Chapter 8: Here to Stay
Warning: This was a really hard chapter for me to get through. May contain triggers regarding sexual abuse.
Disclaimer: These beautiful creations belong to Stephenie Meyer. Only the story line belongs to me.
"The hurt inside is fading
This shit's gone way too far.
All this time I've been waiting
No I can not grieve anymore.
For what's inside awaking.
I'm not, I'm not a whore
You've taken everything and oh I can not give anymore."
-Here to Stay, Korn
All things considered, that summer was a happy one.
Summer had always been easier. In years previous, it was easier to hide the bruises and the limping since none of them had any friends or anything to do outside of the house. Without school work, it was easy to keep up with their chores. James worked and spent many nights away from the house. All in all, summers were more peaceful than not.
This summer had the added complication of Alice, but by that time, Jasper, Edward, and Bella were used to hiding the aftermath of James' frequent fits of temper. Luckily Forks never got above 70 degrees, even in the summertime. Long sleeved shirts were not hard to pass off as normal.
Of course, this summer also had the added benefit of the growing relationships between Jasper and Alice and Edward and Bella. With Emmett busy preparing to go off to the University of Washington, the four of them spent a lot of time together. They found themselves alone at the Cullen house frequently. It was a relief - being able to be themselves as couples. Movie days were spent with Alice and Jasper curling up in the same recliner while Edward and Bella opted for the couch - Edward spooned up against Bella's back with his arm around her waist. When the sun was out they had picnics by the river that ran through the Cullens' backyard and just enjoyed each other's company.
Time progressed. Jasper turned seventeen and Alice turned sixteen. Jasper, Edward, and Bella marked one more year down until they could finally leave.
Sometime during the course of that summer, Bella's body began to change. Gangly, androgynous features turned into subtle curves. It wasn't to say that Bella was voluptuous - she was still thin and small- but seemingly overnight, when Edward put his hands at her waist to pull her close to him, he found it a bit more fleshy and curved. Her new, more shapely legs did things to him that he didn't quite understand. Up to that point, legs had not been very high on his list of anatomical female parts he particularly enjoyed. When he slipped into Bella's room one night to find her in the tatty shorts she slept in - her legs looking somehow longer and more curvaceous than they ever had before- he'd hurriedly amended that oversight.
But Edward wasn't the only one who noticed these changes.
It was late September, about a week after Bella's sixteenth birthday. Bella woke from a particularly horrendous nightmare one night to Edward's hands running soothingly up and down her back, and his lips kissing her temple. Awareness came back to her slowly, but it was Edward's soft, comforting words and his body pressed against hers that anchored her.
As she came back to herself, Bella noticed a dull ache in her hands. She realized she was clutching the front of his shirt in a death grip. She let go, flexing her fingers to get the blood flowing through them again. Edward took her hands in his, rubbing her fingers tenderly; watching her to make sure she'd broken completely free of the night terror.
"Back?" he asked quietly.
Bella nodded, attempting to shake the last of the frightening, anxious feeling away. She concentrated on the way his foot was running up and down her calf. It was an innocent motion, designed to soothe rather than excite, but Bella took a brief moment to appreciate that their still fairly new closeness meant that Edward now burrowed under the covers with her rather than remaining on top of them.
"What was this one about?" Edward asked, releasing her hands. He rested his forehead against hers while his hands returned to running up and down her back.
With a sigh, Bella's eyes fluttered closed briefly, remembering the unnamed terror that had filled her. "I don't know how to explain it. There wasn't really... It was dark. Like the basement. I was scared, but not just of the dark. I knew something was watching me. It wasn't the same as James...like....I didn't feel like it would hurt me, really. It felt more...creepy."
Edward chuffed lightly. "It sounds like Felix."
"Felix?" Bella opened her eyes so she could look at him.
Leaning back slightly, Edward studied her face and the genuine surprise etched there. "Felix doesn't give you the creeps? At all?" he asked carefully.
