A/N: So I am overwhelmed by the love I'm receiving for this story. God, the Brittana fandom is so lovely. Also I think it's hilarious that I always get review in clumps of time, like do you all read at the same time? I'd like to direct you all to a tumblr account that publishes fanfics as eBooks, one of my pezberry stories (Wake) will be published soon, but you guys should check it out. Suggest a story and they'll try their best to make it into an eBook, I think it's great.

Song Suggestion: "Going to California" by Led Zeppelin

~Going to California with an aching in my heart.

Someone told me there's a girl out there with love in her eyes and flowers in her hair.~

I was nervous, I don't know what made me feel that way, it wasn't the plane, it wasn't even the fact that I was stuck against the window, it was that Brittany insisted on sitting next to me and holding my hand even when we were comfortably in the air. "Are you going to be okay?" This is the first time that I'd ever asked her that, or the first time from what I could remember. She ran her fingers over my open palm, and smiled.

"Of course I'm okay, I'm here with you." She moved the arm rest between us, so that we could sit shoulder to shoulder. "I talked to Fran." I already knew where this was going before she even continued. I didn't want things to be like this, I should've told Brittany myself but I didn't know how to bring it up. With work and school and all of her practices I couldn't find a time to talk about it before we got on the plane. "She said that you wanted to stay with her but not with Quinn and I. I don't get it." Maybe there was nothing to get, maybe I just thought I'd be able to breathe with Fran around. Maybe she'd be observing me the whole time and writing notes in her journal, but at least I wasn't immediately drawn to her touch and her eyes every time I looked at her, like I was with Brittany.

"Fran and I need time to talk." I said simply.

"Don't you trust me?" I didn't want her to feel bad, but I didn't know how to tell her that I needed to talk with Fran about her. "Don't I make you smile?"

"Of course you make me smile, of course I trust you it's just...this is different." She didn't understand and to be honest neither did I. Part of me gets why sometimes things can be tough with Brittany, because even if I am mad at her, it's too difficult to say it, but with Fran I can be mad at her and tell her, without trying to analyze how I feel about it. Brittany complicates things, everything about her...us, it's hard for me to describe. "And I feel out of place." That was the truth, being surrounded by cheerleaders wanting to paint each others nails and talk about going to second base with their girlfriends, was always too overwhelming for me. And I knew that even though Quinn constantly said that she wanted me there, I was more of an afterthought when it came to things like this. "I want to go to a bookstore-."

"So I'll take you, we'll go." But I didn't want her to put her life on hold for me. That's not how friendships were, that's how marriages went and based on how things were looking with my parents, marriage was hell. "You scare me when you do this, I want to be with you...there with you I mean." I knew what she meant or I hoped I did, and she looked at me and smiled. "Can we at least go out to dinner, you, me, Quinn, and Fran...it would be fun." I liked the suggestion. I really couldn't deal with spending a whole day without Brittany so I hoped we could hang out at some point tonight.

"Yeah, that sounds fun." I told her. "How long do we have before we land?" I asked her.

"3 hours...can I...?" She laid down on my lap and curled up close to me. She looked up at me and smiled again. "Look at you."

"What? Is there something on my face?" I asked her.

"No." She pushed my hair out of my face and just looked at me for a moment. We stared at one another for awhile before her smile faded. "No, there's nothing on your face."

+0+

We got off the plan and Fran met us by our luggage pick up. Her smile caught the attention of Brittany from about 100 feet away. She made a sign for us, and while Quinn was hugging her sister, Brittany and I walked over to wait for our luggage. We didn't want to ruin their moment, it was important for them to have their time too. "Doesn't Fran look so good?I think she's been working out." Brittany said tapping my shoulder until I turned around and looked at Fran myself. It was true, Fran's dress was nice, her hair was up, and she was even wearing lipstick. Maybe she was trying to show off for someone, more likely, she was probably trying to make sure people knew the difference between her and Quinn.

I grabbed my bag and then Brittany's before we rolled our suitcases over by Fran and Quinn. "Quinn was just asking about dinner. Apparently a lot of the other cheerleaders are eating at the hotel, but since I drove, I was thinking of taking you guys somewhere. Would that be alright?"

"Yes!" Brittany said grabbing onto my hand. "Can we go to the hotel, change first, and then go?" Brittany asked. Fran was already nodding and saying how much fun it was to be back in California. Apparently she'd been here last year, but I didn't really ask her about it. Fran and I didn't talk directly until Brittany and Quinn had to go inside to change and even then it all felt weird.

