know my darkest crime yet. So it was different.

But still, just like that day, I'd taken her to her room. Carrying her to her bed and not caring if I spilt water on the wooden floor, only this time it was blood. When I set her on her bed she held my hand for all of 8 seconds; enough to break out a rare smile in me. Rare, at least, since Violet stopped talking to me, she didn't speak, she didn't smile or cry. She seemed tired, helpless herself, but when she held my hand it was like the world had turned around completely, done a turn in the opposite direction; what had that meant? I wanted it to mean everything. I wanted her forgiveness more than anything. But for that I'd have to speak to her.

Now, I'd changed clothes, even taken a shower. All the blood that had once been there wasn't there anymore, but still, I kneeled on the marvel floor trying to remove the stains of all the blood that'd left my body. I wasn't alone, though; Moira rested on her knees beside me. Of course I'd had to tell her what had happened, that was probably the only reason she was helping me clean; that, and the fact that she didn't want me to ruin the floors. It was incredible how surreal it all seemed as the bubbly soap mixed with the red substance. I have to talk to her.

"Stop that! You're going to scratch the material!" Moira said in a harsh tone, one of her old hands slapping mine away from the rag. "If you're really going to help, I suggest you listen to me" god, she was bossy. I looked at her with an apologetic glance as I let go of the rag, leaving its soapy state abandoned on the floor. Honestly, I felt like a little boy again. Being taught and scolded. I fucking hated that feeling. Non the less, I stayed quiet, part of my plan of showing Violet how she'd changed me, was to make peace with all the ghosts in the house. I'd chosen the easiest one for a start. Moira.

"I'm sorry." I'd have to get used to saying those words. I'd be saying them a lot for the next few... Years? Shit, how long could this take? I had forever anyway, what did it matter? I'd work on showing Violet how she'd really changed me forever if I had to. Forever was a long time, after all. Right? "I'm distracted." I admitted to Moira. Her old eyes lifted to look at me with an angry glance; when I met her eyes, I saw hers soften, if only a bit. It was something. "Can we leave this for later? I'll help you clean the whole house if you want." At this her eyes widened; they were still angry, though, her eyes. Even in the surprised way she was looking at me she seemed angry, but I never stopped looking into her eyes. Maybe what I wanted to show was sincerity.

"Fine" she said. Her tone was still angry, but she had lowered her eyes to her work on the ground while she continued speaking. I never really saw Moira angry too many times; unless I was in the room. So that's why she surprised me even more with her next words. "Go do what you've got to. But I'm waking you up early in the morning" I smiled. Or at least I think I did. I was getting somewhere with Moira.

"I don't really sleep much, Moira." I said, carefully standing up from the ground and keeping my eyes on her anyway; I dusted myself off.

"Good. We can start really early, then"

I nodded and switched my eyes toward the hallway that led to the stairs. I felt my smile disappear as soon as it had come. I have to talk to her. I thought over and over again. And then I moved, turning my body to where the stairway was. "Okay... Later." I said, this time I wasn't looking at Moira, instead I was walking toward the staircase, leaving Moira to cleaning my blood off of the ground.

My eyes looked upward, and my hand rested on the beginning of the railing, and then I took the decision and started going up. Slowly at first, but then decidedly running all the way to the third floor. In my mind I saw the many things I wanted to tell her, the many things I wanted to ask her. Wondering if she'd respond, if she'd ignore me, or worst of all, if she'd send me away once more.

It was a risk I had to take. I tightened every muscle in my body before I could force myself to take the few hasty steps towards Violet's door. The hallway felt like it went on forever and by the time I reached her door my knuckles were white from holding my fists so tightly. I reached out with a steady hand and shook her doorknob, just barely...

It's locked.

My shoulders sank; I was not entirely sure if from relief or disappointment; probably the latter. No, it was disappointment. I mean, of course it's locked. She wants nothing to do with me. I crashed my forehead against the door and barely heard the thud it made. My left hand reached up and flattened itself onto her door. I swallowed so loud I could hear it in my ears. Why did she have to let herself fall into my arms so damn easily last night and now lock her door? Why? My palm turned into a fist and I was tempted to bang as hard as I could on the door to her room; or twist the doorknob till the lock gave, but I didn't. Instead I just backed up against the wall and samk down into a sitting position with my legs out in front of me.

I shook my head and glared at the door. I couldn't understand her, I just couldn't. First she cried in my arms after killing me, and now she didn't want to know anything from me again. I felt like I was playing a game. And it tired me. But then... A noise. A simple click that made me raise my head and widen my eyes. No way. I stared at the handle of the door in shock. My face was still cold and I could feel the burning sensation start to make its way to my eyes. I was shuffling to my feet before I could stop myself, dusting off my hands on the back of my jeans. My jaw was dropped slightly and I set my hand loosely on her doorknob again. My palms were soaked in sweat, my breath was so erratic I had to force myself to take a few deep breaths before I finally turned the doorknob, even one bit... And then it moved. I could feel the frown quickly being replaced by a smile, a hopeful smile, a smile that asked for all of this to be real and not only a dream. I couldn't believe it, even when the doorknob turned completely. And then it hit me.

Violet unlocked the door for me.

To Be Continued.