Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews! Merry Christmas everyone!

Chapter 8

Johanna felt relaxed that evening as she sat in an ice cream parlor with Katie. Their dinner at a more upscale pizza place had felt fancy and fun. The show at Radio City had been entertaining and just what they had needed. Katie had been enthralled and enjoyed every second; talking about it nonstop ever since the end of the program.

"Mommy, how do those ladies kick so high?" Katie asked as she scooped up a bite of her vanilla ice cream that was topped with Christmas sprinkles.

"They practice a lot and work really hard to learn all of their dances," Johanna replied. "They make it look easy but they work really hard."

"Can you kick high like they do?" her daughter asked.

She smiled as she picked up a spoonful of her ice cream. "A long time ago, when I was a cheerleader in school, I could kick pretty high."

Katie smiled. "Show me!"

"Not here," Johanna laughed. "Maybe at home…but I'm probably not as good as I used to be."

"You can do it, Mommy," Katie said as she took another bite of her ice cream.

"We'll see," she said with a soft laugh. "Are you excited to be in the Christmas pageant?"

"Uh huh. I want to sing Christmas songs with Claire."

"Grandma will help you learn your songs tomorrow."

Katie nodded. "Me and Grandma are going to make cookies."

"I bet Grandma will have a lot of baking for you to help with this week."

"When are we going to make cookies at our house?" she asked.

Johanna thought about it for a moment. "It'll probably have to be Thursday or Friday evening, sweetie. Wednesday we have to go see Grammy's gingerbread house in the contest and I'm not sure what we're doing tomorrow; I know Grandpa and Grandma might come visit and see your snowman."

"I hope so," Katie said. "I want Grandpa to see my snowman."

"I bet Nona will be at Grandma's by the end of the week," Johanna remarked. "I think Grandpa might go pick her up Thursday which means she'll be there when you go to Grandma's Friday."

"I love Nona!" Katie said happily. "Will she bring 'scotti?"

She laughed softly. "I know you love Nona, I do too; she's my grandma and your great grandma. I don't know if she's going to bring the biscotti with her or if she'll make it at Grandma's, we'll have to wait and see."

"I like Nona's 'scotti."

"I'm sure Nona will make sure you get your own little box of biscotti."

"Will Grandma Lilly be at Grammy's house?" Katie asked.

"I don't know if Grandma Lilly is going to be at Grammy's on Christmas or not; she might go to Daddy's Aunt Linda's house; if she does, we'll go see her the next day so we can give her her presents, okay?"

"Okay…but I hope she comes to Grammy's house."

"Me too," Johanna replied. "Are you finished your ice cream?"

"I got some more bites left."

"Okay; finish up and maybe we'll look in some of the stores next door before we go home."

Katie glanced at her. "I don't have to go to bed now?"

Johanna laughed. "Not yet; you're allowed to stay up a little later on girls night, silly."

"I like girls night!" her daughter declared.

"Me too," she smiled. "Finish your ice cream, sweetheart."

They polished off their ice cream and put their coats on once more and headed back outside; colorful Christmas lights illuminating the store windows near the ice cream parlor. "Look, Mommy," Katie said, pointing to a window as she pulled Johanna with her. "Look at those elephants."

"I see them, they're cute," Johanna said as she looked at the glass elephants her daughter had spotted in the window of a thrift shop.

"That big one in front of the line must be the daddy," Katie said; "And there's the mommy and then the baby ones."

"That's right," she told her; "They're a family; just like you and me and Daddy are a family."

"I like that elephant family; they're pretty," her daughter said. "We should take them home."

"Well…you know, I need some things for my office because it's not decorated yet," Johanna remarked.

Katie glanced up at her. "You could put them on your desk!"

"I could put them on my desk," she agreed; "And then when I look at them, I'll think about how they're a family and we're a family."

"Let's go get them!"

"Alright," she laughed as turned her toward the door; "Let's go buy them and maybe we can find some more things for my office in there too."

They entered the shop and Johanna picked up the elephants from their spot in the window and took them to the counter and asked the man to hold them for her. "Last minute Christmas shopping?" the man asked kindly as he sat the elephants aside.

"No," Johanna replied; "I managed to get that all done."

"Mommy needs to decorate her office," Katie supplied.

The man smiled at her kindly. "I see; well hopefully you'll find some things you'll like. Are you going to decorate for your mommy?"

"Yep, I'm good at it."

He laughed as he glanced at Johanna. "I guess you're in good hands, but if you need anything, let me know."

"I will, thank you," she replied.

