Chapter 8
I Confess… I'm an Idiot
Adrien was both relieved and disappointed the next day when he sat in class and noticed Marinette's seat behind him left vacant and cold. Alya, though he had already been aware, informed both he and Nino of the bluenette's growing fever and suggested that they stop by and visit her. However, despite wanting nothing more than to do just that, his father took the liberty of booking him after school all week for photoshoots and commercial deals. It was a good thing he came prepared.
Adrien passed a thermal cup filled with chicken soup much to Alya's surprise, but inhibited delight. "I brought a little too much for lunch," Adrien lied. "Mind if you pass this to her? I think she'd need it more."
Alya's smile could have ripped her face apart with the way it stretched from corner to corner. She winked at him then, and understanding the implication, Adrien only grinned back.
"She'll love that," Alya squealed and carefully bagged the thermal.
"I hope so."
And with that, Adrien separated from the two and dragged himself reluctantly over to his shoot.
"Looks like you won't get to visit Marinette," Plagg teased.
Adrien smirked sinisterly and pushed a camembert down Plagg's awaiting lips. "Rest up, Plagg. Just because I can't see Marinette as Adrien, doesn't mean I can't as Chat." Plagg's distressed groan faded once Adrien exited his fitting room in a fit of laughter.
Hours had passed and Adrien itched to see Marinette's recovery progress. So when he'd finally been excused for a half hour break, Adrien wasted no time pulling out his phone to video chat Nino.
"Hey dude, what's up?"
Adrien could see the pink background that surrounded Nino and concluded happily that he was fortunately still at Marinette's place despite how long it had already been. However, Adrien didn't want to seem too eager to see Marinette to lessen the teasing of both Alya and Nino and casually asked "where are you?"
"Still at Mari's."
His camera abruptly switched over and Marinette filled his screen. She'd been sitting upon her bed with Alya hunched over her side, and still in her pajamas Adrien came to know fairly well. Though Marinette's hair was up in a messy bun, nose red like Rudolf, and eyes a hazy blue, she still looked absolutely radiant.
"How are you feeling, Marinette?"
He could see how her eyes lit up in shock, and both Alya and Marinette frantically looked for the source before setting their eyes onto Nino, specifically his phone. Suddenly Marinette's face blended with her pink background and she yelped and threw the covers over her entire body to hide under the sheets. Alya laughed and tried to pull the sheets away from her, but Marinette held power in her grip and she wasn't budging.
"Adrien?"
Adrien couldn't hide the smile that tugged on his lips. "Did you finish your soup?"
"I DID! THANK YOU!"
"Well, what are friends for?"
Adrien bit his tongue and internally shot himself. Why in the world did I just say that? he thought aggressively.
There was quiet in the air for a mere moment, before Alya snapped out of her daze solemnly and clutched onto the hems of her blanket.
"Stop hiding!" Alya tugged once more, this time with so much force, Marinette went flying over, legs and midriff exposed while on all fours on top of her best friend. The sight instantly caused Adrien to blush, and he almost chucked the phone from his hand to look away. Remembering that Nino also bore witness to that pleasurable incident, Adrien called for his attention and his screen flipped from Marinette to his face. As suspected, color warmed Nino's cheeks.
Adrien felt a tinge of possessiveness. Nino was his best friend, and although he knew he liked Alya, he also once liked Marinette.
"So… how long will you be there?"
Nino cleared his throat and looked over to the girls. "Alya, what time do you want to head home?"
"In a few," Adrien heard her shout over. "Why?"
"Why?" Nino repeated.
Adrien shrugged casually, despite the intense jealousy he felt throttling within the pits of his stomach. "Just wondering."
He should've felt tired, but Adrien didn't feel an ounce of exhaustion in his bone after his last shoot. The thought of finally being able to visit Marinette energized his entire being and sent massive shivers to the tips of his fingers.
"What should I give her this time, Plagg?"
"How about some privacy?"
"Ha. Ha. Plagg."
