The Adventures of Nival and K

By Dominus Princeps

Note to Shalaman: Most of those things I already planned out. Thanks for your input, though!

Chapter Eight: Bloody Daedra and Lifestyles of the Rich and Undead!

"Martin!" K shoved open the doors to the Blades Chapel, letting in a rush of wintry air.

"Did you kill Camoran?" the priest/heir stood up expectantly.

"No such luck. However, we did manage to snag a little souvenir," Nival grinned, handing Martin the thick grey book. "The Mysterium Xarxes, sir."

"By the Nine! Such a thing is dangerous even to handle!" Martin gasped, dropping the book onto the table as though it were a burning coal.

"You're Martin? I'm Eyja, partnered with Nival and K," the Nord extended her hand in greeting.

"Eyja," Martin took her hand and bowed.

"Greywyn no blood! Yay yum big big burn tick tick blood," the bizarre vampire hugged Martin's waist.

"That's Greywyn. He's a vampire, but he doesn't drink blood, and...yeah, that's why he's...yeah," the Dark Elf sighed. The vampire bared his teeth in a smile and hopped back over to Nival's side.

"Well...I've got to research the Mysterium, but I heard that Jauffre has a problem for you, so you should check it out," the priest/heir remarked. The four of them turned to face Jauffre, who was right behind them the whole time.

"Creepy," K muttered almost inaudibly. Nival glared at him.

"Well, you four, I have a task for you. There have been reports of spies hanging around the Doomstone. Ask Captain Steffan for more info," the Grandmaster of the Blades said. He promptly walked off.

"Okay," Eyja raised an eyebrow.

"You'd think he'd go into more detail if it were such a big problem," her Dunmer companion sighed. They turned and walked out the door.

"Ah, sir, there you are!" Captain Steffan greeted Nival. "I'm sure Jauffre already told you about the spies. They've been appearing around dusk and dawn, so...they should be out there now. Check it out! I'd love to get my hands bloody, but we're not allowed to leave."

"Righto," K pulled out his chain mace and dashed down the stairs. Nival, Eyja, and Greywyn tailed him, hurtling down the steep, snowy slope toward the Doomstone.

"Dawn is breaking!" was heard above the clamor of K shouting and smashing things. Nival chuckled, amused at the unfolding scene. A Mythic Dawn agent was running terrified circles around the Doomstone as K chased her with his mace. Nival nailed her with a Burden hex, rooting her in place. K slammed his mace into her skull, crushing it and killing her.

"She's got a note and a key on her," the Dremora remarked as he looted her.

"'Jearl's Orders,' huh? Greywyn, you take this to Jauffre and come back when you're done. Eyja, K, and I will head on into Bruma and check out what we can find on these spies," the Dark Elf said, handing the slip of paper to the vampire. Greywyn snatched it and tucked it into a pocket of his worn Black Wide Pants before scampering nimbly up the slopes. K chuckled at the vampire's antics, and the three of them headed into Bruma.

ooo

"What a crappy shack..." K muttered after having kicked the door in as usual.

"Case the place. Look for anything suspicious..." Nival ordered.

"Eww..." Eyja shied away from a moldy piece of bread.

"Don't be a wuss, Eyja," the Dremora grinned. He yelped with surprise as a pair of Fisherman's Waders fell onto his head. The daedra fell to the ground, apparently wrestling with the clothing.

"You damn cultist bitch, I'll kill ya! I'll eat you alive! I swear, I'll-" K roared, tearing the thick leather waders apart.

"K, that's clothes. Not a Mythic Dawn agent. Clothes," Nival said in a soothing, slow voice.

"I, uh, I knew that. I was just making sure it wasn't a possessed...pair of pants," the Dremora replied defensively. Eyja stubbed her boot on something and knelt down.

"Over here, boys! There's a trapdoor, but," she tugged on the door's latch, "it's locked."

"Does this key fit?" Nival muttered to himself, pushing Basement Key into the thick padlock on the door. Sure enough, a simple turn opened the padlock, granting the three of them entry to Jearl's basement.

"What the hell? You aren't Jearl!" a woman grunted, surprised.

"Your deductive reasoning is mind-blowing," Nival snorted, charging a pair of fireballs.

"So...you're enemies?" the woman's eyes widened.

"Damn straight!" K roared. "Die, fanatic freak!"

"Wait-" the woman never had the chance to finish her sentence, as K promptly smashed her into a wall with his warhammer.

"Look, a lengthy, detailed note. More orders!" Eyja perused the Jearl's Orders 2.