They drifted around the store looking at various objects until Katie spotted another small glass elephant. "Mommy, you need this elephant too; we can't leave her here, she'll miss her friends."

Johanna smiled, running a hand over Katie's head. "We wouldn't want her to be sad," she said as she picked up the elephant. "We'll take her home too."

"Mommy, can I come to your office and help you decorate?"

She mentally reviewed her schedule in her head. "Yeah; I'll come get you from Grandma's on Friday at lunch time and you can come help me at my office, okay?"

"Okay."

"There's something else you can do for me too," Johanna told her.

"What?"

"You can draw me some pictures this week while you're at Grandma's or Grammy's and I'll hang them in my office."

"I can do that!" Katie told her.

"I knew I could count on you," Johanna said, spying a pretty rug on the floor off to the side of the store. It was fashioned like an oriental rug but was white with rose colored designs through it. It would like nice in her office and would add some softness, she thought to herself. "Come to the counter with me, sweetie, I was to ask about this rug."

By the time they were finished browsing in the store, Johanna had a box containing the elephants, a few other knickknacks, an artificial flower arrangement and a small framed piece of artwork; along with rug she had fallen in love with and a small rug that matched it. It was a good start at making her office more homelike she thought as she paid for the items and accepted the man's offer to carry the rugs to the car for her so she could keep hold of Katie's hand while balancing the box in her other arm.

They drifted into a few other stores, finding a few things to add to her stash for the office and Katie found a few old Christmas storybooks that Johanna was sure that she had during her childhood. After the third store, she noticed her daughter trying to hide a yawn. "I think it's time for us to head home, Katie bug."

"Why?" Katie asked.

"Because I'm getting tired and I bet you are too…and I have to work tomorrow and you got things to do with Grandma so we better go home and put our pajamas on and get ready for bed."

"Do I still get a story?" her daughter asked as they headed back to the car.

"Yes, sweetheart; you still get a bedtime story…maybe two if you're still awake after the first one."

"Okay; let's go home, Mommy."

"I'm glad we came to an agreement," Johanna laughed while unlocking the car. "We'll have girls night again."

"I hope so, I like it. Do you think Daddy will call us?"

"I don't know, Baby. If he doesn't, he'll call you tomorrow," Johanna told her as she helped her into the car, hoping that the evening they'd had would keep Katie from dwelling on her father.


Jim sat at a table in a barroom, his mood foul and his temper on the rise as he clutched his glass of whiskey.

"I'm sure they're fine, Jim," Zach commented after taking a sip of his scotch.

"It's after eight in New York," he stated. "Katie should be getting ready for bed. I don't see Johanna having her out this close to bedtime."

"Just because you don't see it doesn't mean they aren't out. It's Christmastime, maybe they went to do some holiday themed activity."

"No, she's probably just not answering on purpose," Jim spat before picking up his glass and taking a sip. "I know her; every once in awhile she likes to play games…and then she wonders why I don't mind being away from home."

"I don't think Johanna would be letting the phone ring if she's trying to get Katie settled for the night; besides, I'm sure Katie probably waits on your calls."

He scoffed. "Only so she can mimic her mother by saying "when are you coming home?'."

Zach rubbed his hand against the stubble forming on his cheek. "You're not the only one getting that question. Claudia asks at least twice per phone call; plus Matthew asks…and I'm sure if the baby could talk, he'd ask too. Claudia's ready to have a fit."

"Tell her to go start a club with Johanna," Jim said bitterly. "They can gripe together. Even when Johanna doesn't ask; I can feel her thinking it."

Zach gave a short laugh. "Claudia will gripe to anyone who will listen, from her mother down to the lady running the register in the check out."

"They act like we delayed this case on purpose just to annoy them…like listening to them bitch is the highlight of our lives."

"That's because they're afraid we're having fun after work without them," his friend replied. "You know how they hate for us to have a good time that doesn't involve them."

"That's the truth," Jim remarked. "My wife seems to think I should just bask in her existence and have no life of my own."

Zach laughed. "Well, you wanted her."

"Yeah; I know. I don't know why she wants me home so badly; I mean she claims I don't do anything so why do I need to be there? According to her, she does it all. Plus she has Katie, she has plenty to do playing mother of the year to her."

His friend chuckled lightly. "Maybe she gets bored after putting Katie to bed…then she needs you around to occupy her."

"That would be alright if it was just the fun kind but you know women, they have to talk you to death first."

"That's the truth," Zach said with a nod. "Sometimes I'm not even sure Claudia takes a breath between topics."

"Do any of them?" Jim asked.

"It doesn't seem like it."