Adrien decided to bag some leftover turkey wraps and bagels provided in his last venue and an extra blanket for good measure. When everything was packed and ready, Adrien unlatched the hook of his window and transformed as he leapt forward.
He was several roofs over until he saw the bluenette out on her balcony watching the moon above. Chat stopped momentarily to gaze at the young stubborn girl and grab the blanket shoved deep into his bag. She was shivering out in the open, blowing warm breaths into her palm and rubbing frantically on her forearms to warm herself. Chat prepped the blanket in his arms and dashed toward her, dismayed at her lack of common sense. Upon his descent onto her balcony, Chat enveloped her tiny body into the sheet, wrapped her up tightly and carried her back into her room where he plopped her burrito form down onto her bed.
"Chat!" Marinette tried to wiggle herself out of the blanket, but she was so tightly wrapped she barely moved an inch out. "What are you doing?"
"Taking care of you, obviously. Why is that you're freezing yourself out there when you have a perfectly warm bed in here?"
Marinette's eyes tore away from him. Her answer came in mumbles, but thankfully Chat had a better sense of hearing. He laid himself above Marinette and forced her to look at him as his eyes twinkled and his grin enlarged.
"You were waiting for me, princess?"
"Don't give me that look, Chat," Marinette bit back, eyes fierce, but cheeks enflamed. "I just wanted to thank you, but I wasn't sure if you were coming over tonight or not. I was gonna go back inside in a few minutes."
"You should have waited for me inside, you know?"
Marinette's eyes softened and Chat could only melt into her gaze. In the dim litted room, how was it possible that her eyes shone so bright? "And have you hesitant like last night?"
"I purromise, princess. So long as I'm wanted, I won't hesitate to come to you."
"Well then, feel free to come and go as you please," Marinette smiled at him, but she looked away when Chat's eyes gleamed and bore into hers, drowning her in emerald showers. His grin perked up sinisterly, playing with the possibility of Marinette's crush on Chat. He didn't want to bring up Luka, if that may have been her secret crush or not, he wanted her to focus only on him.
"Can you get off, please? I'm burning up; I thought you were supposed to take care of me."
Chat quickly removed himself from her, though his detachment came reluctantly, and unrolled her from the thick blanket. When she was free, Marinette exhaled a fresh and relieved breath and curled into her long cat pillow with her back facing him. Displeased with his lack of expressive visuals, Chat sat at the edge of her bed and rubbed her calf gently. When she hadn't reacted, and multiple pokes were made effortlessly, he had concluded that she may have decided to sleep.
He pulled away from her and watched in silence as Marinette's body heaved up and down in slow motions. He decided then that he could watch her forever… though it'd been undeniably better if he could at least see a portion of her tranquil face.
"Chat?" her voice was soft, but his ear picked it up.
"Yes?"
"Why do you love Ladybug?"
It was amazing how a simple question could load so much baggage and stun Chat. He hadn't answered her immediately due to the complex situation he had with the growing attraction of Marinette and the still existing love he held for Ladybug. But the turn of events baffled him; how would he tell the source of his affection about a girl that had filled his thoughts and heart to the brim not too long ago, all the while convincing her that it was not the case anymore?
Except it shouldn't have mattered anyway, right? He was Chat at the moment, not Adrien. Though he wanted her to fall for Chat, his real self, shouldn't he have made it so that she'd be with Adrien instead? Adrien, the idiot whom declared her as just being a friend several hours ago...
After a moment of complete utter silence, Chat decided to be honest to a certain degree.
"It was our first day as superheroes," he explained. Marinette shifted her body toward him, watching him curiously as she laid upon her pillows. "We were both obviously new; so we were clumsy as we tried to learn the mechanics of our powers, but the instant she internalized who she was, as Ladybug, and shown to Paris her bravery and her will to protect them all -that's when I fell for her."
It came out endlessly, all things he liked about Ladybug poured like a faucet, and he couldn't help it despite himself.
