Smashbound
Chapter 8: Start of the Newer Times, Part 2
(AND SO, CLAUS AND NINTEN HAVE BEGUN THEIR QUEST TO SLAY WHATEVER EVIL MONSTER IS LURKING IN THE DARK PARTS OF THE SMASH MANSION)
Ninten: So uh, where are the dark parts of the mansion? Are we in them already?
Claus: Maybe he meant the basement.
Voice: M-M-Mariooooooo?!
Claus: … What the heck?
Voice: M-Mario?
Ninten: I think it's Luigi.
(Luigi turns around the corner in the hallway with his flashlight and jumps at the sight of the two of them)
Luigi: M-M-MAMA MIAAAA!
Claus: Hey. Chill the frick out.
Luigi: EUHHAAUUUUUUUUAAA! (runs away)
(Ninten and Claus are silent)
Ninten: … Let's follow him.
Claus: Why.
Ninten: What would Luigi be doing down here? This is Luigi we're talking about! Who knows, maybe Mario heard about the evil monster too and was trying to find it, and was missing for too long so Luigi came after him. Just a guess, though.
Claus: Dude, the cardboard box ninja said that nobody believed him.
Ninten: BUT! You realize that he must have been hiding for a while. Evidence might have spread already! Or maybe Mario was looking for the secret dungeon they were talking about in the last chapter for some reason.
(Claus rolls his eyes)
Ninten: Don't roll your eyes at me!
(Because the hallway splits left and right, and Luigi came from the right and ran to their left, they assume that there is no monster on the right, because Luigi didn't run out screaming)
Luigi: MAAAAARIIIIOOOOO!
Claus: Why did we have to go this way?
Ninten: Clausy, we just went over this. (looks around) Ooh! What's that?
Claus: What's what?
Ninten: There's a conspicuous button on the wall!
(Claus looks over where Ninten is pointing, and sure enough, there's a conspicuous button on the wall)
Claus: That looks extremely suspicious.
(Ninten goes over and presses the button anyway. The wall opens up next to it, revealing an elevator)
Ninten: Sweeeet.
Claus: Okay, that's even more suspicious. What if it gets stuck?
Ninten: Then we get stuck in an elevator together. Lulz…
Claus: You have a very strange sense of humor.
Ninten: LET'S GO! (drags him into the elevator)
(The elevator only has one button to go somewhere, indicating it's only set up to go there. Fortunately for Claus, the elevator does not get stuck. It goes down about four floors and then the doors open, revealing a smaller hall with no windows, and it's dark enough that they can hardly see anything)
Claus: Holy frick. Why is the Smash Mansion even this big if they're not going to use all of it?
Ninten: I can almost hear the ambience here.
Claus: Is this… what the cardboard box ninja meant? The darker parts of the mansion?
Ninten: Clausy, calling him that just seems out of character for you.
Claus: What else am I supposed to call him?
Ninten: I dunno.
(They hear a faint, deep growl from far away, that echoes through the hallway)
Ninten: OH GEEZ! (clings to Claus)
Claus: Ninten, how can you even be scared of that? What happened to the whole you being a protagonist thing?
Ninten: I'm easily frightened…
Claus: Then why did you drag us down here?
Ninten: How was I supposed to know it would be horror movie atmosphere?
Claus: Because it was called the 'darker parts' of the Smash Mansion and the elevator was hidden in a wall in an already dark hallway and we're searching for a fricking monster?
Ninten: Mehhhh…
(Ninten shines the flashlight around the dark hallway. Cobwebs and dust are absolutely everywhere, and there are currently no other doors in sight. The hallways upstairs were much bigger and being nicer-looking, having high ceilings and tall windows, but this looks nothing like it)
Ninten: So uh… I guess we should just… walk somewhere…?
(MEANWHIIIIIIILE…)
Paula: OMG NESS, WE HAVE SO MUCH CATCHING UP TO DO. LET'S GO OUT TO DINNER TOGETHER RIGHT HERE AND NOW!
Ness: Paula, that's not… really…
Paula: Oh are you like broke or something? Well I don't have enough money to pay for both of us so maybe not. SO WE CAN JUST TALK NOW! How has your life been? Who are all of your friends now? What do I have to organize to move in?
Ness: help me
(meanwhile again)
Lucas: Master Hand, an annoying girl broke into the mansion.
Master Hand: Why are there so many people breaking into the mansion lately?
Lucas: I blame it on the internet. Anyway, we need to get rid of her as quickly as possible, and don't even consider letting her stay. Nobody wants her to.
Master Hand: Who is this girl…?
Lucas: Character from Ness's game. Paula. She's a twelve year-old who's under the delusion that she's his girlfriend or something like that. And Ness really doesn't feel comfortable with her presence.