"So...did these two chicks dig this whole place themselves, or...what? Was this conveniently located secret tunnel complex here the whole time, waiting for some evil cultist to buy this house and use it to spy on Cloud Ruler Temple?" K remarked, looking the place over.

"Maybe they had it dug for them. They must've used some kind of service for that," Eyja shrugged.

"What, the 'Evil Lair Construction Co.?' 'We build your base of operations for your anarchist/demonic/just plain bad plans so that you don't have to waste your valuable diabolical time making it yourself'? That's awfully suspicious," the Dremora chuckled.

"Point," the Nord sighed, grinning.

"But seriously...who made this? I mean, it's pretty cavernous, and-" the daedra continued.

"We should head back to Cloud Ruler Temple and see what's going on," Nival cut in. A creaking board made them all freeze. Soft, almost silent footfalls echoed in the Bruma Caverns. A shadow...

"Bloods!" Greywyn cried enthusiastically, hopping up and down with excitement.

"Sheesh, Greywyn, you scared me!" Eyja grinned, picking up the vampire in a hug. Greywyn licked her neck affectionately and perched on her back.

"What's happened back at the Temple?" K asked.

"Big big scorch tick blood no blood 'dog hand yum!' Hoar big big bad moon bloods yay yum where? Greywyn no blood yay, dog bloods yum drink drink!" the vampire explained.

"Uh...right. We'll head back," Nival raised an eyebrow.

"Big big burn tick tick blood 'blood big big bad! Drink bloods big big bad here yay, Greywyn yum!'" Greywyn added. The vampire licked his teeth and smiled.

"Yeah...did either of you guys understand that?" K muttered.

"Nope," Eyja laughed, scratching the vampire behind his ear. He kicked his leg and scrunched his face up, clearly enjoying the attention.

"We've got no time to waste. If anything has happened, we need to be there," Nival said.

"Yay yum!" Greywyn agreed, nodding. They set off.

ooo

"The first part of the passage was easy enough to translate. It specifically states a need for the 'blood of the Daedra,' most likely a Daedric artifact. I happen to know of a shrine east of here, the Shrine to Azura. You four had best get on that while you can; no telling what the Mythic Dawn will think up next," Martin explained.

"You sure know a lot about this," Nival raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I used to be a hippy. All the shit I smoked led me to believe that the Daedroth Princes were the way to go. But then I realized something: hippies are stupid as balls. So I converted to the Nine, and here I am," the priest/Heir replied.

"Hippies..." K shuddered. He kicked the door out of the main hall open and the four of them set out east from the Temple, turning their heads to the driving wind. Greywyn was the only one in the party who seemed entirely indifferent to the freezing cold and gale-force winds, though his only clothing was his Black Wide Pants. Loping in front of them, the eccentric vampire sniffed around and kept turning back to look at them like an eager hound.

"I may have a Nordic Resist Cold 30, but this is damn cold," Eyja muttered.

"I can feel my balls shrinking," K agreed.

"Come on, K, we have a woman here! Keep it G-rated," Nival scowled.

"Damn game's rated M now, up from T, so I'm allowed to swear and say nasty things. Sex!" the Dremora yelled. "Weiner! Puberty!"

"Bloods!" Greywyn called, his voice almost lost in the howling wind. The three of them squinted to see the vampire through the snow. He was perched on a cliff top.

"Big big burn-cool big!" Greywyn pointed. Nival saw a looming shadow.

"The Shrine to Azura...?" he muttered. Sure enough, when they reached the vampire, the Shrine to Azura came into view.

"Hopefully these guys won't think I'm some sort of Daedric emissary of great power," K sighed. As they walked into the clearing, the daedra worshippers prostrated themselves before K.

"Damn it..." the Dremora grumbled.

"All hail the Daedric emissary of great power from Azura!" they chanted.

"How can we summon Azura?" Nival asked.

"Glow Dust, offered at dusk or dawn," one replied.

"It's a little past dusk...let's see if she'll take some," the Dunmer murmured, pulling some Glow Dust from his Ingredients section. He sprinkled it on Azura's Shrine.

Mortals...and Greywyn...I have seen you in my LSD halluc—star readings, and I know your futures...four warriors long ago dusted a great vampire lord but were infected with his curse. Their pain annoys me, and I really can't do anything on this plane, damn it. Free my chosen, and receive my token of gratitude.

"Wacky," Eyja blinked.

Wacky? I'm a god! I'll smite you, you spindly little—

"You wanna go?" the Nord pulled out her war axe.

Bring it, bitch! I'll cap yo' ass!

"Ladies, ladies..." Nival rolled his eyes.

"Big big burn-cool big hoar blood yuck bite!" Greywyn agreed, perched on top of the statue's head.

