Alice.
She was squirming to get away from him and he couldn't allow that - not now when she was hurting so much. And just like last time, he knew innately what he had to do to change her mind. He didn't need to think - he just went along with what he felt. She had noticed he hadn't uttered her name since the day she stepped into his home. It bothered her. It meant something to her. The syllables of her name grated, rather than rolled off his tongue. Saying her name was akin to dredging up the past, their past , his pain. And her pain, too. He noted when her warm tear dribbled on his arm. She had not been crying earlier - but she cried now.
She stood mutely and as still as a mouse in his half-embrace - as if she was afraid any movement on her part would cause him to retract his comfort. He kept his wrists twined below her shoulders, dangling close to her body but not touching. Alice timidly raised one hand towards one of his forearms that brushed her shoulder. Her fingers drifted delicately over his skin... Uncas yanked back his arms in reflex and suggested tonelessly, " Let's go back." He adjusted the blanket more snugly around her and stepped back expectantly.
Alice stared at him, her eyes large, anguished and tragic. Lost. It was the same look she had given him when he first encountered her on George Road. It was the same look she had given him at the cliffs that day. He had grown to hate that look. He hated what it made him feel, hated what it made him do. But yet, he succumbed to it again. And again. Some things never change. Dirt clung to her bare feet. The bottom half of her hair was wet and hung in clumps down her back. Her eyes. At the moment, they weren't vacant or drowning in wariness. They reflected what was torturing her soul. In that second, she became the Alice he knew, remembered and had ruthlessly wiped out from his heart.
Alice averted her face, "I wish to stay a little longer. I-" Uncas hefted her up in his arms. "Let's go back." he repeated rigidly, already striding towards the cabin. He was holding her away from his chest but she could feel his arms like steel bands around her shoulders and supporting her knees. To be held by him even in animosity...felt good. She couldn't be any more pathetic. She must have appeared so pitiable to him...for him to let down his guard for a precious few seconds.
Uncas set her down by the bed in the bedroom. "Get changed." he instructed gruffly before slipping out into the hallway, pulling the door close behind him. Alice stripped off her wet clothes. She was lacing up her nightgown when he knocked some time later. "Come in." Uncas popped his head around the door, "Boiled water outside - wash your feet." Alice's gaze automatically dropped to her toes and belatedly spotted them all matted with mud. After tying on her robe, she headed to the living area.
Her boots and stockings were washed and laid in front of the hearth to dry. A basin of water was placed at the foot of the bench and Uncas was boiling tea in the kitchen. Alice flopped on the bench and soaked her feet in the steaming water, sighing with appreciation. She twisted slightly to watch Uncas. He had changed, too and wore a maroon shirt over his buckskins. He moved about with a graceful economy that was reflective of his person, his capable hands handling everything with unerring confidence.
When the tea was ready, Uncas filled a mug and walked over to Alice. "Thank you." Alice expressed sincerely when he pressed the mug into her hand without a word. He swung away from her when she croaked in a pleading tone, "Stay." Stay. He had begged her to stay three years ago. It had not been enough. He had not been enough. He hesitated and she added humbly, "Please."
To Alice's relief, Uncas dropped down on the floor next to the bench. He neither spoke or looked at her, his back ramrod straight. "I was going to tell Cora." she whispered haltingly, her fingers curling into the coarse wood of the bench. She thought he was going to maintain his silence when his low voice rasped, "Why?" Alice knew he was referring to the divorce and she was momentarily stumped. "I did something unforgiveable towards him." she finally confessed. Uncas seemed to find her answer acceptable because he didn't query further. But Alice resumed plaintively, "Evan was, is, a good man."
Three years ago
"Alice!" a cheery male voice resounded. Alice looked up and waved at the distinguished man approaching her. It was Evan Westlane, who lived in the large manor down the road from Aunt Maura's country estate. The women had been living here for two months and Alice loved the slower pace of life. Aunt Maura had implored her to stick to the story that her child's father was her fiancé, a military officer posted to the American colonies. They had planned on getting married there shortly but unfortunately, he had been killed in battle before they could do so.
