Hey all, sorry for the long wait on this chapter. Last summer I spent a lot of time rewriting all of the previous chapters and adding onto some of them as well. As of now, I finally graduated from uni and have a full summer to keep on writing! It's kinda crazy that I started writing this story before leaving home for school and now I'm all the way on the other side. I'm hoping to finish Chapters 9 & 10 before heading off to grad school later this year but we'll see how things go. =)

Side note - this chapter discusses events that occurred in both Adventure 02 and Tri, so some spoilers are ahead if you haven't seen them. Additionally, to give a bit more context in case it's necessary, the flashback in this chapter occurs within the time skip towards the end of the third Tri film (Confession).

That said, enjoy!


He's Gone

Chapter 8

Reminiscing


March 27th; Evening

Tai looked down at the clothes in his arms with irritation as he strolled back home through the streets of Tokyo.

Home, gross room in the back of a hostel, whatever, same thing.

The chilly March air and looming darkness over the city aptly matched his demeanor: cold, dim, and overall shitty. His walk was aggressive and quick as he weaved through the evening crowds. It was probably clear to the people that he was plowing through that he wasn't in the best of moods.

He couldn't believe he stomached putting on that fake smile and acting like nothing was wrong the entire time he was out with Matt and Sora. Part of him was disgusted with himself for being so fake; the stronger part of him wasn't feeling quite as remorseful.

It was really funny, when he woke up this morning in a complete daze he had almost forgotten everything that had happened with those two in the months following the Ordinemon event the previous summer. He supposed that foggy memories may just be another side effect of losing all recollection of the past week of his life. However, with each laugh he forced out and tale he pretended to invest in another sour memory sunk its teeth right back into his mind. Ever since the school year began all of his friends had treated him like nothing short of garbage. Some were worse than others, but Matt and Sora were particularly insufferable.

'Please,' one side of him thought irritably, 'They've been doing it well before school started.'

He hated to agree with the furious side of himself but it was absolutely right. In all honesty, Matt and Sora's attitude towards him had been declining for years now, although it had started out much more subtly than it was in the present. Either way, it certainly hadn't improved the depression or disillusionment he'd felt with himself for months now.

Tai mocked Sora's attempt to buy him clothes as his rage swelled up. It was so fucking stupid. Announcing that she forgot to get something for his birthday and then trying to compensate for it after the fact. She should've done what Matt did and not even mention it at all. Better to make it seem like it was never her intention in the first place to get him something than to admit that she forgot about him again.

It was almost laughable how many texts he received from those two specifically after they practically didn't acknowledge his existence for months on end.

'Oh Tai we're so worried about you.'

'Tai I'm at your building you better come downstairs.'

'Omg we're "SO SORRY" we missed your game again.'

Fuck. You.

He was fuming. Now that the memories were pouring back in he couldn't believe he felt sorry for not returning their text messages or missing lunch with them earlier. It was like being around them again after so long just set his emotions off like a firecracker that was barely being restrained. As he thought back further and further, more recollections of neglect and apathy continued to pop up, like there was no end to it. But where did all of this start? When was the first time that the two of them pushed him to the side?

It didn't take him long to remember.

The concert. That's where it began. That stupid fucking Christmas concert that he couldn't stop thinking about even now, years after it happened.

The day started off great. Davis, Yolei, Cody, TK, and Kari had invited all of the older Digidestined to gather up because they had a Christmas present for them. Everyone was already excited, but when the surprise turned out to be their Digimon partners wrapped in gift sacks it looked like the day was on course for becoming one of the best ever.

Matt's concert was later in the evening and everyone, after spending a couple of hours with their respective partners, planned to reconvene at some point during the show. He thought this was finally his chance to do something 'a little more' with Sora. They'd been hanging out since they were kids and never really had any excuse to do anything other than have her follow him to some soccer field to distract him or stay late after school and talk about whatever it was on Sora's mind. Spending some time together at a concert, like a real, actual date, was exactly the chance he'd been waiting for for months.

He clawed at his thighs through his shorts as he clutched his hands vigorously in his pockets, cringing and sweating with each step down the city block. It was excruciating to think about it now. He was so naive to think that things would be so easy and the pieces would just fall into place.