Just go to the Exhausted Mine...damn it.

ooo

"This is creepy..." K muttered, brushing a spider web off his shoulder. Greywyn led the other three, his superior vampire senses aiding the relatively mundane trio behind him. K had his warhammer (now Glass) and his claymore (also Glass) bared; Eyja had upgraded to a Glass war axe, and Nival had his palms surging with reined-in magickal flame. A bloodcurdling screech filled the dank cavern air.

"Blood!" was the only word that could be made out.

"Bad no bloods!" Greywyn howled, hopping up and down. A crazed, hunched-over Orc barreled around the corner, waving a warhammer angrily.

"Damn!" Nival and Eyja uttered the same word as they dropped to the ground to avoid being slammed into the rock walls of the Exhausted Mine. K performed a flying dragon-kick to the Orc's chest, knocking her back a pace, while Greywyn set her twisting with a double-tornado kick. Nival unleashed his magickal fire, which caused the Orc to be completely immolated almost instantaneously.

"Vampires sure hate fire," K remarked, eyeing the pile of dust and armor where the vampiric Orc once stood.

"You're pretty adept at martial arts, Greywyn," Eyja patted the squatting vampire.

"Big big 'no blood tear yum.' Big big 'hand tear yay Greywyn.' Now tear yuck bloods," the vampire replied sagely.

"Gotcha..." Nival chuckled, shaking his head. They crept through the tomb-like mine and came face to face with another psychotic vampire.

"Drink all the blood! Drink it like wine!" she screamed, swinging a mace back and forth as she approached. Greywyn hopped forward to meet her in battle and punched her mace away from where it would've struck him in the side. The supple Elven metal that made up the mace actually torqued from the force of Greywyn's blow. The bestial vampire dodged a roundhouse kick from his foe and slipped between her legs before pinning her arms behind her back.

"Tear, bloods!" Greywyn called. No sooner had the words left his mouth than Eyja had whipped out her Glass shortsword and plunged it into the vampire's heart. The bloodsucker was instantly turned to a pile of dust and what remained of her armor.

"These guys are pretty old. They're dusting pretty quickly," Nival remarked as he quickly repaired Eyja's sword. Greywyn spat some Vampire Dust out of his mouth and shuddered.

"Bite," he grumbled.

"The way Azura talked about them, it sounded like they had been around a long time," K observed,

"That dumb bitch? Pssh...a goddess, yeah, right...I could take her," Eyja growled, irked at the mention of the Daedroth Prince. They stepped carefully down a slick incline and were almost all laid out by a pair of swinging mace traps. K was struck in the face, but Nival and Eyja managed to duck the remaining mace, and since Greywyn was hunched over on all fours, the mace swung right over him.

"Gods freaking damn it!" K tore the mace trap out from the rock ceiling, causing a small pile of rubble to crumble and hit him on the head. Angered, K punched a hole in the cave wall and increased his Hand to Hand skill.

"Must've been the wind," a Breton man's voice echoed down the hall.

"Yeah. A wind made a shearing-metal sound and punched a hole in the wall, huh?" a male Orc snorted in reply.

"Hey, you don't know what it was. Maybe it was a Wind Atronach," the first voice grumbled.

"Since those are real," the Orc's voice chuckled.

"Dude, six hundred years and you still freakin' suck Troll balls. What the hell, dude, you could at least try to be a little open-minded," the Breton's voice growled.

"I'm plenty open-minded. You're just batshit insane," the Orc said.

"Guess I better cut down on the ale, then. Starting to see things," the Breton sighed.

"Dude. You're a vampire. You don't drink or eat anything but blood. What are you talking about?" the Orc criticized.

"Dude!" the Breton protested. He paused.

"You smell something funny?" he asked.

"Yeah...smells like..."

"Fresh blood?" K grinned, whirling his claymore menacingly.

"Yeah! Took the words right out of my...blood..." the Breton salivated at the sight of the trio of living, breathing mortals. Then, Greywyn entered the two vampires' field of view.

"It cannot be...the Crazed One," the Orc breathed.

"But...we destroyed him..." the Breton shook his head.

"Beheadage!" K roared, decapitating both of the vampires and dusting them instantly.

"Sweet, K," Nival chuckled. Eyja picked up a slip of yellowed, torn paper from the dust of the vampire Orc.

"It's a note..." she murmured, reading it.

"It says that these five guys were servants of Azura fallen in the line of battle once they defeated the great vampire..."

"Five? We only killed four..." Nival blinked.

"Rawragh!" a woman screamed.