"She has her shortcomings, but don't we all? Her kindness, wit, and charm… that bravery and courage always kept me wanting her. But we could never be and I think I've finally accepted that. It took awhile, but now I'm okay with that. Ladybug will always be my partner and best friend, someone truly special in my heart, but that's all that we'll ever be."
Chat knew that his admiration and love for her could only be on the surface of her persona, who she was behind the mask was unattainable because they had to remain a secret from each other. It could go no further.
"I'm sorry."
Chat turned to Marinette and saw that she had her eyes downcast and dejected. It bothered to see her like that when he was around, and though it confused him how his ramblings about Ladybug could have warranted an apology from her, he was more interested in her sudden sadness.
"Are you feeling okay, Mari?"
She smiled up at him and nodded quietly.
"Why were you asking?"
"Well… you've told me how you've gotten your heart broken by her many times… and I felt... bad? Just wondered what it was about Ladybug that kept you coming back to her with new refined purpose to pursue her"
"Not anymore," Chat quickly interjected. "Not anymore… she has someone she loves and I… am moving on from that."
"Hm. Wow," she paused.
Chat came accustomed to that look on her face: the way her noise scrunched up, how she bit her lower lip, and how her eyebrows went through multiple waves all indicated massive thoughts rampaging in her tiny little head. It was similar to that of Ladybug whenever she racked her mind for one of her convoluted plans. Sometimes he'd wish he could pry Marinette's head open, to read her mind accurately so he wouldn't have to assume her reactions and words.
"So like, you don't love her anymore?"
Chat didn't want to answer her, but he didn't want to lie either. "I still do. A part of me will always love her, but it just can't happen. Superheroes and secret identity, you know? I know I'm irreplaceable to her, and that's good enough for me. However, I know there's someone out there willing to accept my love, even with my mask. I just have to be patient."
"Why not find that person without your mask?"
He grew tired of sitting up right and eyed the empty spot next to her. Marinette seemed to have noticed because she scooted over to ensure more space and patted the area next to her. Chat was hesitant, but he continued to stretch his body over, and laid just a foot away from Marinette.
"I think I've mentioned it before. It's just that I feel the most real as Chat. So if they can fall for who I really am and not the side of my civilian self, then maybe… maybe I'd feel like that person really loves me for who I really am."
"Hmm, I'm sure you're not that bad under that mask."
"Oh no, I'm absolutely perfect behind the mask," Chat smirked ,which granted him an eye roll from Marinette. "I'm sure we'd be good friends, Marinette, but I doubt you'd like me." Chat decided to take his chance before his throat dried out. "I'm sure you'd rather be with a model than me."
Not a second passed before Marinette's face enflamed with embarrassment. He tried to read that expression desperately and tried deciphering whatever her sudden anxiousness meant. Did she perhaps think of Adrien at the mention of 'model'? Was she shy because she had indeed liked that implied model?
When she failed to respond, and instead opted to look anywhere else but him, Chat grew bolder with his line of questionings. "Like Adrien… aren't you guys in the same class? I noticed since your school is grounds for akuma victims," he laughed.
Marinette laughed at that, but there was a hint of annoyance when she explained that he could thank Chloe for that.
"Adrien…" she whispered. "Adrien's just a friend."
Chat could have sworn he heard something snap. He held his smile in place, though it took extreme effort to do so, and his arrogant front withered into oblivion the moment she had unknowingly rejected his efforts before having had the chance of even implementing them. Had he misunderstood? Was he right all along? That letter wasn't from her? She wasn't lying in the locker room…
There was no reason for him to be as shocked as he was, but Chat was left aghast at the revelation. He couldn't say anything except for a lousy, dragged out, "oh," which reflected heavily of the disappointment and immense dejection he felt. But then she continued. With her eyes casted downwards, Marinette spoke slowly and was very careful and deliberate with her words.
"And I'm just his friend. I think I've heard that enough times," she laughed bitterly. "So that's what we are."