"Johanna acts like I'm staying in Chicago to make her life difficult…I don't know what the hell is so hard for her about me being away. She's sleeping in her own bed, eating her own food; she's got a car and can go where she wants. She's got a light case load right now. So what does she have to complain about?"

"Oh you know women, Jim," Zach remarked. "They always find something to complain about. Even when there's nothing, they find something."

He nodded. "You got that right. I swear, everything I say to her lately she starts crying."

"Maybe she's hormonal."

"If that's the case, it's lasting longer than usual."

"Pregnant?" Zach suggested.

Jim shook his head. "No; she wouldn't keep that a secret; she'd use that to get me to throw my career under the bus and come home."

"Good point."

"She's just…clingy sometimes. I know I've been gone all month so far but she acts like I've been gone for a year."

"Claudia acts like I've been sent off to war."

Jim took a sip of his drink. "They really should start a club."

"Maybe they should live together when we travel."

"No; then they'd really drive us crazy," Jim remarked. "They'd prepare for the calls; tag teaming who gets to ask what…no…we don't need that."

"You're right, we've got enough problems."

"Why did we ever get married?" Jim mused aloud.

"They lured us," Zach replied. "We were promised home cooked meals, convenient sex and laundry service…we fell into the trap."

Jim nodded. "They left out the part about being nagged about everything."

"Of course; we wouldn't have jumped in the net if we knew about the nagging."

"True…it's been somewhat nice to get away," he replied. "I can hear myself think. I don't have to take care of anyone. I don't have to listen to anyone. I don't have to answer to anyone…"

"At least until you call home," Zach laughed.

"Yeah…that's why I skip it sometimes. I get tired of hearing it."

"You sound like you're fed up with being married, Jim."

"Aren't you?"

Zach shrugged. "Once in awhile…but you sound like you're gearing up for the divorce."

He shook his head. "I don't want a divorce…I just don't want her to make a big deal out of everything. She has to get used to this…and be a little less clingy and needy."

"That's hard for women to do."

"I've noticed," Jim remarked as he finished his drink in one gulp. He fished another quarter from his pocket and rose from the table.

"Where are you going?" Zach asked.

"To call my wife."

"She's not home."

"Well she better get home…or get sick of hearing the phone ring and answer the damn thing."

Zach shook his head a little as he watched his friend move across the bar to the payphone. He sipped his drink, watching as Jim dialed and then waited, his features contorting with annoyance as moments passed. Finally he slammed the phone down and stalked to the bar, ordering another drink and accepting it before returning to the table.

"Still no answer?"

"No," he said sharply. "I don't know what the hell she's doing. I'd call my mother and ask what she knows but I don't want to listen to her gripes either."

"Yeah; mother gripes are even worse than wife gripes."

Jim took a drink and then smacked his hand against the table. "Where the hell is she? They should be home! She knows I don't like for them to be out in the dark on their own. What the hell is she doing?"

"I'm sure they're fine," Zach said for what he felt was the hundredth time. For a man who was somewhat tired of marriage, he sure did want to know his wife's whereabouts and what she was doing.

"She's going to answer that damn phone," Jim stated; "Even if I have to call her at two o'clock in the morning, she's going to answer that phone and tell me where the hell she's been all night."

"Sounds like a plan," his friend replied; "Now try to relax; it'll be fine."

Jim frowned as he looked down at the contents of his glass; it didn't feel that way to him.


The phone rang as Johanna pulled back the covers on Katie's bed. "Pick out your storybook and climb in bed, sweetheart; I'll be back as soon as I get the phone," she told her daughter.

"Okay, Mommy," Katie said as she moved toward her small bookcase that was packed full of storybooks.

Johanna hurried across the hallway to her bedroom and grabbed the phone from the nightstand. "Hello?"

"Where the hell have you been all night?" Jim asked angrily.

"What?" she asked, taken aback by his tone.

"You heard me, where the hell have you been? I've been calling for hours!"

"Is something wrong?" Johanna asked, a slight feeling of panic in her stomach. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine; I was just calling to talk to you and Katie like always," he retorted; "Now where the hell were you?"

She sighed softly. "I took Katie out to dinner and then we went to see the Rockettes Christmas Spectacular. After that we went and got ice cream and then looked around in a few shops near the ice cream parlor."

"Do you think it's wise to be out all damn night when you have to work tomorrow and she's got to be with her grandmother? She's up past her bedtime and she'll be cranky for my mother and then she'll bitch and you'll be pissed about it."

"I've been out late on work nights before," she retorted; "You should know that since I've been known to stay out with you half the night…or stay up half the night at home with you. I'm fine. Katie will be fine too and she'll be with my mother tomorrow…"

"Why?" he said, interrupting her.