He literally saw her standing outside Matt's dressing room like a lost puppy, cookies in hand, questioning herself for almost a minute over whether to go in or not. How could he be stupid enough to ask her to stay with him when it was so clear that she was there for someone else? She froze when she spotted him. It looked at first like she was happy to see him until the implications of his presence quickly sunk in and her face dropped from a friendly smile to a look of intense panic and dread.

She hid the cookies behind her back while trying desperately to come up with a tactful response as to why she was interested in Matt and not him. Fortunately, Agumon was there to break the tension as always and try to snag a cookie before she made her 'surprise' delivery. Though he didn't manage to get one, she tried to alleviate things by promising to make a special batch just for them.

Another promise that was never kept.

And then, to have the nerve to come back to the group and sit right next to him throughout the entire show anyway... Was it pity? Did she just change her mind on wanting to be alone for Matt after the show? Was she trying to compensate in some warped way? He was so glad when the Digimon burst through the venue and put an end to the torture of sitting next to the girl he'd known since he was a little kid and watching her gawk at his closest friend.

It didn't make sense to him then and it sure didn't make sense to him now. Mimi had told him several times about Sora's feelings towards him ever since they saved the world from Apocalymon. In fact, Mimi was the one who would never shut the hell up about how perfect they'd be as a couple. He didn't really think much about Sora in a romantic way at that age, but then again, what 13 year old boy would?! As far as he was concerned she was the same tomboyish, soccer-playing friend that he'd known for ages. Then, suddenly, just as he finally wakes up to what he really wants she decides to jump ship and join the pack of a thousand other girls fawning over Matt Ishida.

Matt and Sora's relationship was pathetic. Straight up pathetic. Tai could barely even stomach watching it half the time. Sometimes it was so miserable that it was nearly comedic, like when she cut her hair short this past winter to try to garner Matt's attention. He didn't even notice until TK pointed it out for him weeks later and by then it was already practically back to normal length.

As for Matt, that kid had been so angsty and confused that it was no surprise he couldn't reciprocate the amount of attention Sora provided him with. Hanging out at the mall today was the first time he'd acted like his less-hormonal old self in what felt like years. Matt's personality had taken a noticeable turn for the worst ever since the events of the Digital Infection began to take place early last summer. His introversion coupled with his lack of emotional control (particularly when it came to anger) lead him to become cold and distant in his relationships with nearly everyone. Most people felt bad for him because he always seemed so moody and depressed... Tai did not share this conviction.

"Oh I'm soooo misunderstood," he mocked quietly beneath his breath, "I have to take out all my feelings through my terrible grunge music because I have soooo many problems that only my mentally ill fanbase can truly understand."

That pretty much summed Matt up these days. Just an average guy with a victim complex and anger issues. Tai laughed menacingly at his crude impersonation of the blonde 'rockstar' before impeding his walk to an abrupt halt. Something strange had caught his attention. Looking up from the cracks in the sidewalk and stepping out of the rage-induced storm he'd been swept up in, he opened his ears to what had disturbed him.

He could hear something.

Taking in his surroundings, he was nowhere near the hostel now. A lone streetlight lit the road in front of him, separated by what appeared to be half a kilometer from any other light source. The stillness in the air and the vacancy of the street in all directions only served to amplify the feeling of desolation that was quickly overcoming him.

Actually, he was wrong, the street wasn't vacant. He could make out someone beneath the streetlight, right around his height and build, pacing back and forth from one side of the road to the other. However, the pacing wasn't anxious or uncontrolled. The walk was calm, assured, and relaxed, like the guy didn't have a care in the world. Tai couldn't make out many details from the distance he was at, but he was sure that the sound he heard was coming from that direction.

It wasn't a voice, or the sound of the guy walking. It was really high pitched, like white noise, except it rang much, much louder. There was also something familiar about it. He could've sworn he'd heard it before, but had no idea where or when.

