An emotional breakdown happens for many reasons. To an eighteen year old movie star it could be from overexposure, the pressure of being in the public eye, underage drinking, use of illegal substances or all of the above. To a middle aged housewife with the so called perfect family it could be from a neglectful husband, inconsiderate children or the realisation that dreams which were once sought after no longer apply. To a sixteen year old girl from Tree Hill it happens because of one reason and one reason only; she holds everything back, her thoughts, her feelings, her desires…everything. For the past forty three minutes, Peyton Sawyer the self proclaimed ice queen had been drying her apparent never ending tears on the shoulder of a comforting Lucas Scott. While the last few tears escaped their home and trickled down her cheeks, she started to regret her sudden outburst, remember, she told herself, you're not the damsel in distress…no matter how nice it feels.
Lucas knew their moment was coming to an end; soon she would pull away from his embrace and shrug off her emotional outburst as PMS or something. So he was determined to savour these last moments with her. He tilted his head ever so slightly, her blonde curls moving slightly as a result. The faint smell of coconut circled around him; he concluded that she must have washed her hair this morning before school. The smell would probably have gone a miss by anyone else but him, he was always fully alert when he was around Peyton, noticing the slightest changes. His hands were happily snaked around her, resting ever so lightly on her hip, they hadn't moved in over forty minutes and he didn't want to do anything that would make her pull away quicker but the urge to stroke a tear from her face was too much. Raising his left hand slightly, he moved it up to the side of her face and brushed the top of his index finger gently against her cheek stopping a tear in its track. He looked down and watched as she pulled her head away, just as he thought she would. Though instead of pulling completely back he was stunned to see her red, puffy emerald green eyes staring into his. Without deliberation a small, gentle smile graced his lips.
Peyton bit down on the inside of her lips, why did it always have to come to this? Why did he always have to look at her like…like… she meant everything? For the past six months Lucas Scott had been walking around Tree Hill with a God complex, his higher than thou attitude had made life easier for her. With no best friend and the guy she was interested in giving her the cold shoulder, her invisible emotional barrier was easier to maintain. "I'm sorry," She apologised looking down at his maroon coloured t-shirt and motioned to the wet patch on his shoulder. "Once the flood gate opens they're kinda hard to close." She joked, trying to make light of the situation. But it's bolted shut now, she thought to herself. Well maybe not so much bolted shut as slightly a jar, it was highly likely that when she eventually returned home she would once again have an embarrassing emotional breakdown which would be acceptable because she would be alone. "Anyways, uh.. thanks…" She backed further away and stood up. At the start of her breakdown, Lucas had guided her to the bottom bleacher which she was now thankful for, sitting for forty minutes on a hard gym floor would have been highly uncomfortable.
Lucas quickly jumped to his feet, keeping his eyes fixed on the beautiful blonde girl standing before him. "Peyton…" He spoke her name in a breathless whisper. Her name had escaped from his lips, he hadn't actually planned on saying anything in case he screwed up the moment, which being him, was incredibly likely. "Do you want a ride home?" He asked quickly trying to fill the silence.
"What, in case I have another emotional breakdown on the way home from school and end up hitting some steroid induced football jock?" It was hard to keep her tone playful, it was easy to picture running down Mark Davidson and then blaming it on an 'emotional breakdown.' "Don't worry, Luke…" She shrugged gently and did her best attempt at a smile, "I don't really feel like going to jail for life for murder…" Peyton turned in her boots and slowly made her way across the gymnasium, "but if I do, I'll call you…I'll probably need an accomplice," She joked again as she pulled on one of the double doors, and made her way out of the home of the ravens with questions still filling her mind. Why was it hard for her to open up to anyone especially Lucas? Her drawings reflected the answer; people always leave. They don't have to die, they don't have to leave town, all they have to do is to abandon you like a former best friend or give you the cold shoulder like a-could have been boyfriend. On the bright side, she thought to herself as she made her way down the empty corridor, at least Lucas got her mind off of Mark Davidson and the disastrous day she had been having.
