I'm the beast and you're the master
You're the meat of the matter
I'm no fool for discretion
When it's on the tip of my tongue.
-Big Dumb Sex, Soundgarden
The library was... larger than Lyndon expected. Although he had been to Caldeum already a little over a year ago, he had never had reason to visit the grand building before. The word 'library' usually conjured memories of ornery old hags waiting for him to make a noise so they could hit and "shush" him. That and they tended to be utterly dull. He avoided them like the plague. But he had to admit, the Library of Caldeum was quite beautiful. It had architecture similar to the palace with rich greens, purples and carved marble, and it was enormous. He imagined it probably contained most of the collected knowledge of the known world. It luckily went untouched through the nastiness of Belial's little visit.
He had followed Jack, Eirena, Kormac, Leah and Tyrael inside and spent some time exploring at his leisure. The city was still reeling from the presence of the demon lord Belial, so there were very few people inside the large building. Everyone went their separate ways quickly, eager to see everything the building had to offer.
Kormac followed Eirena like a lost puppy, under the flimsy guise of searching for books relating to his Order, while she perused the towering bookcases with the wide eyed enthusiasm of a child in a sweet shop. Lyndon eavesdropped on them for a few moments, and learned that the practice and implementation of magic had changed much in fifteen hundred years, and that Kormac was hopelessly smitten with their pretty new companion. Lyndon laughed to himself and continued on.
The scoundrel wandered aimlessly and came to a large room that seemed to be some sort of museum. He eyed expensive looking artifacts and crumbling, gold inlaid tomes that were displayed under glass. Giving a subtle glance around, he eagerly tried to open up one of the display cases housing a fabulous, gem encrusted goblet. As he moved to pick the shoddy looking lock, a small spark of electricity shocked his fingers painfully.
"Bloody whore!" He cursed as quietly as he could, dropping his tools. He picked the small metal items up gingerly, blowing on his fingertips and wincing. Some kind of protection spell he supposed. He saw a sign at the edge of the display that he hadn't noticed before, warning visitors not to touch. Lyndon huffed and continued on through the library.
He came upon Leah and Tyrael in a dimly lit room in a rotunda and peeked in on them. They were going through piles of books together, trying to learn about Azmodan and did not notice him. After killing Belial and getting green, poisonous, slimy nastiness all over his coat, the last thing Lyndon wanted to hear about was another bloody demon lord that needed killing, so he left quickly.
He looked around the library some more and passed by a darkened hallway where there were bookshelves sealed behind wooden lattice doors. Curious, he entered the hall and peered through the crosshatched barrier. The books he saw on the shelves had heavy chains binding them in place. The longer he looked, the more he began to realize that he could hear something. It sounded like someone was whispering or having a conversation, then, as he stood there longer, he started to hear muffled crying . He looked around, thinking someone might have been upset somewhere, but there was no one. Unnerved, he looked back at the books. He could make out faint lights, deep within the layered shelves and, as he stared, noticed that there was dark liquid that dripped from the edge of one shelf. It looked suspiciously like blood . Just as he was beginning to think that he didn't want to be there anymore, a book suddenly lurched forward from the shelf toward him. He yelped and hurriedly left, but not before spotting a sign that said 'Forbidden Section: Special permission required.' He escaped the dark hallway and back into the brightly lit, happier looking area where the non-frightening books were kept.
There didn't seem to be that much else to see, just thousands upon thousands of bookcases and how boring was that? He didn't know where the Demon Hunter had gone off too, he hadn't seen him as he'd looked around. Jack had specifically ordered him to stay in the library until they were ready to go, orders, he fully intended to disobey. What had he said? He didn't want to go looking for him? They needed to be ready to leave at a moment's notice or some such thing?
Bah, whatever.
Once Lyndon realized he couldn't steal anything or find any way to entertain himself for an extended period of time, he quickly made for the doors.