"Because she was with Elizabeth today; they traded days so she could help your mother make her gingerbread house for the contest she's entering. If Katie's tired in the morning, she can take a nap at Mom's; it's not a big deal."

"You know I don't like for the two of you to be out at night by yourselves!" he exclaimed. "How many times do I have to tell you that it's not safe?"

"It's not like we walked," she retorted. "I drove us to dinner. I drove us to the show…"

"Yeah; and I just bet you were parked real close."

"Close enough," she snapped. "I carried Katie to the door so she wouldn't get stepped on in the crowd on the sidewalk. After the show, I drove us to get ice cream, and yes, I was parked very close there, in a well lit area. I'm not stupid, I've lived in this city all my life; I'm capable of going out with my child in the evening. We're fine. We just wanted to go out and have some fun."

"You didn't mention these plans to me."

"Well, number one, I don't recall you asking. Number two, we didn't talk last night; and number three, they were last minute plans. I just got the tickets today."

"Did you ever think maybe going to that show is something we should've done as a family?" Jim asked.

"No, I didn't consider that seeing as how you're not here to go do family things with us. What are we supposed to do, stay locked in the house until you come home? We had the chance to go tonight and we took it."

"I bet you paid enough for the tickets."

"I didn't pay anything for them. Cathy won them in a contest and gave them to me because she had already seen the show this season."

"Boy, you and Mark and Cathy sure are chummy, aren't you?" Jim stated, his tone tart.

"What are you implying, Jim? I've always been friends with them; so have you. Now if you're trying to accuse me of wrongdoing, you better just spell it out."

He scoffed. "It must be nice to be so chummy with the boss; you get free tickets, take off work when you want, long lunch breaks, leave early. It must be real nice…it makes me wonder what you're doing in gratitude for these favors."

"How dare you," she seethed. "How dare you act like I'm doing something wrong?! The only thing I do is my job! I go to work every day; I have the days between Christmas and New Year's off, but I've been there every day since the beginning of September. I don't leave early all the time; I left early the other day because I hadn't taken a lunch break in over a week, so technically, I already worked those hours."

"You left early today too."

"Oh, you've been talking to Sharon," Johanna stated. "Well did the bitch tell you that I only left an hour early and that I did not ask for the privilege, it was given to me by Cathy because she had given me the tickets for tonight's show."

"No, I was talking to Phil, and I didn't hear anything about any tickets or show."

"Of course not, it makes a better story if they leave out details; well let me tell you something that you can tell your little flunky the next time you talk to him; if Sharon doesn't keep her nose out of my business and keeps spreading her little tales of half truths, she's going to be out of a job come January because I'm sick of it. So you make sure you share that little piece of information."

"I hear you don't want Katie at their house."

"Did they tell you why?"

"No."

"I told Sharon I didn't want her over there while you were away because she can't keep her mouth shut about you. She already had Katie in tears over the weekend by telling her that you're not coming home for Christmas…and you know what, maybe I should start wondering why Sharon is so keen to be your little spy. Is there something going on I should know about?"

"Don't even go there!" he yelled in her ear. "I wouldn't take her if someone paid me too; why would you even think that!?"

Johanna scoffed. "What's the matter, Jim; don't like being unfairly accused? Neither do I; how do you like it?"

"I don't like it; I've never given you a reason to insinuate that kind of thing!"

"Neither have I!" she yelled back; "Now do you want to lecture me about saying I don't want Katie at Sharon's right now?"

"No, I don't want her going there if they're going to upset her but maybe you could've made that feeling clear in a different way."

"I don't kiss asses, Jim."

"Where were you on your lunch break today? I hear it was a long one," he stated, ignoring her comment.

"I was with my father and Sharon knows it; and you can call and ask him. I was helping him pick out gifts for my mother and then we had lunch; and just so you know, tomorrow I'll be with my father on my lunch break too; I'll be at his office wrapping my mother's gifts if you'd care to call there and verify my whereabouts. In fact, please do, I'm sure he'd like that."

"I know you were with your father, I just wanted to see what you'd say."

"Yeah; I want to see what you say when I plug up your little well of information."

"If you're not doing anything wrong, why get pissed off that someone tells me your business?" Jim asked.

"I get pissed off because Sharon embellishes things or leaves things out and then you act like I've done something wrong. Who did you eat lunch with today?"

"Zach and Steve," he said sharply. "Why?"

"Can anyone who isn't your flunky verify that? I mean how do I know you all haven't picked up a pack of bimbos to make your holiday away from home merry and bright?"