The feelings Chat had harbored within the minute she had clarified of him being just a friend was once again snuffed by dangerous and risky hope. Why did girls have to speak in riddles? It frustrated him not knowing where she was going or what she was feeling, but Chat worked hard to control his expressions.
So what did she really think of Adrien? Had she liked him? And being the oblivious and dismissive jerk that Adrien was, did his in denial fronts to reject the idea of them being anything together accidentally influence her thoughts of him and push her away?
"Mari, do you like this Adrien?"
Marinette's eyebrow rose suspiciously. Chat could almost feel the inevitable demand of why he had wanted to know, so he quickly added, "Since I've spilled everything about Ladybug, it's only fair, princess."
Except that it wasn't. He didn't need to answer her; she wasn't forcing him. Hence, she didn't need to answer him as well. However, he wanted to know. He wanted to make Marinette happy, but as Adrien, and he could do that properly if he simply knew where he stood with her. If she were to tell him no, and that it was Luka she had a crush on, hell he wouldn't know what he'd do. But that would only mean he'd try harder to sway her affections. He just needed to know.
"Yes…"
Chat's eyes widened.
How could I have been so stupid?
Chat wanted to laugh and cry. He was relieved to finally verify what Marinette thought of Adrien, but he also wanted to dig himself a ditch to bury himself in because it only confirmed his complete lack of awareness. There were so many instances and signs that Marinette had displayed to Adrien that could have easily solidify her interest in him, but he chose time and time again to not believe it.
"But I don't know anymore. I'm just a friend, you know? Like how Ladybug is with you. Say, maybe it's my time to move on to. There's another person that's been on my mind late-"
"Oh no. No. No," Chat had no idea what possessed him, but her quick fallback attraction, which was most likely to be Luka clenched his heart in ways he couldn't quite handle. Had she just confess her feelings for Adrien, which brought Chat to an unbelievable high, to then cut his air and have him plummet fatally to the ground by mentioning someone else? She was cruel.
But he brought that upon himself.
"There's no way that he doesn't like you," Chat tried to argue, a little desperation in his voice as he wanted nothing more than to convince her of that undeniable truth.
She bit her lip defensively. "I don't think so. He made it very clear that he liked someone else. Even before whoever that person is, there was also Kagami…"
Chat didn't mean to groan, but the guttural sounds of his vexation toward the situation he himself had put himself into slipped through his mourning mouth. Marinette was startled, but she reached over to slam both small hands onto his parted lips, silencing him at once.
Lost in his own stupidity and shame, Chat couldn't muster enough strength to explain to Marinette of his abrupt change in mood.
At that point, he was better off having Marinette liking someone else so that he could excuse his previous vents to them being about her instead of it being about Ladybug. Was Chat's persona that much in relations to having bad luck, because it that moment, he'd felt like he cataclysmed himself.
"Trust me Marinette, I'm sure he likes you."
Marinette's hands on him squeezed and her eyes set aflame. She became more defiant and a lot more hostile.
"No. He. Doesn't."
Chat's hand encircled around her wrists and gently soothed it; her grip went slack enough for Chat to brush his lips against her palm. Marinette didn't notice, but Chat, clearly not meaning to kiss her hand, blushed crimson.
"He does," he argued. "There's no man alive that would be able to resist you."
"He did. And if I may recall, you did too."
The realization dawned on him then. Though he hadn't flat our rejected her as Adrien, he might as well have. Then there was the fact that he did so as Chat, so in a way… TWICE. He had rejected her twice in two separate forms to only have him pining feverishly for her and regretting his actions tenfold.
"He's an idiot. I'm an idiot," he whined. This time his hands tightened and he brought her hands to cover his shameful face. Chat was facing intense internal turmoil, and he was well aware of how his body was slowly shutting down. He was sure Marinette was the sick one, so why did he suddenly feel like throwing up?
Marinette's fingers were buried into Chat's hair, and she attempted to properly pet him in order to calm his nerves, but he had such a vice grip on her she could barely move her hands.