He spotted the Iron Wolf, Jeryn hovering near the entrance and offered him a cheerful wave as he reached for the door handle. Just as he was about to open the door and leave, Jeryn's arm blocked him quickly.
"Um, excuse me, I have some business I need to attend to so if you would be so kind as to-" Lyndon began.
"The Demon Hunter asked me to advise you to stay inside the library and that I should inform him promptly should you attempt to leave the building." Jeryn explained leisurely with a smile.
" Did he now?" Lyndon asked, feeling a vein start to pulse on the side of his head. The nerve of that hunter nannying him like this!
"Yes, he is paying me handsomely for my time." Jeryn answered calmly.
"Wouldn't you rather spend your, no doubt valuable time with your pretty young noblewoman instead of hassling poor little me?" Lyndon suggested sweetly.
"Oh, she'll be coming to visit me shortly, don't you worry." Jeryn replied lazily.
"Did dear Jack say what would happen after you, ehm, informed him of my swift departure?" Lyndon asked curiously, not bothering to keep the acid out of his tone.
"I believe he said something to the effect of ' after you had been detained by the Iron Wolves patrolling the city, he would greet you at the door and haul your wretched carcass back inside by the collar'." Jeryn explained with an irritating nonchalance.
"Ah. I... see ." Lyndon replied, furious. Lyndon spun on his heel and headed back toward the heart of the library, positively seething .
"Good day mi'lord, enjoy the library." Jeryn called after him airily.
Lyndon walked back to the large fountain in the center of the main entrance room. What the Hell was he supposed to do now? He'd already bloody looked at everything that was worth looking at. He sat on the fountain edge and sulked. After a few minutes, he noticed that there more people inside now and they were staring at him and whispering amongst themselves. Embarrassed by the praise, the Demon Hunter had hoped they would not attract attention from any more admiring locals, but apparently word of their location traveled fast. People wanted to get a look at the ones responsible for saving their city apparently. He couldn't blame them, he was nice to look at!
Lyndon did not mind their admiring glances as many were women. The wheels suddenly kicked to life and started to turn in his head. If he couldn't leave to go to them, even better that they came to him!
He quickly found a pretty young noble woman with brown hair tied up extravagantly. She was giving him the eye and fingering the ties on her rather expensive looking silk outfit. Well, that was easy. He grinned at her and walked over to introduce himself. She giggled and blushed as they always did, and then blushed harder when he whispered something in her ear. They escaped the crowd together, running hand in hand to somewhere more private.
Hidden in a storeroom, her squealing above him with her dress up over her ample breasts and his head between her legs, Lyndon began to feel his sour mood improve significantly.
Some time later, Lyndon was wandering through the library again, sipping spiced tea he had purchased from a food merchant downstairs. Trust that the first people to return when the fighting died down would be merchants looking to make some coin. The scoundrel was searching for the demon hunter, wondering if maybe he could provide him some amusement if he was going to be stuck in here (he didn't even attempt to leave, knowing for a fact that Jack always made good on his threats and the thief had no desire to tempt his ferocious temper). At least he had some spicy chai tea! He loved tea, almost as much as he loved wine. He really missed the signature black mint tea from Kingsport, it was his very favorite, but he loved trying new and exotic flavors as much as he loved trying new and exotic women and this sweet and spicy, milky concoction was pleasant enough. He had also bought the Demon Hunter a coffee as a peace offering, as he wasn't sure whether or not Jack might have already been cross with him.
After much searching, he tried a spiral staircase near where Tyrael and Leah were studying that he hadn't noticed before. He peered over the floor at the top of the stairs and saw that it opened up into a pretty balcony, and there he finally found the Demon Hunter seated at a long table, dark haired head bent over a rather large tome laid open in front of him. He wasn't wearing his heavier leather armor at the moment, but he was clad all in black as usual and stood out like a sore thumb among all the rich purples and greens and golds. Jack was writing in his personal journal that 'no one was allowed to read ever under any circumstances', not that Lyndon hadn't tried on more than one occasion to snoop through it as he sometimes did with the other man's belongings. To his frustration he'd been caught every time. It only made him more curious.
