Chapter 8
Jonathan continued to eavesdrop on the rest of the conversation as he finished his lunch. He stood up and left shortly after, continuing to have a grin on his face, thinking about his latest revelation. As he walked down the path, he thought about his own father and vowed to never repeat the sins that had been committed by him.
Little did Jonathan know that the sins of his own father were already visited upon the son. And as much as he would want to deny it, Jonathan was more like his father than he thought himself to be which in turn was the sole reason why Maggie grew more and more afraid of him.
He thought about Maggie and the time they spent together, reflecting on the so called 'magic moments' and wondered why Maggie would keep such a huge piece of information from him. Jonathan tried not to get annoyed at that fact, thinking about the possibility that maybe Maggie was simply waiting for the right time to tell him.
Or, he thought, maybe she wasn't going to tell him at all.
That fleeting thought bothered him. Jonathan thought about the other possibility that perhaps, Maggie wasn't going to say anything at all. He contemplated the chance that she was going to deny the child of knowing who its father was. Jonathan frowned at his last thought, hoping that Maggie knew better and would give him a chance to be a part of the baby's life.
After all, he was the father. And it wouldn't be fair to cut him out of his or her life.
Continuing down the snowy path, Jonathan knew what he had to do next. He stored his newfound information securely in his head and kept walking. Deciding not to say anything to anyone just yet, Jonathan wanted to make sure of one thing and was determined to make it happen.
He needed weasel his way back into Maggie's life once again and this time, it would be for good.
"Maggie? Why don't you want Jonathan to know about this?" Maria asked her.
"I have my reasons," Maggie avoided eye contact with Maria by looking away. "Reasons that I wish I could tell you, but I can't, at least not right now."
"So you don't think that he has a right to know he is a father?"
"I don't want him in my life anymore," Maggie replied. "Even if it means him not knowing that he is a father. My life is complicated enough and letting him back into it would be a mistake."
"A mistake?"
"Yes," Maggie nodded. "I've made enough of those in my life and if I were to let him back in, it would only lead to more hurt and pain, for me. I don't want that."
Maria listened carefully to Maggie's choice of words in the answer she had just received. Something sounded odd in what she said and it left Maria to wonder what exactly Maggie meant. In some ways, it sounded like an ambiguous code to her, if there was an underlying meaning to Maggie's words. It didn't sound right at all to Maria and now had sparked some concern as to the context of it all.
"Is there something Jonathan did that has you feeling this way?" Maria asked. She now felt this need to know what was going on. Somewhere, deep inside, Maria now feared for Maggie's safety. She didn't know what it was that compelled her to do so but she felt the need and didn't want to back away from it.
Maggie still sat on the bench, her eyes focused on the ground. She could hear the concern in Maria's voice and hoped that it didn't spark any worry in her too. With Bianca pressing her for answers lately, Maggie didn't want to add to the ever growing list of people who wanted to know what was going on with her.
She stood up from the bench and turned to Maria, "I should get going. Thanks for the concern but I'll be okay."
"Just remember to stop by my office this week."
"I know," Maggie walked away.
Once again, she was alone in her own thoughts as she walked along the snowy path. Maggie knew that Maria meant well before but she just wasn't ready to unlock any of the secrets that were locked inside of her mind and most of all her heart. As much as she had wanted to set the truth free, Maggie felt compelled to hold back. She didn't know why, but something inside of had compelled her to do so.
Perhaps it was because Jonathan had been lurking in the bushes without her knowing.
As she continued to wander in her own mind, Maggie began to ignore those around her, not even paying attention to who was coming toward her. She almost became the victim of a person to person collision had he not brought her out of the daze she was in.
"Maggie?" David stood before her.
She blinked a few times before coming to the realization her cousin had stopped her. It didn't take Maggie long to step aside and keep on walking. She had made it clear before that she no longer wanted anything to do with him after what he had done to her and to most of all Bianca. True to her own word, Maggie stood firm on that, not even uttering a word or giving any sort of acknowledgement.