"You know that's not true!"

"If you don't want me to accuse you, then don't you accuse me…because I often find that when the husband makes irrational accusations it's because of his own guilty conscience, so you keep that in mind, jackass."

"I will; and if you're going to be out half the damn night with my kid I want to know about it!"

A commotion in the background caught her attention, halting the words she had been about to say. "Where the hell are you?" she asked; having a feeling she knew.

"In a bar; and don't even start your lecture because I don't want to hear it."

"You lecture me about having 'our' child out this evening and yet you're calling us from a bar…you lecture me about being out with our child when I have to work in the morning and yet you're in a bar drinking even though you have to work tomorrow? Yeah, you're a good one to be judging people."

"I told you I don't want to hear it," he retorted. "Let me talk to Katie."

Johanna said nothing, listening as Jim was instructed to put more coins in the phone to continue his call. "I hope that doesn't eat into your cash for drinks," she stated.

"Put Katie on the phone."

She made her way to her daughter's bedroom, seeing that Katie was in her bed, looking at the pictures in her storybook. "Here, Katie; it's Daddy."

Her daughter smiled and took the phone. "Hi, Daddy!"

"Hi, Katie," Jim said, his tone still somewhat gruff. "What are you doing?"

"Looking at my storybook."

"It's past your bedtime, do you know that?" he asked.

"Uh huh, but Mommy said it's okay cause it was girls night. We saw the Rockettes, Daddy!"

"Did you?" he asked.

"Yeah; it was fun. I wish you coulda went with us."

"I wouldn't have been allowed if it was girls night," he remarked.

"We would have let you come even though you're a boy," his daughter replied. "We got to eat out; I got my own little pizza and Mommy got pasta. We got ice cream too."

"That sounds nice," he told her.

"We got stuff for Mommy's office too; we're going to make it pretty. I'm going to make her some pictures tomorrow. I'll make a picture for you too, Daddy."

"I'd like that," he told her. "I'll hang it up in my office when I get back."

"Are you coming home tomorrow?" Katie asked.

"No," he said with a heavy sigh.

"Why not?" she asked sadly.

"Because I'm still working."

"I want you to come home!" Katie whined. "I don't want you to be far away anymore. Come home now!"

"Hey, Katie," Jim said sharply; "I'm going to tell you like I tell your mother, I'll be home when I'm finished my job and not a minute sooner. I have to work; I have to pay the bills and buy you the things you need. I can't just stop because you want me to come home and play with you; that's not how it works."

"But I want you to come home," she said, tears forming in her eyes.

"I'll come home when I'm done. Unlike your mother, I don't have the luxury of picking my hours and walking out of work whenever I feel like it. I'm going to be away from home at times, Katie; and you and your mother are going to have to get used to it and get over it. I can't be there all the damn time."

The tears spilled down cheeks, a small sob breaking free. "I just want you to come home, I miss you," she cried.

"And I told you I can't," he said gruffly. "You're just like your mother, you think if you cry and whine enough you'll get your way."

"Mommy," Katie cried, thrusting the phone away from her.

Johanna had heard her husband's words and her blood was boiling. "It's alright, honey," she soothed as she took the phone. "I'll take care of it."

"Daddy's being mean," she sobbed.

"I know, baby. I'll be right back, okay? Will you be fine?"

Her daughter nodded and Johanna stalked from the room, the phone gripped in her hand. "What the hell is wrong with you?" she seethed as she closed her bedroom door once she was inside.

"I only told her the truth, Johanna. I can't just drop things at her whim or yours."

"No one asked you to, you jerk. How could you do that to her! She's a little girl, she doesn't understand why you have to travel; it's new to her. You could've explained it to her without being an ass; but no, you have to be the biggest jackass on the planet!"

"She needs to know how things are," he retorted; "She's old enough to learn. You like to sugar coat everything to keep her babified."

"She is a baby, your baby! And I swear to God if you ever treat her like that again, you'll live to regret it. She loves you, she misses you, she doesn't understand; but all you care about is yourself and how you don't want to hear it, how you need a break and whatever else your sob story is. Well I need a break too; only I need it from your attitude problem. We had a nice time tonight and now you've ruined it for both of us; because you had to be a bastard; now she's in tears and I'm so angry that I swear to God if you were in front of me, I'd punch you right in the face for being a prick. Now that you've called and done all your bitching and ruined our evening, why don't you go crawl back into your bottle and let it keep you warm tonight; and don't call here from a bar again…in fact, if you're going to act like this every time you ring the phone, then don't call at all. Now you go drown in your booze and have a real nice evening, you jackass; and don't even think of calling back because I'm not answering," she stated before ending the call and throwing the phone on the bed.

