Chapter Eight

Once upon another time

"Will you marry me?" As soon as the words came out of his mouth my breathing stopped suddenly. Did I hear him right? "What?" I asked, in shock. I could not have heard correctly. Benedict simply smiled as if expecting the reaction.

"Meg Giry, will you marry me?" Benedict repeated his question in the middle of the restaurant we were sitting in. As I looked down at the exquisite ring in the middle of the table, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think and even worse… I couldn't answer. I did not know what my answer was. Erik's words from a few hours earlier were still ringing in my head and now Ben was asking me to marry him. How could I answer? I don't even know what my heart wants yet.

"Meg?" Benedict asked me after a few seconds of my own thoughts running around in my head. I looked up at him, his green eyes expectant of my answer. I saw with each passing second of my silence, his smile deflating and his eyes losing their spark. I know that this was not the reaction he was expecting.

"I… I don't know." I whispered, my eyes filling with tears as I saw Ben's smile fall completely.

"You don't know? Is that your answer?" Ben asked in a sad tone but I could sense his unbelief as well.

"Yes. I'm sorry Ben; I know that's not the answer you're expecting."

"No, it really is not at all, Meg." Ben's eyes looked away from me in shame, his cheeks turning red from embarrassment as he started to take the small box with the ring in it off the table.

"I'm sorry… I'm just a bit confused at the moment."

"So am I. I thought we felt the same." Ben whispered steadily. I could tell he was mad but as always the man was a picture of calmness.

"We do. Of course, I do. I love you Ben but—"

"But? But what?" Ben asked firmly. I looked around at the people sitting around us and our exchange was going quite unnoticed, thankfully. I couldn't help but think if this was Erik, instead of Ben, he would have already caused a scene with his temper.

"But some things have changed." I said as I looked down at my hands not wanting him to see my tears. I don't want him to feel bad because of me. I deserve no pity from him, at all.

"What do you mean?" Ben asked. I closed my eyes and I felt the pressure of salty tears running down my cheeks. I quickly wiped them away and dreaded what I was going to answer because it was not an answer Ben deserved.

"I… I cannot tell you." I barely whispered and held my gaze on my hands on my lap. "What do you mean you cannot tell me?! Meg, I do not understand any of this." Ben answered and now I could sense the anger in his voice. He deserves an answer but if I gave him it, I would have to reveal Erik's identity and I would never do that.

"All I can really tell you is that… my past has caught up with me and with it came feelings I thought were long forgotten. But they were not."

"Have you been seeing someone else?" A hurtful shock came into his eyes that almost made me want to kiss it away. I stretched my hand towards his on the other side of the table and was grateful that he didn't push it away.

"No, no I have not. I just want to make sure that those feelings are behind me… forever. Because you do not deserve half a heart from me, Ben; you deserve all of me." After a long silence, I thought Ben was about to storm out from the restaurant but he never did. Ben simply squeezed my hand and kissed it.

"Although I don't completely understand everything that you're telling me or what you feel; I will give you time to think it over."

"That's all I ask."

"And I must ask you to forgive me if I—"

"No, Ben! You don't need to ask for my forgiveness. If anything, I should be asking you for it." I squeezed his hand more with my pleading eyes. I should be the one begging him for forgiveness not the other way around. Ben simply glanced at me with confusion and then shook his head.

"Forgive you for what, being honest?" He asked softly, his eyes looking at me tenderly. I do not deserve this man and his kindness. He needed to forgive more than my honesty… a lot more. The thought made me look down in shame and Ben surprised me by getting out of his seat in front of me and sitting on the chair next to me.

"But you must permit me in doing one thing, mon amour." Ben whispered his baritone voice almost seductive in my ear; one hand sliding down my neck and the other tracing my lips.

"And that would be?" I whispered back .He raised my chin slightly and captured my lips in his. The kiss was quite different than other times, a passion behind it, which left me breathless. He deepened the kiss, surprising me and a small moan escaped my lips, only audible to him who I felt smiled against them. His soft lips slowly retreated from mine and I couldn't help but feel a bit dizzy after it. Benedict has never kissed me like that; I could even feel a blush forming in my cheeks.