Ring ring ring ring

The ring pervaded his mind like a drug. As he walked closer and closer to the person under the streetlight, the sound grew louder and louder and louder. Some sort of auditory hallucination? Maybe he'd hit his head earlier and was having some sort of late onset of symptoms? With every footstep he took towards the light all he could feel was the dread increase tenfold inside his body.

He wanted to turn back but his legs kept driving him forward. This was like having deja vu on steroids, something was seriously, seriously wrong here. Normal people weren't supposed to have shrieking noises in their heads or panic attacks from walking down the street.

For whatever reason, he faced the ring screaming at him to turn around and instead accepted it, letting it come inside of him as he marched onwards. The curiosity of the man in front of him overpowered the crippling fear that kept trying to pull him away. Soon enough he was only 50 meters away...

40...

30...

20...

More features of the man beneath the streetlight became clear as Tai drew himself closer and closer. He wore a black, heavy leather jacket and husky, ripped jeans, also black. Smoke poured from the cigarette he carried in his mouth as he blew another huge puff into the air. Tai could smell the smoke from there as the man stretched his arms into the air in the middle of the street, still walking around like he owned the whole block.

10...

He was well-built from what Tai could make of his figure; tanned skin, a youthful appearance, and a large brown bush of hair stood out from beneath the spotlight. Given his clothing and (more than likely) high degree of intoxication, he looked like he belonged more at a club in the red light district than aimlessly wandering residential streets. Tai wondered what the hell someone like that was doing way out here. The man didn't even need to be looking in his direction to make it clear that he oozed confidence. However, at this distance, it appeared that he may not be a man at all. He resembled something significantly younger...

5...

"Hey," Tai called from behind his back, unable to even make out his own voice over the ring still shrieking in his ears. He was unsure of why he felt so compelled to confront this guy in the first place. He was fairly sure that all he'd accomplish would be coming off as a sweaty, anxious mess to anyone who had the misfortune of bumping into him. For all he knew, he was probably walking headfirst into a mugging, going up to some jerk walking in circles like a crackhead on a vacant road with nobody to help him. He reached towards the man's shoulder and rested his hand upon it as he spun towards him.

Nothing could have prepared him for what turned to face him.

0.

It was him. There he was, mere inches away, glaring at himself through some sort of crooked reflection. The familiar smell of smoke and alcohol poured into his mouth while he remained completely struck with confusion, unable to take another breathe let alone utter another sentence. The other him smirked, clearly unfazed, returning his glare without the slightest hint of acknowledgment or surprise. There was something ominous and threatening about its presence. Tai felt like it could see right through him, the worst part being, he also felt that it knew it too. The smirk grew into a sneer as his body suddenly went limp, dropping head-first towards the pavement while condescending laughter accompanied his fall. Before he could think or even process what he had just seen, his consciousness drifted from his grasp as everything around him fell into darkness.


August 1st; Previous Year

Tai put his hands in his pockets, visibly frustrated. He sat to the side of Izzy, Mimi, Joe, TK, and Kari, all shielding themselves from the summer sun beneath the outcropping of one of the bridges near the Odaiba pier; one of their usual meeting places these days. Looking around him, his feelings of frustration were mirrored by the five others idly standing by, unsure of what to say while they concealed their faces in the shadow of the bridge. TK was the only one who looked more anxious than upset, likely taking some degree of responsibility for his brother's lack of tact.

"M-maybe something happened to them," the dirty blonde boy suggested hesitantly, "Neither of them are answering their phones - maybe something important came up."

"Or they just forgot," Kari added in a poor effort to bolster TK's excuses.

"OR," Tai spat, interrupting the two of them and commanding everyone's attention, "They just decided it wasn't worth their time."

Nobody said anything at first, clearly uncomfortable with the implications of such a logical assumption. A few eyes looked up to meet each other in the silence, urging the other to say something to defend Matt and Sora's absence, but no one took the initiative to speak.

"You all know it's true," he asserted again, adding to the quickly rising tension through the group.

If nobody wanted to admit it, he was happy to do it for them. He knew Matt and Sora were capable of a lot of things, but he never expected that they'd go this far.

August 1st... The day that seven of them went to the Digital World for the first time. It was practically a religious obligation for them all to meet up on this day. No one had ever dreamed of missing it... until now, apparently.