"How was the plane ride?" She asked.

"Quiet, we didn't crash so that was nice." Fran smiled and patted the empty passenger's side seat. I got out of the car and moved up front so I could sit next to her. "So it's okay if I stay with you? Now I realize how weird it must be for you-."

"Not weird." Fran said. "I just have to make sure that you're okay, and if it takes you coming out to California to talk to me to figure stuff out then so be it. Plus after last time I thought..." She looked over at me and clicked her car lights on, off, and then on again before looking away from me. "Maybe you hated me."

"I don't hate anyone." Sometimes I hate myself, but I don't actually hate anyone else. "Certainly not you."

"I know what it is." Fran said as Quinn and Brittany approached the car. I wanted to ask Fran what she knew, how she knew, but Quinn and Brittany got into the car before I could. I wondered if Fran had talked to my mom. Maybe she knew about the institution or maybe she knew about the possible divorce, but how could she? How?

"Ready?" Fran asked. Brittany, from the backseat, pulled my seatbelt on and I smiled to myself. We all nodded and Fran drove about 20 minutes to this small restaurant called Catcher in the Frye. We got out of the car, and this was the first time I actually got to see Brittany's outfit. She was wearing a green and white sundress, with a white belt around the waist, and white three inch heels. Her hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail, and I felt ridiculous in my skinny jeans and white tank top.

When we walked into the restaurant, Brittany made sure to sit next to me, while Quinn and Frannie sat on the same side. We were each handed our menus but Brittany insisted we share menus and food, for that matter, and I didn't really mind in the slightest. "Those chicken tenders look good." I nodded my head and looked up when Fran laughed. Quinn covered her mouth but looked back at her menu.

"What's so funny?" I asked them but neither one of them looked willing to share.

"What about pasta?" Brittany asked getting my attention again. I looked at the menu and the picture of pasta there, it looked delicious.

"Yeah let's get pasta." I told her. She ordered for me, while Fran and I played eye contact chicken for a while during Quinn's rant about the opposing squads. She was passionate about cheerleading, and it seemed silly, mostly to people who didn't understand it. Cheerleading wasn't some frilly game, it was a sport, Brittany and Quinn were athletes, and I admired them. It was interesting to hear all the tales of their competitions, I knew their rivals, I knew the girls who Quinn hated, and I could probably point them out just by the way she'd described them.

"All this drama, thank God I'm not still in high school." Fran said with a laugh. "Isn't it funny when we look at it from the outside San?" I nodded because truly it could be hilarious at times. Our food arrived and Brittany took the first bite.

"It's so good, try it." She urged and I did, and of course she was right, it was beyond tasty. "San you got a little..." Brittany giggled and used her thumb to wipe the red sauce off the corner of my mouth. "There."

"Brittany I love your dress, where'd you get it?" Frannie asked her.

"H&M, my mom got it for me just for this trip." Brittany said with a warm smile.

"It's cute, San, don't you think she looks cute in it?" Fran asked me. I was still chewing so all I did was nod, nodding was better than talking anyway. "Brittany, seriously, I need the low down. Why are you dating anyone? No one's good enough for you?" To say that I wasn't interested would be a lie, but I couldn't bring myself to listen fully, it was too difficult.

"I'm picky." Brittany said with a shrug.

"Lame, come on, what do you want? What makes you go crazy for someone?" Quinn asked Brittany. "Oh I know! Cute smile."

"Who doesn't like a cute smile, Quinnie? Obviously Brittany likes that." Fran started.

"You know when someone does that cute little half smile...I love that." Brittany confessed. "Seriously, it sounds so dumb but it's so true." I let Brittany finish the rest of the pasta while I texted my mom to let her know that everything was going fine. "I'm weird when it comes to stuff like this, I like a lot I don't like a lot, you know." But I didn't know, and I wanted to know.

"So we should probably get back to the hotel, Sue will want us to practice tomorrow morning." Quinn said as she placed a 20 on the table to pay for her meal.

"What time does the competition start tomorrow?" I asked.

"At 11, you guys can sit with the rest of the parents, it's really close to the judging panel." Brittany explained. Brittany reached into her handbag and I stopped her before she could get her money. "What? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'll just pay for us both." We paid and just as we were about to leave the restaurant Brittany grabbed onto my hand.

"Quinn, you can sit up front." Brittany yelled out to Quinn who happily ran to the passenger's side seat. Brittany and I got in the back, and I sort of realized 5 minutes into the drive, that we were back there just so that we could keep stealing glances at one another, like this was the first time we'd met. We made it back to their hotel, and Quinn got out of the car, I turned to say goodbye to Brittany but she was already looking at me. She kissed me quickly on cheek and slid out of the car waving as she left.

