I know that I posted with chapter one that I would update each Monday. And for chapter 8, Monday has come and gone... twice. I spent some time with this chapter, and I never really liked where it was going. For me, it's kind of like braiding hair. I had strands of stories that worked together, but I could never get them to go the same direction or end nice & neat. I would rather publish something worth reading than because I have a "deadline."

I sat down to write one chapter and got three! The other two are getting their finishing touches.


"Lanie, I don't know how to explain it. But something is different. I just don't..." Kate's voice trailed off. Lanie had come over to check in on Kate and the boys and to bring food for them as she had often done lately.

"Girl, I know you're not the person you were ten years ago. None of us are. But, you have to come to the realization that Castle is gone. There is no reason for you to be lonely."

"Lanie, it's not about that. I'm just… I'm just not ready."

Kate was sitting on the couch. She and Lanie were drinking water from a wine glass. Lanie was listening from the kitchen while she refilled her glass.

"Kate, we've had this discussion before. How long are you going to circle around important decisions before you run out of fumes? I'm not saying you should run to Tom, jump in his bed and live happily ever after. But, jeez, what's wrong with letting him in and spending time with him? It was not your fault. Stop punishing yourself. You deserve love, Kate. You deserve to be happy."

Hearing those words instantly made Kate cry. The year before she finally allowed herself to be with Castle, he had said the exact words to her. Listening to them again, in these circumstances, was too much for her.

Kate wiped her eyes with a tissue, trying to regain her composure.

"You know, after I lost my Mom, I just shut down. I blocked anyone and everyone out. But I can't do that now. I have children that make me get out of bed everyday. I thought, with time, the hurt would begin to fade. That just maybe, it would be easier to let go and move on."

Kate ran her fingers through her hair. She began to twist a lock of hair from behind her ear around her index finger.

"But I don't want to let go. I find myself looking for him in everything. Every time. Every place. Every day. It's like deep inside me there's this newfound hope that I desperately want to cling to; I just have to find him. He might be alive, you know?"

She took a sip of her water and curled her knees to her chest. Hugging her knees tightly, softly she said, "I know he said I should go on with my life, but what is my life without him? I don't want to think about loving someone else. Ever since I knew he was my 'one and done,' no one else has been worth even thinking about. I want to remember us the way we were. Rick was crazy about me. We were truly happy. I don't want to ever lose that."

Plopping down on the couch, Lanie let out a loud sigh. Kate didn't need to look at her to know Lanie had just rolled her eyes. Lanie wanted nothing more for Kate than to see her happy. She was her friend, and that's what friends do. They want the best for those they love. And watching Kate wallow in self-pity and self-doubt was not at all what Lanie wanted for Kate.

"Oh, Kate. I understand what you're saying and how you feel. But, honey, did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, Demming came into your life to teach you how to let go?"

"No. No. That's just the thing! Of all the people in the world, there is no one who could be as prefect for me as Rick. I could search the world over and find there is no love for me like his. He will forever be written in the scars of my heart. And he definitely wasn't what I was looking for. 'Specially those first years. But he stood by me; he showed up everyday and taught me the true meaning of 'Always.' Who could ever compare to him, Lanie?"

So many times, Lanie and Kate sat together and talked. This conversation was very different from the last time they were on her couch talking about him. That time, Kate cried over the fact that Castle was being framed as a murderer. Kate knew Castle, and she stood by him. Even risked her career by helping him prove his innocence.

But lately, the tears were coming less and less. While it was a relief to Lanie to see her friend in a better state of mind, it saddened her that Kate seemed at peace, but still unhappy. There is no timetable for grief. There are stages, yet everyone handles it differently and in various ways. Kate was no different.

Lanie stood and leaned down to kiss Kate on the forehead. "Kate, as your friend, I want to see you smile again. And a real smile, you know, the crooked one? I want to hear your laugh. You have a whole new life in front of you. You need to live it. There is no shame in that."

She sat her glass on the bar as she walked towards the door.

Looking back over her shoulder, her eyes filled with tears. "Girl, you know I love you." To make light of the situation, she laughed and said, "But I love my sleep even more. I'm headed home. Call if you need anything."

With that, she let herself out.

Lanie knew Kate had a heart of gold and she would never do anything to tarnish Castle's memory or belittle his love for her. There was proof that his cell phone was in use. Ryan had proven that beyond a shadow of a doubt. But what no one could prove was who was on the other end using the phone.