"You mean different then James...or Victoria?" Bella's lip twisted as she said the wild woman's name. Besides continuing to do drugs in their presence and stealing from James' stash when his back was turned, Victoria had also taken to making Edward's life miserable as often as possible, just because she could.
Edward ran a single finger down her cheek, bringing Bella out of her angry thoughts. He was still watching her with a look that was full of concern. "Yes," he clarified, answering her question. "Bella...do you not see the way he looks at you?"
Truthfully, the way Felix looked at her made her extremely nervous, but she had not differentiated it from his and Victoria's mere presence in the house. They were still mostly unknowns and entirely unpredictable. Victoria had proven repeatedly that she could make their lives hell on a whim, often manipulating James so he would lash out at one of them. Felix had not bothered them further than a rude comment, or a nasty glare. Bella knew that he too did hard drugs in the house and that alone made him dangerous, but none of that seemed to fit with what Edward was trying to get at.
"How do you think he looks at me?" Bella asked instead of answering his question.
Edward debated with himself. He didn't want to scare her, but he needed her to be more aware. "Inappropriately," he said after a long moment of searching for the right word.
Bella was visibly confused. "Really?"
"You seem more surprised than anything," Edward noted, reading her face, shocked that he didn't see any fear there. "You don't think so? You don't see it?"
She blushed slightly. "I just don't think anyone would look at me like that."
"What?" Edward's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You're kidding me, right?" He stared at her incredulously for long moments while she stared back, her eyes betraying her absolute certainty that no one would look at her with any sort of desire.
Then Edward was laughing.
"What!?" Bella protested, feeling slightly embarrassed, but more amused at his mirth than anything.
Edward shook his head, rolling onto his back as he tried to contain his chortling. "You honestly have no fucking clue, do you?" he managed to ask.
"What are you talking about?" Bella demanded, leaning up on her elbows to smack his chest.
He wrapped his fingers around hers on his chest as he gazed up at her adoringly. "Do you know that, on at least a weekly basis I have to stop myself from throwing something at Mike Newton's head when he tells his boys," Edward rolled his eyes at the slang, "about how much he likes your ass?"
"Are you serious?" Bella asked slowly.
Edward nodded, propping himself up on one elbow so he could kiss her. "You're beautiful, Bella."
When he was kissing her, she felt beautiful.
Of course, they had kissed in her bed before - whenever Bella had a nightmare since their first kiss, in fact. They were still more innocent than not - enjoying the benefits of extended make out sessions and hands only tentatively exploring chaste pieces of cloth covered skin. Edward's chest was fair game, and Bella frequently rested her palms against him, feeling his heart beat beneath her fingers. His hands often wandered up and down her sides - tracing her curves through the nightshirt she wore.
Tonight though, Edward was slightly more enthusiastic than normal. It was as if he felt that through his kiss and his touch, she might finally begin to see herself the way he saw her. He could play her a million songs that spoke of a woman's allure - soft skin, deep eyes - all the tiny physical pieces that created a pretty shell around a pure and good soul – but somehow, it was this physical expression that spoke volumes.
Their positions had reversed and Bella laid on her back as he leaned over her, kissing her thoroughly and fervently and slowly all at once.
They were so distracted that they didn't hear the door open.
"Fucking pervert!" James growled.
Edward and Bella flew apart with a gasp, but far too late. Victoria stood, her arms crossed and a self satisfied look on her face as she leaned against the wall by the door. Before he'd sneaked into Bella's room, Edward had paused as he always did, to hear James' snoring. He was a heavy sleeper.
Obviously, Victoria was not.
James crossed the room in three strides, grabbing Edward by the back of his t-shirt and yanking him off the bed. Edward tumbled to the ground, but before he could even move, James had jerked him to his feet. He pushed him backward against the wall and Edward groaned at the impact.
Bella kicked the blankets away furiously, getting to her feet as James brought his fist down on Edward's hunched shoulders. "Stop! Stop hurting him, please," she begged, anguished and only seconds away from trying to get between James and Edward. "We weren't doing anything wrong. It's not his fault. Please."
