Playing with Matches

The official blind dating show with characters from mismatched misc. books!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these numerous characters except Cackles and Giggles.

Episode 8: Aladdin and Hercules

Cackles: Good evening and welcome to the new amazing episode of P W M!

Giggles: PWM?

Cackles: Yeah, Playing With Matches! It's called "word economy." It saves you time talking if you substitute letters for words.

Giggles: No, because you spend extra time explaining what you meant, because no one gets it the first time.

Cackles: W E.

Giggles?

Cackles: What ever.

Giggles: I D C.

Cackles: What?

Giggles: My point exactly.

Cackles: I D C doesn't stand for "my point exactly," you'd have to say M P E. You don't get it.

Giggles: And now for Cackles's brilliant idea!

Audience actually gives a half hearted smattering of applause.

Giggles: Ooooh! They're actually clapping! Cackles, listen!

Cackles: Shhhh! You have to pretend like you're used to it, or they'll think you don't really deserve it.

The side door bursts open and Hercules rushes up on stage.

Hercules: Hey guys. Did I miss anything? I was just working out at the gym.

He flexes, and winks at the janitor.

Hercules: So is this the cute guy?

Alex the janitor looks terrified and brandishes a spray bottle of Windex as Hercules flashes him a pearly white cartoon smile.

Cackles: Woah there! That's Alex the janitor. Leave the poor guy alone, your date will be here soon enough.

Alex runs away. Harriett pushes Aladdin onto the stage.

Aladdin (In a whiney voice): Come on, let go. My arm hurts. Ow!

Harriett prods him in the back.

Cackles: You two are just made for each other!

Aladdin: What? Him? I'm not gay!

Hercules flips his golden hair aside and winks at Aladdin. Aladdin smiles and blushes and then looks away and coughs.

Aladdin (very seriously): I'm not gay.

Cackles elbows him in the ribs and winks to Giggles, who rolls her eyes and covers her face with her hands.

Aladdin: Ouch, stop it.

Hercules: Can I pet your monkey? He's so cute!

Aladdin: Um, sure…

Aboo(indignantly): Ooo ooo eee eee naaaaa aaa!

Hercules: So, do you like, wanna go get coffee or something?

Aladdin: No! (to self) Although I do hate to pass up free food… (to Aboo)

What do you think Aboo?

Aboo: Ooo Oooo Eee Aaaa EEEEEEEE!

Aladdin: I guess you're right. (to Hercules) No thank you.

Hercules: How about a movie?

Aladdin: I don't think so…

Hercules: Spider Man 3?

Aladdin (thinking about Tobey Maguire): Well…..

Hercules: I'll buy popcorn….

Aladdin (thinking about his stomach) : It's a deal!

Aboo: Waaa aaaa oo, nee eee!

Aladdin: Aboo!

Hercules: What's that?

Aladdin: Uhhh… he says that I uhhh… have to share popcorn with him…

Hercules: No problem! Let's take my car. It's parked out front.

At Spider Man 3

Hercules: Let's sit in the back row.

Aladdin (looking up at the window where the projector is): Is that a camera? I seriously thought I just saw that scary girl duck out of sight with a camera.

Hercules: Oooh, a camera where?

He turns around and smiles and waves. Aladdin sits down nervously.

Hercules: Here, have some popcorn. I didn't get butter on it, I'm on a bit of a diet to go along with my exercise routine. I work out at the gym every single day.

He flexes his muscles.

Hercules: Yeah, my max on bench press is 17.6 tons. And my max on the leg sled is- What the? Did you already finish off all the popcorn?

Aladdin (through a mouthful of popcorn): Weww, Awoo ha mos off it. gulp

Aboo (defensively): Naaa aa aaaa!

Hercules: You act like you haven't eaten in days!

Aladdin: Well, I did have a half of a loaf of bread the day before yesterday…

Hercules: Oooh, the movie's starting!

Hercules pretends to yawn and puts his arm around the back of Aladdin's chair.

Hercules: We have the theatre all to ourselves.

Aladdin: Er… I have to go… to the bathroom. All that soda, you know? I'll be… right back.

Aladdin rushes out of the theatre and stands panting in the hallway. He rubs the lamp and the genie emerges.

Aladdin: Genie, what do I do?

Genie: Just be yourself.

Aladdin: I can't. If they found out who I really was… they'd laugh at me.

Genie: Yeah, you might get a hot date out of it, too. That Hercules guy isn't half bad. Just tell them the truth!

Aladdin: I just can't. Plus, he's kind of egotistical.

Genie: Come on, Aladdin. Just go in there and be yourself.

Aladdin: Well, okay.

Aladdin walks back into the theatre and sits down. Remembering what Genie said, he begins to stuff his face with popcorn. Hercules pretends to yawn and stretches his arm out around Aladdin's shoulder.

Aladdin (coughing all the popcorn out of his cheeks): Aackkputttt!

Hercules wipes a fleck of spitty popcorn off of his cheek.

Hercules (to himself): Well this is romantic.

Genie begins to buzz around Aladdin's head.

Genie: Bee your self!

Cackles: Yeah, nobody's watching!

Aladdin: Okay fine!

Aladdin nervously and awkwardly shoots out for Hercules's hand, who then leans over and tries to kiss him. Aladdin pushes him away.

Hercules: Okay, I'm sick of this hot/cold bullshit. Just tell me what you want! Are you gay or not?

Aladdin: Yes. Well, no. Well, I'm bi, but it's just… Don't you think this is going a little fast? I mean, I only just met you!

Hercules: I guess this means you don't want to come over to my place afterwards?

Aladdin (aghast): What?

Hercules: Look, I'm sorry. We can go slower if you want. I didn't realize you had a problem with it.

Aladdin: It's okay, whatever. This is not working out. I'm going to leave.

Hercules: But why? Don't you think I'm hot?

Aladdin: This is just too much for me. This is the first time anybody's ever even found out that I was bi, okay? I don't really want to deal with this right now. Thanks for the popcorn.

Aladdin stalks out of the theatre muttering something about how nobody understands him.

Hercules (standing up to go): I guess I'll be going then.

Cackles: What happened? My plan was so brilliant!

Giggles: Well I'll give you one thing. You were right about them being gay.

Cackles: Duh, it's called gaydar. You should get one.

Giggles: Where?

Cackles: Try Amazon. That's where I got mine.

Giggles: Okay. Hey, next time can we do someone other than cartoons? They're kind of getting old.

Cackles: But- but- but- but- I had the best idea!

Giggles: Well, we can do it later. Can I decide for a change?

Cackles: What if I said no?

Giggles: Then I'd tie you to a red anthill.

Cackles: Okay then…

Giggles: So what did you think of Spiderman 3?

Cackles: Well, I didn't actually throw up so I guess it's better than I expected. Spiderman? An emo? That's just dumb.

Giggles: I thought he looked kind of like Aladdin there for a minute. You know, with the emo hair and all?

Cackles: Yeah, you're right. Aladdin did look sort of emo…

Giggles: And did you hear him on the way out muttering something about nobody understanding him?

Cackles: Yeah. Huh. Now that I think about it I totally see it.

Aladdin: I'm not emo. Don't call me emo! Nobody understands me! To self, singing If only they'd look closer. Would they see an emo? No siree, they'd find out there's so much more to me….

Cackles: Where did you come from? I thought you'd left! You scared the pants off me!

Aladdin: Oh, I noticed on my way in that you had a mini fridge in the back. I was just finishing off the left over lasagna. I'll be off now.

Aladdin leaves.

Cackles: Okay them. Well, TTYL MWP fans! We'll BRB with a new cartoonless episode!

Giggles: Don't burn things!