AN: Just a short one to tide you over until next week. We're back to regular updates, minimum one chapter per week. If for any reason I'm missing a deadline, there will be some kind of notice. I'd never leave you all high a dry, you're like my children. My perverse, twisted children (I guess you take after me). Read on, dear fanwarriors. Merlin lives on through our fictional sodomy.
Arthur's Dream
I'm lying in a meadow, the grass is warm against my skin. He's lying facing me, his eyes heavy-lidded and sleepy. I reach out a hand to stroke his cheek.
Merlin's Dream
His hand is soft against my face, a lean into his touch. His eyes are fixed on mine again he leans forward to press his forehead against mine. "I'm so sorry."
Arthur's Dream
"What I did was worse than anything I've ever done. I'll never forgive myself. I..." He presses a thin finger against my lips.
Merlin's Dream
"I forgive you, Arthur. I forgive you for everything." I'm staring into his soul, his eyes are so beautiful it hurts. He gazes back into mine, his face mirroring mine. I am completely at peace.
Arthur's Dream
He forgives me. He's sees past the cruel deeds and torments, he sees me. I clasp his hand in mine; they lay between us, joining us together. Slowly, the colours dim until he's fading away and I drift back into consciousness.
Arthur's POV
It had been a while since Arthur had a nice dream, and Merlin forgiving him was definitely one of his best. He opened his eyes slowly, feeling the sleep harden as he blinked. I took several second of focusing before he could properly take in his surroundings. That was when he noticed a warm hand in his own. Shit.
Merlin's POV
A smile spread across his face as the dream slowly dissolved before his eyes. He was calm, genuinely happy. If only Arthur would ask for forgiveness. Merlin knew he would cave in a heartbeat. A small gasp beside him yanked him back to reality, his eyes shot open to reveal Arthur lying next to him. I'm holding his hand. Fuck fuck fuck. Why am I holding his hand? What am I doing? Then time froze. Merlin wasn't holding Arthur's hand; Arthur was holding Merlin's hand. His strong fist was clenched around Merlin's smaller, softer one. Their eyes met, and Arthur let go like it burned him. He shot out of bed and into the bathroom. Merlin heard the lock click shut. Well fuck.
Arthur's POV
When he finally left the bathroom, Merlin was already gone to breakfast. Good. Arthur couldn't face him now. Not after that. Why the hell was I holding his hand? That's creepy, Arthur. You don't hold someone's hand while they're asleep, especially not someone who hates you. Merlin forgiving you? Dream on, sunshine. Never in a million years. He got dressed and headed down to breakfast. He suddenly felt very alone. Funny how quickly these things can change.
Merlin's POV
The rest of them chatted away through breakfast, Merlin wasn't in the mood. He stayed quiet, lost in his own thoughts. It meant nothing. Nothing, you understand? Arthur Pendragon does not care about you. Arthur Pendragon thinks you're scum. He will never ask you to forgive him and you will never be his friend. You're like fire and ice. Accept it.
"You alright, Merlin?" Alice looked concerned, almost like she knew what she what had happened. She looked like she cared. Not that it was enough to make Merlin pour out his heart and soul about problems not even he could handle. He had enough scars, internal and external, as it was. Blades, bleach and betrayal make a person less than thrilled to trust other with their secrets. Merlin was no exception.
"I'm fine, really. Just... didn't sleep too well. I'm fine." Cenred stared at him through his eyelashes, evaluating him. Thank god for the first bell, the other boy look on the brink of continuing the questioning. First period double English was a lucky escape.
Arthur's POV
"Dude, you ok?" Leon had noticed how quiet he was being.
"I'm just tired bro, new place and all that." Now fuck off.
"You been out playing an early game of footie or something?" Valient's question confused him.
"...Why?"
"You've got grass-stains on your face, man. Haven't you looked in a mirror yet?" Arthur froze. How in the fuck?... He picked up a spoon and caught sight of his reflection. Grass-stains. How did I not see that? How are they even there? "Ah... was there a tangle out in the fields with a comely wench?" Valient was laughing now. Arthur's knee-jerk reaction kicked in.
"My girlfriend snuck in through the forest last night," he said, a leerish smirk on his face. Stupid stupid stupid. You haven't changed. You're still putting on a show. Arthur Pendragon; stud, rich-boy, and dickhead extraordinaire. Always the same. Elyan gave him a playful punch on the shoulder.
"Nice, bro! That Guinevere chick, right?"
"Yup, prettiest babe in Camelot." The pride in his voice was not fake, Gwen was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He just didn't love her, not like she loved him. Not like he loved Mer- stop it stop it stop it. Stop it right now. Don't even think that. What you're feeling mean nothing, NOTHING, you understand. You're pathetic.
"You're a lucky man," said Leon. Show's how much you know. Everything Arthur thought was bitter because inside he was screaming. He couldn't understand. How the hell were there grass-stains on his face? You weren't actually in the meadow, you idiot. The meadow isn't real. That was just you apologising to a figment of your imagination because you're too much of a pussy to do it in real life. Because you're afraid that he won't forgive you, you know he won't. You're a monster, and a pathetic one at that. When the bell rang he trudged away to Chemistry, hoping everyone just leave him alone. No such luck.
AN: Was that ok? Don't hesitate to let me know. I'll be here. Waiting. On tumblr. Waiting. Crying about Supernatural. Waiting. Praying, longing for affection. Waiting for you to remind me that someone actually reads this stuff. Au revoir.
