Author's Note: A break from the Angst! Kind of! This one if for Kerry, because it's sweet. And for GuessWho, for being a loyal reviewer! Love, Love, Love!
Warnings: Fluff. Disgusting fluff. Maybe some OoC-ness.
Rewrite
'Chapter Eight'
There was a pool. I was sure that the Doctor had started to talk as soon as we made it to the library, to make up for the silence on the way here, but I really couldn't be bothered to listen.
There was a pool… In the TARDIS. In the Library, of all places. Not a single one of my TARDISes ever had a pool, or even large bathtubs. It made me wonder about the personality of this old Type 40. Thinking about her gave me a tickle at the edge of my mind, and I felt the old girl try and worm her way into the core of my psyche. I hadn't realized how loud the drumming sound was until the TARDIS silenced it.
I nearly swooned at the sudden sound of nothing in my head. I could hear my blood rushing, my hearts beating and the sound of my ragged breathing, and naught else. I marveled at this, and I was tugged from my thoughts by the Doctor clearing his throat and staring at me oddly.
I only lifted a brow, "Yes?"
The Doctor mirrored my expression, "You were talking to yourself."
Ah. "I was thinking aloud." I said shortly as I crossed my arms over my chest and observed the room that seemed to go on forever.
I kept my eyes away from the Doctor's form just long enough to know that he was laughing at me. I fought the urge to be flustered as I stepped closer to the edge of the pool, staring down into clear, fresh water.
"Why is your pool in the library?" I called across the silence, my eyes roaming to find the Doctor who was standing on the other side of the Olympic sized swimming pool.
I watched him shrug, "No idea!" He called back before he waved an arm towards me, beckoning me to the other side. I did not take direction very well, though I couldn't help but follow the suggested command as I took my time walking around the edge of the pool.
From the corner of my eye, I saw a flicker in the water; a pearlescent flash of color. When I turned my head to focus, it was gone. Mildly perturbed, I continued, though I couldn't help but feel as though I was being watched…
"Took you long enough." Muttered the Doctor with his back to me, and I fed the urge to reach out and flick the back of his ear while I scowled at his shoulders.
"It's a large pool, and if I recall, there is no running around pools." I replied over the Doctor's hissing and grabbing for his abused ear. He said no words about the flick, and instead shoved a rather large leather-bound book at my chest.
"Here. Hold this." The force knocked the wind from my lungs, and I looked down at the enormous book. The thing must have weighed twenty pounds or more, and the cover was embossed in the careful and elegant circles of the Gallifreyan script.
"You have an awful lot of books from home…" My eyes roamed up, and up, and up seeing familiar titles in a language that hadn't been spoken or written in years.
Narrow shoulders shrugged as he passed another thick book back to me. "I took a lot of things from home when I left for the War."
"Except me." The words came from my lips before I had a chance to stop them. Before I could even think, I spoke, and that was so unlike me I thought that maybe the phantom had a hand in this, though I knew it wasn't true. I rolled my lip between my teeth, and looked down to the floor, mentally kicking myself and still trying to shake the feeling that I was being watched.
Midway from reaching, the Doctor paused and slowly let his arms come back down to his sides with a thinner paper back between his fingers. I watched his shoulders slowly sink as he heaved a quiet sigh. I could taste his sorrow on my tongue. He shook his head and spoke, though he never turned to face me.
"If I knew… If I knew that you were alive…"
I wanted to touch him, to reach out and curl my arms around him to stave off the horrible loneliness and regret that oozed from every pore. This was not the man I had fought with before… This wasn't the same Timelord who I had worked so hard to destroy all those years ago. He was a sad shadow. I had seen it briefly in my own time; the aching in his eyes and the desperate need to cling to something familiar as he spiraled through space, always running.
I was not an emotional man, but the War had changed my oldest friend and enemy in ways that tugged at my hearts. It had changed me, too, and I had never lifted a finger to fight.