Alexis had received only that one text. More questions than answers came with it.

Questions such as, why was the text sent to Alexis and not Kate? Why didn't they call Kate?

Castle's cell phone records had shown the phone was in use every time Kate had called his phone. She would let it ring and listen to his voice mail. Ryan had only been able to verify that the phone was receiving a signal and was working during those calls, but he was never able to find the phone had been used any other time.

He did suggest that the phone was thrown from the plane during the crash and picked up by some kid that was too afraid to use it. But when Alexis suggested they actually go to West Virginia and "be real detectives," things had gotten a little more complicated.

As Lanie exited the lobby, she pulled her phone from her pocket. It was barely 9:30, but she was tired. She knew if she didn't talk to Javier while she was thinking about it, once she got home, she would forget and then days would go by.


He had to get directions from Javier to get here. As he gets out of the cab in front of the building, the first thought that runs through his head is the fact that he could never provide Kate with the life she must be accustomed to. He knows she isn't the shallow type and is not concerned about money. But jeez, his little apartment is nothing compared to this place. Beckett's home really is her castle.

Still debating himself, he lifts his fist to knock on the door. Something isn't right and he knows it. But, he hopes if he pushes past his feelings and odd intuition, maybe things will play out in his favor.

Gently, he taps on the door to the loft. After a minute of waiting, he considers just walking away. He takes a deep breath and knocks again, this time louder. He tries to listen for footsteps coming toward the door, but there are none. Demming thinks it is fate that has answered his questions instead of Kate answering her door.

His heart aches as he walks away towards the elevator.

How could he have been so stupid? He should have just listened to Ryan and not pursued Kate. He had brought this heartbreak on himself by allowing his hopes to go up.

Reaching for the elevator control, he hears a door open from down the hallway. His heart stops and he quickly turns his head, only to see the man from the loft across Kate's as he exits his home. Demming looks towards the floor and frowns. He exhales deeply again and stomps gently on the floor.

He feels the presence of someone approaching him but doesn't feel the need to acknowledge Kate's neighbor. Lightly, a hand rests on his shoulder and when he turns to see why that man felt the need to touch him, he is exhilarated to find a pair of kind hazel eyes looking back at him.

There, time stands still. Kate has a towel wrapped around her head. She is wearing on oversized pink t-shirt and gray shorts that look like they have been cut off from sweats. Her long legs are glistening and her feet are bare. Also, her face is naked and Tom thinks this is the first time he has seen her without make up. But in his eyes, she has never looked prettier. Even in such a state of undress, she is gorgeous. The vision of her literally takes his breath away. He's smitten and there's nothing he can do to stop himself from staring. No matter how long it has been, there were still times when he thought of her and suddenly it got harder to breath. This was undeniably one of those times.

"Hey Tom, sorry I didn't answer the door sooner," she says breathlessly.

"Oh, that's okay. I thought you might be napping." Tom has a huge smile on his face. "I didn't want to wake you or the baby. So I only knocked once."

Kate reaches down and takes one of the bags of food from Tom. She turns toward her door and says, "Let's go have lunch. I'm starving."

The man from across the hall smiles awkwardly at them as he enters the elevator. Kate nods, smiles back and walks towards the loft.

She opens the door to the loft and took shows Tom inside. She takes the towel off her head and runs her free hand through her hair. Placing the towel on a chair at the bar, she rounds the counter and puts the bag of food down.

As Tom enters the door, he stops. With wide eyes, he looks around the room. He scans the enormous size of the living room. As his eyes fall on the couch, he traces it back the kitchen. Kate is now putting the bag of food on the counter and says something about a drink. All this feels surreal to him. What on earth is he even doing here?

"Tom, it's okay. You can come the rest of the way in. Why don't you sit down at the table while I grab us some plates and chop sticks. Do you want water or tea?"

He stammers and his face flushes, "Wa-water would be fine, thanks." Real smooth, Tom, he thinks to himself. "There's enough room out here for twenty tables."

Kate looks towards the dining room as she says, "Pick any seat you want, well except the one with the booster seat. James usually sits there and he is not too keen on sharing." Giggling, she adds, "You can sit there if you want. I'll keep your secret, but I can't guarantee it's not sticky."

Tom laughs out loud. "I know all about sticky seats. I'm not sure what kids do in there, but you can wipe up a mess and it's like it seeps up from the unknown."