Now of all times was the worst and most disrespectful time to be absent. Davis, Yolei, Cody, Ken.. The four of them had been missing since June. Himekawa had said that they were all under some sort of protective custody or whatever, but it didn't change the fact that nobody had heard from them for months. Ken was the only one who they'd made any contact with and, from his 'guest appearance' at the school festival, it looked like he'd been completely corrupted again.

Some fucking 'protective custody.'

To add onto this, they recently were forced to say goodbye to their partners during the Reboot, something that had not only changed the course of their summer but potentially the course of their lives. Today wasn't just a memorial of the journey they took so many years ago; it was a day to take a vow to find their friends; it was a day to commemorate the partners and the memories they'd lost along the way. Evidently this meant nothing to Matt and Sora.

Tai clenched his fist with frustration. How could anyone on his team act with such callous disregard for the others? It disgusted him. They disgusted him. He would not let himself feel remorse for telling it like it is when Matt and Sora had the sheer apathy to act the way they did.

"Okay okay," Joe stammered in his usual manner, trying to defuse the situation, "We shouldn't jump to any conclusions before-"

"Before what Joe?" Tai interrupted again, "Before they decide to tell us that they just didn't care enough to come?! You of all people have the least amount of time to spare and you're still here - they don't have an excuse."

Joe seemed taken back by what he said, unable to quickly form an adequate response, and looked away towards the water.

TK spoke again in an effort to defend his brother.

"You know they care, Tai. I know you do."

He didn't respond.

"They may be dealing with things in their own way. Not everyone wants to publicly express their grieving."

Tai eyed TK for a moment, pausing to get a stronger read on the younger boy. It wasn't like TK to challenge him like that. The only time he would was when it came to something involving Matt and, even then, TK was not the confrontational type. Tai looked away dismissively and towards Mimi, who stood on the other side of the circle with her arms crossed, eyes looking straight down.

"What about you Mimi?" he said into the silence, passively directing everyone's attention towards her, "You've been quiet this whole time. What do you think?"

She looked up timidly, clearly uncertain with what she would say, uncomfortable with the degree of attention she was receiving for the first time in her life.

"I don't know..."

She looked back down towards her shoes before speaking again.

"I just want them to show up so we can stop all this fighting."

Tai sighed to himself as Kari took Mimi out of the circle to comfort her. He, Izzy, Joe, and TK were left in the silence, most of them also staring down at their shoes.

"Okay," he said finally, breaking the silence again, "TK come with me to Matt's place. We're gonna go find them."

Kari looked back towards TK anxiously as he hesitantly nodded his head in agreement.

"Ok, I'll go."

"TK, you don't ha-"

"It's fine, Kari," he responded reassuringly to her protest, "It's best if Tai and I clear this up right away. You just stay here, we'll be back in no time."

He finished his statement off with a smile that appeared to satisfy Kari for the time being. She didn't look pleased, but she knew that more debate was the last thing they needed.

Leaving everyone else behind, the two walked out of the shadow of the bridge and towards the sunlit paths of the waterfront park. Tai took one last look behind him to catch a stern look from Kari, likely in an effort to tell him that he better not give TK a hard time.

'As if,' he thought to himself irritably. Just because the kid's older brother was an ass didn't mean he was going to take it out on anyone else. He wasn't that irrational... Usually...

Matt's apartment, or rather Mr. Ishida's apartment, wasn't too far from where they were. Tai spent most of the walk listening to TK talk about how much Matt had been through since the Reboot. It was all just a ploy for sympathy to convince him to take it easy on the older brother when they inevitably found out that he had no excuse for missing their meeting. He had to give credit to Matt, the guy was lucky to have such a protective younger brother.

Normally Tai was totally cognizant that everyone had a lot going on and it could certainly be difficult to find the time to get together. He was always sympathetic towards everyone's individual schedules and commitments. However, today was the exception, and he sure as hell was not going to give Matt any leeway after how big of a dick he'd been to him the last couple months.