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With Muse blaring from her speakers and the top drawn down to her car, she let the cool harsh wind bluster freely against her skin causing her ears and nose to go numb. Her senses on the other hand were heightened by the harsh wind; for the first time in a long time, she felt alive. She could feel the beat in her once dejected heart, it amazed and annoyed her how one boy could utter one sentence and change her world so completely. Okay, so it was more of a statement than a sentence and it wasn't just one boy, for the past seven months ever since she had almost run over his skinny athletic ass with her car, it had been the boy. As she pulled up onto her street she looked ahead to her house and saw Nathan Scott standing by her front door, waiting for her. Driving onto her concrete driveway she pulled to a stop two inches from the closed garage door, to the outside world it would have looked like a lucky miss but in reality it was just her driving, she knew her car like the back of her hand. "Is it my unlucky day or something?" She called out as she picked up her back from the passenger seat, opened the car door and stepped out. Closing the door behind her she made her way over to the front door and to her former boyfriend. "Two Scott's fight for my honour…if you're waiting for the teenage overemotional breakdown you've missed that boat, I already did that at the school with your brother… though I can give you a recap if ya like, maybe shed some tears to add dramatic effect?"
Nathan ignored her and stared incredulously at her opened topped convertible, "Are you just gonna leave your car like that?" His tone was seething with disapproval. He looked up at the darkened grey clouds looming over their heads and raised his brow, "It looks like it's gonna rain."
Peyton looked up at the sky and nodded, "It is…" She backed him up and looked down at the same time, meeting his dark hazel coloured eyes. "So Nate, what are you doing here? I doubt you came over to give me a lecture about maintaining my car…" Peyton turned her attention towards the door, she had enjoyed the cool harsh breeze while driving but it suddenly made the hairs on her arms stand up. She shoved the front door key into its home and turned the lock, pushing on the white painted door opening it. A rush of warmth hit her like a ton of bricks, she had left the heating on early this morning…which was no doubt going to result in a large electric bill at the end of the month, oh well, it was a good thing she wasn't the one paying the bills.
Nathan followed Peyton inside and closed the door behind him, keeping the cold weather at bay. He had never really taken note anything inside of her house; when they had dated all he had ever been interested in was going to Peyton's bedroom and doing things behind closed doors. His eyes darted around the opened floored hallway, the walls were neutral; painted with creams and browns and the hallway had a few peculiar ornaments sitting on the random end table or on the desk by the wall. But that wasn't what captured his attention, it was the tiny photo hanging above the desk in a small wooden frame. The picture was of Peyton when she was about four or five, her mother and her father. Peyton was sat on the floor, Peyton's mother kneeling behind her resting her head on Peyton's full head of curls and Peyton's father standing behind his wife, his head resting on the straight honey blonde locks that fell down beside Peyton's mom's face. It was the picture perfect image of the perfect family, a photo that could easily belong to the Brady bunch. "Wow…" His words came out in a hushed whisper.
"What?" Peyton had been flicking through the mail, all of it bills and addressed to her father. She dropped her school bag to the floor and walked over to stand beside Nathan. A small smile graced her lips as she peered up at the photo. There weren't many photos of the three of them together; most of them were hanging on various walls throughout the house, all on display, constant reminders that she had had a complete family once. "That was taken the last day of summer before second grade; we threw an end of summer backyard party, we had a bouncy castle in the backyard, kids down the street had set up hockey in the street…" Peyton paused remembering the day vividly. The plastic smell from the bouncy castle, the sound of the adults talking over one another, the smell of burnt chicken… "It was a good day," She concluded not wanting to dredge up old memories; she had already been through enough for one day.
Nathan turned and looked at Peyton, it would have taken a blind man not to see the ancient sadness in her eyes. Haley had opened his eyes to the world, she had reached forward and pulled back the curtains and shown him things he had never seen before. He hadn't seen the sadness in Peyton's eyes before, with the curtains drawn back he could see it clearly now, and he regretted not being there for her when she needed him. "It's strange…" He continued, "When we were together we barely talked about what really mattered to us, well, what really mattered to you… I talked your ear off about my dad and all the drama in my life," Peyton had been the perfect person to vent all of his issues to, she had always listened to him.
"Our relationship wasn't very…" She tried to think of the right word to describe it, "I guess, deep?" She looked up at him and smiled gently, "We were different people back then; you were an arrogant, self centred ass…" Peyton watched as Nathan winced slightly at her truthful portrayal of his former self, "But now you're one of the good guys, Nathan Scott…" Her hand reached out and touched his arm, comfortingly. "You've changed for the better…" She reassured him.
"And so have you," He felt like they had been having this conversation a lot recently. Talking about the past and reassuring each other that they were no longer the people they were. "You shouldn't listen to Mark Davidson, that guy is the biggest ass on the planet," Not to be a shoulder to be her shoulder to cry on, she had Lucas for that and a small part of him envied his older brother that. He loved Haley, he truly did but Peyton had been his first love and while she may have downgraded their relationship, he had always looked back on it with fond memories. It was only towards the end of their relationship when things had started to go down him, before then he and Peyton had been inseparable. "Anyways, I came by to tell you that I'm sorry if my actions today hurt you," He air quoted Haley, whom on the way home from school had given him a long speech about how he shouldn't have done that and how he should have more self control but in the end she concluded that she was proud of him; proud of him for standing up for Peyton. "But I'm not sorry for doing it!" His tone reflected his feelings; he was unrepentant for what he had done. "He deserved everything he got…and more." He braced himself for the Peyton Sawyer stare down, but was surprised to see kind eyes looking up at him. "…and you know I'm right," He concluded when not seeing the surface of the ice stare.
