A/N: Sorry for the late update! I got dumped with a ton of school work. Thank you ever so much for the lovely reviews. Each one makes me smile (and sometimes cry with joy). Anyway, this chapter is kind of long and it jumps around a bit. I hope you like it anyway. Please R&R.
WARNING: This chapter contains one scene that might be considered slightly disturbing. Also Odin being a horrible grandfather.
Responsibility
The AllFather wouldn't even have noticed that his three eldest grandchildren were becoming adults if not for the fact that they had been spending the last two years drawing attention to themselves. The king was growing tired of their shenanigans. He knew they were just lashing out against the way people treated their father, but they were becoming dangerous. Fenrir had come back from a recent war with a toughened heart and a great deal of ambition. He was picking up a reputation of ferocity in the battle arena and threatened anyone who spoke ill of his father. Jörmungandr had been caught dealing in poisons, but while Loki fervently assured everyone that his son was just interested as a scholar in the subject, Asgardians began to call the young man 'The Assassin in Waiting'. Hela managed to avoid disfavor with the public for the most part, but the young woman's mysteriousness and reputation for interesting views on death made her strange. However, Odin had to give her points for being very respectable and eloquent. She defended her family fiercely against accusations, but did it politely and confidently. For that reason, he began to consider her for the throne of Niflheim. The AllFather knew that Loki would object, but it couldn't be helped.
Then there was the matter of Vali and Narfi. The elder of the two was growing in power and restlessness, which was not by any means a good combination. The young man was taking a bit of heat for having an Alf girlfriend and though Odin had no objection to the relationship, he didn't approve of the way Vali was handling the kickback. He challenged anyone who made fun of him to a duel and those who accepted always found themselves in defeat, gaining him a reputation for a steadfast will to win.
On the other hand, Narfi was handling life after the recent war much better than his siblings. He never lashed out at insults and quietly went about his business, never being rude to anyone in any way. Odin liked Narfi. It was too bad that the boy had been called as a field medic at such a young age, but it couldn't have been helped. Now that he was back home, Narfi was finishing his studies with Eir as if nothing had happened to him in the last year. Baldr had been at the boy's side for most of the war and he seemed convinced that something was wrong, but Narfi just wasn't allowing anyone to see it. For the time being, Odin chose not to say anything on the matter, deciding that it was up to Loki and Sigyn to deal with any problems the young healer might be having.
The king had been pondering these things one morning until his train of thought was interrupted by a question from Frigga.
"When are you scheduling Hela's coming of age ball?" she asked, raising her eyebrows upon noticing that her husband hadn't been paying attention.
"Next week. It will give me time to tell Loki she will be Lady of Niflheim and receive his more than certainly negative reaction." Odin responded after a moment. Frigga nodded and continued giving instructions to a servant.
"I do not think it fair that Hela gets a celebration and we do not." Fenrir complained, moodily forking a piece of veal into his mouth. Hela rolled her eyes at this before turning her attention to Narfi.
"The AllFather might consider it if you would just behave yourselves." Sigyn responded with a wry smile.
"Who knew the most feared warrior in the arena would want his own ball." Vali quipped with a smirk. Fenrir let out a low growl in response and Loki shot him a look that quite clearly said 'cool it, hothead'. Jörmungandr laughed at this and the two other brothers joined him after a moment. They were dragged abruptly back to seriousness when Hela suddenly spoke up.
"Narfi, you have barely touched your meal." she commented. The young woman had been observing her little brother for the past ten minutes and noticed him pick up his fork only once in that entire time. Now that she thought back on it, it had been that way for a while.
"Forgive me. I am not very hungry." he replied quietly. All attention was on him, but he stared firmly at his lap.
"He is only hungry for Lady Eir's daughter." Fenrir snickered, causing Narfi to look even paler than he already was. Loki and Sigyn glared at Fenrir incredulously and pointed towards the door, making it clear that he was banished to his room. The young man frowned heavily, but said nothing before leaving.
"You are never hungry, brother." Hela said as if Fenrir had never interrupted. "What is wrong?" She tried to reach over and touch Narfi's wrist like she always did when she was trying to understand him, but he pulled away. He had never done that before, which confused her.
"I am fine. I am just not hungry." Narfi insisted before excusing himself from the table. Hela made to go after him, but Loki stopped her.