"She's right, James," Victoria suddenly spoke.
All three other faces turned to stare at her. Victoria snickered and walked forward, grabbing Bella's chin between her fingers. Bella gasped and Edward's teeth gnashed together audibly. "Look at you, with your big doe eyes. You try to look innocent, but I know better. I knew a lot of girls just like you," she said, an air of disgust creeping into her tone. "Teenage boys can't resist a pair of open legs, can they sweetie?"
"What?!" Edward and Bella both cried. Edward narrowed his eyes and tried to move toward Bella and Victoria but James slammed him back against the wall warningly.
Victoria looked at James. "She probably has your son in her bed too," she smirked, releasing Bella's chin with a twist of her fingers.
Bella couldn't remember a time when she had been more shaken and bewildered. She tried to figure a reason why Victoria would say something like that, but came up blank. James might be cruel, but his words usually had some fact to them. "I don't - " she started.
"Shut the fuck up," James snapped. He took a step back, releasing the hold he had on Edward and glaring at the teenager with cold eyes. "Get out."
Edward's eyes darted from James to Victoria to Bella's stricken face. He looked back at James. "It's not - "
"I am not in the mood for your shit tonight," James cut him off, grabbing Edward's arm and yanking him out the door. Bella gave a wordless yell and tried to follow but Victoria knocked her back onto the bed. "You leave your fucking room again tonight and I'm kicking both of your asses, you and your whore," he yelled as he dragged Edward into the hall.
The door to the boys' room opened and Jasper was out in the hallway, looking confused and half asleep. James pushed Edward into him and both the boys tumbled to the ground in their room. Before either of them had a chance to get up he'd stepped into the room - right onto Edward's ankle. With the heel of his foot he bore down on a pressure point. Edward sat bolt upright, his hands going to his ankle above where James' foot was. He twisted, trying to get away, but his struggling only made it hurt more. "Dad!" Jasper protested, his hand on Edward's shoulder as he looked up at his father imploringly.
"You're under my roof, you keep your fucking pencil dick in your pants," James said threateningly, bearing down harder to emphasize his point.
"We weren't doing anything!" Edward shouted back between gritted teeth.
"Don't fucking start with me!" James finally released Edward's ankle and the teen yanked his leg away as he scooted backward. James turned slightly so he could point his finger in Jasper's face as well. "You stay out of her fucking pants, you understand that? And if you knock up any other girl you'll be out on your ass."
"What?!" Jasper was confused as to why James would think he was having sex with Edward's girl when he had only barely started to discuss it with his own. James left their room with a final warning that if caught either of them in Bella's room again there'd be hell to pay.
When James returned to Bella's room he found her perched on the edge of her bed, her eyes watery and full of trepidation. Even though she was expecting it, she still cried out when James strode forward and grabbed a fist full of her dark hair, yanking her head back. He was right in her face, leaning over her - her small form almost entirely engulfed by his. "Why anyone would want to fuck your ugly ass is far beyond me," he snarled. Bella made a soft mewling sound at the back of her throat; his face, almost nose to nose with hers, was intimidating and frightening, and his hand twisted in her hair made her head throb with a sharp ache. "You want to be a useless waste of skin like my dear wife," he spat the word with obvious disgust, " and bring equally worthless brats into the world, you do it after you're out of this house, do you fucking get that?"
Her thought process muddled by the pain shooting through her scalp combined with fear and indignation made Bella blurt out something that she normally would have been too embarrassed to say. "I'm a virgin," she protested.
Victoria snorted in derision and James jerked her head back again. Bella groaned and squeezed her eyes shut tightly. "Keep your fucking legs closed. Understand?" When she didn't answer immediately he slapped her hard across the face with his free hand. She gasped and gave a quiet whimper. "Answer me!"
"I understand," she choked out, trying not to cry though she desperately wanted to. Her hands gripped the blankets of her bed.