David ran and caught up with Maggie, pleading for her to stop for a moment. Finally Maggie stopped and could do nothing but glare at him.
"I know that you probably don't even want to talk to me," he said sincerely. "But I just wanted to know how you were doing."
"I'm fine," she replied, wondering why he stopped her in the first place.
"That's good," David searched Maggie's expression, with hopes that he could find a way to reach common ground with her.
"Well, if that's all you wanted to know, then I'm gonna get going," Maggie began to walk away. She didn't get as far as two steps when David called out for her again. She turned around, "Yeah?"
"What's going on with you? he asked her. "I mean, what gives?"
"David, I told you. I am fine," Maggie said defensively. "I am perfectly fine."
"You don't look like it."
"You think I'm lying. Ummm, you sure are one to talk."
"If Bianca was willing to push aside everything I did to you and speak to me today, then something is wrong," David walked closer to Maggie. "Talk to me, I know something is going on."
Maggie turned around with her back to David, "I don't know what Bianca had told you but like I said, I'm okay. There is nothing to be worried about."
"Look, she just cares about you okay?" David reminded her.
Maggie stood in her spot and stared down at the ground. She then began walking again, now with David's words etched into her head. And as much as she hated to admit it, David was right, as well as Maria. Their words echoed through Maggie's mind as she walked back to the apartment with hopes that Bianca was not back yet so she could have a little bit of time by herself.
That would not be the case as she opened the door and found Bianca sitting on the couch reading a magazine. She closed the door and took of her coat, throwing on a chair and her keys onto the table by the door. Her eyes focused on Bianca for a second until she saw her look up from the magazine and return her gaze.
Bianca sat on the couch, looking up at Maggie, thinking that she would come over and sit next to her. She moved over slightly and hoped Maggie would sit down but instead she found herself watching Maggie turn and walk in the direction of the bedroom door. As she sat there, she watched Maggie enter and close the door softly behind her.
Worried and disappointed, Bianca turned back around and faced forward. The distance between Maggie and her was growing further and further and it truly hurt Bianca to see Maggie like this. More than anything, she wished that Maggie would trust her like always and open up. But for some reason or another, Bianca knew that one thing was for sure, and that was that whatever Maggie's inner torment was, it had to be deep.
Bianca was brought out of her brief daze when she heard a knock on the door. Getting up to answer it, she opened the door and saw Kendall standing on the other side.
"Missing Miranda already?" Bianca smiled at her sister, stepping aside so that she could come in.
"Like you need to know the answer to that," Kendall rolled her eyes. "Actually, I came here hoping that we could talk."
"Come to the kitchen with me and we'll talk there," Bianca walked toward the kitchen with Kendall following behind her. She opened up the refrigerator and reached for some drinks when she noticed that she had forgotten to buy milk. "Kendall, I need to run out for a minute. You don't mind staying a while do you?"
"No, not at all."
"Good, I won't be long," she went to on her coat. "Miranda is sleeping in her room and Maggie is well, she's inside the bedroom."
"Okay."
Kendall went to sit on the couch and picked up the magazine Bianca had been reading. She had been flipping through the pages when she heard the door open from behind her, seeing Maggie emerge from the bedroom.
"Oh hey Kendall," Maggie said, wondering where Bianca went.
"Hey yourself… Bianca had to run out and get something. She said she will be right back."
"Okay," Maggie nodded. Soon her attention was brought over to the baby monitor where she could hear Miranda crying. "I got it," she said stopping Kendall from getting up.
"Oh, alright," Kendall sat back down. Her eyes wandered over to the coffee table where she saw the baby monitor. Reaching over, Kendall turned up the volume, with hopes that maybe she would hear Maggie speaking to Miranda.
Maggie walked into the nursery and picked up Miranda, who was crying. She rocked her in her arms, hoping that it would soothe the child. Maggie walked over to the rocking chair and sat down. She reached over and turned on the radio, hearing the chorus of Seether's song, 'Broken' playing on the radio.
Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
It was a song that echoed most if not all of Maggie's inner torment at the moment. She sat, holding Miranda in her arms as she listened to the lyrics, relating especially to the chorus feeling as if she was broken and had lost all of her strength. Perhaps most of all, what Maggie had felt like she lost, was the strength to fight.
The past couple of days had been nothing but nightmares for her and the past twenty hours had been nothing but a continuous roller coaster of emotions. Her strong facade was beginning to crumble, not knowing how much longer she could keep the so called 'strong' front up. As each minute would pass, little by little, Maggie felt like she was crumbling and that was something she didn't want happening. Yet, as much as she wanted to prevent herself from breaking down, she knew that it was inevitable.
The longer she kept the pain in, the more it wouldn't go away. Maggie knew that hiding from her own problems and not facing reality would not do anything for her.
She looked down at Miranda who had fallen asleep in her arms and had tried to smile but instead frowned. Maggie stood up from the rocking chair and walked over to the crib, placing Miranda down inside it. Standing above the sleeping child, Maggie gazed at Miranda's innocence, wishing beyond anything that she could have that again.
"Miranda, you don't know how much I wish that I could turn back time and change things," she spoke. "If I were ever given the chance to do that, I'd take it in a heartbeat and maybe it would prevent all this heartache that I'm going through."
Kendall had been sitting in the living room when her attention was brought to the baby monitor where she could hear Maggie clearly. She brought the monitor closer to her and continued to listen.
"There is so much that everyone doesn't know and I honestly don't know how I'm even going to tell them," Maggie rubbed her forehead, feeling the tension coming to the surface. "There are just so many choices that I made these past couple of months that have me wondering why I ever made them in the first place. But most of it, it is those choices that have turned into my worst regrets."
Maggie sighed as she continued to seek solace in the sleeping infant, "And perhaps my worst regret is Jonathan Lavery and not listening to my own instincts. I don't know what it was that got into me and maybe I was just being an idiot or something and maybe I just wanted to lose myself in someone but of all the things that I have come to regret in my life, it was becoming a part of his life."
"I have honestly never felt so lost until now and I blame it all on him," Maggie's voice began to fill with quiet anger. "He has managed to turn my life upside down and left me with nothing. I know that I'm supposed to have control over my own life but even that is gone. He has haunted me in my dreams and torments me in the waking hours."
Kendall continued to listen to Maggie pour her heart out, her heart breaking slowly at the words she was hearing. She had a feeling that something had been bothering Maggie but had no idea of the degree of the pain that the young woman was going through.
"And he continues to do it because he knows that he has that control over me. I can't go anywhere in this town without him being where I am. I wanted him out of my life and I told him that but somehow, he just doesn't want to listen," Maggie continued to lament. "I… I just… why does he have to be this way to me? Why does he have to be doing this to me? After all the shit I put up with for so long from him…" tears had begun to fall from Maggie's eyes. "The pain that he put me through and continues to… I just… I just have no idea what to do anymore." Maggie sunk down to the floor and buried her face in her hands, letting the tears fall from her eyes.
Not being able to take any more of Maggie's heartbreaking words and now sobs, Kendall finally got up from the couch and went to Miranda's room. Slowly, she pushed open the door and found Maggie leaning against the crib crying. Kendall went over and knelt down in front of Maggie, taking Maggie's hands away from her face so she could look at her. Her heart broke for Maggie as she could see the pain just by looking at her tear filled eyes.
"Maggie, please… I want you to talk to me," Kendall pleaded with her. "If not to Bianca, please talk to me. I want to know… did Jonathan do something to hurt you?"
Through clenched teeth and ragged sobs, Maggie's tears continued to fall as she nodded at Kendall, "Jonathan… yes… Jonathan hurt me." She fell into Kendall's embrace and continued to cry.
Feeling like the ground had shifted from under her, Kendall's heart sank, as all her suspicions from the past 24 hours were now coming to life.
