Sorry to keep you guys waiting! This chapter is dedicated to ImSoNinjoe because she hasn't been feeling too good, so pray for her! :)

I do not own Big Time Rush or anything else you may recognize in this story.

After a the meal Lilah had prepared was enjoyed by her family and guests, Carlos had offered to drive Katie and Alysia down to the Blockbuster and pick up a movie or two. As the trio left the house, Lilah turned to Logan, who was currently helping his wife wash the tableware.

"Logan, you should go talk to James," The brunnette suggested as she placed a plate into the dishwasher's rack. Logan's eyebrows rose as he nodded, his gaze turning to Lilah.

"He did seem a little off tonight didn't he?" Logan scrubbed a fork with the soapy sponge, handing it to Lilah. She leaned to her side, peering out of the back porch's glass doors. James was sitting on one of the wooden chairs, staring blankly into their backyard. The sandy haired man hadn't said at most five words at the dinner table that evening, and it worried his friends.

Lilah sighed, promptly taking the sponge and fork from her husband. "Go on," she smiled softly, placing the fork into the dishwasher and pecking a spry kiss to Logan's cheek.

"Hey buddy," James turned as he heard his friend greet him, putting on a warm smile.

"Hey," he simply replied, accepting the beer Logan had handed to him. Logan sat down next to James, taking a quick swig of his beverage. He cleared his throat roughly, the alcohol not tasting particularly as good as he recalled.

The two stayed silent for a long moment, listening to the crickets and other insects play their natural melody. The sky was painted with an array of purples, pinks, and oranges as the sun was just barley peeking over the horizon. Logan turned to James, serching his face for any clue of what was troubling his younger friend. Finding nothing, Logan felt his stare fall down to his beer bottle, shifting it in his hand, thinking of the right thing to say.

"What's going on dude?" Logan finally says, causing James to furrow his eyebrows at his friend's restless tone.

"What do you mean? Nothing..." James' hazel eyes turn back to the yard, watching a lone leaf tumble across the grass.

"James...if this is about Katie or even Kendall-"

"Its not." James interrupted, his voice dipping a little lower in pitch. Logan looked at James for a moment, trying to decipher what was going on in his friend's mind. Not about Kendall or Katie? What else was there troubling him?

"James, you've known me you're whole life. Were like brothers man. You can tell me anything," Logan watched James' expression intently as he spoke. The taller man sighed heavily, setting his bottle onto the glass patio table and leaning forward, burying his face into his palms, elbows resting on his knees.

"I loved Kendall," James began, and Logan blinked slowly, knowing he had been right. "But, its been so long since he's been gone and-but I feel so guilty...and confused."

Logan knitted his eyebrows together, setting his beer atop the table as well. "Guilty and confused about what James?"

The taller man lifted his head, revealing his irritated, reddening eyes. Leaning back to sit in his chair, he sniffled slightly as he ran his hand through his long hair. "I went snooping around in Carlos bedroom, and I read something I really don't think I should have," James admitted with a breaking voice, the back of his hand swiping underneath his running nose. "And-and I just don't even know what to think about it,"

Logan's hand reached forward, grasping James' knee, gesturing reassurance. "Tell me James."

James choked back a small cry, his eyes closing as he felt the firm grip on his leg tighten. He didn't want to say it. James wanted to just calm down and tell Logan it was a joke, but the pain, the guilt was eating away at him. He was going to fall apart if he didn't let his monster of feelings out.

"He said that he was envious of Kendall; that he fucking loves me," James let out, finally letting a tear roll down his face. Logan was completely shocked, never knowing Carlos was homosexual.

"-But that's not the reason I feel so guilty," James continued. He leaned down once more, his hands pushing the hair from falling in his face. "Logan, I think I'm starting to fucking love him."

Logan watched as James began to sob, his back hunched over pathetically. The shorter man moved closer to his friend, pulling him up by the shoulders. Their eyes locked, and Logan could literally feel James' regret pouring from him.

"James, Kendall has been gone for a long, long time. If you're starting to feel something for Carlos then its okay. Kendall would've wanted you to be happy, not miserable the rest of you're life." Logan had begun to tear up himself, a small smile on his lips. James cleared his throat of one last choking cry before wiping his wet face with the sleeve of his jacket. "Please James, whatever you do, don't feel guilty."

Logan leaned forward, capturing his friend in a long overdue embrace, holding him tight. Sure they had known each other for quite some time and were very close, but the past year had taken them through trials they never wished to experience again. Ultimately, they had become better friends than ever before.

"Thank you so much Logan, for everything." James laughed, patting his friend on the back before letting go.

"Dad?" The two suddenly heard, and turned, seeing Katie in the open glass door. James was taken back, hearing her call Logan that. It just seemed so weird. But then again, Katie had never experienced a father figure in her life, and James understood why she would want to call Logan that. Technically, he was her 'dad' now anyway.

"Yeah sweetie?" Logan replied like it was the most natural thing in the world. Katie stood for a moment, her hands akwardly in her jean's pockets.