"Let him go. Sometimes it is better to let a boy have some alone time." he told her, though he knew he was going to intrude on that alone time later. There was no doubt that something was wrong with his son, but he didn't want to seem nosey to the boy. He had already shut out Vali (which was obvious from the fact that his apprentice hadn't told him anything about this before) and now Hela for that reason.
The rest of the meal was silent and once it was over, Loki instructed Vali and Jörmungandr to go study quietly. They obeyed without question and Hela went off to the library, saying nothing. For a moment, Loki and Sigyn just stood in the dining hall, looking at each other, but then the dark haired man reached out to put his hands around her waist, looking into her eyes with an expression of comfort.
"It was the war, wasn't it. That did this to them." Sigyn suddenly said. "They are too young. We should not have let them go."
"Odin needed warriors and they were eager to go. I had Thor and Baldr help me watch over them on the battlefield, but even then, we should be eternally grateful that all of them returned." Loki reasoned. This did nothing to calm his wife, however.
"That depends on what you mean by returned." They both knew that the boys who left for war never truly came back. The children who had sat with them that evening were not the same. "Narfi was thirteen when he was sent over as a medic. Thirteen. A child, Loki. Odin sent a child to the battlefield." Sigyn's voice shook as she spoke, full of hurt and anger. Her hands were fisted, pressing against Loki's chest, almost threatening to push him away. However, he only pulled himself closer to her in response.
"I agree with you, but what is there to be done except help the boys cope? I will speak with Narfi. I will find out what ails him, even if he refuses to respond. I am by no means evading the issue at hand." Loki reached up and stroked the side of Sigyn's face as he said this. She closed her eyes before burying her face in his shoulder, arms wrapped tightly around him.
"I just want my sons back."
"I promise I will make things right." he whispered to her.
Loki knocked softly on Narfi's bedroom door. He'd had his own room since he began his apprenticeship with the healers, not wanted to be disturbed by Vali. His father hadn't seen inside the room since the war ended. In fact, he didn't think anyone had. When the boy wasn't off with Eir, he locked himself away and didn't let anyone bother him, not even his parents.
"Narfi?" Loki called when he received no response, growing worried despite this being what he had expected. Still, no answer came. "Narfi, if you do not open this door, I can easily pick the lock and enter anyway." Still no response. Sighing heavily, the prince made a twisting motion with his hand and heard the lock click open. He opened the door and walked inside, preparing to say something. At first, all he saw was Narfi sitting at his desk, pouring over a tome, but then he saw the walls and ceiling and he let out a small gasp. The parts that had previously been blank stone were now covered in large, dark red lettering. 'FORGIVE ME' over and over again in blood. Loki's green eyes widened in horror. What was wrong with his son? To write in blood was to evoke very strong forms of magic. Without even saying anything at first, the man stormed over to Narfi and grabbed his shoulder, forcing the boy to look at him. "Would you like to tell me what is going on?" he demanded. Narfi said nothing and simply gazed up at his father serenely. "Answer me, young man." Loki ordered, trying not to shout, but being unable to hold back his anger and hoisting the boy up by his tunic collar. "Do not make me use mind invasion magic on my own son. I am trying to help you, Narfi."
"No one can help me. I did not wish to burden my family with this. Please go." the gray eyed teen said after a few moments. Loki shook his head at this and tightened his grip on the black cloth.
"No. Tell me what is going on. You cannot be sure I am unable to help you unless you tell me what the problem is." At this, Narfi raised his eyebrows, but despite feeling his father's efforts were futile, he humored him.
"During the war, I saw warriors die who I could have saved if I had just tried a little harder. I saw things that haunt me each time I close my eyes." Suddenly, it all made sense. The boy was feeling guilt and had begged forgiveness in his blood from the spirits of those he had been unable to save. This had happened to Sigyn before, but she had never reacted to it like Narfi, probably because he had been there to help her before she could get very isolated.
"You cannot save everyone. People die. It is the nature of fate. If you had spread yourself too thin, nothing good would have come of it. You need not feel responsible for those whose fate was sealed." Loki knew all too well what happened when one tried to use powerful magic on more than one person for an extended period. If the caster's instincts didn't kick in and stop the flow of power through the body before he or she ran out of energy, first would come pain and dizziness and then if the caster hadn't passed out soon after that, death. Knowing Narfi, if the boy had pushed any harder, he would have died and many more lives would have been lost because he wouldn't have been there to save them. "I have seen many sorcerers die for Asgard, not because they were felled by the enemy, but because they cast spells until they could not even summon their own life force to fight. The longer you can dance out of the Fates' reach, the more people you can help dance with you."