James finally released his hold on her. Without another word he and Victoria left, slamming the door behind them. No sooner did the door shut than Bella crumpled onto the bed. Her heart pounded erratically and twisted painfully in her chest. She sobbed her hurt and the stupefying confusion she felt into her pillows, hoping the sounds were muffled enough that the boys couldn't hear her. She was glad Edward had Jasper to comfort him, and glad she could spare him her moment of weakness as she tried to clear the fog in her mind.
The fact that James and Victoria could be so entirely callous was something she could not fathom easily. She felt wrong - ugly and dirty and worthless. She felt frustrated because she didn't think she'd done anything to deserve their hateful words. She felt angry because the fact that they could twist the situation to the degree they had was utterly maddening; her skin crawled with it, like tiny bugs moving where she couldn't brush them off. Her world felt askew. Bella had always been one to believe the beauty in the world outweighed the ugliness, but it was nights like tonight, when it felt like all that was bad in the world was something she was personally witness to, that she felt that all her beliefs were a lie.
Morning eventually came. All three teenagers were inordinately quiet as they readied for school, the tension of the previous evening and the sleepless night they'd all had vibrating restlessly between them. Instead of taking his usual shotgun seat next to Jasper, Edward climbed in the backseat with Bella. He took her hand in his before he even closed the car door. As soon as they had pulled away from the house he gathered her into his arms. The relief she felt was palpable and the pressure around her heart eased significantly as she wrapped her arms around his neck, letting him pull her onto his lap.
"I wanted to hold you. All night I wanted to go to you," he whispered into her hair.
"I was afraid you wouldn't want me anymore," she admitted.
He pulled back, his hands cupping her face. "Why would you think that?"
She gave a small shrug and moved out of his hands so she could lay her head on his chest. "I know that last night was what you were scared would happen. I was afraid you would think it was too...dangerous to touch me again."
He stroked her cheek until she looked up at him and then he leaned down to kiss her. "I'm not going back to pretending," he assured her. Then he sighed; the school was right in front of them now. Bella got off his lap and slid to the other side of the car. "Anymore than is absolutely necessary, anyway," he amended, and squeezed her hand once before they had to get out of the car.
As they got out of the car, Jasper squeezed her arm briefly. He raised his eyebrows questioningly and she could see the sympathy and love her foster brother felt for her. Bella smiled back in return, her eyes flitting briefly to Edward and back. Jasper nodded, his eyes going to where Alice was running across the parking lot to meet them. The message there was clear.
As long as Edward hadn't given up on them, Bella would be fine. She could deal with being careful as long as they could still be together
***
"I don't know," Edward hedged.
Bella sighed. They had been going over this for an hour now.
A couple of weeks had passed since the incident in Bella's room. She and Edward had been careful - only kissing when they were sure James was out of the house or when they were around some safe corner at the Cullens'. They had maintained a careful distance at home, when James was there at least, but Edward and Jasper were both careful not to stray too far while she and James were in the same vicinity.
The students who had been accepted into the National Junior Honor Society, Jasper and Edward among them, had been invited to a day of paintballing as a reward for their hard work. Having had significant trouble in math, Bella had not made it into that prestigious group. The boys were wary of leaving her home alone, but Bella loathed the idea of them missing out on something for her sake.
"He told Victoria he was going over to her place," Jasper said. He wanted to go, that much was clear. It did sound like fun and Alice was going to go as well. However, no part of him wanted to leave Bella alone with his father. They tried to never be alone with him at all, but Jasper and Edward had always been more protective of Bella. "If he is, he'll be there all night."
"I'll be fine," Bella insisted. "All the chores are done. James will be gone. You should go out. Have fun. You can do me a favor and make sure you get paint in Jessica's hair for me," she told them, trying to get them to smile.
Their smiles were lackluster at best and Bella sighed. "Really. Go. If you don't, I will not speak to either of you for a week. I swear."
At that both of them smiled and Edward pulled her into the circle of his arms, grinning down at her lopsidedly. "That wouldn't be so bad. The less you speak the more I can do this." He leaned down, capturing her lips with his. Bella sighed softly and melted against his body.