"You must let me fight for you." He whispered against my lips. It seems neither Ben nor Erik are going to make this decision easy.

The carriage came to a halt as me and Erik arrived at the island of La Grande Jatte near the River Seine a Sunday afternoon. The sun was out and I felt its heat on my skin and the soft breeze enveloped us both as soon as we stepped off the carriage. I found it quite odd that Christine and Erik decided to meet here. The island is a bit far away from our homes and a bit public but then, I imagine that to be the point. Raoul would probably have Christine followed in his time away and a place as public as this would not be as suspicious as a secret meeting somewhere at night.

"Daroga, return for us in two hours." Erik ordered The Persian and the man simply nodded, leading the carriage away from us. Erik looked sharp and handsome in his suit and top hat, I could hardly recognize him. He had brought a cane, part of his disguise as "Monsieur Leroux" and his face was well covered up with pounds of makeup and a mask the color of his skin. The island was quite crowded as it usually is on Sundays. I used to come more to this part of Paris when I was a child with my Mother. Us and Christine would have picnics here and spend the afternoon playing beside the Seine River. I was surprised Christine suggested it, I thought these days were a thing of the past for her; our young, innocent days where life was a whole lot simpler than it is now.

"Where do we wait?" Erik asked beside me, I could sense the slight anxiety and nervousness in his voice. He was about to speak with Christine for the first time in eight years and not as someone in disguise, but as himself, Erik. A much changed Erik than the man who went mad years ago and tricked the young opera singer to be his student. Now, He was a much more sane man, I've noticed, and mature. If anything, a man ready to be a Father and lead a family. I tried not to let those thoughts fill my head with jealousy again. This meeting was about Philippe more than anything.

"Come, I'll show you what used to be our favorite tree." I answered, tightening my grip on the basket I held in my hand. We walked around various couples sitting on blankets in the grass, lost in their own little worlds. There were some men fishing, ladies and gentlemen alike, walking their pets and enjoying the sun. After a few minutes walking we arrived at a tree, farthest from the people, facing the river. It was one of the biggest trees and where the wind blew most.

"Mama, Christine and I would always sit here and Mama would watch us playing in the river." I answered as I set the basket down beside the tree. I spread the blanket on the grass and Erik began taking the croissants out of the basket. Finally, we sat down and waited until Christine and Philippe arrived. As I ate my croissant, I noticed Erik fiddling with his hands, his famous nervous trait.

"Are you nervous, Erik?" I asked, taking another bite from the croissant.

"No, of course not, why do you ask?" He answered quickly, looking at me curiously. I simply raised my eyebrows and looked down at his fiddling hands. Erik sighed with a small smirk.

"I know you better than you think." I answered with a smirk as well.

"I don't think… I know you do. I have never been able to hide anything from you." He answered, looking at me fondly, making me look away. I was trying to ignore the way my heart was racing at the look in his eyes. Benedict's proposal of a week ago was still in my memory; my heart was still torn in two, not knowing who to choose.

"You will always be a mystery to me, Erik. It doesn't matter how long I know you." I answered, taking another bite, trying to lighten the mood. He smiled, relaxing a bit, and taking his own croissant from the basket. But I could still see in his eyes that he was worried about something.

"But what really is on your mind?" I insisted. He sighed, taking a bite from the croissant in his hands.

"I have been thinking about Philippe and his future. What can I do now if I want to be … a Father to him?" He whispered, his worries weighing him down. I couldn't help but smile at the thought of Erik being a Father.

"I am very glad to hear you call yourself a Father, Erik. And you will be a great one."

"Will I? Can I? Raoul is very much in the way of that and he will not let me get close to the boy." He answered, leaning against his elbow, lying back on the blanket.

"I am sure you and Christine can work something out for you to be able to see him. But honestly, Erik, I do not think that you will ever be able to be a full on Father for him." I said, timidly, expecting a bad reaction but I could not hide him from the truth.

"Why do you say that?" He asked with a slight tone of indignation in his voice. Not expecting that answer from me, of course.