"There always a first, you were bound to be right at some point in your life" She winked at him before nudging her shoulder against his arm playfully. This was the relationship she liked having with Nathan, it was nice being able to open up to someone who like her came from an unstable family life, and who was and would always be flawed because of their un-perfect past. Their friendship was comfortable. "So, while you're here I don't suppose you could put those weenie basketball arms to good use, could you?" Her eyelashes battered vigorously as she beamed up at him, looking the picture of innocence.
Nathan looked down at her with his brow raised in suspicion, "Sawyer, all you ever wanted me for was my body!" He joked.
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The wind had turned colder and harsher as the evening progressed, bringing with it black, murderous looking clouds and hard, heavy rain. Brooke looked up at the sky and frowned with utter disappointment. There was supposed to a beach party tonight in honour of the cheerleading squad reaching regionals, but thanks to the dark and gloomy weather it had been called off. Just as well, she thought to herself. She wasn't in a celebratory mood, she hadn't been her usual cheery self for quite some time now. Opening the car door to her beetle convertible, she stepped out into the rain and slammed the door behind her, making a dash for cover. Pulling on the metal handle, the door to Karen's café swung open and she stepped inside. It was empty, besides Haley James. In her Miss Sixty denim patterned heels she made her way over to the two of them, "Hola…" She greeted them.
Haley turned irritated that her customer free evening had been compromised. "Oh, hey Brooke…" She tried to pick up the enthusiasm in her voice, it wasn't Brooke's fault that she felt gloomy. As soon as the sky had darkened over, her happy go lucky mood had shifted dramatically with the weather. "Can I get you something or did you just duck in here to hide from the miserable ness that is the weather?"
"I ducked, but I'll take a hot chocolate with whipped cream to cheer myself up," She grinned at the bookworm standing in front of her. She turned her head and glanced around the empty café, she had spent many nights inside of the café in the far corner just hanging out with Lucas. The two of them never really talked much, they just sat in silence listening to local in house artist which who would play once a week in the café. Brooke turned her attention back to Haley who was whipping up two hot chocolates, "One for me and…"
"One for me. We should talk…" Haley put the two mugs filled with hot chocolate, both topped with whipped cream on a tray. She picked the tray up, walked around the counter and over to the table beside the window. "Sit..." She motioned to Brooke as she quickly turned on her ballerina flats and made her way across the café to the door. Turning over the open sign to closed she waved off a man about to enter the café and mouthed her apology to him. "I've always wanted to do that," She laughed turning back to Brooke who was sat on the sofa, taking a sip from her mug. "I know it's mean but I'm just so tired..."
Brooke laughed, "Tutor girl who knew you could be abusive of your administrative power….I like it." She sighed and placed her mug down on the coffee table. "So why don't we just go straight to the point," Brooke was never one to beat around the bush, if anything she was known for her direct approach. "You want to talk to me about Peyton…"
"I do," Haley nodded and sat down Brooke on the opposite sofa. "I'm worried about her," Haley too was known her direct approach. "I'm worried that everything she's been through, losing your friendship, the constant drama with Lucas and now with Mark Davidson…" She paused, "I'm just worried about what she'll do to cope with everything."
Brooke nodded and leaned forward on the sofa, her elbows resting on her knees. "I'm worried too" Brooke scrutinized Haley's reaction, she saw a fleeting look of disbelief in the smart girls eyes. "Just because Peyton and I are going through…what we're going through, it doesn't mean that I don't care about her." She could feel tears behind her eyes, waiting for enough to build up so that they could be released. "But I don't think you or anyone else gives Peyton her dues for how strong she is." Haley may have been close to Peyton for these past few months, but it was her who knew Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer.
"So you're worried…but you're also not?" Haley asked confused.
"Yes." Brooke grinned in response, it may not make sense to tutor girl but it made perfect sense to her. "I know you think that sounds crazy, but it's not. Peyton's a fighter, she may be at rock bottom now but I swear just wait and watch tutor girl, you'll see the rise of Peyton Sawyer once more." Brooke was confident in her former friend, you could never keep a girl like Peyton down for long. "I'm just hoping that I'm on the right side of Peyton when she fights back," She half heartedly joked, but on the inside she was secretly hoping that her fractured friendship with Peyton wouldn't be so fractured for much longer. She missed Peyton.