She made her way back across the hallway and into Katie's room, getting into bed next to her and drawing her close as she cried on her bunny. "It's alright, baby," she soothed. "I've got you."

"Daddy doesn't like us anymore," her daughter cried.

"That's not true. Your daddy loves you; he's just not a happy person right now, Katie."

"Did I make him sad?"

"No, honey; his job is making him unhappy and he doesn't want to admit it. That's why he's being mean to us. I'm sorry that he was mean tonight; if I had known that he was going to be that way to you, I wouldn't have let him talk to you. I'm sorry."

"Daddy should be sorry," she sniffed.

"You're right, he should be. Hopefully the next time he calls you, he'll apologize for hurting your feelings and making you cry."

"How long is Daddy going to be unhappy?" Katie asked.

"I don't know," she murmured. "I hope it won't too much longer…but I think it would be best if we don't ask him when he's coming home. It upsets him for some reason so we're not going to ask anymore, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy."

Johanna pressed a kiss against her head. "It'll be okay…no matter what, everything will be okay," she told her. "Let's read some stories and try to forget about that phone call, okay?"

Katie looked up at her with tearful eyes. "Will you stay with me, Mommy?"

Her daughter's heart had been wounded and she needed to cling to her for comfort, Johanna thought to herself. It was a feeling she knew all too well. "Get your bunny and pick out a few more books, we'll go get in my bed, it's bigger," she told her.

"I can sleep with you all night?" her daughter asked.

"Yes, baby; you can stay with me tonight."

Katie picked out her additional storybooks and Johanna turned off the light and led her daughter to her room. She grabbed the phone and put it back on its base on the nightstand and laid the storybooks there as well before pulling back the covers. She picked up Katie and hugged her tightly before depositing her in the bed. "Katie, I'm going to go get a glass of water, I'll be right back," she told her, handing her the first book on the stack.

Johanna left the room and headed downstairs, anger still flickering in her veins, along with hurt over Jim's attitude and his words to Katie. Knowing he was in a bar all evening told her that he had been drinking…he might not have been drunk but it was clear that the alcohol was taking affect, along with the fact that he had obviously been stewing. There was no excuse though to be harsh with a four year old. He needed to save his anger for her, not their daughter. She made her way to the kitchen and got a small glass of ice water and then got a small cup for Katie, knowing if she didn't, her daughter would want a drink too.

She carried the cups back to the bedroom, found some tissues to clean Katie's face and then settled into bed and took the book from her child's hands. It took four stories and soft murmurings to think happy thoughts about the show they had seen that evening to get Katie to sleep. She waited a short while to make sure her daughter was down for the night and then clicked on the TV to watch the Tonight Show; knowing that sleep would most likely allude her for most the night. Katie rolled over and her gaze jerked toward her, checking to see if the television had disturbed her but it hadn't, she had merely rolled onto her side, finding her bunny in her sleep and curling up with it. She tucked the covers more securely around her and leaned back against her own pillow, hoping sleep would find her sometime soon as well.


"Come on, Jim," Zach said later that night; "We need to head back; we've got to be in court in the morning and you're not going to be in good shape for it if you don't quit while you're ahead."

"I made her cry," he muttered, staring down into his empty glass.

"It'll be alright," his friend told him.

He shook his head. "I made her cry…she's just a baby, she didn't deserve that. She's going to grow up and hate me."

"Katie's not going to hate you," Zach told him. "We all yell at our kids once in awhile and they cry; it's part of being a parent."

"I don't want to make her cry, she's just a baby."

"She's four, she's not a baby."

"She's my baby," he retorted.

"I know," Zach replied, patting his shoulder; "But she'll be okay; you can tell her you're sorry the next time you call her; and you know how kids are, they forget things once something else gets their attention. She'll forgive you."

"Johanna won't," he mumbled.

"She will."

He shook his head. "She's starting to hate me."

"That's not true, Jim. Jo's crazy about you; you were mad because you couldn't get her on the phone and you let it get the best of you and cause a fight. She'll forgive you too."

"We fight all the time lately," he muttered.

"I know the feeling," Zach remarked. "Things haven't been all sunshine and rainbows with me and Claudia ever since this promotion business. She says I'm never home…and this month I haven't been so far, so I can't blame her for saying it although it frustrates me. She knows I have to work to take care of her and the kids, but I guess she gets lonely…and that's probably all that's wrong with Jo; she's just lonely for you; you two have been together a long time, she's not used to being without you for so long."