"Erik, let's be honest, if you had made a different decision eight years ago and stayed with Christine in the sewer then maybe you would be able to be a Father for him, like you want. But the truth is you did not do that. You left, and now Christine is married and Philippe cannot see you as a Father, not really. Not with Raoul in their lives. The most you can do is be his mentor or another male figure in his life for him to learn from. But you lost the chance to be his Father, the right way, many years ago." I finished my sentence quite timid, not knowing how he would react. But Erik kept silent for some time, averting his eyes from mine, looking out into the river.

"Forgive me, I did not mean to offend you." I answered after a few seconds in the silence.

"You didn't. You just told me the truth like you always do." Erik answered, still lost in thought. The afternoon went on as we waited for Christine and Philippe to arrive. Meanwhile, all kinds of people from all kinds of life passed through the island. There were even various musicians that would always position themselves somewhere to play their violin or guitar. And I could point out a lot of painters, who had strategically sat down in different places around the Seine River, wanting to capture its beauty. It really was a beautiful day; Erik and I laid there beside each other for some time, talking about meaningless and meaningful things alike. We would talk about the old days at the Opera House before the new owners, Firmin and Andre, took hold of it.

"I never liked them, you know." Erik told me about the last owners of the Opera Populaire.

"You never liked them because they were the first to challenge you." I answered truthfully. Erik only smirked and shook his head.

"No, I didn't mind being challenged. In my mind, that only made things interesting for me. I didn't like them because it was all business to them. They did not respect the Opera or see it as an Art that can only be perfected. They just wanted to see the seats filled and the show sold out." He answered with annoyance in his voice. I nodded, agreeing with him.

"You're right. Although, that never stopped Mama from running the dancers ragged every night practicing even when they would give us the nights free." I answered nostalgically. I can still remember how my feet would bleed and ache after Mama's long sessions of practice. It always had to be perfect for her.

"Helene has always been a perfectionist."

"Mmm… it seems that is where you got it from." I answered with a little smile and he smiled back.

"I sometimes miss the Opera." He whispered.

"So do I."

"But, I honestly believe that sooner or later it would have fallen on its own. It did not need my help." Time went on and for a moment Erik stood up, anxiety taking over him no doubt, and started walking by the river. We have been here almost an hour and Christine had not arrived. I wonder what was taking so long. After a few minutes, the calmness of the river and the softness of the wind started closing my eyes. Before I knew it, sleep overtook me and I forgot about the world. A light touch upon my lips woke me up again. At first, I thought I was dreaming but then I felt the same light touch upon my chin and I knew I wasn't. I slowly opened my eyes and saw Erik's brown eyes looking down at me, almost in an entrancing way, his fingers touching me lightly on my lips, my cheeks, my neck, making desire slowly start building up in me. He was not wearing his top hat anymore and I could see his familiar black wig.

"I really was a damn fool for all those years." Erik whispered, his fingers lightly touching my lips again.

"What do you mean?" I asked in a half-asleep whisper, his soft touch making me close my eyes in a relaxed slumber.

"I was a fool because I had this beauty in front of me for all those years and I refused to notice her until now." His answer made my eyes snap open in surprise. His fingers, softly tracing my lips, started lowering to my neck and getting closer to my breast. My heart started beating faster and my breathing quickened, I could see his small smile form in his lips, because he knew what he could do to me.

"Since when did you know about your foolishness?" I answered, my whispering almost inaudible, I could hardly breath. His hands kept tracing down my neck but he avoided my breast and traced his hands around my stomach.

"That took me some time to figure out myself. But I realized it the moment I kissed Christine that night in the sewer eight years ago… and I wanted it to be you." That answer made me grab his hand suddenly, halting his movements on my stomach. I was genuinely shocked to hear his words.

"What? Since then?"

"Oui."

"But that would mean—"

"That I stopped loving Christine a long time ago." He whispered passionately.

"Auntie Meg!" A voice suddenly interrupted us as I looked behind me to see Philippe running towards me. I stood up, trying to clear my head from the cloud it was in. Philippe ran into my arms hard and almost knocked me over.

"Oh! Philippe! I'm happy to see you!" I exclaimed as he laughed in my ear.

"Me too!"