The scoundrel approached him carefully, unsure of his mood.
"I trust you had a pleasant talk with Jeryn?" Jack said to him without looking up.
"Yes, very." Lyndon answered lightly, rotten bastard.
Lyndon set the saucer of coffee in front of Jack carefully, then sat heavily a few seats away, emitting a childish sigh.
"You know if you wanted to spend time with me so badly you could have just asked ." Lyndon teased.
"I told you to stay here and that we needed to be prepared to leave the moment Leah finds a clue." Jack replied flatly, absorbed in whatever he was scribbling. Well, at least he wasn't yelling at him. Jack had been much nicer to him as of late, the thief wasn't quite sure why, but he was glad for it all the same.
"What is this?" Jack asked suspiciously, indicating the cup.
"Coffee. It's a little bitter, you'll like it I'm sure." Lyndon grumbled dryly.
The hunter glanced at him finally, then narrowed his eyes. The hunter's gaze flashed to his throat and Lyndon remembered his neck was covered in kiss marks from that noblewoman he'd already forgotten the name of. The thief grinned at him proudly.
"I've seen whores with more shame." Jack said sullenly.
Lyndon threw his head back and laughed. "Hahaha!"
"I'd ask how you managed to do that without leaving the library, but I know better." The hunter muttered irritably.
"They always seem to know just where to find me." Lyndon answered with another laugh.
Jack merely sighed and turned back to his journal.
Sensing their little chat was over, Lyndon felt boredom start to creep back up on him. He rocked back in his chair, drumming his fingers on the table while he swirled his tea around in his glass, sighing.
"Why don't you read something instead of fidgeting?" Jack asked without looking up from the massive tome, turning the pages carefully.
"I did enough reading in school." Lyndon replied quickly, leaning back in his chair to rest his feet on the table.
"Get your filthy boots off the table!" Jack snapped.
"Ugh, yes Mum." Lyndon sneered, flopping his feet back to the floor.
"You went to school?" Jack asked, ignoring his comment.
"I had to, everyone in the orphanage had to, they tried to encourage us to get adopted by wealthy families or learn trades to get decent jobs when we were old enough to leave." Lyndon explained.
"I should have guessed, you don't speak like a thief, you sound educated. At least you learned something. Though apparently not enough to get an honest profession." Jack replied, bemused.
"I'll take that as a compliment I suppose, and hardly. I was so poor I couldn't afford to pay attention!" He joked, "Ahaha! But really, I learned more after I left." he added darkly.
"Not everyone can read and write, you should be proud to know how." Jack said.
Lyndon snorted and stayed quiet.
Time stretched on, the thief thought about taking a nap, there was a gentle breeze rolling in from the spaces open to the outside air and it was quite comfortable. Jack had picked an excellent study spot, if that was what he was doing. Lyndon spied a stack of parchment sheets, fluttering slightly in the air. He grabbed one and folded it carefully into a paper bird. Pleased, he threw it up in the air and caught it as it spiraled back to him. Jack didn't seem to have noticed.
Getting an amusing idea, he experimentally threw the bird at Jack's head, hoping to nail him right in the forehead, but it sailed behind him, carried by the wind. The hunter still didn't appear to notice. Excited, Lyndon folded more birds and tried again and again, creating a small pile of paper birds on the floor behind the hunter's chair.
He aimed carefully and waited for the wind to stop, threw once more and hit the Demon Hunter in the cheek. Jack rounded on him quickly, eyes furious.
"Stop that! What are you, six years old?!" He snapped.
"Gods, for someone who hunts demons you're the most boring person I've ever met, and having become acquainted with Kormac, that's saying something!" Lyndon shot back, annoyed by Jack's perpetually lousy attitude.
"Find something to do that doesn't bother me!" Jack hissed irritably.
"Fine then." Lyndon snapped.