"I feel like I don't miss them as much as they miss me," Jim stated, his hand still wrapped around his glass.

"That's normal," his friend replied; "I love my wife and kids but I like getting away at times too. It doesn't mean anything other than that you're a married man who hasn't been away from home too much since your child was born."

"I should miss them more."

"Well come on, let's go back to the hotel and you can miss them all night while you're in your room; and tomorrow you can get up and miss them some more, okay? We need to get going…Johanna wouldn't like it if I left you here, do you want her to yell at me next?"

"No," he said as he rose from his chair and picked up his coat. "But she probably wouldn't care…I keep making her mad."

"Well you might want to try to tone it down or she won't buy you anything for Christmas," Zach said lightly as he nudged his friend toward the door.

"I don't know what to get her for Christmas; all I have are two little ordinary gifts…nothing special."

"Well you've got a few days, maybe you can find something."

"She's probably going to divorce me by New Year's."

Zach shook his head. "No; she wouldn't do that. You know, Jo; she always gives you another chance. You'll tell her you're sorry and she'll forgive you like always."

"What if she doesn't?"

"You'll buy her jewelry," his friend stated. "It's going to be fine; you just need to get some sleep; everything will look better tomorrow."

Jim followed Zach obediently, the alcohol in his blood keeping him from noticing the cold air smacking his face. How could things look better tomorrow when he was sure his girls were angry with him?


Johanna was finally drifting to sleep around two with Katie snuggled up against her side. She allowed her body to relax as she carefully shifted away from her daughter for a moment so that she could lay on her side and then she allowed Katie to roll back up against her. She adjusted the covers and draped her arm over her daughter and allowed her eyelids to slide shut; the hazy edges of sleep pulling her under…and then the phone rang.

She was going to kill him…because she knew it had to be Jim. Annoyance flicked in her veins and she twisted around to yank the phone cord out of the base of the phone in effort to silence it.

"Momma," Katie murmured in her sleep.

"Shhh," she whispered, running her hand over her hair. "Mommy's here."

Her daughter settled back into her dreams and the ringing phone downstairs ceased its noise. She tried to relax and settle back down to sleep but before she could accomplish the feat, the phone downstairs rang again. Her jaw tensed and she knew she'd have no choice but to answer or he'd call all night. Carefully she slipped away from Katie and got out of bed, hurrying from the room and downstairs to the dark living room where she clicked on the lights and grabbed the phone. "Hello," she said sharply.

"Jo," her husband said; his voice whiskey soft.

"Go sleep it off, Jim," she told him before disconnecting the call.

She was halfway to the stairs when the phone rang again. She moved back to the stand and answered it once more. "What do you want?" she asked.

"You," he said.

"You've got a funny way of showing it."

"I'm sorry," her husband stated. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make her cry."

"Well you did," she retorted. "She thinks you don't like us anymore; are you happy now? You got your point across really well that you don't want to be here."

"That's not true; I love you, I love the baby."

"Yeah, well, it's a little hard to believe when you only call here to yell at us or complain about what we say or do. Seems like you only love us in the middle of the night when you've had too much to drink and need someone to talk you to sleep. Well I already met my quota of bedtime stories tonight, Jim. I'm not easing your conscience or helping you sleep tonight; so call room service and start getting some coffee in you so you can function at work tomorrow. I'm going to bed; don't call back, because I'm not answering."

"Jo, don't go," he pleaded. "Talk to me."

"I've said all I'm going to say to you for the night, Jim. Now either get some coffee or go to bed and sleep it off."

"Please; I love you."

"I'm not so sure about that anymore," she told him.

"I do; I love you, I love Katie…do you love me?"

Johanna scoffed. "Yeah, I love you, Jim…but tonight I don't like you very much. Now I'm done. Don't call back, I mean it," she told him before hanging up.

She turned the lights off and headed back upstairs as the phone rang again. She ignored it, her heart aching a little as she did so but she was too angry tonight to console him in the midst of his guilt. She was too angry to accept his whiskey soaked apologies.

Tears burned her eyes as she climbed back in bed and put an arm around her child. She too wondered how long this phase of Jim's would last. How were they supposed to have a happy Christmas if he wasn't home? How were they supposed to have a happy Christmas if he was home but in the same constant foul mood? She couldn't help but wonder if he was treating them poorly so she'd tell him to stay in Chicago for Christmas…well it would be a cold day in hell before he got her blessing to do that.