"You know what Brooke," Haley watched the cheerleader carefully. "I don't think people give you your dues," Ever since the almost fight at Nathan's beach house not so long ago she had seen another side to Brooke, a more sensitive side. "I'll admit I was one of those people…"
Brooke grinned and lifted her mug of hot chocolate from the table, "Tutor girl, I'm full of surprises…" She took a sip from her hot chocolate, "I mean who thought that instead of being at cheerleading practise for regionals I would be sat in Karen's Café drinking a hot chocolate and talking to Haley James…"
"So you do know my name.." Haley rebuffed.
"Like I said, I'm full of surprises." Brooke grinned.
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Peyton curled up on the sofa in dressed in her pink thermal pyjamas and pulled the blanket down from the back of the sofa, wrapping it around her body. She reached for the television remote and flicked it on, flicking through random channels until she reached the weather channel. The news bulletin plastered at the bottom of the screen was a warning for the South Carolina area. Flicking the television off, she sighed, hoping that her not so reliable electric circuit wouldn't cut out on her tonight. It was one thing being alone in a storm; it was another being alone in a storm surrounded by complete darkness. She knew from past experiences that the best thing to do in a storm was to keep most electrical equipment turned off and to just wait it out, which meant no Ipod, no television, no computer. This probably would have been the perfect time to have friends over…if she had any. What was she thinking, she did have friends. She had Haley, who was working tonight and Nathan who she had found out earlier was under house arrest by his parents for his antics at school. She turned her attention to the wind and rain that was beating heavily against the living room window, now would actually be a great time for a musical distraction. Pushing herself further down on the sofa, she closed her eyes hoping that sleep would steal her away from the real world at least until the storm was over.
What sounded like someone knocking at the front door woke her up. It felt like she had been asleep for hours but as she glanced at the clock resting on the mantel piece she was sadly mistaken, she had been asleep for less than forty minutes and judging by the wind and rain outside, the storm was only just starting. Peyton lifted up the blanket and stood up, dropping the blanket back down on the sofa. Slowly but steadily she walked across the living room in her bare feet to the front door. Unbolting the door she jumped back startled by another anxious knock at the door, "Jeez, just a second!" She yelled through the wooden door as she turned the key. Turning the handle she pulled back on the door and there standing on her porch, wet from the rain was Lucas Scott. "Luke…" She raised her brow confused, "What are you doing here?" She frowned, "No wait, I get it…you're checking up on me." Sighing her frowned eased, they were only trying to be nice, she told herself willing herself not to get angry. "As Nathan saw earlier I'm fine…as Haley will probably see later when she comes by on Peyton watch, I'm fine…really, see no slit wrists" As she raised her arms in the air, her pyjama top sleeves fell down slightly showing off her perfectly smooth wrists, "I've got no rope in the house to hang myself.." She joked though judging by Lucas's reaction he didn't find her joke funny. "Honestly, Lucas I'm fine…"
"I know." Lucas looked into her beautiful emerald coloured eyes and smiled gently. "This isn't a conspiracy theory that Nathan, Haley and I have fixed up; there is no Peyton watch…" He quoted her grinning, "I actually came by just to see you." He admitted. So maybe he had come by to see how she was but that was only a part of the reason, after their encounter earlier he felt hopeful. "Okay, so maybe I did come by to see how you are but I swear it was completely of my own doing and no one else's…and I was worried about you."
"Like I said, I'm fine." She repeated for what sounded like the hundredth time.
"When I said I was worried about you, what I meant was I didn't want you to be alone in the storm." He admitted honestly. He had been at home in his bedroom when the weather alert of the storm had interrupted the television programme he was watching. Ever since then he had been restless, thinking of Peyton at home by herself and it bothered him, probably more than it should have.
"Oh." Peyton grinned and took a step back away from the door, opening it wider. "Come in." She watched as Lucas stepped past her, dripping water onto the wooden floor as he did. She examined him from behind and noted that he wasn't just wet, he was completely drenched from head to toe. "Did you walk over here?" She asked as she closed the front door. "You're soaked through…" She commented on his clothes and shoes which were leaking everywhere.
"Sorry…" He apologised and walked back towards the door, standing on the welcome mat which rested in front of the door. Hopefully that would stop the water from leaking onto the floor.
Peyton watched him and rolled her eyes, "Do you want some of my dad's old clothes or something?" She would have asked whether she could get him a towel or two, but by the looks of him it would have done no good.