"I understand, father, but no amount of explaining can take my nightmares away." Narfi responded sorrowfully. He had never doubted that his father could help him understand his guilt, but he knew that when he closed his eyes, he would still see warriors before him, being slain in the most horrid ways imaginable, blood everywhere. Loki gritted his teeth at Narfi's words, something suddenly occurring to him.
"Do you often dream of things that have happened or might happen?" the man inquired in a frantic, concerned tone, shaking his son a little. The boy looked back at him, now a little scared, with wide eyes.
"I-I do not know!"
"When did your nightmares start!"
"I-I-I...m-maybe a year ago...I do not know!"
"Are they always the same?"
"N-No..." At this, Loki swore under his breath and began dragging the boy towards the door.
"It is time for you to have a certain conversation with your mother."
"What! NO! She is too young!" Loki growled at Odin upon hearing his father's plans to crown Hela Queen of Niflheim. The young woman stood beside him looking as calm as ever.
"The Realm of the Dead needs a new ruler. She is the most qualified of any Asgardian and she is of age." the AllFather replied, doing nothing to help convince Loki of his decision.
"That is too much responsibility for someone so young!" At this, Hela put a hand on Loki's shoulder and gave him a sad smile.
"It is alright, father. I would gladly bear this burden." she told him before turning to Odin. "I accept the position."
"Very well. You shall be crowned at your coming of age ball." The king dismissed them before Loki could object any further. As they walked out of the throne room, Hela took the arm her father offered. Her pearly eyes were full of sympathy at seeing how frustrated and depressed he was.
"Father, you do not need to worry about me. I can do this. I want to do this." she reassured him. He gave her a wistful smile and they kept walking in silence. When they returned home, Sigyn and the rest of the children were sitting in the common room and looked up from what they had been doing when the two entered.
"What did the AllFather want?" Sigyn asked.
"I am to be Queen of Niflheim." Hela announced, earning her looks of shock and disbelief, though it quickly passed.
"Uh, congratulations, dear." The woman was hesitant about her own words upon seeing the expression on Loki's face. She decided she better change the subject before this got ugly.
"While you were away, Narfi told me all about his problem. The good news is that I can easily help him. The bad news is that he has the Gift, just as we feared he would one day." she told her husband as he approached her, speaking only loud enough for him to hear. "Fortunately, he is a Metaphorical Dreamer, meaning his visions are usually symbolic and are not a direct window into the future. He can only gather meaning from them if he consciously interprets them."
"What can you do for him?"
"There is an elixir that when taken regularly, will dampen his Gift and give him peace of mind." Sigyn explained, glancing at Narfi, who was now playing chess with Vali (much to the elder brother's surprise and delight). She was glad her husband had taken the initiative to confront the adolescent. If he hadn't, Narfi might have gone down a one way path to nowhere pleasant. Now she had some measure of assurance that her dear son was going to be alright.
"Did you make him promise not speak of this to anyone but us?"
"Yes, though I do not think he realizes why. He has no strong sense of Aesir or Vanir like the generation before us. He does not realize that if my family were to discover that he has the Gift, they would claim him a Vanir and try to undo everything we taught him about identity." They had worked so hard to ensure that Vali and Narfi never felt they had to choose which group they belonged to and that they were simply Asgardian. To have that undone would be highly upsetting for Loki and Sigyn.
"I see. And the blood on his walls?"
"Cleaned up. He says he will not do it again."
"Good." Loki took comfort in the fact that at least things were looking up just a little. Seeing this in him, Sigyn smiled and entwined her fingers with his before turning to look at Hela, who was intently watching Vali and Narfi play chess.
"We should be proud. She will make a wonderful queen."
"I know...it just..."
"We have to let them go someday." Loki was unable to find words to express what he was feeling, which was a strange and rare experience for him. He didn't want Hela to leave, but at the same time, he wanted her to be Niflheim's glorious queen, just not while she still lacked wisdom. It was upsetting that Odin had just sprung this on them, but she had already accepted the title and there was nothing Loki could do.