And Sora... Why Sora? He remembered the days when she used to care so much about everyone; she would sacrifice anything in an instant to help anyone on the team with the slightest ordeal. It was the quality that made her Sora. Nowadays it only happened when it was convenient for her. She just did it to keep up the illusion in her head that she was still the same.

Matt and Sora... For some reason it was always those two. They were like poison for each other...

'Or for me...'

"Look TK," he said, putting his hand on the boy's shoulder and forcing a smile, "I promise I won't kill your brother."

He looked down towards his face but turned away, quickly realizing how jarring it was staring into TK's blue eyes when they were the spitting image of Matt's. It made him feel weird, lying that he wouldn't get mad to the most genetically identical person to Matt on the planet. He also felt bad because TK was so kind and good-natured. It was crazy how similar the two could look at times and then have such polar opposite personalities.

"It's okay, Tai," he replied back pleasantly, "I know that you're going through a lot right now and that you're just doing your best to try to keep everyone together. I just hope you feel okay talking with us if you feel like you're struggling in any way."

Tai laughed at his response as they approached the apartment, "Man, TK, how the hell are you related to that angsty blonde headcase upstairs? Clearly someone got the superior genes in the family."

"That's funny, I said something similar thing to Kari a few days ago," TK jabbed back with a grin.

The two of them laughed at Tai's initial face of shock as he recollected himself from the attack to his ego.

"Cold but true," he admitted, defeated. It was funny hanging out with TK nowadays. Sometimes Tai needed to remind himself that the strong, confident teenager in front of him used to cry at the sight of pretty much anything. Even though TK had changed so much, Tai still felt fraternal to him in some sense, similar to how he felt with Kari. Although TK had Matt as a brother, Tai hoped he knew he could count on him as well.

"Alright tough guy," he poked again, standing by the staircase of the apartment building, "Are you coming up with me or are you gonna let me have at your brother with no protection."

"He's all yours," TK affirmed a little bit more seriously, "I'll let you guys talk about things by yourself. It's been so long since you guys have had a real discussion. Maybe it's about time that you guys become proper friends again."

Tai sighed. The kid wasn't wrong. He and Matt hadn't been on great terms for months and, when he pulled out of the DNA Digivolution during Alphamon's attack back in June, that more or less put the nail in the coffin. He still wasn't comfortable talking about what he did, but being upfront about his feelings now might be enough to fix things with Matt. Either way, he doubted it could get much worse than they'd already been.

"You're right," he conceded to TK, "We really do need to have a talk. I'll try not to take a lifetime up there."

"No worries. Just make sure you both come down here in better shape than you're in right now!"

Tai went up there stairs and straight to the door, his anxiety growing as he got closer and closer. Although he was really angry before, in all honesty, he didn't want to get into another huge argument. TK was right, it was about time they became proper friends again, especially now when everyone was hurting after dealing with such an intense loss. Plus, he personally could really use Matt's help right now, even if he would seldom admit it.

He took one last breath going inside. He hadn't been to the Ishida's apartment in a long time, but still, what did he have to be so nervous about? This was only Matt after all. He put a smile on his face as he turned the doorknob and opened the door; everything would be fine.

Tai immediately slammed the door shut.

'WHAT THE FUCK?!'

'WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST SEE?!'

His anger was now borderline nuclear. He couldn't believe what he just witnessed. Within seconds he was marching back down the stairs, doing everything in his power to prevent himself from going back and kicking down the door.

TK came running up to greet him, transparently expressing that he knew that something had gone seriously wrong.

"What happened?!" he hollered, face lit up with shock. Tai shook his head silently and kept walking down the stairs in a frenzy, gesturing TK to go see for himself.

Now outside the building, Tai took a seat on the curb and put his head on his knees, holding himself in both of his arms while the sun baked him from the backside. It didn't take long before yelling started coming down from one of the balconies a few floors up.

"What the hell is wrong with you two?!"

To be more specific, all of the yelling was coming from a furious TK, probably more furious than Tai had ever heard him before.

"I defended you and this is what I find you doing?!"

TK was really giving it to them.

'Good,' Tai thought vengefully.

It only went on for about a minute before he heard the door slam for the second time. TK came down to him with the same expression of frustration and disappointment that he had worn only moments before.