Walking towards him, Kate raises an eyebrow. "What do you mean you know about sticky seats? What exactly are you and your friends doing these days?" She laughs lightly as she winks at him.

Kate takes a seat as she hands Tom a plate of food. She doesn't realize that she left their drinks on the bar. Tom takes the plate and sits it on the table.

Roughly an hour has passes and they are almost caught up on old times. Tom tells Kate about his wife, how they met, their courtship and marriage and then her untimely passing. He shares what it is like for him as a single dad. Beaming with pride, he displays her pictures of his daughter.

Kate returns the favor and talks about her life after she and Demming broke up. She doesn't go into much detail. Just explains that the reason she had broken up with him back then was because something Javier had said to her earlier that day had made her realize that Castle was her soul mate, her "One and done."

Most of her side of the conversation was about her life with Castle. How she had been a one-writer girl from that day on, even when it had taken both of them almost two more years to break through each other's walls.

As she spoke of Castle, Tom could feel the love they shared. They really did have a fairy-tale romance.

This makes him realize what he had come here to say seems almost futile now, but still, he has to try. Kate was worth it. A life with her was worth risking another heartache.

They carry their plates into the kitchen. Kate chatters as she rinses the dishes and puts the take out containers in the trash. Tom leans against the counter, enamored by her. The smile on his face has nothing to do with the story she tells, but with the feelings he is now sure he has for her.

By the time Kate finishes her story, he has made up his mind. He takes a deep breath and starts; "Kate, I can't ask you to put my name first on your list. But I do know that as I am here, my heart is aching. Not because I feel I am about to watch you disappear from my life again, but because I know there is nothing I can say or do to make you stay. There's nothing I have to offer to ease your pain, to heal your heart. I couldn't do it ten years ago and I can't do it now. All I think about is how to make you think of me as something more than a friend, to believe in everything that we could be."

Kate is taken aback by his sudden confession. She stands and stares, mouth agape, unsure of what to say or do.

Nonetheless, Demming continues, "Kate, I can't promise to fix you, or instantly heal your pain and fears. But I can promise you won't have to face them alone. You shouldn't have to face them alone."

Kate smiles sweetly, leans over and kisses Tom on the cheek. He wraps his arms around her waist and tries to bring her close to him. She reluctantly allows him to do so and when she is just inches away, all he can hear is her heartbeat.

He softly kisses her lips, hoping she won't pull away. The kiss is short and one sided, but it's all he needs to make his mind up.

Tom looks deep into Kate's eyes and places his forehead against hers.

Softly, he whispers, "Kate, I have to say this now because I'm sure I'll never have another chance."

Kate pulls back a bit, but knowing she could destroy him if she pulls away, she remains in his hold.

"Regardless of where you are now, what your future holds or what misfortune you think you have suffered, the music of your life is not gone. It's still there. You may have to listen a little harder to hear it, but it's there. One day, and hopefully soon, you will be able to play it again. Don't forget, every storm eventually runs out of rain."

Kate bats her eyes to push back the tears. Tom is such a good man. He's always been so kind to her. Even when they broke up so many years ago, he never showed signs of hatred or anger. He just asked why. She didn't really have an answer back then. Kate just knew that his timing was wrong.

But this time is different. She tried to open her heart to Tom. The advice Lanie had given her was pounding in her head. But her heart was still longing for Castle. Alexis had told her about the text and the information Ryan had discovered. Deep inside, Kate knew if there was even the slightest possibility Castle was alive she would hold on to it for as long as it took.

Kate leans back and looks at Tom. Sadness, hurt and resignation covers his face. Kate hates that she was responsible for that look. But what was she supposed to do? To her, today is nothing more than lunch with a friend. She had no idea that Tom had an alternative motive.

She pulls herself out of his embrace and takes a step back. His hands reach for hers. As he slips her hands into his, she squeezes him lightly. Darting her eyes to the floor, she takes a deep breath.

"Tom, I feel like we're back in the precinct ten years ago. I don't want to do this again, but I– I have to."

Tom loosens his grip on her hands, yet she tightens hers to keep their hands connected. "Please, oh please know that I appreciate all you have done for me. I honestly do. You're such a good man. You have stepped up and filled a void like no one else in my life could. But I don't think you can ever completely fill that emptiness. Only one person can. It's not fair to you, or to me, for me to lead you on."

