I gotta tell you guys, today, I said I'd write out the entire planner for this, all chapters, and I finished so I know exactly what to do each and every chapter. I'm pleased so far…so yeah…
Chapter Eight
Wrong
It was that hospital scene again.
I watched my body, I stared at the other bodies and I was just so silent, Mark and I hadn't talked and every time I even glanced at him, I blushed. It was more of Jeff than it was of me but I couldn't help it and the silence was suffocating me. I could finally understand why Mike 'The Miz' Mizanin couldn't even stay silent for a moment, it was haunting, it was horrible…it drove my mind to destruction and horror, the desolation of the past still haunted me all too badly—and the fact that I was still here, still in this body, made me feel sick. I wanted and needed alcohol and it wasn't fair. It still wasn't fair that I tried to remain straightedge in a body that wasn't even straightedge.
Just as Mark and I were about to leave, he had grabbed the collar of my—Jeff's—red jersey and I turned around to face him, wanting him to see the true me underneath the mask that was Jeff, and hoping that he didn't pretend I was Jeff and use me—I just always had this feeling that he'd take me as a replacement Jeff. Always. It was somehow inevitable. I looked like him. I sounded like him. I smelt like him. I breathed in his body. Yet I wasn't him. It wasn't fair for both of us.
He leaned down and then he pressed his lips against mine.
The taste of him. The smell of him. How he fit against me, how he held onto my face as his tongue played in my mouth—it was all too much, it was enough for me to die on the inside, enough for my life to decay and I kissed back. I didn't care if Mark was Jeff's—Jeff's brain was smashed up, he was gone…nothing was left but me and him and I wanted this to happen.
Yet I wasn't sure if this was me or Jeff reacting to the kiss.
I had forgotten who I was.
The CM Punk, the Phil Brooks of me, was gone. I was left pretending to be something, anything, else other than who I really was and my identity had writhed away like a rose, black and dead, nothing left, just on the floor until someone stepped on her and destroyed her.
He pulled back and I stared into those eyes. "Jeff's dead." He finally announced. "And you're here, pet."
I took in the information I had already known before nodding my head. "D-do you want to—get together with me?" the shock was there. I knew it was. I had thought that he might want to get together with me eventually but not this quickly, and my heart had quickened as my pulse sped and I stared into those eyes before I nodded to him and he leaned down to capture my lips into a kiss once more, it wasn't chaste, it was long, passionate and I felt every emotion bubbling in me explode.
"W-what the hell?!"
That voice. Was it mine?
I pulled back and searched the room for the voice, only to see that the vision of my nightmare was sitting up, with a battered body and hazel eyes, with an open chapped pink mouth and pale cracked skin, it was me. Most importantly, it was Jeff. Jeff was awake. Jeff saw us. My heart quickened even harder, it was ready to burst out of my chest from the sheer speed that it was running at. I stared at him and he stared at me, in confusion as he held his head in his hands and Mark walked over to him and tried to explain everything while I stood there.
What the hell?!
I was sure that right now, I was screaming these words. On the inside. How could God do this to me?! The only thing I ever wanted, Mark Calaway, and when I'd already gotten him, he'd been ripped apart from me. It was unfair. It was as you were dying from thirst and you were just given the coldest glass of water but it was suddenly ripped away from your hands before you could even drink it.
Why…?
When Mark had explained things to Jeff, Jeff stared at me. Those eyes that used to be mine, that face that used to be mine, all mine, mine, mine, was now Jeff's. I started to walk off and I heard Mark call me.
"Where are you going, pet?"
"HOME!" I was angry. I was powered by the anger inside of me.
"Pet!"
"I wanna be alone!"
I finally had Mark Calaway and in moments, he'd been ripped away from me. And I tried to get my thoughts straight, this wasn't me talking. This was Jeff talking and it was strong. It was so damn strong. I stood there, in the middle of the street, holding onto a pole, with thoughts running through my head and God, how I wanted to die. It seemed like no one liked me. It seemed like nothing I ever wanted was in reach.
It seemed like I was wrong for existing.
All I knew was that I wanted my body again.
I wanted to be Phil Brooks again.
And nothing was going to stop me from getting my old life back…
Reviews are much appreciated.
X Sam.