"Hey!" Jasper cried after a moment. Without stopping what he was doing or even opening his eyes, Edward lifted one hand off Bella's waist and flipped Jasper the bird. The older boy laughed and threw a towel at them. "Would you cut that out? My girl is not conveniently located at the moment."
They broke apart, both of them breathless and smiling. Bella laid her head on Edward's chest, happy. "Well, if you go, you can see her and deliberately lose at paintball because you'll be too busy making out."
"So I get to stay, right?" Edward asked.
Bella looked up at him. "Nope. You get to play wingman. Run interference. Make sure no one disturbs them."
"Damn!" Edward said and he tugged Bella's chin back up so he could continue kissing her.
Eventually, Bella did end up convincing them both it was fine to leave her alone so they could have some fun.
For her birthday, Edward had somehow managed to get to a keyboard so he could record the lullaby he had composed for her as well as some of her favorite pieces that he played. It didn't sound quite the same as the piano, but it was lovely and it always made her happy when she heard it. With this in mind, Bella had stretched out on the couch with a couple of her favorite books and spent the majority of the afternoon happily reading as Edward's music played in her ears. Eventually, her eyes closed, the lovely notes all she heard as she drifted off.
Suddenly, the world tilted on its axis and Bella tumbled from the couch onto the floor.
Her heart beating erratically, Bella picked herself up, getting onto her hands and knees and yanking the earbuds from her ears. She looked up to find James, Victoria, and Felix staring at her from behind the couch. James still held it tilted, obviously having been the one to topple it. He was glaring - that look in his eyes that always made her throat run dry and her stomach twist with fear. Victoria, as usual, was smirking. And for the first time, Bella really looked at Felix.
He was leering.
Shaking that thought from her head, Bella quickly reached over and grabbed her books, holding them to her chest protectively. "I'm sorry," she said, automatically - though she had no idea what she was sorry about.
"Where are Edward and Jasper?" James demanded.
"T-they went paintballing. It's for school. Well," Bella took a deep breath, trying to calm her frazzled nerves. "It's for the students who got accepted to the National Junior Honor Society."
She hoped for a moment, that James would be proud. If not of Edward, at least of his own son. Of course, James just scoffed. "I guess even those idiots can get through a bullshit standardized test. What kind of a moron does that make you?"
Victoria and Felix snickered and Bella inhaled sharply, feeling like she'd been struck. "I did well, my math score just wasn't high enough," she mumbled in case he was expecting an answer.
Rolling his eyes derisively, James walked around the couch and sat, pulling Victoria down with him. "Go get us beers. Now."
Bella's eyes flickered over to where Felix was leaning against the wall, arms crossed, looking at her in a way that made her entirely uncomfortable.
She had to pass by him to get to the kitchen.
Taking a deep breath, she set her books on the stairs, wishing she had time to take them up to her room. She squared her shoulders and walked by Felix. It felt exactly like what she imagined it would feel like to stick her hand in a hole in the wall that was covered in cobwebs and overflowing with creepy crawlies. She breathed a little easier when she was past him, in the kitchen. Moving quickly, Bella grabbed three beers and used the bottle cap opener to pop the caps off. Taking another steadying breath, she walked to Felix who had turned to watch her. Wordlessly, she handed him the bottle.
Felix reached out as if to take the bottle, but instead he wrapped his large hand around her wrist. Bella tensed and instantly tried to grab her hand back. Felix's mouth twisted up into smug grin. He pulled her toward him.
"Let go of me," Bella whispered, her voice breathy with fear.
"Oooh," Felix snickered. "Don't be like that, little one." He tugged her closer, his hand reaching out to pinch her ass.
"Don't touch me!" she said, finding her voice.
"Whatsa matter?" Felix asked tauntingly. "You've been messing around with a little boy. Maybe now it's time to see what a real man is like."