"What the hell? Damn bitch whore ass crap bong!" K howled as a vampire dove out of the shadows and latched onto his neck with her fangs.

"K!" Nival cried.

"Taste good?" K snarled, ripping the woman off. She coughed and clutched at her throat.

"Bad...bad..." she gasped.

"Yeah...my blood contains about seventy percent hydrochloric acid, twenty percent sulfur dioxide, and ten percent carbon monoxide. No good, huh?" K chuckled.

"Burn tear!" Greywyn hissed, roundhouse-kicking the vampire in the head before grabbing her head and crushing it against the cave wall.

"That's the last of them. We should return to Azura," Eyja said reluctantly.

"Is that really what makes up your blood? All that...shit?" Nival asked curiously.

"Just about. Some trace substances in it are also plutonium and krypton," the Dremora shrugged.

"Cool," the Dunmer grinned.

ooo

Ah...my warriors have passed on. Six bright candles shall burn always at this shrine, in memory of-

"Er...you had only five servants," Nival said awkwardly.

Are you sure?

"Yeah..."

Damn! I thought I'd bought one too many at Ben Franklin...well, six bright candles...one extra to represent...er...you guys, 'cause you're like one thing the way you fight. Anyway, mistakes aside, you have earned my boon, and thus I shall grant you...Azura's Star!

"Wow..." Nival gazed at the golden star statuette that appeared in his hand.

"Creative name. A star granted by Azura named Azura's Star," K snorted. "Cute."

Shut up. Use it well, and remember that I shall always watch you.

"Stalker," Eyja muttered.

I heard that, punk-ass.

ooo

"Look what we found!" Nival handed Martin Azura's Star.

"Amazing...it's as beautiful as the legends say...give me a day or so and I'll have the next passage translated," Martin sighed, returning to his books.

"What to do?" Eyja slipped her arm around Nival's waist.

"Cave! Cave drink!" Greywyn chanted.

"What?" K muttered.

"Say...what about that place we got the key to? What was it called?" Eyja frowned.

"Deepthroat Swallow?" K snickered.

"It's Deepscorn Hollow. Go back to sixth grade," the Dark Elf scowled.

"Sixty-ninth grade," K chuckled. His last remark was cut off as Nival clicked on the Deepscorn Hollow icon and fast-traveled.

ooo

"Inviting," Nival snorted, eyeing the half-sunken wreckage looming out of the dusk water. With a squeal of glee, Greywyn took a running leap and dove into the water.

"Bloods!" he cried. He motioned for them to follow him.

"I guess he would know all the secrets of this place," Nival shrugged. He dove in after Greywyn. K and Eyja followed suit, swimming quickly down to the large log protruding from the sandy banks of the Topal Bay. Greywyn snatched the key from Nival's pocket and opened up the door inside the log. The four of them swam to the surface quickly, taking in deep gulps of the cool subterranean air.

"Home!" Greywyn crooned, hopping about excitedly.

"Think he likes it here?" Eyja grinned, slipping an arm around Nival's waist. He chuckled.

"Greywyn's an interesting character," the Dunmer shrugged.

"Wild..." K breathed, admiring the underground retreat. Nival stumbled over something lying on the ground. He picked it up.

"It's an old diary...it's Greywyn's..." Nival whispered. He opened it and pulled out a Torch in order to read it.

"How the hell did you manage to light that? We just got sopping wet and you lit a freakin' Torch," K snorted.

"Sh!" Nival hushed the Dremora as he read.

"We can get furnishings for this house from Rowley Eardulf at the Brina Cross Inn," the Dark Elf remarked.

"Let's explore it a little first," Eyja laced her fingers with Nival's.

"Sure," the Dunmer shrugged. The three of them quickly caught up with Greywyn, who was jumping up and down in the central chamber. The vampire smiled toothily at them. To the right was a barren little chamber. To the left, a set of stairs led to a door. Off to the side was apparently a small storage chamber. They passed through the door and found themselves in what appeared to be a chapel cloister, or something modeled after one.

"Something smells like..." K sniffed. He ran into the room on the left.

"Hot springs! We gotta take a bath in this some time!" the Dremora grinned.

"There's a small cell in here," Eyja remarked.

"Wonder what for..." Nival frowned. They moved into the next chamber, which was barren but for a small table. The adjoining room to the left was equally empty. The room to the right had a bed placed between two columns.

"Kind of a crappy house for a powerful assassin," K frowned.

"It's been something like two hundred years since Greywyn was here, K," Nival shrugged. The door in front of them was jammed shut.

"Damn...it won't open," Nival tried shoving the door with his shoulder.