Chat was compelled to take it all back. There was always a force barricading himself from happiness, and he constantly allowed it, sheltered in his own prison walls. This time, he had to break through, he was Chat… he could do anything. He desired her passionately and the happiness she gave him. He owed it to her to know the truth, despite the consequences.
"Chat?"
He hadn't moved, and neither did she. For a long time they remained in their position, flat on their sides as Marinette watched Chat fight his inner struggles. She was sure to drill him about it, however in the midst of her waiting for him to relax, Marinette's head started to pound once more, demanding for more rest. Reluctant to pry her hands away from Chat as he was clearly distressed, she fell into a quiet slumber with her hands warm against his ears.
When he finally cooled down, Chat relinquished his hold on her and slowly brought them down to his lips once again and kissed the inside of her palms.
He looked up shyly and found that her eyes were closed and her breathing evened out. Her lack of reaction to his blatant physical declaration was means enough to convince Chat of her slumber, so he hovered a hand over her bangs and brushed them aside to reveal more of her fair face and neck. He traced the line of her jaw gently and caressed her cheeks adoringly.
"Marinette, I like you," he whispered. "I like you so much…"
She stirred in her sleep and leaned into his touch briefly before rolling over, her back now facing him.
Chat got up after a few minutes and covered Marinette with his blanket. He ascended her balcony door and looked back once to drink in his sleeping beauty before diving back into the night sky.
As if she hadn't felt any hotter, Marinette's face burned its hottest temperature yet. Tikki flew back into her space and noted her appearance worriedly.
"Did you hear that, Tikki?"
"Hear what?" she sing songed as she snuggled into the blanket near Marinette's blooming cheek. "You mean Chat's confession?" she teased further and batted her eyes.
"Tikki… if that was real then that only means he likes both sides of me…"
"You sound happy about that," TIkki observed.
Marinette hid under her sheets and gasped. Upon hearing it, she realized that she was happy about that. But it was Chat, the infamous flirt. However, as soon as the thought fluttered in her mind, she immediately filtered it out. She shook her head violently and dismissed the idea completely; it wasn't as if he was a player. The only person she ever saw him expressing his charms to were either Ladybug or… Marinette.
"Oh my gosh," she groaned.
"What is it Marinette?"
Marinette would be lying if she said his sudden confession didn't stir her one bit. In fact, she was shaken by it. A storm of emotions rampaged within her, wreaking havoc to everything she knew and everything she thought she knew.
But what about Adrien? She still loved him, yes, that was for sure. Then why was it that Chat somehow found a way to invade all of her thoughts as of late. She waited for him in the wake of night, outside where it was freezing despite her obvious illness. She allowed him to lay next to her and find comfort in his warmth. She never complained when he came over, and instead welcomed him with inviting widespread arms. That had to have meant something?
Of course she treated him special, because despite his knowledge of it, she knew him for so long. He was her partner, her other half on battle grounds. But to allow all of those scenarios of invading her space time and time again, hearing her thoughts, sharing each other's warmth…having felt the way he caressed her before he left for the night…the kisses on her hands. She didn't want to react but she felt every breath and touch his lips made contact with and it lit a fire within her. That all couldn't have possibly be things just partners do, right? Or maybe it was, and she was overthinking things.
But the obvious fact of the matter was that Chat seeped into Marinette's heart over the course of events without her awareness.
"Oh no…"
"Marinette," Tikki urged. Her bug eyes appeared under the sheets, wide eyed and worried. "What's going on?"
She didn't want to admit it, but who else was she going to talk about this to? Alya was too nosy.
"Tikki… I think I like Chat,too."
"And Adrien?"
"…may just be a friend, Tikki. I love him, I do. But just like Chat, maybe I have to accept that just friends is all that we'll ever be…"
Accusatory eyes slitted and Marinette looked at Tikki confusingly, trying to gauge her expression but fell short.
"Chat is not just a rebound, right?"
Marinette was slightly peeved at the judgment, but thought that it may have been justified due to her uncanny admittance of her affections for Chat despite several occasions of dismissing his love for her as Ladybug. She smiled quietly and shook her head.