In an instant, anger overwhelmed Bella's fear. The fact that Felix would dare even think about Edward, let alone talk about him in that way infuriated her. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this angry. Without thinking, she took the beers in her free hand and splashed him right in the face. Felix gasped, letting go of her as he sputtered. "Fucking brat," he seethed between his teeth and shoved her away from him. All three beer bottles crashed to the floor, making a fantastic mess.
"What the fuck is a matter with you?!" James bellowed, appearing in the doorway and glaring at Bella.
"He pushed me!" Bella automatically defended herself, adrenaline coursing through her veins, carrying the anger through her bloodstream and keeping her from backing down though part of her mind was screaming at her to shut up before she made it worse. She was sick of listening to that part of her. She wasn't going to let Felix put his hands on her and say horrible things about the boy who was already ten times the man Felix would ever be.
"The little slut threw beer on me," Felix retorted, wiping the liquid off his face.
Grabbing her by her shirt, James pulled Bella to him violently. "You will respect the guests in my house, do you understand? Go get us our beer, clean this shit up and then you and I are going to have a conversation upstairs."
"Fuck you. I don't have to get shit for him!" Bella snapped.
When she realized what she had said, Bella's eyes went wide and the blood drained from her face along with the temporary rage. Her heart, already pounding out of control since she had tumbled from the couch, dropped down to her stomach. James' face was contorted with rage, and his eyes narrowed into frightening slits. He was towering over her in the space of a breath, his face so close to hers that she could feel the heat coming off it. He grabbed her by the arm hard enough that Bella cried out.
"I'm sorry," she said instantly, cringing as far away from him as possible. "Please, James. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."
James didn't say anything; he just began to drag her out of the kitchen toward the stairs. She hardly saw Felix and Victoria, snickering from where they stood in the living room. She dragged her feet but James pulled her forward easily. He ignored her pleading and apologizing, yanking her roughly up the stairs into her room.
"You really are the stupidest bitch, aren't you Bella?" he spat as he pushed her inside. He slammed the door shut behind him, the loud sound making Bella jump as she tried to twist out of his punishing grip. He shook her. "How many times are we going to have to have this conversation before you get it through your thick skull?"
Bella shook her head, frantic now because she knew what was coming. "I'm sorry. I just - "
"Shut up!" he hollered. He pushed her forward against her desk. "Jeans down," he commanded.
With trembling fingers, Bella undid the button to her jeans and pushed them down as quickly as possible. She knew from experience that making him wait would only make him angrier. He pushed her forward again so she had to catch herself on the desk. With one hand on her upper back he forced her down until her upper body was bent completely over the desk. Without warning he yanked her plain white panties down to join her jeans at her knees. Bella whimpered, gripping the other edge of the desk hard to stop herself from moving.
She heard the deceivingly quiet snick as he unbuckled his belt, and the rustle as it slid through the belt loops. It was only a second later she heard the swish before the belt landed with a horrible crack across her backside. Bella bit her lip to stop from crying out. By the sixth strike she was gripping the edge of the desk so hard that she felt the wood underneath her nails. She'd lost count by the time she finally let go and started to sob.
"After all I've done for you, you worthless little shit, you will respect me. You will respect my guests. Do you understand?!" he yelled as he continued to whip her.
"Yes sir," Bella choked out in between gasps.
"I don't know that you do. I think you're too," he brought the belt down with particular force once, "fucking idiotic," twice, "to grasp the simple concept that if it wasn't for me," a third time, "your ass would be out on the street." He struck her one last time before throwing the belt down on the desk beside her. He leaned over her then, gripping her hair tightly to pull her head up. "This is why your mother never came to claim you after your father died. You're just too fucking stupid to deal with." He let her go and walked away from her.
Bella didn't move, couldn't move, at first. She lay over the hard surface, waiting for the fire in her backside subside while she tried to stop bawling. As it always did, James bringing up her parents had set off an entirely different kind of despair in her. She released her hold on the edge of the desk, resting her forehead on the cool wood while her hands tangled in her hair. Her shoulders shook with her sobs, the physical and emotional pain overwhelming everything else.