"Back up," K pushed Nival and Eyja backwards. The Dremora lowered his shoulder and, with a roar, rammed into the door, splintering it.

"That'll do it," Eyja grinned. The three of them cautiously stepped into the dimly lit chamber. A ninety-degree bend at the end of the tunnel led to a dark staircase. Red light glimmered down from...

"A giant shrine to Sithis..." Nival gasped, awed by the massive statue of the Dread Father.

"Looks like it's missing a little juice," K walked to the bottom of the stairs and tapped the empty bowl at Sithis's stone feet. Nival opened a small chest and pulled out a wickedly curved, glowing Daedric dagger.

"That's a mean knife," Eyja chuckled. Nival tucked it into his belt.

"We should hit up Eardulf for some supplies for this house. Why not make it our own? It's out of the way, safe..." the Dunmer trailed off.

"And pretty damn awesome! It's a secret base of operations!" K pumped his arm.

ooo

"And how may I help you fine customers?" the hooded man asked, gazing out of the shadows at the Dunmer, Dremora, and Nord.

"We heard you still sell the supplies for Deepscorn Hollow. We're here to purchase," Nival replied.

"Ah. Well, for the total package, it will cost you fourteen thousand septims," Rowley Eardulf grinned. "And that's a generous offer."

"Listen, you miserly piece of-" K growled.

"We'll take it," Nival cut the Dremora off. He handed Rowley a sack of gold. In return, Rowley handed Nival a thick, rolled scroll.

"You should receive the delivery within the hour," the hooded man smiled.

"Thank you," the Dunmer nodded.

"Fourteen thousand? What a bastard! ...where'd you get the money, anyway?" K asked.

"Still have plenty leftover from our Varla Stone blowout," Nival grinned.

"Varla Stone what?" Eyja arched an eyebrow.

"Don't worry about it, love," Nival put an arm around her shoulders. They stepped outside.

"Where's Greywyn?" the Nord frowned.

"I think we left him back at the house. We can always find him if he wants to be found; when we enter a building or fast-travel he'll appear next to us," Nival shrugged.

ooo

Entering Deepscorn Hollow, the three companions found the house a completely different place. The first thing was the creepy pale-blue vampire that greeted them at the entrance.

"Good evening. I am your Dark Minion, and I am here to serve you," the vampire bowed deeply.

"Riiiight...maybe you could give us a tour," Nival shrugged.

"Excellent, Master," the vampire smiled. He led them into the room on the right.

"These are my chambers, Master. I have the means to practice physically," the vampire pointed out a punching bag and turned to his next point, "as well as artistically."

"Err..." Eyja caught her gag reflex as she winced at the landscape smeared with blood.

"I understand your disgust; it is not my finest work. I myself am quite disgusted with the horrifying mediocrity that displays itself in this work," the Dark Minion sighed. He led them back into the main chamber.

"This is your Garden of Venomgrowth. Everything in this garden has poisonous qualities, I assure you. Plus there is a unique breed of plant, the Chokeberry, which grows here only," the Dark Minion pointed out the gnarled, purple-black fruit.

"To our left is a storage closet. You need not tour that," the vampire chuckled. They entered the cloister and walked into the room to the left.

"This is the Font of Renewal. Bathing in this water has remarkable...restorative properties," the vampire remarked. They walked into the cell room.

"Hey, that's..." Eyja trailed off.

"Yes, this is cattle. For Greywyn and myself," the Dark Minion smiled toothily.

"You know Greywyn?" K tilted his head.

"Very few vampires don't. Now, let us move to the living areas," the Dark Minion led them into the newly transformed lower rooms. The table was lavishly set with intricately carved silverware. Cabinets lined the walls.

"Your study is in here, Master," the vampire motioned into the now furnished room to the left.

"Wow..." Nival gazed in.

"Your quarters are here," the Dark Minion showed them into the large room to the right. A gilt coffin was leaned against the wall. Next to it was a double bed.

"And, shall we consecrate the shrine to Our Dread Father?" the vampire waved to the door in the center of the dining room.

"Err...why not?" Nival shrugged.

"Nival...I don't like this..." Eyja tucked herself against him.

"Don't worry. Besides, I can't kill him anyway; his symbol is a crown, so he's invincible," the Dunmer shrugged.

"It's a simple ritual really," the Dark Minion remarked. "I've already filled the sacred pool at Sithis's feet."

"It looks empty to me," K inspected it.

"But...that's impossible...I just filled it ten minutes ago," the vampire frowned, gazing at the empty bowl.

"That's because I drank it all," a voice behind them caused them all to whip around.

"Hello, companions," Greywyn grinned.

"Oh, shit," K breathed.