He needed to come home for his daughter. Katie needed her daddy there on Christmas morning. They always had fun together on Christmas. He helped her open the boxes her toys were in and they'd play with them together. Katie always handed him his gifts to open, excitement making her wiggle when he'd tear the paper off of something she had chosen for him. He always read her Twas the Night Before Christmas on Christmas Eve. It was special…it was tradition. Katie wouldn't be little forever; she wouldn't believe in Santa forever or have toys under the tree that she wanted daddy to play with with her…but while she was small, Johanna wanted her to have as many of those moments and memories as possible. He needed to come home.

Jim needed to come home for his mother too, she thought. Elizabeth needed to know that she mattered to some of her children. William blatantly disregarded her year after year and Andrew was lingering on his business trip so he could lay on a beach for Christmas instead of being home where he belonged. She'd be upset if Jim made excuses to stay away on Christmas too. He might not realize it but she knew that he was Elizabeth's favored son, and his absence on Christmas would be a blow to her soul. The woman was already hurting over the abandonment of two sons; she didn't need her favorite twisting the knife as well.

Tears slipped down Johanna's cheeks; he needed to come home for her. Christmas was extra special to her because of Jim. That Christmas before they started dating, they had done shopping together, he had given her a pair of emerald earrings that she wore every Christmas…and when they had escaped from their families on the evening of Christmas, they had met up at her apartment and share their holiday tales in the glow of her Christmas tree lights.

It was during the early part of the following holiday season when Jim asked her to marry him. It was their first Christmas as a couple…the year they began creating their traditions. They went shopping together. He indulged her need to find the perfect peppermint cake and after eight attempts, they finally found their peppermint bliss cake that she baked every year as promised. They ate takeout on Christmas Eve…a tradition they still followed. He had spent his first holiday at her mother's table and it had all gone smoothly and at the end of the evening, they had gone home to her apartment and exchanged their gifts.

They had been married for a few months by the next Christmas, and Johanna smiled slightly in the darkness as she recalled them trying to hide their gifts to each other in that apartment that didn't have many available hiding places. She remembered them putting up the tree together, hanging that glass heart shaped ornament her grandmother had given them that said 'Our First Christmas as Husband and Wife' near the top of the tree. They worked out the arrangement for how to spend the holiday with both of their families without anyone feeling slighted.

Their second Christmas as husband and wife had brought the family questioning of when they'd have a baby. Every time she turned around that season, someone had asked that question of 'when?' until her heart ached and her arms felt empty. Jim had consoled her that Christmas night when they had gotten home. He assured her that there would be a baby one day, when the time was right. He promised her that before she knew it, she'd be wrapping toys for a child of their own…that Christmas would be even more special. He promised…and he made love to her in the glow of the Christmas lights, slow and tender, easing the ache in her heart and filling it with hope.

He hadn't lied…the following year, they weren't in their apartment, but in their new home…putting up their Christmas tree and hanging an small glass teddy bear wearing a pink Santa hat and a bib proclaiming 'Baby's First Christmas' on the tree as their two week old baby napped in the bassinet nearby.

Johanna pressed a soft kiss against Katie's hair; more tears sliding down her cheeks. She had felt like a mess that Christmas, her hormones still unsettled, her baby a night owl…but it had still been perfect; and she smiled a little, remembering how she and Jim had put Katie in her carrier and sat her by the tree as they opened her presents for her, holding up rattles and baby toys and clothes for her to see. The next year Katie had been a year old, still unsure of what was going on around her but feeding off the excitement, enthralled by the lights and the ornaments dangling from low branches of the tree. She smiled as she remembered that they had found her once curled up beneath it on the tree skirt, sound asleep. When Katie was two, she was catching on to what was happening and on that Christmas Eve, they hadn't thought that she'd ever get to sleep…of course the same was true when she was three.

Johanna swiped at the tears on her cheeks. Last year, Katie hadn't fallen to sleep until midnight and was up at 5:30; bounding into their room and jumping on the bed until they got up and gave in to her demand to go downstairs. They were tired, but Katie was happy and they had been too. That was all she wanted for this year…for Jim to come home; for them to be happy and warm and cozy on Christmas like every year so far.

But she wasn't sure that Jim wanted to cooperate with the notion of a happy family Christmas…and a part of her worried that the traditions might be coming to an end. Instead of lightness and joy filling her heart for the season, she was worried that their family Christmases might be slipping from her grasp along with the man she knew and loved. He need to come home, not just for her and Katie and his mother…maybe he needed to come home for himself too. If he could just come home and relax; have Christmas and let them love him through whatever it was that was going on with him, maybe things wouldn't look so badly…maybe he'd be himself again. She could make it all better if he'd just come home; she was sure she could...if he'd just let her instead of pushing her away as he had been.