She was so lost in the pain and misery that she didn't notice that James had not left the room as he typically did after punishing her, so when she felt a hand on her ass she screamed. She tried to stand then but James pushed her back down with a sharp, "Shut up."
Keeping one hand on her upper back, he started to caress her ass, admiring his handiwork for the first time. His hands slid over her, eliciting frightened whimpers from Bella as he touched the too-tender flesh. He worked his way from the top to where her ass met her legs.
Then he reached between her legs.
Bella couldn't help but let out a strangled cry as his fingers moved over her. No one had ever touched her there. Her stomach twisted, a sick feeling of dread creeping over her, altogether different from the fear of his belt or his hand - of the pain she knew he could inflict. This was new and so much worse.
"Victoria was right. You're a little whore," James snickered as the tips of his fingers brushed inside her. "You're all wet." He leaned down again so his head was right near her ear. "You like being punished, don't you? Hmm? Is that why you put on such a dumb act? To make me punish you?"
Try as she might, Bella could not find her voice to answer. She could only shake her head vehemently.
"Lying slut," James withdrew his fingers from her and slapped her ass several times in quick succession. Bella let out an agonized cry, terrified that he was going to keep hitting her. "My punishments are not for your pleasure."
He stood again and this time he really did leave the room. The door opened and slammed shut again, and she could hear his footsteps on the stairs.
Shaking hard, Bella slid off the desk, down onto her knees. She was shaking so hard she knew she couldn't stand. On top of the pain, the sick feeling felt like a physical weight on her chest. She couldn't get enough air in her lungs. Nausea rolled over her in waves. She leaned against the desk to even remain upright as the sobs wracked her body. She felt like she was free falling without a parachute. There was no adrenaline - just the anxiety that she was seconds away from total destruction and oblivion. From shattering apart so completely that she would never be put back together again.
***
"Shit," Jasper muttered as they rounded the corner, almost home.
Edward's head snapped up from the iPod to see what Jasper was looking at. He felt his heart leap into his throat, threatening to choke him, and his breathing sped up. James' SUV was in the driveway. "Christ, Jazz. You said he was going to be gone."
"He was supposed to be gone. He said he was going to Victoria's house," Jasper responded thickly. Edward could see his face was stricken. Jasper looked as anxious as he felt.
Edward was out the door before Jasper had stopped the car completely. "Edward!" Jasper called after him, hastily throwing the car in park and running after his brother. He managed to catch him just before Edward threw the front door open in panic. "Wait, Edward, you need to calm down. You know if you go in there with guns blazing you're just going to make things worse for her."
Knowing Jasper was right, Edward forced himself to take a deep breath. It took considerable effort but he managed to swallow his anger. He nodded his understanding to Jasper.
Taking a steadying breath of his own, Jasper unlocked the door and stepped inside. They both paused in the doorway, listening. They could hear the TV in the other room, but nothing else. "Go check on her," Jasper said softly. "I'll go see what he's doing."
Edward didn't need to be told twice. He turned and raced up the stairs two at a time. The heavy feeling in his heart and his stomach got worse as he approached her door. The sun was setting and her light wasn't on. He knocked softly. Nothing. He knocked a little harder. Nothing. Unable to wait any longer he opened the door.
His eyes found her immediately, curled into a fetal position on the bed. She had already changed into her sleep clothes - a pair of cotton shorts and a tattered shirt. He could see even in the near darkness that her hair was damp from a shower. On the one hand he was relieved. She was obviously still breathing. But she wasn't acknowledging him. She wasn't even moving.
Closing the door quietly behind him, Edward called her name gently. "Bella?" No response. He walked across the room and sat on the bed. No response. She started a bit as he stroked the hair out of her eyes but otherwise, there was no response. The sick feeling got a little worse. He turned on the light on her nightstand and gasped at what he saw.
On her arm were several dark marks that would be bruises tomorrow, in a pattern Edward knew would match the shape of James' fingers. Those he had expected. What made him gasp was the look on her face.
