I apologize for being so far away, but it always seems to come about that once I make definitive plans something comes along to change them. I just finished my first official year as a transfer to a four year university. It was challenging, but I still managed to find time to write scenes here and there for this story. Now that I'm officially on summer break, I plan to devote more time to this series.
Ch. 8: Who Are You When You're Not Yourself?
Scene: Coffee Shop; 11 PM. MAGDELANA leaning over the counter slightly bored. As lights come up, LIP cones rushing in.
LIP: Too late for my usual?
MAGDELANA: Cutting it very close, kid.
LIP: Ha. (Orders his usual) Tell me something, smartie. You look very fresh-faced, and bright eyed; why so disillusioned in a hole-in-the-wall café?
MAGDELANA (Back turned, "making" his drink): Well, sir. My past was too confining; so, I really wanted the extra space—
LIP: of the City.
MAGDELANA (Turns; places drink on counter by him): Exactly. Answer a question for me?
LIP (Moving to a table. M follows): Sure.
MAGDELANA: Your friend that asked you to uproot your life? Chasing her for something more?
LIP: …Emily? (Muses lightly) We dated when we were younger. But, honestly, I've never really considered it.
..:….:..
As I get to re-know Troy, I begin to lose a sense of myself. It's almost as if letting him back into my life is breaking my old self apart. Leaving room for a new me—
one that could possibly love him again.
It's honestly terrifying.
I want to take a chance to know this new girl in my own skin. But, everything's moving so rapidly, I feel like I can't even catch myself. Time in the apartment is spent divided; everyone's in their own personal limbos about this new me. Some of my friends have stayed my friends, and some? They're significantly absent.
But this new me?
Doesn't seem to let it bother her.
Her sights are singularly set on one Troy Bolton. A headlong attack straight back into his heart; she's fearless in her pursuit.
But, is that what I want?
Like, seriously—
How much do I have to compensate for a possibility?
No matter the potential, Troy is a complete maybe. For all I know, I'm falling so fast that I'll crash into a billion little pieces—
FATALITY
Who is this new girl?
Because, there's no way she could possibly be me. My own emotions terrify me; I'm lost in them.
I'm torn between myself.
..:….:..
"It's the inevitable 'At Odds' place." Aubrey smirked to me while sucking a stray spec of whip cream on her finger into her mouth, "You hate that you love him. And yet, wondering if it's even worth feeling that way period."
I stared at her oddly while stirring the best boxed fettuccini alfredo I could find at the market. The pot was bubbly and gooey as it cooked on the stove, "How do you do that?"
"Take your emotional mentalities, and sparknote them into one all-knowing phrase?" She stuck the leftover whip cream in the fridge; smirking to me, she shrugged, "It helps that we've been friends for so long."
"Helps we've been friends for so long." I attempted to mimic her childishly; it came out half-baked. Much like this slopecini alfredo, "What am I honestly doing?"
"Reacting to your heart for once," She shrugged in return, "You haven't been this open since the last time the two of you were together."
"Right," My mind hazed to a mental picture of past-Troy; it mixed into a shot of present-Troy.
Past/Present—
Past/Present—
Past/Present—
"Shar," Aubrey snapped her fingers; saving the pasta best she could, "What's been going on with you lately?"
"Who are you when you're not yourself?"
"In transition?"
I sighed, "No seriously," I grabbed a bowl to place the pasta in. After scooping it in, Aubrey grabbed the desserts, and we took them to the other items littered on the coffee table in the main room.
"Honestly?" Aubrey sighed, falling onto the couch with the grace of Katherine Hepburn, "Every day we humans are changing: from our environment, from our relationships, from our experiences. We don't ever stop changing, or growing. So honestly? You're never going to be the Sharpay of yesterday or last week or from six years ago. And Troy's the same." I joined her on the couch.
"Why didn't you become a psychologist?"
"Because at eighteen, I thought I'd be a good video ho?"
We snorted through our laughter that is the mess of our lives. As the clock on the far wall ticked on, we anxiously awaited for the telltale machine to read 6 PM. Ryan will be done with his block of dance classes; Jenny will be finishing up her day job as a secretary to a music company; and Kelsi will be on her way back from her photography studio. Luckily, I had the day off of rehearsal (there actually ARE scenes where my character isn't present). And, Aubrey had all her blocks of classes yesterday. Their cold war has gotten so bad, they alternate their studio time so to not see each other.
This 'White Flag' moment needs to happen.
"You ever notice how, whenever the five of us fight, it's always a combination of you and me versus Ryan and Kelsi,"
"And Jenny's always in the middle?" I nodded solemnly in agreement, "It's been the same way for us since high school." I looked to her quizzically, "Doesn't that kind of go against your 'Changing Humans' theory?"