On the way back I stayed in the back, I knew Fran saw Brittany kiss me, but I didn't say anything about it.

+0+

I tugged on my pajama pants and sat down on the couch, Fran was just finishing up a text, and when she was done she walked over and sat down next to me. I looked at her and smiled, but then it faded too quickly. I forgot.

I never had to pretend with Fran. "What did you mean when you said you knew what it was? What did that mean?" I asked quietly.

"I just...I won't say it, because I know what it feels like to have someone tell you how you feel. How to feel. It's not okay, and I'm not going to do that to you." Fran promised. "But I saw the way you were, and I know you're different with her, I know she changes you."

"But I'm still me, I'm still here." She shook her head. I didn't know how to finish what I was saying so I asked her to continue, not with my words, with my eyes.

"You don't have to be afraid of feeling...spiders are scary, sharks are scary...but emotions, feelings, they aren't." Fran rested her hand on my shoulder. "And...I see the way you look at her-."

"That's not..." I stopped myself, what was I trying to say, what was I trying to defend? "You're right, feeling is easy, but with her I don't know how I feel. Sometimes it's right and sometimes it's wrong. What do I do about that?" I knew Fran didn't know everything, but she knew a lot. She could help me, maybe she could just tell me how to forget all about it, maybe she could tell me how to be okay again.

"I'm not going to tell you how to feel-."

"Well then help me. I told her I loved her." I stood up and ran my fingers through my hair. "Do you have any idea how crazy that makes me feel? Do you have any idea how hard this is?" Of course she didn't there was no point in asking.

"Kiss her, just once, show her, tell her, I know she means something to you, what are you afraid of? It isn't rejection, because you know she won't hurt you." Fran stood up and walked over next to me. I just kept staring out the window, running through scenarios in my mind. Nothing seemed right, nothing could be right.

"No, this scares me." I crossed my arms over my chest, I needed to cut myself off, what was I thinking earlier? Nothing about this was okay. I wasn't supposed to feel like this.

"You know the one person who's always been there for you. You know that Brittany is perfect in her own way." Fran began. "So don't you dare run away from that." She grabbed my hand and I pulled away quickly. "Who the hell taught you that loving is wrong?" It must have been the institution, it must have been that old woman who used to sit in the corner with no visitors for the whole summer. It was easy to see how people could love someone until they didn't or until they went crazy. "Tell me what Brittany is to you. Right now. Tell me." She demanded. That was the first time either one of us said Brittany's name since the conversation had started. "San, tell me-."

"She fucking means everything okay, so fucking what? So I'm supposed to just stop everything?" Fran just stared at me, she didn't know what to say. For once she was at a loss.

"What happened? What made you so jaded?" She asked.

"Life happened." I told her. "I just want to kiss her, because I know I need to be around her, I'm not stupid. But if I kiss her then I'll prove it." I looked down at my hands. "She's beautiful, everything about her is perfect."

"How long have you been in love with her?" Fran questioned.

"Forever I guess. I can't remember when it started." I opened the balcony door and walked out, Fran followed. It was going to rain I could feel it in the air. "I've never been with anyone. She's kissed me on the cheek, and we hold hands sometimes, but...I don't know what to do. How to approach it, how to speak about it."

"Walk up to her, grab the front of her shirt and kiss her." Fran said with a wink. I rolled my eyes and continued looking out towards the parking lot under us.

"That won't work." I told her.

"It will, I swear it will. Oh look at you, you're doing it! The little half smile Brittany was talking about. You're doing it right now." I tried to cover my mouth, but Fran pulled my hand away. "She was talking about you, did you know that?"

"Are you drunk?" I asked her.

"You two are both stupid, just kiss each other, jeez." I smiled because it felt okay to be okay about this. Maybe that would change when I saw Brittany tomorrow, but for now it was nice. "Does Quinn know?"

"No, how could she?" I questioned.

"So...I get it, you wanted to stay with me to keep yourself from wanting to kiss her." Fran said with a nod. "You wanna be any cuter?"

"I am not cute." I told her.

"Brittany sure thinks so." She said with a laugh.

"Shut up."

"Brittany and Sanni sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

A/N: Next chapter, more California, and more Brittany and Santana, much more. If you guys want to talk with me about the story, TV, life, anything just message me on my tumblr: bacon-lauren-tamsin. Review please.