Her eyes were open, staring straight ahead. She'd obviously been crying because they were bloodshot to high hell, and there were tear tracks on cheek. But her eyes were tortured, filled with an agony he'd never seen in her before, no matter what James had said or done. "Bella?" he said again, a little more urgent now. But she still didn't move.
Edward lay carefully on the bed so he could look her in the eye. He cupped her cheek gently, trying to get her to look at him. Her eyes finally moved, flitting briefly up to his before looking down, but not before he caught the emotion in them.
She was ashamed.
"What did he do, Bella? What did he say to you?" Edward asked, stroking her cheek and forcing himself to keep his voice calm. Her withdrawn silence was scaring the hell out of him.
Bella sucked in a breath at that. She didn't speak, but she did wrap an arm around his waist pulling herself closer against him and burying her head at his neck. He held her carefully, not knowing where else she might be bruised. He could feel her body trembling ever so slightly against him.
The doorknob turned then and Bella clutched him tighter. Edward looked up quickly but it was only Jasper. Jasper entered the room and closed the door behind him. "He wanted another beer. He'll be passed out on the couch in another few minutes," Jasper said disgustedly. He sat carefully on the bed behind her, his eyes finding the marks on her arm quickly. "Shit," he cursed quietly as his eyes inventoried the rest of her.
Bella's shorts had ridden up a bit. There were red and purple stripped marks across the backs of her legs. Jasper glanced at the desk and saw James' belt still resting there. He knew her ass was probably in worse shape. "I'm so sorry, baby girl. We should have been here," he whispered as he lay down behind her. He pressed his chest to her back, careful not to brush her backside, and began to stroke her damp hair soothingly.
Bella shifted slightly so she was not pressed as tightly against Edward's neck. "It was my fault," she said in a voice that sounded more like a screamed sore ache. "I was an idiot," she echoed James' words from earlier.
Edward's arms tightened around her and she felt Jasper's lips brush the top of her head. "You don't deserve this, Bella," Edward said.
She shuddered but didn't argue the point. She let their hands comfort and soothe her. She felt the knot of anguish, shame, and anger that had taken residence in the pit of her stomach loosen just a little. She let herself relax her tense body, carefully unfolding from a fetal position. Exhaustion hit her suddenly and completely. "I'm so tired," she murmured into Edward's chest.
"Go to sleep, baby girl," Jasper encouraged.
"We'll be right here," Edward added.
Bella shook her head against him, but her eyes were already closing. "You can't let them catch you here."
"Them?" Edward asked, tensing and holding her tighter. He looked at Jasper over her head, his eyes pained.
"Victoria and Felix were here," she mumbled.
"They're gone. Don't worry. James won't be up for hours. We'll be fine," Jasper soothed.
Comforted, Bella drifted off to sleep, wrapped in the safety of their arms.
A/N - To clear this up now, because it will come up again, no Bella is not aroused by the things James does to her. It is a completely natural and unavoidable response. The basic mechanics are this - to compensate for the pain, the body releases endorphins. Endorphins cause the wetness, same as arousal does. It's one of the reasons that some people get off on S and M stuff. But Bella doesn't understand that and James is a mindfucking asshole.
Ok. A couple of things. First, this story is up for an Indie along with my story Alice's Jasper, Edward's Bella. There are some truly phenomenal stories nominated. I encourage you to take a second and vote. Theindietwificawards (dot) com/vote (dot) aspx
Secondly, I love JadedandBoring, CellaCullen and Dizzygrl28 so hard I can't even take it sometimes. I would never have gotten through this chapter without them. JadedandBoring has a wonderful story up for two Indies. Check out The Kübler Ross Model and its sequel, Tie Me Here In Time.
That one was… extraordinarily difficult. I know I said only two chapters left (and an epilogue) but I think it may take one more chapter. You know I want to tell this story right. If you're still with me, bear with, okay?
And let me know your thoughts – good, bad…they mean a lot to me.
