"Should we go to sleep?" Karin asked. "I mean, I'm a bit tired from walking all day…"

"Everything interesting happens after bedtime. That's a known fact." Suigetsu countered. "Right, Juugo?" he asked, turning to the giant with a tree growing out of his head.

Juugo, however, seemed to be staring in terror at the far distance. He even raised a hand to point at where he was looking and tried his hardest to back away until he could crawl away no more, since there was a tree blocking his path.

"What!? What is it!?" Karin yelled, worried.

"There's… there's…"

Suigetsu's hand reached for the onyx blade and with a grunt he lifted it, ignoring the sting that began to run throughout his body. Bitch still didn't like him. No matter. He instantly turned to face the direction Juugo was pointing from. "What's there!?"

"THERE'S AN ARMY OF MAGICAL FLYING PONIES COMING TO KILL US ALL AND A PURPLE DINOSAUR RIDING A WEASEL!" Juugo yelled, before falling to the floor, snoring loudly.

Suigetsu and Karin felt their jaws unhinge and hit the floor.

"Could that have been any more random?" Woody the Wood Golem asked, scratching the top of his head. "I might not have recreated the effects of cannabis as well as I thought I had… This is definitely not what happens when you're high." He explained.

Karin sighed. "And here I was, thinking we were fucked. Anything that can scare Juugo must be terrifying…" She whined, falling to the floor and relaxing.

"Or exciting!" Suigetsu said, a smirk on his face.

Naruto shivered. "No, I've met the Pony Army before. And trust me, it's fucking terrifying." He said.

"There's seriously a pony army?" Asked Suigetsu, looking like he wanted to call bullshit loudly.

"Yes." Naruto said, fully serious as he did. "And trust me, you do NOT want to piss them off."

"If you say so…"

"Anyway, I'm going to take a nap." Naruto finally said, before going over to where Juugo had crashed and robbing him of the pillow he'd pilfered sometime during his outburst about magical ponies.


"So, we're setting out." Said Jiraiya. "Show of hands, who's a virgin?"

From the Konoha Ten, only Shikamaru and Lee didn't raise their hands. There was a long, drawn out silence.

"Seriously?" Asked the perverted old man. "You guys are going off to a mission that can possibly mean your deaths and you didn't take the chance to discover the joys of sex before you went out?"

Meanwhile, the guys turned to Lee. Everyone knew that Shikamaru was in a relationship with Temari and that they made the most of it when they met, so it was no surprise on that end. "What?" Lee asked. "Sharing our love is one of the most youthful ways to get exercise, right Gai-sensei?"

Gai blinked. "That's not what I meant, you fool!" He yelled, boinking him over the head.

Jiraiya clapped Gai on the back. "Actually, I agree with him. I should know. It keeps me fit!" He said with a lecherous grin.

"Hm… this theory bears testing…" Kakashi muttered.

"We agree." Said Asuma and Kurenai nonchalantly. "We will test it thoroughly when we get back from this." Kurenai finished.

"Don't you mean 'if'?" Neji asked. He'd had a regression back to his fatalistic ways of viewing life after Naruto, the source of his inspiration to become a more positive person, got killed because of that same mindset.

"No, I'm plenty sure she said 'when', jackass." Kiba said, Akamaru barking in agreement. The massive dog looked ready for battle, ready to kick ass.

"Kiba-kun is right, we'll be fine." Said Hinata, offering the Inuzuka a grateful smile. As much as she'd changed as a result of Naruto's death, meaning, adopting his life's philosophy, she still retained most of her politeness, reasoning that she'd only be a cheap copy of the original if she tried to imitate Naruto.

Sakura sighed. "Can we get this over with? There are tons of paperwork piling up for me at the hospital." She said, cracking her neck and knuckles as she did. "And this is interrupting my Sakura time."

Ino shivered. She'd been the only one to ever interrupt Sakura's 'Me time' and had ended up being thrown halfway across the village for it. Sakura was a bitter, jaded individual who blamed herself for the death of one of her teammates and the defection of the other one. Ino had been one of the people blaming her for both, but today she could only feel pity for the pink haired kunoichi.

No matter how insanely strong she'd become, how far her newfound determination had taken her, she was still a pathetic little girl running away from the problems she couldn't punch to death.

Ignoring their antics, Jiraiya sighed. "Okay people. I doubt that whatever this thing is will be friendly. Chances are it's hostile." He explained, rubbing the bridge of his nose and mentally complaining about how he was getting too old for this shit. "We'll formulate a plan once we can assess the threat." He said, cracking his neck. "'Kay, kiddies, regroup and roll out!" Jiraiya commanded.

They didn't have to run for very long, though.


There was a poof and a cloud of smoke in the middle of the camp. A tall, very tall man, appeared from the smoke and almost immediately dropped into a defensive stance, twisting and turning his body so that he could block the incoming massive fist that the wooden giant had swung his way.

There was a flash of white as the man was sent flying back, or rather, he let himself get pushed away, only for a green blur to take the stage and catch the overextended golem in the middle of the torso.

The former sound nins' eyes bugged out as not only was the wooden giant's body lifted of the ground, it'd been sent away with such an incredible display of force and speed that it'd even cried out in pain.