With this, Tom let go of Kate's hands. He stepped back and rubbed his eyes. She knew he was crying. She was choking back tears herself.

He didn't know about the nights she cried herself to sleep. He didn't know about the days that it physically pained her to get out of bed, much less be a mom to three children. He would never know of the ways Kate tried to make a connection with Rick. Either by wearing his wedding ring, calling his cell or sleeping with his t-shirts. The pain she felt was unbearable and he lessened it for a brief instance. But he couldn't argue, even to his self, that he would ever be able to completely fill the void. Only Castle could do that. In the puzzle of life, she was someone else's piece.

"Well, then, I guess I should go," Tom whispers, choking back tears.

When his eyes finally met hers, he can see the tracks of tears running down her face. Closing his eyes causes a tear to escape. Kate gently reaches up and wipes his face. She places the palm of her hand on his cheek. Her hands are as soft as silk. Rubbing her thumb across the top of his cheekbone, he leans into her touch and closes his eyes. The pain he feels is more than he experienced ten years ago. She lifts herself up on her tiptoes and kisses his other cheek.

Slowly, she lowers herself back to the floor and runs her hand down his arm and grasps his hand. She moves her face to where they were inches from each other. When he opens his eyes again, she looks into them and sees his pain. He looks back at her longingly as she sensitively speaks.

"Tom? Will you promise me something?"

Clearing his throat, he answers in a whisper, "If I can."

"You're a really great guy and an awesome dad. Don't ever forget that, okay? Maybe in another life, the romance between us was exactly what we both were looking for, wanted, needed and had. But this time, we're just friends."

He chuckles and shakes his head. "Yeah, maybe."

Kate always had a way of breaking his heart without shattering it. She had learned to say what she really felt.

"I just can't, I can't do this. And I know somehow, some day you'll understand."

Tom hugs her one last time. The smell of her hair floods his nose. He inhales deeply, wanting to sear her smell, her touch, all of her, to his memory.

A small muffled cry comes from the master bedroom. They break their embrace and Kate looks towards the room.

"I've gotta go get her. She's been asleep for almost two hours. I know she must be hungry."

"Yeah, sure. I'll let myself out. Thanks for lunch, Kate." Demming reaches for the door handle. "Hopefully, we'll find Castle. And soon."

Kate smiles sheepishly. "He wouldn't give up. I can't give up. And yeah, thanks for lunch."

They smile at each other and Demming leaves. The door closes quietly behind him and he heads for the elevator. He smiles as he enters the elevator and the doors close. He finally understands what Kate has brought to his life. He is honored to call her a friend.


The sounds of the bullets ricocheted off the walls of the indoor gun range. The feel of the cold metal felt awkward in Kate's hand. It had been years since she used her gun.

The smell of the gunpowder wafted to her nose and instantly brought a smile to her face. She forgot how much she liked shooting a gun. In all of her years in law enforcement, she was relieved that the number of times she withdrew her weapon out numbered the amount of times she fired the firearm.

Javi and Kevin jumped at the chance to join Kate at the shooting range. Lanie and Jenny had agreed to watch Kate's kids, so she could have an afternoon to herself. Lanie suggested she go to a day spa and get rejuvenated. Jenny advocated she do some shopping and enjoy a leisure walk through town. Neither was really surprised when she announced she wanted to go to the shooting range. All they did was roll their eyes in unison.

"So, Javi, what's it feel like to get beaten by a girl?" Ryan joked.

"Yo, you're the only girl I let win." Javi looked Kevin up and down. "You know I can't stand your tears on my paperwork."

Kate smiled and giggled to herself. She missed hanging out with the boys. They saw each other about once every three months. All three couples made sure that they got together for dinner without the kids. In between, they had the kid's birthday parties, school performances and play dates.

Kate stood between them, laughing, "Come on, ladies. I didn't spend the last month cooped up in my house with a newborn to come out and listen to you two whine and cry all day long."

"Yeah, she's right. Beckett spends all day listening to whiney babies and she doesn't need more during her own play date," Ryan teased.

They took little jabs at each other for the next hour. Kate was still in great shape and hadn't lost her shooting form or accuracy. Her bullets went exactly where she wanted them. Sometimes, she was able to aim and shoot her target without looking.