"No one knew, but the Council." I spoke softly, wrapping my fingers around the spine of the tomes hard enough to hurt. "They brought me back for the Time War. To be the perfect soldier. But, do you know what I did?"
I chuckled softly, watching the Doctor turn his head a fraction, almost wanting to look at me, "I ran. I ran as fast and as far as my TARDIS would take me. I ran so far, I found the end of everything, and I hid in the skin of a human."
This made the Doctor turn to face me, and I couldn't quite read the expression on his face. He stared at me for a long while, and I sighed to myself. I had hoped sharing this bit of information would make the man trust me more, though the look in his eyes said otherwise.
"Where exactly do you come from?"
I laughed again, "I can't tell you that. I've already said too much… I just… wanted you to know." I finished awkwardly as I clutched the books tighter to my chest, feeling as though I resembled a school girl talking to her crush.
The image made me shudder, though that might have been the sudden warmth on my shoulder from the Doctor's hand. There were no words exchanged between us, only a look; a locking of the eyes as our expressions screamed all the things that needed to be said. The fingers tightened slightly, and I watched his lips curve into a slight smile.
When he nodded at me, I released a breath I hadn't known I had been holding. The hand slipped away and the Doctor turned back to the bookshelf without a word, though the gesture spoke volumes. I allowed myself a small smile as I glanced down at the smaller of the two books I held. 'Illness and Treatment' was the very simple title.
I looked back to the Doctor's back. "Do you think I'm sick?"
"No, I think you're insane. There's a difference."
"Well, why don't you tell me how you really feel about me, Doctor?" I curled my lip and sneered at the back of his head. He glanced over his shoulder, and I swore I saw him roll his eyes.
"Come off it, Master. I know that you know that I think you're nuts."
I couldn't really argue with that, so I kept my mouth shut. Instead, I turned around and moved to sit by the edge of the pool, placing the books beside me, and leaning back on my hands. I sat parallel to the edge with my feet out in front of me, and I wondered how often he used this place.
"I wouldn't sit too close to the edge if I were you. Venus likes to play."
Before I could ask 'What the hell is a Venus', I felt a wet… something touch against my hand. It was slimy and cold and I felt tiny shocks march up the hairs of my arm. I felt something like suctions cups cling a long my skin and my eyes flew to the pool to find the source and all I could see was a murky silhouette in the clear water. There was a reflection of light; that pearlescent shimmer from before and I saw that whatever was being so friendly was rather large.
"Uh, Doctor, there's something in your pool…"
"I know! I told you, it's Venus." The man turned his head slightly, to see my blank expression. I made no move to stand, or jerk my hand away. I didn't feel as though I would be harmed, and from this close, the thing was quite pretty.
"Might be a silly question, but what's a Venus?"
He turned to face me, books in hand and spectacles perched on the end of his thin nose. "She's a Venus. It's a species of giant jellyfish I found on an ocean planet… I say ocean, but it was freshwater… Maybe I should say giant lake planet… I call her Venus, because I found her on half a seashell, no bigger than my palm." He smiled fondly at the memory, and I nodded when appropriate.
I watched the translucent tendril pull back form my hand and slip back into the water without a sound.
"You always seem to collect the strangest things." I mused aloud as I watched the water ripple as the nearly translucent creature darted and spun, almost as if it was dancing.
"Of course I do. I managed you, didn't I?" I didn't need to see his face to know that there was a mischievous smile on his face. I snorted as I stood, and it was a very graceless noise.
"You've not collected or acquired me. I could leave at any time." Even to my own ears, I sounded petulant.
"Go right ahead then. We're floating in the middle of space, but go ahead and walk out of here, but good luck surviving." He spoke over his shoulder as he reached for one final volume, and once he obtained it, he tucked two large books under one arm, and motioned to the few I was tasked with holding. "But until you decide to leave, carry those for me."
I gave the Doctor a very flat look, "I am no one's servant, regardless of the debt I owe them."