"It has only been eight years since she and her brothers came to us and she already has to leave. It is not fair." Sigyn knew exactly how he was feeling and leaned her head against his shoulder as a way of telling him this. Hela knew of their feelings though they did not voice them to her. She was determined to show them that she could do what had been asked of her, even if she lacked experience.
As soon as Nörvi looked up from her work table to see Narfi approaching her with Ikol hovering behind him, she raised her eyebrows. It was the first time since he'd come back from the war that she'd seen him without sad blankness in his features.
"Hello, Nörvi." he greeted her tranquilly.
"Oh, you are speaking to me again?" she responded with a playful smile, which he returned a little.
"Forgive me for my distance with you. I was not myself." he said, not wanting to get into detail about it. Ever since his mother had begun giving him that elixir, his mind had been at peace and he felt like he could be happy again, but it was frustrating that he could not tell his friend about any of it if she asked. He did not want to lie to her.
"I see. So he who is called the Medic Prince is not perfect?"
"No one is."
"Damn. I was hoping you would prove that wrong." Nörvi returned, her smile widening. Narfi blushed brightly and laughed, flattered that she thought so highly of him. "So what brings you to my humble workspace this fine morning?"
"Oh, right. I was wondering if you would do me the honor of being my guest at Hela's ball." The fourteen year old didn't even have time to think before the words slipped out and he felt his heart begin to race as he realized what he'd just said. What if she said no?
"O-Of course! It would be my honor!" she managed to reply through all her blushing and sudden nervousness. For a moment, they just stared at each other, but then they both laughed. "I am glad mother lets me speak with you. I have not been allowed friends of my own choosing before. I think she trusts you more than she does any of the other apprentices."
"You think so? Besides my family, I do not have anyone but you. It is an interesting twist of fate that we who are so shut in should find each other." The conversation was pleasant and warm, something he had missed dearly. He persuaded Nörvi to help him with his work just so that he could talk to her all day. To his surprise, Lady Eir didn't seem to mind at all and that evening, he practically skipped home because he was in such a good mood. As he removed his healer's cowl on the way to his room and Ikol flew off, Vali stopped him, wearing a devious grin.
"I take it she said yes." he said and Narfi nodded, trying to hide his overflowing excitement as much as he could, but Vali knew just by looking at him that this was huge for the younger brother. "Odin's Beard, you are such a romantic." he teased.
"And you are not? One whose girlfriend is Bryn of Alfheim? Besides, Nörvi is just a friend. I do not have a crush on her like everyone thinks." Narfi protested, raising his raven eyebrows. Vali snickered and rolled his eyes at this.
"Right." was all the older brother said. He did not want to provoke his brother further on the subject of Bryn. It was a topic that struck very close to the most tender part of his heart and to have Narfi use it as a comeback meant that the boy did not take his jibe about Nörvi lightly. Still, Vali brushed it off with his sarcastic remark and went off on his way to turn a few notes in to his father for review. Narfi watched him go with an amused expression, knowing he'd won that little battle (for once).
The day of Hela's ball arrived sooner than her parents would have liked. Sigyn quietly braided her daughter's long black hair that evening as the prepared. She would have Hela looking no less that perfect. The young woman sat there calmly while her step mother braided her hair and said nothing until Sigyn spoke to her.
"Hela, are you not nervous?"
"What is the point of being nervous? I cannot afford to be nervous." the pearly eyed girl replied serenely. Sigyn raised her eyebrows at this and smiled. Hela would make a wonderful queen.
"Of course, dear." the woman responded as she finished making Hela's hair look absolutely perfect. "Now you are all ready. Go wait in the common room with the boys." With this, Hela nodded and went to the common room. There she found her brothers already waiting, looking dashing in their formal armor. They grinned when they saw her and commented on how nice she looked in her flowing green and black dress. When she walked, it looked as if she were gliding. A few moments later, their parents appeared in full armor. Their children rarely saw Sigyn wear armor and they were in awe at how regal she seemed. As ever, they loved to see Loki in his helmet. They considered those large, golden goat horns to be a family emblem.
"Come, children." Loki directed and he and Sigyn took Hela's hands and made there way to the royal ball room, the sons following closely behind, walking in synchronized step (though not consciously). When they arrived, the guests looked around at them in fascination. Loki and Sigyn came forth and presented Hela to Odin, bowing down on one knee on either side of the young woman. The AllFather gave a small smile and with a knock of Gungnir, all was quiet. People looked up at the king curiously, wondering what was going on.