Master Hand: Why are you telling me about this directly, and not the security guards?
Lucas: The security guards are too sympathetic.
Master Hand: Well, I-
(Suddenly, one of the security guards enters the office)
Security Guard: HOLD IT! This boy was just talking to Ness and told him that he was on his own! Why are you suddenly now caring about the matter, well Lucas?
Lucas: I did that on purpose. It's so I can make it look like I alerted security when I left, and Ness doesn't have anything to do with her getting kicked out.
Security Guard: What was the reason behind what you told him, if you were going to call security anyway? Couldn't you have just told him that you were going to call security to take her blame away from him?
Lucas: So he thinks the situation is serious and doesn't screw up. It'll be easier if the girl is completely sure that I have everything to do with it.
Master Hand: Mr. Wright, please get back the cameras. This isn't your business.
(The security guard frowns and drags himself out the door)
Lucas: ANYWAY can you just send security guards to Ness's room right now because they should still be there, and I'll just stand there dramatically in the background and flaunt the fact that it was me who did it. Don't ask for my reasons, just send the guards.
(SCENE TRANSITION)
Paula: BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
Ness: whyyyyy
(Suddenly they hear loud knocking)
Ness: What the heck?
(Ness opens the door to see security guards)
Ness: … Huh?
Security Guard 1: We heard something about a young girl who broke into the mansion?
Paula: Noooo! Why didn't you hide me, Ness?!
Ness: (totally calm) How was I supposed to know it would be security guards?
Security Guard 2: Hate to break it to you, but we've been told to take this girl outside. She hasn't been given any permissions to stay.
Paula: No! You can't! I just got here! Tell them, Ness! TELL THEM!
Ness: Uh, Paula, I tried to tell you. You can't just walk in. And… I don't really wanna break what's set as rules. That could have bad consequences.
Paula: NOOOO! NOT EVEN FOR OUR LOVE?!
(Lucas walks up between the two guards)
Lucas: You need to move on already.
Ness: Lucas?! When did you…
Paula: AH HA! I SEE! YOU GUYS WERE TALKING ABOUT THIS OUTSIDE THE DOOR!
Ness: Actually, no we weren't-
Paula: YES YOU WERE! YOU TRAITOR! LIAR! HORRIBLE HUMAN BEING!
Lucas: He's actually telling the truth. This is my way of saying back off.
Paula: Why would you care about that?! His love life doesn't involve you!
Lucas: Well, firstly, you're a little girl trapped in your own fantasies that never existed, and secondly… (leans up) It does.
Paula: What's that supposed to mean?! Ness, what's going on?!
Ness: Well… I didn't call the guards, but you and I… never actually officially were in any kind of relationship. Ever.
Paula: W-what?! But… I…
(The guards take Paula's arms and start guiding her out of the room)
Paula: HEY! LEMME GO! I'M NOT FINISHED HERE! Ness, but… how?! We were so close! Weren't we?!
Ness: People change and learn things, Paula. And, you know, I never actually agreed to it. Listen, I don't… hate you, but it was never like that.
Paula: B-but… Ness… WAAAAAAAH! (sobs obnoxiously)
Lucas: Ugh. (covers ears) Get her out of here already.
(The security guards take her away)
Ness: I officially feel like a horrible person.
Lucas: Hey, you said we needed to be said.
Ness: Oh yeah, dude, what the heck? I thought you ditched me earlier!
Lucas: It was a matter of making sure you didn't get blamed.
Ness: Really?
Lucas: Yes really.
Ness: But she's still going to come back for vengeance, isn't she?
Lucas: Who cares.
Ness: Well, uh, anyway, thanks I guess?
Lucas: Hey. I'm still kinda pissed off from her showing up and clinging to you. Thank me properly. And… know what I mean by properly.
Ness: Oh, that's what this is about. Heheh~
Lucas: (blushes) Don't laugh at me…
(OH YEAH NINTEN AND CLAUS WERE HAVING AN ADVENTURE TOO…)
Claus: Why the heck didn't we leave any mark of where the elevator is? We're definitely going to get lost down here.
Ninten: What? You can't like, search for the elevator with your magic eye?
Claus: Ninten, it's mechanical. It's science. So it's not magic because it's logic.
Ninten: Sooooo…?
Claus: Your statement was just incorrect. Anyway, I could search for it if we weren't that far away. I think we're still in a reasonable distance, but soon enough, we'll be too far for me to locate it. And if this place ends up being a maze, that won't end well at all.
Ninten: Huh… Well, we've only taken one turn so far, so at every intersection, we'll just make a left turn so it's easier to know how to get back. Hopefully.
(Suddenly, they hear another growl echo through the halls, the growl being a bit louder than the first one they heard. Ninten shivers)
Ninten: I don't like this…
Claus: You're the one who dragged us down here.