"We are very sorry to be late. It was a little hard to get away." Christine's voice sounded behind Phillippe. She was a beauty in red as she shut her black umbrella. Her chocolate colored hair was neatly tied as she took off her gloves.

"Hard?" I asked as I put down Philippe. Christine embraced me tightly and sighed on my ear.

"I will explain later." She whispered and by the glance she gave me it had something to do with Raoul.

"Hello, Madame." Erik appeared beside me, his top hat back on.

"Bonjour, Monsieur Leroux!" Philippe answered enthusiastically as they shook hands.

"Bonjour, Philippe, how have you been?"

"Very well, Monsieur, I'm still waiting for that rematch."

"You will get it soon, I hope. It all depends on your Mother." Erik answered as he looked up to Christine. My heart fell as their eyes met and they held their stare. I couldn't help but wonder what Erik was thinking. But I decided to put those thoughts away; it was something they had to do. This conversation was years overdue.

"Bonjour, Monsieur Leroux. I am… very pleased to see you again." Christine's eyes seemed watery and filled with nostalgia.

"Um, Phil, want to come with me and play by the river? Mr. Leroux and your Mama have some things to talk about." I sweetly tried to convince Philippe, ignoring the way my chest was starting to hurt.

"Sure, Auntie Meg!" Philippe answered and quickly started running off to play by the river.

"Thank you, Meg." Christine whispered to me and I held on to her hand and squeezed it. I wanted her to know that she had my support in all this.

"Well, I will leave you two be, then." I said, walking away.

"Meg." I turned around as I heard Erik's voice.

"Be careful." He whispered to me, his eyes soft. He must be thinking of Raoul.

"Of course. I always am." I winked at him, trying to help him feel at ease. And yet I could not feel at ease as I walked away from the pair. As my heart felt the same way it did after leaving a certain sewer many years ago.

Erik's POV

Christine and I slowly walked down the River Seine. Enjoying the silence or were we afraid to break it? I know I was. I have been waiting years for this meeting, preparing what to say, and now I have no clue how to start the conversation with the Mother of my son. I observed Christine, the way she walked elegantly with the grace of a Countess. She was no longer the girl I seduced my way into her mind many years ago. Although, she still held certain innocence to her eyes. She was a woman, a Mother, an Opera Star… it amazes me what she has accomplished in all these years. It almost makes me regret this meeting. Should I have left her to live her life believing I was dead? Simply let her be, unchained by the burden of knowing me? And then I remembered the little boy who was playing a distance away from us and I reminded myself that this was what was right, what I had to do.

"Christine…" I finally broke the silence.

"How… how have you been all this time?" I finally asked, not really knowing what to ask or say.

"I've been... honestly, I've never stopped thinking about you Erik. In all of these years, I've become an Opera Singer, a Mother, and a Countess… and yet I've never stopped thinking about you. Wishing… wishing that you would come back somehow." Christine answered, tears falling down her face, and I closed my eyes in shame. I averted her own and looked down to my cane. I never wanted to bring her pain. If anything, I wanted to save her from a solitary and profound pain that no one should ever experience.

"You must know that I left for your own good." I said, finally breaching the subject I've dreaded. We began walking up the steps to the Bridge that divided the River and would bring us to the other side.

"My good?" She answered with certain indignation in her voice. "You left for your own good, Erik."

"If I had stayed, you would have become a fugitive with me. That would have been no life, Christine. Living in sewers, in darkness forever… is that really the life you wanted?"

"Yes, yes it was! I woke up, Erik, after…" Christine's eyes averted my own as she looked away from me, towards the River. She slowly leaned against the rail of the bridge.

"I woke up determined to tell you that I loved you, not Raoul; that I wanted to go wherever you needed to go and that I didn't want to be parted from you ever again. I was ready to love you forever, Erik." She whispered the last few words and I noticed her voice breaking slightly.

"I know… so was I."

"Then why did you leave!? Really?!" She exclaimed, years of pent up emotion coming out in her voice. She turned around and faced me, her tears falling again.

"Because… I was scared." I finally confessed it. The only person I had ever truly admitted that to was Meg and it was because she always could see right through me.