Alice was uncomfortable with such an elaborate lie at first but she couldn't bring herself to tell her aunt that her child's father was not a military officer, and was certainly not English. And Uncas certainly had not been her fiancé and she was quite sure he wasn't dead. Aunt Maura claimed this white lie would help salvage Alice's reputation a little, and most would sympathise with her child, rather than treat him or her with disdain when born. Alice had agreed to go along with the charade because she would had done anything to protect her child.
Evan was twelve years older than her and a widower - his wife had passed away four years due to illness and they had no children. He had been kind to Aunt Maura and Alice since their arrival, even after finding out about Alice's pregnancy and "dead" fiancé. His affection for Alice had grown day by day, and he called on her almost everyday. Alice was thankful for his companionship and compassion... but she didn't feel the same way he felt for her. But Aunt Maura had urged her to get to know him better, so she dutifully did.
Alice lovingly stroked her belly as Evan crossed the field towards her. She was now six months along and showing quite prominently. The pregnancy had been quite easy and smooth so far, and the physician had said her baby was healthy and growing well. Alice often wondered what she would look like - for some bizarre reason or divine enlightenment, Alice was almost one hundred per cent certain that her baby was a girl. She just knew. Will she look more like Uncas or me? Will she be fair or dark? Will she ever meet her father? Alice couldn't answer the last question. As Evan drew nearer, Alice mentally locked all thoughts of Uncas away.
Maura heard the door creak open. Alice was back from her outing with Evan. She was glad the two were spending more time together and Evan did seem to genuinely care for her niece. It did help that Alice was beautiful and young, despite her delicate state. If only Evan would consider defying convention...Maura hurried to the sitting room to greet Alice. She found the blond girl dazedly staring into space, one hand at the back of the sofa, as she swayed unsteadily on her feet. Maura rushed over, "Is it the baby? Are you feeling unwell?" Alice shook her head, her eyes as round as saucers. "Evan..." Alice started, her tone rattled, and she ran a shaky hand over her forehead. She composed herself and related incredulously, "Evan asked me to marry him."
And she had. Alice glanced down at Uncas' dark head. What happened to he and his wife? She didn't want to be nosey but since he asked, she figured she could, too. "What about you? Why?" she ventured bravely. Uncas rubbed his knee absently, " I did many things unforgiveable towards her. " He sounded tired and resigned, rather than upset or guilty. We didn't want him to waste his life away waiting for you. Tears burned behind her eyelids. She had been young, frightened, selfish and stupid three years ago. But Uncas had understood and had waited for her despite she abandoning him without so much as a by-your-leave. He would be wasting his life away if he had waited for her.
Clearing her throat, she removed her feet from the basin and stood up, "I'll sleep beside the hearth tonight. Please take the room. You must be exhausted from all that travelling back and forth from Albany." He rose to his feet too, "I'll sleep outside." Heavens, this man was as stubborn as a mule. "Please sleep on the bed tonight - you need a good rest." Alice argued, catching hold of his sleeve. He stilled and Alice half-expected him to shake her hand off. "I can't fall asleep on that bed." he finally said and moved towards the door. Alice grabbed his sleeve again, "Sleep inside, please. I'll go to the bedroom." She reached down for the basin and threw the water out of the window. "Goodnight. And thank you for escorting me back." she said shyly. With that, she retreated to the bedroom.
Uncas arranged his furs in front of the hearth. He wanted to kick himself for admitting to Alice that he could not fall asleep on the bed but she had seemed determined enough to drag him there to enjoy a "good" rest. Foolish girl. She should know that he could sleep anywhere and everywhere... except that bed. He could tell that Alice's curiosity was piqued by his reply but hadn't dared to push him for more details. He lay back and eyed the ceiling dispassionately. He should have gotten rid of that darned bed long time ago...