"That…would be a little weird." He didn't particularly want to walk around in a strange man's clothes, least of all her father's.
"Nathan may have left some clothes here from when we dated…unless that's weirder than wearing my dad's clothes?" She asked knowing the answer, Lucas and Nathan's relationship over the past few months had developed – they no longer hated each other, if anything each of them had a respect for one another. But to walk around in Nathan's clothes would still be weird…probably equally weird as wearing her father's clothes. "So the options are…wearing some of my dad's old clothes, wearing some of your brother's old clothes…or standing on the welcome home mat looking like a complete ass." She grinned, "Your choice!"
"Point taken…I'll take Nathan's clothes."
Peyton nodded, "Follow me." Peyton turned around and ran up the stairs barefooted and made her way into her bedroom. "I think…" She spoke to herself mostly trying to remember where she had put the clothes she had never returned to Nathan, "I put them…" She walked into the little nook in her bedroom, opened the closet and reached up to pull down a set of pair of running bottoms and a football jersey. "Here…" She turned and walked across the bedroom and handed the clothes to Nathan, "Don't worry they're clean…I just never got round to returning them." In fact, she had specifically kept the football jersey – it was had become one of her favourite nightshirts. "I'll be downstairs." Peyton stepped past Lucas and walked out of the bedroom closing the door behind her.
Lucas stood alone in Peyton Sawyer's bedroom. He had never been alone in her room before, then again he had never had to wear any of his brother's clothes before either. Looking around he noted the lightness of the room, her walls were painted a light yellow colour and various drawings of hers were hanging from the walls. He took a few step backwards and sat down on her bed, kicking off his shoes as he did. Lucas had sat on something, using his hand he pulled out whatever it was he had sat on and looked at it – it was Peyton's sketchbook. Opening it he flicked through the first ten pages or so which had obviously been drawn a couple of months ago – some of them he recognised from Thudd magazine. He paused on, running his hand over a drawing. It was of him and Peyton, his hand was placed across her heart. The smile that had been tugging at his lips disappeared as he remembered that night…he looked over the caption and sighed.
Peyton heard his footsteps before she saw him, she looked him and up down and grinned. "Well the good news is you fill look better in that jersey than Nathan ever did…the bad news is, I still look better in it!" Peyton eyes followed him as he moved around the living room, he was holding something but she wasn't sure what. As he sat down on the sofa beside her, she recognised the book in his hand…it was her sketchbook. "That's private!" Her friendly tone was instantly replaced by an icy one as she reached across to take the sketchbook from his hand. Instead of giving it to her he moved slightly on the sofa, so the sketch book was out of her reach.
He turned his head and looked at her, simultaneously opening the sketch book to the drawing of him and her. "Do you remember that night?" He asked watching as she pulled away from him and sank further back into the sofa, her eyes carefully avoiding his. She didn't answer, "What about this one?" He opened the sketchbook again to a drawing of him and her standing in his room, after she had confessed that she had wanted everything with him.
"Look I'm really not in the mood to walk down memory lane, so if you have a point get to it." Her glare matched her icy tone. She had invited him into her house and he had snooped through her personal belongings? Bastard!
"There's always been something standing between us…Nathan, Brooke….You" She had been the reason the two of them hadn't become something the night of Dan's party. She had pulled away from him, not that he blamed her. He understood why she did of course, she had told him later that she was scared but that she did want everything with him. "Me…"
"And?"
"There's nothing standing in our way now…" He grinned, "Peyton I'm not asking you for anything, I'm not declaring my undying love for you, I'm not pressuring you into something…I'm just putting it out there."
Peyton rolled her eyes and leaned forward reaching over him to grab her sketchbook from his grasp. She paused as she realised how close she was to him. Turning her head slightly she looked at him, his face was barely two inches from hers…his eyes were looking right into hers. She couldn't help but grin as she pulled the sketchbook back, "Okay…it's out there….but this is still private." Peyton pulled back and sighed, putting her sketchbook on the floor. "Now shut up," Turning on the sofa, she reached across the side table and picked up operation. "And play…."
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Peyton opened her eyes slowly and sighed deeply. Tilting her head slightly she looked over to the living room window and didn't hear or see anything. The storm must have passed through while they were asleep. And she had slept better than she had done in months. His toned body pressed under hers wasn't particularly comfortable to rest on, his chest didn't really make a comfy pillow but yet she was completely comfortable and content. Resting her head back on his football jersey covered chest, she reached down and pulled the blanket up from the floor and threw it over hers and his body.