"You must understand, Christine, no one had ever loved me that way before. And I thought once you woke up, you would realize your mistake. And like always, I would have to face another person turning their back on me."

"You should have trusted me. You should have trusted our love. But instead, you made the choice for yourself, completely against my will!"

"I know and I regret that choice more than you can ever imagine!" I silenced her with my fiery reaction. I saw fear in Christine's eyes and I couldn't help but see the young singer I fell for. The girl who would shy away from my temper, not knowing how to handle it or respond to it; unlike another fiery blonde I know, who would never shy away from our discussions. A silence overtook us and I inched my way next to Christine. We leaned against the rail, both of us contemplating the past, looking down at the Seine River.

"Christine… I know now I made the wrong choice, but now that time has gone. If it was up to me, I'd make time itself bend but I will never be that strong. All we can do now is not take for granted the time we have." This made Christine look up at me in surprise.

"Now? What makes you think there is a now?"

"I know, Christine. I know about the boy." I confessed and Christine's eyes widened and she gasped.

"How do you know? ... Meg told you, didn't she?"

"No, I figured it out for myself when I interacted with Philippe." I answered and Christine slowly walked backward, in shock, not knowing what to say.

"I want to be a part of his life. I want to try and be a semblance of a Father and somehow make up for the lost time."

"I thought you would be angry with me."

"No… I have no right to be angry. I made my choice and now I must live with the consequences."

"You were not the only one who made choices, Erik." Christine whispered, her eyes filled with tears.

"I've also made choices I regret." She looked up at me and I saw the innocent girl, dressed in white, who was easily seduced by my voice many years ago.

"Oh, Christine… We did what we thought must be done. Now we don't have a choice, we just do what we must with the time we have left." I whispered back.

"Is that the only reason you wanted to meet with me?" She asked me softly.

"To tell me about Philippe? Or was there something else?" She slowly walked inched towards me and looked at my eyes, curiously and deeply.

"Christine—" "Or did you want to finally finish our story? Do you still love me?" She slowly leaned towards me, awaiting my answer.

"Yes, of course I do, Christine. I will always love you. There will always be a part of my heart that will always belong to you. The girl who sang for the Phantom of the Opera." I smiled fondly, remembering how we sang together in my lair underneath the Opera. Those moments I will never be able to erase from my life and I do not want to. But I have made a decision and a promise to a blonde, young woman that I intend to keep.

"But—"

"But now you are in love with Meg." Christine stated to my surprise. She smirked at my surprise.

"It really wasn't that hard to decipher, Erik. You were never one to hide your feelings very well. You have always had them at your sleeve, that's why the Opera burnt down." I scoffed at that. Although Christine teases me, I can see the sadness in her eyes. It seems she was expecting us to rekindle our relationship from this meeting. But I can't go back once my mind and my heart is set on something. And my mind and heart is set on Meg Giry. I loved Christine in a moment in my life where all I wanted and looked for was darkness. But I no longer look for darkness in my life. On the contrary, I am aching for the light. And I can only find that light in one person… and unfortunately, it is not Christine Daae anymore. It never was. The person that was had been waiting years patiently for me to notice her. And now that I have… I can't bring myself to not notice her anymore. Her light shines too brightly in my life. Her light shines everything in my life.

"If I suspect she has loved you for as long as I think… She is the only one who truly deserves you, isn't she?"

"I am sorry, Christine." "Don't be… I am not a little girl anymore, Erik. I'm stronger than I look."

"I know you are." I answered honestly. She certainly looked stronger, not as fragile as before. Life had gone through her and she was no longer easily destroyed by it. She was a woman.

"But I must ask you for one thing." Christine said, looking down at her feet, a light blush forming on her cheeks.

"What?" I asked. I would do anything for her. I owe her more than just one thing.

"Would you kiss me one last time?" She looked up at me and I could not hide my surprise.

"You owe me a kiss goodbye." She explained. I sighed, knowing that to be true.

"Just one kiss honoring another time. A moment gone; a page turned." The tears falling from the woman in front of me moved my heart. But that wasn't the reason why I kissed her. I kissed her to finally end this chapter in my life. A final goodbye and a final curtain call to the complicated relationship between a beautiful, young woman with the voice of an angel and a broken, lonely man who taught her everything she knew. This was my final footstep to finally coming out of the darkness and embracing the light.