"Fine." Jack answered.
It was quiet for about five minutes before Lyndon cracked, desperate to stave off boredom.
"What are you writing?" He asked quietly, hoping that Jack wouldn't get upset.
"None of your business." The hunter replied swiftly.
Lyndon sighed dramatically, and watched the cinnamon collect on the surface of his tea, beginning to feel a bit depressed.
"Isn't there... someone else you could talk to?" Jack asked a bit wearily.
"No. No one likes me, remember?" Lyndon sneered sharply, then took a sip of his drink, feeling a bit upset. He noted that the Demon Hunter still hadn't touched the coffee he brought for him. Jack frowned and seemed to consider his statement.
"How about...that... woman you were with?" Jack offered hesitantly.
"Ugh, no thanks. I've already "talked" to her enough." The thief answered. They sat quietly again, the light changed as a cloud passed over the sun, then brightened again as the wind carried it along. Lyndon could hear parrots chirping to each other in the palm trees below.
"You know, I bought that for you because I thought you'd like it, I'm not trying to bloody poison you." Lyndon muttered, feeling a little hurt. Jack sighed and took a sip of it, then paused and took a second, then a third.
"I...do like it. Thank you." Jack said, almost not believing it. Lyndon smiled, watching him polish the beverage off rather quickly, then staring at the empty cup wistfully afterward.
"It wouldn't be that hard for you to get their attention if you wanted it. Have you seen how they look at you?" Lyndon said to Jack suddenly.
"What? Who?" Jack asked.
"Women." Lyndon said evenly, wondering what else he had thought he could have meant.
"What do you mean?" The hunter inquired sharply, he almost sounded offended, what was wrong with him?
"Well..." Lyndon began slyly, feeling a smile spread over his face. "They get short of breath, get pink in the cheeks, and flutter their eyelashes ever so innocently, but you know they're just dripping between their-"
"Lyndon." The hunter hissed warningly, cutting him off. "Contain yourself." Jack finished, enunciating every word.
Lyndon laughed, grinning from ear to ear.
"Well, you know." He continued casually, "You've done it before."
"Done what before?" Jack asked distractedly, scribbling in his journal, was he drawing or something? That or he had the most erratic handwriting in history.
Lyndon blinked, slightly confused."...You know."
"What?" Jack asked irritably, looking at him now.
"...Are you serious?" The thief said to him in disbelief.
The hunter continued to stare at him blankly and Lyndon rolled his eyes and gave him a 'why-are-you-so-thick' look.
"Sex? Do I have to bloody spell it out for you?" He exclaimed.
Jack merely grimaced and looked away. Lyndon felt the pieces suddenly click together.
"Oh Gods, you're a virgin aren't you?" He said, giggling behind his hand.
"Don't talk to me." Jack muttered, and Lyndon laughed, he could see the tips of the hunter's ears turning pink with embarrassment.
"Look it's not so bad." Lyndon said, between laughs, "We can go out right now and get that little problem taken care of in less than five minutes, there's a horde of them milling about downstairs and-"
"You're a filthy pig." Jack hissed at him angrily.
"Come now Jacky, that's not a very friendly thing to say." Lyndon said, trying to keep from laughing.
"Don't call me that!" The hunter snapped.
Lyndon's peals of laughter were stopped cold when a thin scream reached them from down the spiral staircase.
They looked at each other, was that Leah's voice?
Jack and Lyndon scrambled to their feet and raced down the stairs, the hunter didn't have his crossbows with him, but was already drawing a concealed blade and Lyndon did the same, ready for anything.
But when they got to the room there was no threat to be dealt with. Tyrael had already embraced Leah, who was trembling in his arms, saying something. She'd had another vision, Lyndon guessed. They came in and knelt next to her, trying to hear what she was muttering.
"Speak to me child!" The archangel said worriedly.
"Arreat... the demon's attack will come from Arreat." She whispered.
Lyndon sighed a bit. To the frozen north they would go then.