"It's getting cold. Shall we start sleeping in the room?" Aponi posed the question to her husband, who was in the midst of crafting a wooden stool. Uncas grunted in response without looking up and Aponi assumed that meant he was agreeable. The Mohican warrior was so deathly quiet most of the time that wondered sometimes how he communicated with that white woman... Aponi shook her head derisively. Uncas was kind and caring towards her, and provided for all her needs well. She just sometimes wished he was... warmer, more tender, more playful, more open. Aponi stared at his firm lips which were drawn into an uncompromising straight line. He rarely smiled and even when he did, his smile never reached his eyes.
That night, the couple headed for the bedroom. When Uncas saw that the bed was fitted with sheets, he blurted, " I thought you didn't like the bed." He had thought they were going to sleep on the floor. Aponi shrugged, " It's strange to be sleeping off the floor but it is getting cold. It will be much warmer on the bed." They hadn't slept on the bed since they moved into the cabin. They usually slept in front of the hearth on furs. The bedroom was more of a storage space. Aponi clambered onto the bed and patted the empty spot next to her. Looking reluctant, Uncas joined her. Once he was under the furs, Aponi wriggled closer and pressed her lips to him...
Uncas watched Aponi sleep, her slim shoulders bared to the chilly night air. He stretched across to pull the furs to cover her before propelling off the bed. He tossed a shirt over his naked physique and stumbled to the kitchen, where he gulped down a mug of water. Cold sweat dotted his forehead, his throat and his chest, and his stomach churned. Alice. The wasn't the first time he had lain with Aponi - they had been sleeping together regularly since their marriage but doing the intimate deed on the bed...the bed he had unconsciously built for Alice...it just had felt so wrong. It should be Alice snuggled up against his side on that bed.
His traitorous mind drifted to that night in the cave. Alice sprawled over him, her hair tickling his chest, chin and nose. Her sweet mouth softened in a sated, dreamy smile, her fingers running through his hair. " I will never forget tonight." she whispered reverently, then her mouth drooped. "What?" Uncas asked huskily, his hands roaming her bare back. Alice actually looked a little embarrassed when she answered in a small voice, "I just wished we were on a bed..." Uncas pulled her down for another melting kiss, "Next time... our next time will be on a bed..."
Uncas stared into the darkness of the cabin, his throat working furiously. There hadn't been a next time. Alice had left him. Uncas was now married to Aponi. He had slept with Aponi on that bed. There will be no next time. He would never hold Alice in his arms again. His entire body started to convulse uncontrollably as more cold sweat mottled his skin. He raised a hand to mop his face and it came away warm and damp. Tears.
The next morning, Aponi woke up to find herself alone on the bed. She looked down and saw Uncas curled up on the floor, deep in slumber on a pile of furs.
Back in the present, Uncas frowned. He never slept the night through on the bed again. Hell. He could count the number of times he had lain with Aponi on the bed with one hand. He always found excuses not to do so. Even after Aponi and he had went their separate ways, Uncas never once slept on the bed. He changed the sheets occasionally but he never attempted to rest on it. He couldn't.
Impulsively, he oriented towards the bedroom. The door was ajar and he shoved it further inwards with his shoulder. The bed was unoccupied. Perplexed, he gazed downwards where Alice huddled under a blanket. Her refusal to sleep on the bed was maddening and it irritated him to no end. Granted, the bed probably paled in comparison to what she was used to in Albany and England, but it was still better than the floor. After her freezing dip in the stream earlier, she needed to keep as warm as possible.
Uncas crouched down to pick her up, blanket included. He seemed to be carrying her a lot these few days, he thought exasperatedly. He didn't have to do it once three years ago. He placed her in the middle of the bed, tucked the blanket securely around her and turned to leave. Soft fingers grasped one of his wrists fiercely. Alice. He angled around slowly. He knew what was coming. He always knew when it came to her.
Alice sat upright, her hair spilling languorously over one shoulder. Her eyes glittered brightly in the moonlight that shafted through the window. She tightened her grip on his wrist and tugged him closer until his face was hovering just inches away hers, one of his knees balanced at the edge of the bed. Her lips moved. Uncas willed her not to say the word...
"Stay."