Aubrey shrugged, "I think there's a loophole once close relationships form, or something. We can finally let out guard down, and shoe the parts of ourselves we hide away. And maybe that's where the habits emerge."
"Seriously should have studied the brain."
"My attention span's way too short."
"Hey," The raspy timbre of Jenny's vocals reached us from the opening door. She walked over after it shut, "Aiming for a 'White Flag' moment?" She motioned to the coffee table. Aubrey sat up, and scooted over so she could sit down as well.
"Attempting to?" I sighed, "What do you think?"
She poured herself some of the moscato wine we bought at the liquor store, "I think you guys need to stop bickering over petty things," She pointed to Aubrey. She then motioned to me, "And I think you need to have an honest conversation with Kelsi. I'm also kind of apprehensive about whatever it is that's going on between you and Troy. But, I also understand that this isn't high school anymore. We're all adults, and that means that we're all aloud to make our own decisions. As friends, we can be there and share advice and ideas. But your relationship with Troy is yours."
"Can't you talk to her?" I whined lowly; Jenny eyed me before sipping her wine. I groaned, complete with a sour puss face.
"You suck at confrontation." Aubrey looked to me; I nodded in agreement. The door opened again; Kelsi came in, followed by Ryan soon after. They cut their conversation short, both of them standing in the doorway staring at the coffee table.
"Heeey," Aubrey smiled through her Chesire teeth," Can we chat?"
"We don't need to," Ryan sighed, sitting on the arm rest by me, "I was really shallow, and dumb. And this fight is extra lame,"
"And we're better as a twosome?" Aubrey smiled to Ryan's nod, "Yaaay! I'm sorry for calling you a grandma." She crashed over me to corral Ryan into a bear hug. Jenny reached over, and somehow helped me out of the crossfire.
Kelsi slowly walked over to the coffee table. Stepping out of my Louis Vitton peep-toes, she cautiously took a bowl and filled it with pasta. "So. I'm assuming you wanted to talk."
I brushed her iciness off with a trite smile, "I'm tired of us fighting. We need to come to terms with this. It's not fair to the rest of the house that—"
"Yeah, you're right," She cut me off in-between bites of her food, "It isn't fair to the rest of the house. You put us through this hell once before already. Don't you think you learned your lesson the first time?"
Jenny's eyes went wide before taking a big gulp of her wine. Aubrey and Ryan calmed down long enough to stare at Kels in confusion. I fought the urge to not roll my eyes, "So, you don't believe in the idea that people have the capability to change?"
"You don't seem to fit the bill."
"Strange, you as well. You're still a colossal bitch."
"Okay! DING. Round one is over; got to your corners." Jenny waved at us with her free hand in a motion for us to back down.
Kelsi sighed, "What do you honestly think could be different this time?"
"Well, for starters, we're both adults now." I shrugged, "So, there's been a significant time lapse to—I don't know—grow up?"
"Weren't you the one who freaked out when you originally saw his name on the cast list?" She challenged, "Didn't we all stay up with you until the wee hours of the morning because of what happened to the two of you before?"
"Do you resent that?" Aubrey interjected.
"He gave her a pregnancy scare for Christ's sake!" Kelsi groaned angrily, "Am I insane or something? Am I just a crazy person to you now?"
"No," I shook my head, "I think you're stubborn as hell, and you refuse to give people a second chance because you're so adamant in your first opinion."
"Because I'm normally always right!"
"There have been exceptions to the rule!"
"Name one!'
I looked to her, struck with a pang of hurt, "Us."
Kelsi and I first met in the middle of freshman year. I was still running high on my 'Queen Bitch' fumes, and she was still a mouse that barely squeaked. I treated her like shit; like how I mostly treated everyone. But, there was a moment near the end of the year where I showed her my true self underneath all the layers of malice. And we became close friends.
"I'm starting to think that was a mistake too." Her words stung; tore into not only me, but all of us. Silence filtered between the five of us.
"Before, I thought you were just another bitchy mean girl," Kelsi herself broke the silence after a moment, "Then, you showed me your real self. And now, I just think you're weak."
"Cool it, Kels." Jenny looked to her, "You're packing a lot of heat for a situation that isn't yours to decide."
"Look," Kelsi sighed, "I just can't do this. I can't watch you walk into another failure waiting to happen. And I don't want to help pick up the pieces of what I knew would fail in the first place. I've been talking to some of my other employees at the studio, and they said they could help me. I'm moving out."
