Walter and My Almost Dead Brother

Walter was dying and she and Doc were the only ones doing anything to try to help him. I knew what Jared and Kyle were thinking. She should have been celebrating. Another one of us was dying. One less of us, more of her. But it was written on her face that she didn't want to let him go. It was written in the way she clung to his hand and the way she sobbed his name, checked his breathing every few hours, returned to his side within seconds of eating, sleeping, or going to the bathroom. I watched her from the hospital doorway whenever I could, keeping an eye out for Jared and Kyle and getting shitty looks from Jared for doing just that. But it was her first experience with death. The Souls lived forever. They just traded hosts. The only way we could kill them was shredding them when we yanked them from the humans they inhabited. I didn't know if they died any other way. From what Wanda told us, they didn't. They lived infinitely, something human's didn't have the pleasure of. I would have traded my body if it meant living infinitely with her. If it meant that I would still be myself and I would still be able to hear the way she talked about her lives, her journeys, her feelings.

I could have spent forever staring at her, until the sound of the helicopter invaded the caves. Until we could hear it spinning above us and the suspicions that were slowly faded came roaring back. Suddenly, Jared, Brandt, and Kyle were invading our space. They were taking over everything we were doing. I wanted to kill them for distrusting her. I didn't even here about it until I finished packing for emergency evacuation. I went in to check on her and I found Brandt glaring while she protected Walter. I found his gaze on her and I wanted to pull a Kyle. I wanted to break his nose. But that would have scared Wanda. It would have made her shrink away from me in terror again, the way she did before I slowly gained her trust. So, instead, I just pulled a cot between her and Brandt and made sure he couldn't reach her, he couldn't lay his hands on her like he was his eyes. I planned ways to make sure she stayed safe and ways to make sure he kept his distance. All the while, she spoke softly to Walter, offering him the only comfort she knew how while he was slowly slipping away. Finally, Brandt left, and when he left, I went to get food for Wanda and to do the duties I'd been shirking. So I wasn't there when the decision was made by Jared and Doc to put Walter down. I wasn't there to console her when she realized just what a mercy killing was and how they would be doing it. Maybe if I'd been there, I would have been there to walk her to the bathing room. Maybe I would have been there to wait outside and prevent everything my stupid brother did to her. Maybe I would have been there to take care of her the way I should since her first step inside of the caverns.

Instead, I was only there to rush in and save him. When I heard her scream, the only thing I could think of was losing her. Somebody in the caves taking her away from me. So I ran as fast as I could and instead I found her clinging to my brother as the river tried to suck them in. I was disgusted when I pulled him out and realized what he'd done. My stomach churned like the rushing black river in front of us. I briefly considered throwing him back in it. Instead, I grabbed her and held onto her as tight as I could. I tried to mold my body around hers in a way that wouldn't hurt her. I tried to make myself into a shield for her in that second. I was big enough and she was small enough to manage. I could have stayed like that forever and kept her safe. I could have stayed like that forever and never let anybody else in. But she had to go back to the hospital and my fucking brother needed taken care of, even though I wanted to kill him, she denied any danger on his part. She even lied to Jebb, Jared, the whole fucking caves just so she could protect a would-be murderer. I should have kept her in my arms forever.

Of course, it was Jared who got to play hero and knock my brother out again after he awoke. But he quickly ruined that with his crudeness in the way he approached the fact that she was female. Of course she was a female. How could he not see that? It wasn't just the body she wore. It was the way she carried the body. The way she spoke. Acted. Just was. She was a female and that's all there was to it. Of course, the 'potential mother' factor was terrifying. Not only because millions of small souls could come from Wanda, but, because if that's the route she chose, she would be gone, but not truly gone. There would be pieces of her left but the essence of her would be gone, split into a million tiny pieces. But she didn't have to be scared long because we drugged her so we could take care of Walter and let her be there for his burial.

I got to carry her to his burial. I was able to support her tiny body in my arms as we walked to Walter's final resting place. And it was me she turned to for help when she wanted to say her goodbyes to him. It was me she turned to when she wanted comfort. Because I was there for her. I was her protector.