"I don't think so. You know how special Chat is to me. But tonight, just knowing how Chat has accepted both sides of me shows how genuine he likes me, right? Maybe I'm ready to take a chance and see just how special he is to me, too. Besides, he says he likes this version of himself more. So if he's able to find love in Ladybug's true nature, why not give his true self a chance as well?"
Tikki closed her eyes and snuggled closer to Marinette's warmth. "Are you sure Marinette? You're letting go of Adrien pretty quickly."
"But I've held on to him for a very long time. Chat deserves love, Tikki, and I'm starting to see a whole different side to him that I really like. I just want to see how it works out."
"It might get a little dangerous. If you ever fought, Marinette, your roles as superheroes might get influenced…"
"I'm sure we'll work it out. Believe in me."
Marinette could hear Tikki sigh, but two tiny lips pushed against her cheeks. "I hope you two the absolute best," she whispered before snoozing.
"Thank you."
It circulated throughout class that Marinette wouldn't return until next week as her cold only worsened. Adrien hoped that the weekend would be enough time for her to recover so that he'd be able to confront her the upcoming Monday; it surely gave him enough time to prep his confession. He waited too long and Marinette deserved to know; no longer would he make her feel like she wasn't enough.
But he was nervous. Adrien's anxiety shot through the roof after his departure from Marinette's home last night. He groaned constantly at his ignorance and spent many hours grueling over the fact he'd had Marinette's heart all along, but was afraid that she'd already decided to take it back. She was ready to give up on him and it frustrated him to know that he couldn't do a single thing except hope that he was still in her mind by Monday. He'd be able to see her as Chat, and by lack of consequences, he was so close to confessing to her then.
In actuality, he did, but he was grateful soon after to find that she was asleep through it.
He couldn't let Marinette fall for Chat as their relationship would amount to secrecy, as if Adrien needed more secrets from her. Marinette deserved more. So when he came over the next couple of nights, he had a goal to convince Marinette of his civilian self's feelings for her.
He'd pepper in conversations about Adrien here and there, and although Marinette was open to talking about him, he noticed the way she reclined in her thoughts, as if she didn't want to speak about the subject anymore. Chat would ask just enough questions, but each time she sagged her shoulders and pouted, he learned that they were early signs of her declining interest, and so he'd switch gears and speak of her new projects, which always peaked her enthusiasm.
Sunday night was different.
Marinette was already rejuvenated by Saturday, therefore making her healthy and strong enough to return to class. However, Chat sulked and disgustingly wished she was still coughing up phlegm when he had come over and heard her on the phone with Luka.
That night, Chat was on her chaise, instead of his usual terrain, that being Marinette's bed. He didn't want to hear what they were talking about, but despite being on the opposite end of the room, his damn ears picked up parts of her conversation.
Apparently they were setting up a time and place to meet Monday afternoon to attend the Jagged Stone concert.
First of all, who in the right mind would schedule a concert for Monday night?
Second of all, why did they have to meet hours before the concert even began?
And third of all, why did Luka have to call in the dead of night? It was nearing ten.
His mouth dried. They were going to be alone… Chat had already deduced Marinette's slowly disinterest of Adrien from clues and attitude in their previous talks, so letting her be with Luka was grounds of being a severe threat to the already withering relationship Adrien could salvage.
He glared up at her bed despite himself. There was a brief instant of animalistic claim and he had to stop himself from hissing.
Chat dipped into her chair sullenly. He couldn't just let her go, yet he couldn't make her stay.
So in the end, the only solution was to make himself attend. Except he couldn't go as Adrien. Father wouldn't approve of it due to the nature of the event. He'd just had to go as he always done whenever it involved Marinette -he'd go as Chat.
"Rock on, Marinette. Rock on."
As always, please let me know what you think. Thanks for reading and making it to chapter 8. Chapter 9 should be up hopefully within the next week.
Until then, enjoy your day ~