"Hela Lokidottir, you have grown into a mature, responsible woman and honored your father's name time and time again. None here would question that of all Asgardians, you are the most in tune with the cycle of life, particularly the subject of death. Niflheim is in need of a new ruler and you have exemplified ever quality needed of someone who could be its queen. Will you accept the position?" Hela could feel Loki tensing at this, but she did not falter.
"I accept." she said confidently in her smooth, wispy voice.
"Very well. Then by the power invested in me as King of Asgard, I proclaim thee Queen of Niflheim." As the AllFather spoke, a guard holding a large, dark violet pillow with a golden helmet upon it stepped forward. Odin took it by the enormous horns zigzagging out from either side of it and placed it on Hela's head. The hall erupted in applause and the dark haired woman bowed to Odin. Loki and Sigyn stood up after letting go of their daughter's hands and smiled with a sad pride. There was suddenly and growing crowd of nervous young men around the three and Loki's emerald orbs narrowed.
"Queen Hela, would you honor me with a dance?" one of the more confident warriors asked. Loki glared at him instantly.
"You are forgetting this is her coming of age ball. Tradition states that her first dance is with me. Whether she chooses to accept your request after that is for her to decide." the Trickster said with a slightly mocking sternness. Hela cast her father a looked that said 'you don't have to be like that, I'm a big girl now' and he grinned before guiding her to the dance floor. The music started and they glided daintily about. Narfi observed his sister and father from afar, standing awkwardly next to Nörvi, who looked very pretty in her midnight blue gown, but he was too shy to say anything.
"You must be very proud of your sister." the girl commented in an attempt to break the silence between them.
"Oh, yes, I suppose." From this, Nörvi could tell Narfi was sad about Hela's appointment.
"You do not wish her to leave. You are going to miss her." Narfi was surprised at how observant the girl was and this came across, making her blush.
"She understands me better than most. When I was smaller, she could know exactly how I was feeling just by looking at me and touching my arm." He didn't know why he was choosing to discuss this with Nörvi, but as always, it just slipped out.
"I see." Something in the warmth of the smile she was giving him made something occur to Narfi. Once again, his brain went on autopilot and he reached out to take her hand, kissing it.
"Thank you for your understanding, Lady Nörvi. Would you care to dance?" he said and though he was merely being playful and friendly as he always was with his dear friend, the sudden jolt of unfamiliar emotion when she blushed and let out a small giggle in response felt so very different.
"I would be honored."
On the other side of the dance floor, Vali spied his little brother and Eir's daughter twirling about and he smirked.
"What are you so amused about, love?" Bryn asked, noticing the expression on Vali's face as he gazed over her shoulder. The dark haired young man laughed and shook his head.
"Nothing, Bryn. I merely lost a bet with myself."
"And what was this bet over?" the elf inquired, raising her golden eyebrows in amusement.
"Oh, I said to myself 'I bet Narfi will not even have the courage to ask Lady Nörvi to dance.' It looks as if I was wrong." At this, Bryn glanced over and sure enough, the youngest of Loki's sons was dancing with Lady Nörvi.
"I never would have thought it possible. Shy little Narfi. What a surprise." The two laughed and kept dancing, ignoring how the Aesir nobles seemed to be glaring at them in disapproval. Vali caught sight of Hela trying to decide who to dance with amongst the fair number of young men asking her. Never in her whole life had boys given her this much attention. Perhaps it had only just caught on that she possessed a terrifying beauty and people had shied away from it before because of her unusual white eyes, but now that she was a queen, the male population seemed to have been knocked out of its daze. It seemed Hela could finally forget about Dvalnin, the Imaginary Boyfriend.
Off in the corner, Fenrir and Jörmungandr could be observed not looking particularly happy. Not a single woman seemed willing to talk to them let alone dance with them, and on top of it all, their sister was going to have to leave and rule Niflheim.
A/N: ...and there you have it. As you can imagine, the next chapter will have to do a great deal with Fenrir and Jörmungandr. I hope Narfi didn't steal the show from Hela in this chapter, but I had to vent some Narfi feels. Anyway, please let me know what you think. Thanks! ~T.Z.