"Auntie Meg, I'm tired! I think I'll lie down for a bit." Philippe told me breathlessly, our playing taking a lot out of him. I was determined for him not to even think about his Mother talking very intimately with another man on the other side of the island. I loved Philippe dearly, especially how transparent he can be. But I don't want that transparency to accidently slip out this secret meeting to his Father. I was about to follow the boy to join him at our tree when suddenly I saw them. No, it could not be. I felt my heart racing and my eyes fill with tears. Christine and Erik were kissing on the bridge. Christine's arms were wrapped around his neck as if she would die if she let him go. And to my utter dismay, Erik's arms were around her waist, a few more inches and Christine's whole body would be pressed against his. I turned around, not wanting to see anymore. Tears threatened to fall but I took a deep breath and decided that I wasn't going to shed tears anymore for them.

I don't understand. I… I can't understand. Why would Erik do this after telling me moments ago that he has always loved me. Are his feelings for Christine always going to be stronger than his feelings for me? If so, I don't think I'll be able to have a relationship with someone whose heart isn't fully mine. I can't live my whole life thinking if Erik is secretly thinking about Christine and wishing I could be her? I just… I don't know what to think anymore about him. Maybe Erik hasn't changed at all. He is simply playing with both Christine and I. Like a Phantom, seducing our hearts again. I just never thought he would treat me this way. I know him, the real Erik, I always have… he is the man I have always loved.

But now… Now I don't know who that is anymore.

I took a deep breath, wiping away some escaped tears, and went walking back to where Philippe had fallen asleep on our blanket. It seems Erik has made his decision. Well then, he just helped me make mine a lot more easily. I have decided to accept Benedict's proposal.

I quickly stepped out of the carriage, my anger getting the best of me. I was unable to even look at Erik in the eyes. I felt everything and nothing at the same time. I cared so much but I did not want to care at all. I just wanted to be numb.

"Meg, are you all right?" I heard Erik behind me.

"Yes." I answered dryly. As expected, I felt his hand on my arm turning me around.

"Meg, you have not spoken since we left Christine. Now, I know you enough to know when something is on your mind. What's wrong?" Erik asked me, surprisingly calm.

"You are right. Something is on my mind… Benedict asked me to marry him." I spat out quickly and I saw Erik's eyes widen in surprise.

"What?"

"And I have decided to accept." I said as strongly as I could and was only met with silence. The Persian, from his seat in front of the carriage, was also shocked to hear the news.

"Now, you can live your life happily with Christine without me in the way." My voice broke in the middle of the sentence as my emotions got the best of me and I hated myself for it. I did not want Erik to see me cry.

"Christine? What are you talking about?" Erik asked me and I simply scoffed. I have had it with him.

"Stop it, Erik. Just stop it. I am sick of your lies!" I answered, pulling my arm away from his grip.

"Meg, what are you talking about!?" Erik asked fiercely now, his temper rising.

"I saw you! I saw both of you on the bridge!" Erik's eyes filled with understanding and his shameful reaction only confirmed my suspicions.

"Meg, let me explai—"

"NO! I will not hear anymore of your lies. You will not bewitch me with your words any longer!" I exclaimed, turning around, not being able to even face him anymore.

"Meg, please! It is not—" Erik tried to take my arm again but this time I pushed it away and slapped him with the other; His very well hidden mask almost falling of his face.

"You know… I actually thought you were a changed man. But it seems that Phantom still lives somewhere inside of you. The Phantom who can so easily seduce you with lies. I just never thought you would ever do that to me." Erik's eyes actually expressed hurt, a deep hurt, that I could not even fathom to understand. But I let myself be numbed, the last tears I would ever shed for this man falling down my cheeks.

"Goodbye, Erik. I will send you your things soon to the Persian's apartments. Good Night, Persian. Thank you… for everything." I said in a final tone. I turned around, leaving them speechless, and I slammed the door to my apartment.

I sobbed myself to sleep that night.