"Can I talk to James alone?" Logan stood, wiping his eyes as he nodded, walking through the open door and into the living room. Katie closed the opening, standing beside James as he remained seated. Her chesnut once again fell into her beautiful face, her timid brown eyes peering from behind it.

Suddenly, she came forward, wrapping her arms around James' neck. James blinked in suprise, but then smiled, pulling her into a hug.

"Logan is right you know," she whispered, her grip never dying. "He would've never wanted to see you sad."

James realized at that moment that Katie had been the closest person to Kendall other than himself. He buried his face into her small shoulder, feeling that connection he had been craving for so long.

"Tell Carlos." Katie suddenly pulled away, her mascara smearing underneath her eyes a bit as she smiled. James rubbed the blackness away with his thumbs, giving the teen a toothy grin.

"How long were you listening to us?" James chuckled, holding her round face with his palms. That was something that hadn't changed about Katie, her adorable baby face. She laughed too, refreshing James to finally see her smile once more. "C'mon, let's go watch the movie."

Later that night, James and Carlos had drivin home after watching a couple of movies at Logan's house.

"I don't care what you say, Shutter Island was a great movie," Carlos yelled while brushing his teeth, his speech a little muffled by the toothpaste filling his mouth. James laughed from down the hall, opening the fridge to pull out a can of Coke.

"The ending was completely predictable and I don't think Katie should have been watching it anyway. I don't know why you even let her pick that out," James argued, poping the tab open on his drink and taking a sip, sitting himself down on the living room couch. As he flipped the television on, Carlos walked out from the hall, wearing a pair of black boxer briefs and a white V neck.

"Katie is sixteen years old! When we were that age we were watching all kinds of rated R shit," Carlos chuckled, taking a seat next to James on the sofa. James laughed at this, remembering how scared Logan would get when they all went to see horror movies.

Carlos leaned himself back comfortably as he watched the program play on the television, all the while thinking.

"You seemed to get Katie in a better mood tonight." He spoke nonchalantly, leaning forward to take a swig from James' can. The taller man's eyes stayed set on the flashing screen. "What'd you guys talk about?"

James leaned his head to the side, resting it in his palm as he watched the show. His eyes suddenly flickered down to his lap, a small smile on his lips.

"We uh- we just talked about something that had been bothering me latley," James shrugged, looking over as Carlos set the can onto the coffee table.

"Somethings been bothering you? Why didn't you tell me?" Carlos' tone suddenly had turned very serious, leaning forward to get a full view of James' face. The taller man sighed, feeling his own breath pass slowly between his lips. He met Carlos' gaze, their brown eyes locking on one another intensely.

"Carlos...I read your photo journal."

The Latino blinked for a moment, his brain not being able to form the right words as he processed what he had just heard. A rose color flooded to his cheeks, knowing immediately that James was going to reference the last page he had written. And he knew he should be angered that James went through his personal stuff, but really, for some odd reason, he wasn't.

"I read the page about Kendall leaving, and I - I was really confused about some of the things you said,"

"James, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't feel that way about you," Carlos stopped him, shaking his head slightly. "-but I can't help it."

James' cheeks had become hot. He felt his stomach churn beneath his skin, tickiling his insides. He smiled, having not felt that sensation since Kendall and him had shared their last kiss. He suddenly found himself leaning in, grasping Carlos' soft face.

"Whatever you do, don't feel guilty," James smiled softly before pressing his mouth against Carlos', feeling the tingling response of lips to lips contact once again. Carlos closed his eyes, feeling his long time fantasy come to life, James' warm hands rubbing along his jawline.

The kiss lasted for a few, long awaited moments before they both pulled away slowly, their eyes half lidded and sultry.

"I love you too Carlos, I love you so fucking much," James' eyebrows turned upwards, his eyes glistening before he leaned in once more, pushing his quivering lips against his friend's.

Carlos moaned quietly into James' mouth as it opened up, letting the Latino's tonuge slide past his lips.

xxxx

"Damn...I had to see it for myself," Sgt. Mason shook his head as he smiled, standing beside Kendall's bed. The blonde laughed, shaking the man's hand for the first time in a long while.

"Its good to see you Sgt. Mason," he smiled, running his hand over his freshly shaven head. The surgeons had to do this to insert the chip into the back of Kendall's head. The built man looked over his former soldier, a grin stuck to his face.

"I heard you got a new leg," Sgt. Mason's eyebrow rose as Kendall laughed darkly. He lifted the thin sheet from his body, showing off his metallic left leg.

"Yep, it'll be fully functional once I get used to controlling the sensor in my brain," Kendall sighed, pushing the covers over his lower half again. Sgt. Mason nodded, patting the blonde on the back.

"You're very brave Private," the tall man smiled as Kendall thanked him.

After speaking for what seemed to be forever, Sgt. Mason was forced to leave, visiting hours nearly over.

"So, ill call back to Minnesota tonight to let everyone know the good news?" Sgt. Mason stood, peering down at the tired Kendall. The blonde suddenly had the realization that his friends and family, especially James and his mother didn't even know he still exsisted. It was going to be at least three more months before he was home...

He thought for a moment, then turned to look up at the Sgt.

"Don't. I want it to be a suprise."