It isn't a good day.
Ty Lee's enthusiasm is annoying enough already, but now every cheerful word out of her mouth makes Azula dig her nails further into her palms. She's been growing them out, and she's glad of it now, glad they're long enough to hurt.
"This place is so cool!" Ty Lee's voice echoes off the vast ceiling. It sounds too loud. Everything sounds too loud. Can't she understand that this is a place for hushed tones and reverence? Why is she always brimming over with cheerfulness; how oblivious can one person be?
Azula lights the torches with quick spurts of fire from her fingers, and the space, much too huge to be called a room, slowly becomes brighter. Even Mai can't hold back a quiet noise of awe then, and even in her current mood Azula can't deny the majesty of this place. She's never been here alone before, and never seen it completely vacant. She knows this arena is one of the oldest parts of the palace, a stage for the kind of legendary Agni Kais they learn about in her history class, and when she looks around at the monstrous pillars and their hangings she can almost imagine the spirits of ancient firebenders there too.
She's only seen it used once, when she was five or six and two of the highest-ranking commanders had a duel. She doesn't remember much, but she remembers that when the loser took his finishing blow, he didn't cry out.
In hindsight, she's surprised that Ursa let her see it. She has no way of knowing about the argument that transpired between her parents, about Ozai's firm and cold insistence that both of his children witness the way of the world.
This place is made for historical duels, not for her showing off to her friends, but the squall outside means that the training field isn't an option.
She hates herself for wanting to do this, and with each step she takes she reprimands herself. Why should she want to show Mai and Ty Lee her skills? Why do they matter? Why is she so concerned with what they think? They aren't important.
This morning she mentioned her plans to her father. She remembers the way he looked at her, the faint trace of disapproval evident in his eyes, and in an instant whatever excitement she had about inviting her friends over dissolved into embarrassment and shame.
"If you think that's the best way to spend your time, Azula."
She went through with it anyway, and now that they're here it's too late, but she can't stop herself from wishing that she hadn't asked, hadn't wanted to ask. She wishes she was better, was perfect, was whatever her father wants her to be.
Walking hurts. She's been trying not to think about it. She has a lot of things to try not to think about. There are bruises on her thighs and it's been hurting to pee. But this isn't something to complain about, not when she knows that in battle she'll receive wounds that are far worse.
Everything is training.
Ty Lee bounds across the huge tile floor with a series of handsprings and a flip. She lands perfectly and twirls around with her arms out. Her face is guileless and joyful as she looks around. Azula wants to burn that look off her face.
Mai leans against one of the stone columns. She gives Azula the slightest of smiles. Maybe on an ordinary day Azula would like that, but all she can think about are the much wider smiles she's seen Mai reserve for Zuko.
These are the companions she's chosen, a simpering idiot and a statue of a girl with the bad sense to crush on her brother.
Her father is (always) right. They're a waste of time.
She tells herself she doesn't care whether they're looking or not. It's just like practicing without watchers. She moves into her warm-ups, feeling her limbs loosen, feeling fire travel up and down her arms and legs. Her hips object when she gives an experimental kick, but she ignores the pain. Little by little, she calms. This is how she is meant to be. She doesn't feel their eyes on her. Her and fire, just like when she showed Ozai.
She moves into her more ambitious forms. She kicks and spins and jumps. She moves through her sets as she has every day for the past months. She is flawless.
She leaps off one foot and sends a flurry of fireballs toward the nearest column. When her right leg lashes out, she feels pain sudden and sharp and insistent in between her thighs. It is enough to distract her. She lands on the side of her foot and hears the crack of her ankle as her weight snaps it.
She doesn't notice the pain of the rest of her body connecting with the tile floor. Her ankle is on fire. She can't think or speak. She doesn't hear the faint gasps of pain escaping her lips.
"Azula!" There are footsteps. She can't believe she humiliated herself in front of them. "Are you okay?" Is that Ty or Mai? She can't tell.
"Get someone." That's Mai.
No, Azula wants to say, but the capability of speech has escaped her. Other people can't see her like this. Her father can't know. It doesn't matter; it's just a stupid bone; she'll just keep going—
She tries moving her ankle and pain ruptures through her again.
She forces herself to turn over. Mai is kneeling beside her, looking grimmer than usual. She tentatively reaches out a hand and strokes Azula's hair.
"Ty Lee's getting help—"
"Get out," Azula rasps. "Just go."
It doesn't matter that it feels nice. It feels better when Mai's hand withdraws. Azula stares up at the distant ceiling and lets the pain of her ankle throb through her.
It's just another reminder that she's the furthest thing from perfection.
A/N: Thanks to everybody for your feedback! I hope you continue to enjoy this! I apologize for the random shifts in tone. The pairing material will be more solid in the middle section. Probably. Honestly, I'm just writing whatever I feel like. Um.