When they finished their last round of ammunition, they all left the targets to dismantle their guns. As Kate was putting her gun into its case, she asked, "Where do you boys wanna have lunch? My treat."

"How about Remy's?" asked Javier.

"Yeah, we haven't been there in a while," said Ryan.

"M'mm, those shakes and cheeseburgers. Say no more, Remy's it is!" Kate pushed the metal clip of her gun case closed as she smiled at Ryan and Esposito.


Esposito was finishing the last of Kate's fries when she thanked them for the great day.

"No need to thank us, chica." Javi winked at her. They had spent almost two hours together, and it felt like old times.

Ryan became fidgety in his seat. Most of the conversation during lunch was between Kate and Javi. Ryan had seemed distant. Kate questioned him about it, and he just blamed it on lack of sleep. Grady had been having nightmares and would crawl into bed with him and Jenny. He didn't have the heart to tell her it was he that was having the nightmares.

Kate excused herself to go to the restroom, and Ryan turned to Esposito.

"Espo, I've got to tell her," he pleaded.

"No, we talked about this. We'll talk to her when we know more."

"But, we do know more."

"Kevin, no. You can't do this to her."

"Can't do what to her?" Kate asked.

Shit! Their cover was blown. She could read them so well. There was no way to get out of this one.

Ryan looked at Javier and then to Kate. He stood and motioned for her to sit down.

"Um, Kate, you need to sit down. Javier and I have something to tell you."

Kate was confused, but still teased them as she took her seat, "Oh no, don't tell me that you two have finally decided to split up and make your 'bromance' official."

She realized something was terribly wrong when she was the only one laughing.

Javier just shook his head, looked Ryan in the eyes and said, "She can take it, just tell her."

"Guys, what's up? You're kinda scaring me."

Hesitantly, Kevin began, "Um, well." He shifted in his seat, inhaled deeply and closed his eyes.

Kate looked at him and then Espo for some type of answer.

When Kevin opened his eyes, he reached across the table and took Kate's hand.

"A few weeks ago, Alexis called and said she got a text. It–"

Kate butt in, "Yeah, it came from Castle's phone. I know. She told me."

"She told you?" Javier was shocked. "Well she never mentioned anything to us."

"I just figured someone had his phone and was playing a joke. She never got another one. We figured it had to be a prank," Kate took a sip of her shake as she finished.

The guys looked at each other in disbelief. Kate was awfully calm.

Ryan leaned in closer to Kate and quietly commenced, "No, Kate. There's more. Since then, I've run LUDs on his phone every week. Last week it got something new."

Raising her eyebrows, Kate stammered, "New? What do you mean?"

"Uh, I had to run the report three times to be sure. There had been limited usage, so I had decided to let it go, but two days ago, bam! Not only has activity increased, but the cell towers used have definitely changed."

"We couldn't explain it," stated Esposito. "How can that be? Dead people's phones don't just 'change cell towers!'"

Ryan took another deep breath, "I was getting a ping off of towers in West Virginia and now it's coming from New York City. And not only that, but now it's a variety of locations."

They waited for a response and got none. Kate's eyes were wide. They knew her well enough to know that she was processing everything. Once she had sorted, cataloged, and labeled everything in her head, she would say what was on her mind.

"So, I explained people do move around in this city. There is the possibility that the person who found Castle's phone has decided enough time has passed for him to be clear to use it. And same as you thought back then, it could also be some kind of hoax."

"But, Kate, there's one more thing. About the same time Alexis got the text, Demming found a bloody sock at an apartment robbery. He had the lab run it and, well, the thing is, it came back as Castle's."

This definitely got Kate's attention. She sat up straight and blinked a few times.

"Wh-what? Demming? Rick's blood? He never said a word." She sat in bewilderment. Demming was just at her house. He held her, and she let him kiss her. All the while he knew that Castle's blood had been discovered.

Ryan could see the anger rising in her face. He spoke to help distract her. "So it made me wonder. None of this adds up. If it's a hoax, why did Demming find Castle's blood in Tessa's apartment? Why did Alexis get that text? Why does his phone have service and power after all this time?"


Also, keep in mind, even in the real show, characters don't take the roads or choices we want. All I can ask of you is to be patient with the story and wait till the end to decide if it is good or not. Remember, this is all about the journey and not copying the show. But if you don't find it in you to do so, you can always stop reading anytime!

I appreciate everyone that has read this far and left reviews.