Thank you for all the feedback and extremely kind and supportive messages. I'm trying to incorporate the points you mentioned; using these to tell my own story. Sorry if you are confused about Ana's past. I tried to illuminate this a little in each chapter and then give an outline in chapter 5. But I don't think she is ready to share it all with anyone yet...
Chapter 8
Christian
I'm furious that someone has entered my home without my consent. I grill Taylor about the circumstances and I am enraged that he doesn't know more. They are almost certain of the breach but not the who, the why or the when. Anastasia is in the other room and I feel she deserves some sort of explanation about our swift departure from my parents' house. I stride to the door, open it and see her standing across the room. I make my way towards her, not yet conscious of the signals her body is sending. Only when I'm eye to eye with her and the air escapes her lungs do I realise my mistake.
I take a step back, "Anastasia" I say gently. "Forgive me". She looks aghast but in mere seconds she collects herself. Her voice is hushed but she responds, "Christian, I ... I'm in the way. I really should get home. Goodnight." Carefully she turns but I gently touch her elbow and she freezes. "Anastasia, I didn't intend to startle you." I wait before continuing, "It appears that someone may have entered my home. I need to know more, to know you are safe but I would also like to spend time with you. Stay, please." She is still; this could be make or break, fight or flight. In an effort to give her space I walk to the counter and retrieve my wine glass, when I come back I lift hers and offer it to her. Hesitantly she takes it and she turns to look at me. I look at her and try to communicate the feelings I have for her. But how can I quantify these emotions in a look? As I gaze into her eyes I realise the only way I can describe this is love. I am in love with this delicate, beautiful and fascinating creature. Without thinking I step towards her. With my free hand I slowly lift and cup her face before kissing her. She takes a moment to respond but then we share the most delicate kiss. Anastasia takes a slow shuddery breath and I rest my forehead on hers.
Ana
When Christian came out of the room and I saw the raw emotion in his eyes I flashed back to the years following my mother's death. I recognise the devastating power that is contained in such unrestrained emotions. I'm torn; Christian isn't Stephen Morton and I'm not a helpless adolescent anymore but I also can't live with the uncertainty of such severe mood swings. My brain freezes and I can't move, can't function. Then Christian seems to sense my acute unease and stops me. Stops me from thinking, stops me from leaving. He speaks softly to me and for a moment allows me a little space. When he returns he offers me my wine glass and before I know what's happening his lips are on mine. I take a second but then I return his kiss, I need it. He leads me again to the sofa and we sit in silence, looking at each other. His eyes are alight, but not with the ferocious anger of before. Now they are bright and full of a painful yearning. I realise Christian may need me as much as I need him. My past has haunted me, and in many ways I've allowed it. Perhaps if I explain to him the anger within my step father and his resulting rage which was often visited upon me, Christian can understand why his fury made me nervous. Suddenly I'm exhausted by these weeks of change. Our quick but joyful meeting and all the events since, begin to take their toll. My eyelids are heavy and I long for my own home and my own bed.
Christian
We sit in silence looking at each other. I am relieved that Anastasia didn't leave. I want her and need her. The silence continues and it's comforting; I don't know how I ever did without it, without her. Suddenly she seems weary, weighed down by everything that has occurred in these last days. As carefully as I can I stand and lift her in my arms. She watches me and I watch her as I carry her up to my bedroom. As I put Anastasia on my bed I gaze at her, then I say, "Ana, I'll leave you here while I speak with Taylor. Is there is anything you need before I go? I will be right downstairs." She smiles softly at me. "Maybe I should take my shoes off" she says. I help her with her shoes and as she is sitting up I decide to remove the light jacket she is wearing. My hands run over the end of her collar bones as I push the clothing off her body. Her skin is soft and warm and I almost close my eyes. Then as my right hand curves over her left shoulder I feel the unmistakable ridge created by a scar. I know what angry, damaged tissue feels like and as I feel it on her skin our eyes meet again. Anastasia looks at me but doesn't speak. I remain silent and return her look. These horrors I had suspected; the rumours from her file are evidenced on her body. I am consumed with hate for whoever did this to her but more consumed with tender love. Before I leave the room I gently kiss her on the forehead and quietly make my way out.
Ana
Somehow despite all that has occurred I close my eyes and sleep. When I awaken I know that only a short amount of time has elapsed. The light in the room remains the same and Christian has not returned. I rise from the bed and quickly retrieve my shoes. I suddenly need to see him and explain everything. I make my way downstairs thinking to return to the living area we sat in earlier. However, I'm sleepy, in unfamiliar surroundings and because I wasn't paying attention those few moments ago, I've lost my bearings. In front of me there are a number of closed doors. Did we come through one of these earlier? Apprehensively I turn the handle of the first door and look inside. There isn't a light on but from the light in the hallway I see that this is a small utility closet or linen room. I close the door and head over to the next.
This time as I open the door I am greeted by the heavy smell of wood and wax and something musky, maybe leather. There is a soft light on in this room and as I open the door further it all comes into focus. Along the wall I see whips and canes and all manor or foreign instruments. Above me hang chains and leather restraints and in the middle of the room next to a table covered in deep red leather there is a woman. She has dark hair, a similar shade to mine and she is naked. Who is she and what does Christian want with her; do to her? Suddenly the smell and colours of the room are toxic and overpowering. I want to help this girl but she hasn't moved, hasn't lifted her head and I'm already wide eyed, already gasping for air. I need to get out of this torture chamber, this apartment and as far away from Christian Grey as I can.
As I reach the hallway I don't stop to close the doors. Panic is taking over and I'm not sure how to remain in control. I walk hastily across the hallway as Christian appears in front of me. His expression is gentle and then as he notices the open door behind me it shifts to puzzled. "Anastasia my love, I can explain" he begins but his words are interrupted by a feral scream that emits from the room behind us. I quickly stand aside as Christian, swiftly followed by Taylor, rushes into the room. This is my opening, my means of escape. I leave in the direction Christian came from and recognise the room from earlier. I grab the small bag I brought with me and making my way to the elevator I punch the call button. As the door slides closed I realise I'm leaving Christian Grey, as well as departing this life that I'd built for myself.