There was the poof of another body flicker, then several more, as the camp was suddenly flooded with foreign chakra signatures that Karin couldn't recognize. She could barely even sense them, being so close to the massive roaring fire that was Naruto's signature.

The swordsgirl that Karin was still scared shitless of dashed forward, to where the green-clad man that had kicked the golem away was waiting eagerly for the confrontation. There was the sound of a technique crashing, a grunt of effort and of metal grinding against leather.

A flash of silver followed by cracking black lightning was the only warning that the green clad man got before he was thrown back. The clanging of metal against metal and a grunt of tremendous effort alerted everybody to the fact that the demon had met resistance in her attack.

A sound not too unlike birds chirping, in turn, alerted the swordsgirl that was easily pushing a man twice her size back to drop the clash and turn around long enough to see a charging blue blur sparking with lightning. The cyan haired demon grunted before taking to the air, easily clearing the treetops with a single bound.

Only to get a shower of weapons tossed in her general direction.

Without hesitation, she sheathed her blade and got in an airborne version of the standard battoujutsu stance. Without even a grunt, she quickly pulled it out and there was a mad flash of silver and black. All weapons thrown in her direction were effectively batted out of the air.

"Reppusho!" yelled the tall, bearded man wielding dual knives, as several more Kunai shot, this time far faster, towards the samurai girl. This time, however, she didn't have time to block the attacks, which caused the knives to sink deep into her flesh. She crashed to the ground shortly thereafter.

Only to stand up like she didn't have several kunai sticking out of her body and bloodying the once white portion of her miko uniform. "Poo! I only have one of these!" She said, eyeing the rapidly bloodying clothes.

"The fuck…" Someone muttered. "Take her out!"

There was a sound not unlike a drill going through the earth and two gray, spinning blurs came into her field of vision, smashing onto her from each side. Although most would've expected her to be torn apart by the attack, she didn't even flinch as the attack sent her flying and crashing against a tree, further ruining her shirt and exposing her woefully flat chest.

Seeing as even that had failed to faze the target, the attackers moved to plan C. The swordsgirl didn't even see the pink haired female that snuck up behind her to deliver a devastatingly powerful punch to the back of her head, which sent her flying and crashing face first through two trees before she came to a stop on the third.

"That tickles!" She said, giggling as she pulled the knives still lodged in her body from it, leaving the gaping holes behind as if they weren't extremely debilitating wounds.


The wooden golem stood up from the spot where it'd crashed against a tree, only to see two green blurs, glowing with power, approach him. He didn't even get to do anything as the smaller blur punched him under the jaw, an action that sent the golem flying, while the other green blur rapidly leaped into the air to deliver a staggeringly powerful series of kicks that launched him further up.

When he hit the apex of the green blur's jump, the golem had enough presence of mind to see both blurs converge above him and somehow push off each other, causing their descent's speed to be increased dramatically.

They speared into him, pushing the golem all the way down to the ground and leaving a sizable crater there.


Suigetsu, meanwhile, howled what a good time he was having as he used the Onyx Blade to easily outpace the three individuals he faced in battle. A pair of Hyuuga and a rather large looking guy that no doubt was an Akimichi had squared off against him.

Normally, he'd be fucked.

As it was, even with the pithy trickle of power that flowed into him from the Onyx Blade's vast reserves, he was still completely dominating them.

Both Hyuuga stood around him. One in front and one in back. He narrowed his eyes as they set in the same stance.

"Hakke Rokujuyon Sho!" they both cried at once

"Damn…" Suigetsu let out, as he felt as if someone poked him one hundred and twenty eight times in a row, except the pokes were done with a hot piece of iron.

He grunted, before taking advantage of their distracted state after they'd delivered their attacks to kick the male in the face and push off him to deliver a roundhouse kick to the female. Then he used his airborne spin to slash at the Akimichi's massive hand as it came forth, nearly slicing four fingers off and knocking the attack off course.

"What the hell. How are they so strong!?" Someone yelled, seeing how the swordsgirl wasn't even winded from her efforts or the wounds in her body.

The swordsgirl smiled evilly. Then, in a brownish blur, the wooden giant was standing next to her, completely unharmed. "I must commend your physical strength, to move my body so easily. However, you are still decades away from inflicting an injury upon this indestructible body of mine!"

There was an incredibly tense air as the attacking party realized that their planned attack hadn't gone through as they'd expected it to and the defending party seemed entirely nonchalant about surviving attacks they shouldn't be able to.

"Can't a guy just go to sleep for FIVE SECONDS without something happening? I swear to god, every time I go to sleep something happens that interrupts my dreams of the sea of Ramen!" Said a rather annoyed, raspy voice, instantly cutting through the tense air. "Oh." It added, looking around.

"What the… Naruto!?" A shrill female voice shrieked.

"Naruto-kun!?" another one repeated.

Naruto grinned. "Demon Overlord Uzumaki Naruto, in the flesh!" Said blond raised one eyebrow. "Say, why the hell are you guys trying to kill my vassals?" He asked, looking positively unaffected by the events that had just unfolded. "And Suigetsu." He added as an afterthought, seeing the annoyed glance that the Swordsman threw his way.


Interesting fact: Suigetsu has all of his chakra sealed away by Hinata and Neji, but blocking the Tenketsu does jack shit when your amazing power comes from Revya's mana running through your body.