"I can't believe them!" the younger boy declared, exasperated and unable to properly convey exactly what he was feeling, "What the hell are they thinking?!"

Tai looked up from his spot on the curb and shook his head again, totally lacking the energy to deal with what he just walked into.

"I mean seriously," TK continued, "We have four friends that have been missing for months; we just lost our partners and may never see them again; and fucking is more important than coming together for our friends?!"

Tai's stomach did another dance thinking about Matt and Sora having sex while the rest of them grieve over the biggest loss of their lives. He couldn't get the stupid image out of his mind. He couldn't even think straight on why he was so paralyzed by the thought of it. It was selfish. It was disrespectful. But it was more than that. It felt personal.

"Tai I don't understand!" TK continued to holler as he stormed back and forth along the sidewalk.

Deaf to TK's cries, Tai sunk deeper into his own head. He knew something had been going on between the two of them for a while now. This was absolute confirmation of it. They both, behind his back, had been keeping this secret from him. But for how long?! How could they keep something like this from him and act like everything was normal every day?! How could he be so nearsighted as to not realize what was transpiring right in front of him?

Even more so, what kind of leader was he? Clearly, nobody had any respect for him anymore. He had no authority, no influence or place in anyone's life. Matt and Sora were the living proof of that. He couldn't even get everyone together on one of the most important days of their lives. His two closest friends couldn't even bring themselves to trust him with the fact that they had fallen for one another.

"C'mon Tai," TK gestured to him softly, "Let's just go back."

And showcase to everyone how much of a failure he was? No thanks.

"I'm going home," he replied sullenly, hoping TK wouldn't take it personally.

Fortunately, the boy understood, letting him know that it was alright and that he would handle everything from there. With that said, the two said their farewells and parted ways, both leaving in significantly worse condition than they had arrived in.

As Tai walked home he put his hands in his pockets again, feeling more defeated and betrayed than he had in any recent memory. Sometimes he wished he could just forget things. Pretend they never happened. Just go on with his life without acknowledging any of it. Get away from the hurt that gripped him from the inside out and refused to let him go.

Maybe he could. Maybe he could move past it without it ever happening.

But then again, there was no need to move past it. There was no need to pretend. What was there to pretend? Nothing had happened in the first place.

It didn't even exist.


March 27th; Night

Tai shot up in his bed and quickly darted his head around the room, trying to figure out where the hell he was.

'Breathe. Ok. Breathe.'

He was back in the hostel. Everything was fine. The panic started to quickly slow down as the sweat dripping down his back sunk into his shirt.

What the hell was that? He would've thought it was a dream if it didn't feel so incredibly real. It was unbelievable. One second he was walking back to his family's apartment, roasting in the summer sun. The next he was here. Back in the present. Or, at least, that's what it felt like.

That whole event. Matt and Sora. Going to the Ishida's apartment with TK. He had completely forgotten the whole thing.

But it wasn't your typical forgetting like one would forget what they had for dinner last night or forget to do their homework on occasion for class. Like that memory was 'gone, gone.' It straight up did not exist until now, until he walked into that weird fucking twin of his in the middle of the road. It was like it had been buried deep underground, totally out of reach until something external had dug it up for him. It was so deep that he was certain that if someone had told him that it all had happened, he wouldn't have believed them.

Tai sat back in his bed, sorely disoriented and running back through the past year of his life, questioning everything and everyone he had come in contact with. He had never been so confused in his life.

What the fuck was wrong with him?


Things just keep getting weirder and weirder, huh?

Something I keep thinking about while writing is how unlikeable I'm making most of these characters whom I love so much. Sorry about that :P All of their negative traits seem to be outshining the best parts about them, but unfortunately it's totally necessary for the progression of the plot and the story. But then again, this is all from the point of view of Tai, so can you really trust anything he says in the first place?

Also, for any TK fans out there, he's going to play a more pivotal role in this story than I originally anticipated so stay tuned! We'll be seeing his involvement in some major events down the line.

As always, follow/favorite/review, check my profile for updates, or just shoot me a message! Thanks!