Ninten: But we told the cardboard box ninja that we would destroy the monster!
Claus: Actually… no we didn't. He told us about it, and you said we were going to destroy it.
Ninten: I did? Oh. Well then, I guess we have to.
Claus: We can still leave.
Ninten: No! I refuse! I may not be enjoying this but it will be worth it!
Claus: You're a weirdo…
(Two minutes later)
Claus: What's up with this hallway anyway? There still haven't been any doors.
Ninten: Wait, what's that?
Claus: What's what?
(Ninten starts running forward, so Claus runs up behind him. Right in front of them, they're in a fairly large room… fairly as in, quite large. The ceiling has gotten higher than it was in the hallways upstairs, and there is some old, dusty furniture here and there around the room. The walls have some tall windows missing lots of glass, but they are completely dark… because, you know, they're underground)
Claus: Why are there windows underground?
Ninten: Creepy… do you think this is some kind of bomb shelter they forgot about?
Claus: Ninten. There are windows. Like I said.
Ninten: There are?
(Ninten shines his flashlight around to see the windows)
Ninten: How did you know those were there?
Claus: Oh, right… I have a night vision setting through my mechanical eye too. But it doesn't work unless I close my other eye.
Ninten: Oh come on. That's not even fair.
Claus: Being part robot has pros and cons.
(They look around some more, and soon discover a staircase with a label next to it saying "rooms", and even an entranceway… Of course, the door couldn't be opened)
Ninten: Hey… do you think this place used to be above ground?
Claus: Maybe. No idea how, though.
Ninten: And since it's under the Smash Mansion… do you think it's an old version of it?
Claus: Could be.
(All of a sudden, they hear a very loud growl. The growl is close. In the same room, actually. Ninten and Claus immediately duck down behind a couch)
Ninten: (whispering) Oh frick. It's in the same room. It's in the same room!
Claus: (whispering) Calm down. It's not like you've never faced anything before.
Ninten: (whispering) Yeah… uh… see, I don't actually… have any offensive PSI attacks.
Claus: (whispering) Are you kidding me?! Why do you bring this up now?!
Ninten: (whispering) You have a cannon arm!
(The growling starts getting closer and closer to them)
Ninten: (whispering) I hate horror build-ups so much. Why are we hiding? Can't we just jump out and attack it?
Claus: Good point.
(Claus takes his lightning sword out of his inside coat pocket, opens his mechanical wings and flies out)
Ninten: Wait- Hey!
Claus: WHAT THE ACTUAL FRICK IS THAT
(Ninten peeks up from behind the couch. In the center of the room, a short distance away, is a giant red-eyed Goomba with what appears to be shark teeth)
Ninten: … What.
Claus: Is that supposed to be the monster?!
Goomba: RAAAAWWWWWR!
Claus: Whatever. I'm killing it!
Ninten: It probably has a lot of HP though!
(Claus shoots a PK Thunder at the Goomba. It falls over, twitching from the shock, and before it even stops, Claus shoots PK Love Omega at it too. It doesn't move anymore after that, and then it explodes into purple smoke)
(Claus and Ninten got experience points!)
Claus: Hey! You didn't even do anything in the battle!
Ninten: I was here.
Claus: (lands) Why the heck did it explode though?
Ninten: Enemies explode in Zelda. How did you kill it so fast?
Claus: I'm high-leveled. And it was pretty weak anyway.
Ninten: Are you sure that was the monster…? I was expecting something a bit more… dramatic.
Claus: It was a pretty big Goomba. Probably just all show and no strength. Come on, let's just go back to the elevator. We took all left turns, right?
(Fortunately, Ninten's statement was not foreshadowing for a more threatening monster to appear, and they actually made it back to the elevator just fine)
Ninten: I think all of my nightmares from now on are gonna take place in this basement.
(They go into the elevator and set it to go back up. The ride up is completely silent… well, until the elevator stops abruptly)
Claus: What the? What's going on?
Random Robotic Voice: There's been an error in the elevation system. Please keep calm, we will try to fix it as quickly as possible. This could take a few minutes.
Claus: Are you KIDDING ME?!
Ninten: Well then.
Claus: NO! I'M NOT WAITING!
(Claus flies up to the emergency exit door on the top of the elevator and opens it)
Claus: Take that, stupid elevator!
(He quickly picks up Ninten and flies all the way up to the door that would open)
Ninten: HOLY CRUD
Claus: NOW OPEN!
(He blasts open the wall that would be blocking the elevator and flies through before putting Ninten down)
Ninten: Well that was pretty frightening.
Claus: I don't take crap from elevators.
Ninten: Let's just… get back to a familiar area.
Claus: Good plan.