"I never said you were a servant. I'm asking you as a friend." He grinned suddenly, "You owe me a debt? Admittedly? Oh, my, I'll have to log that away fro later, then!"
Shit. The Doctor always had a way about him. A way that made me feel like a child beside him, though I knew we were within forty years of each other. He made me pout more than even my own mother had all those ears ago. It was disturbing, and I had nearly forgotten the effect this bastard of a man had on me.
I followed the Doctor soundlessly as he led me deeper into the Library, zigzagging through a maze of shelves, and faux corridors comprised of hundred of books stacked as high as they could be, all swaying and leaning in haphazard way. The smell that invaded my nose was one of them most comforting in the universe to me. It took me back to the Academy, sitting the furthest corners of a library that rivaled this one, surrounded by the scent of dust and brittle paper and the sound of knowledge.
Eventually, the Doctor found what he was looking for. I determined we might have been in the middle, close enough to still smell the water, and far enough away for the silence to be complete. We could have been in an entirely different dimension, though, that I thought about it. TARDISes were completely unpredictable.
"Take a seat." The Doctor broke the silence, and motioned to a set of squashy looking chairs set around a wide, low table made of a dark wood that gave a handsome gleam in the low lights. I placed the books down and settled myself in a chair, setting ankle on knee and looking the picture of patience. I watched as the Doctor did the same, even mocking the way I sat as he stared at me with an expression I couldn't quite place.
When I thought he would speak, I was given silence and that stupid look on his stupid face. I felt as though I was on trial, and he was trying to break me open like a safe to steal the secrets that were inside. Perhaps I wasn't too far from the truth.
"What?" I snapped finally, feeling myself bristle as I gave him hostile eyes. It irritated me even more that he laughed.
"Nothing at all. Just pondering." He said easily, though the look in his eyes was anything but easy. If the Doctor was a different man, I would have said he was undressing me with his eyes.
"What are you pondering?" I took the bait, just as I knew he wanted me to.
"About what's inside of your head." With these words, he stood from the chair and came around the table. He pushed the books aside, and sat directly in front of me, close enough that our knees were interlocking.
I stared into chocolate pools from so close, and I couldn't find the words. I knew that he couldn't hear the drums that pounded so loudly that I swore he should be able to, and I wasn't sure if I wanted him to listen. My discomfort must have shown on my face, because the Doctor reached out to touch at my arm, making sparks dance along covered skin.
"Hey, don't worry, alright? I don't want to push anything… You're in a delicate state, after all."
In hindsight, I knew the Doctor had baited me, but at that particular moment I really couldn't bring myself to care that this was a trap. I was so furious at the adjective he used to describe me that I spoke without thinking and invited him inside.
"I'm in a what? I'm not a damsel! I'm a Timelord and I can take whatever you can dish." I said stubbornly as I leaned in closer to him.
The Doctor only smiled, and it was then I realized that I was a fool. His hands lifted to touch at my temples; his forehead pressing to mine just as the fiery walls came crashing down. I fought to keep a barrier on my memories as I felt his phantom fingers caress and touch and listen to anything he came across in the deepest parts of my mind.
At the forefront of my mind was the sound of drums amplified a thousand times because of his presence. The sound pounded so hard, it felt as thought my teeth would fall out of my head, and my eyes would shake from their sockets. It seemed like an eternity before the Doctor pulled back from me, his fingers pausing to stroke the skin of my cheek before they fell back to his lap.
"That sound has been with my since my rebirth. Since I was raised for the War, I've heard that damnable beat echoing through my skull. I can't even tell my own heart beat from the noise…" I blathered on, unable to help myself from explaining the noise that I knew the Doctor would question.
But he didn't question. He didn't even speak. His reaction shocked me to my core, though I almost expected it. His hand darted out to curl around the back of my neck, and he brought me in close enough to kiss. He placed his forehead against mine, and stared into my eyes from so close and said five simple words.
"I'm going to fix you."
It was then I knew that the Doctor had seen much more in my head than just the sound of drums.
And I was grateful.
-TBC-
