I have lots of men in my life that I love and all for different reasons.

Dad, when he's not bein' a complete wanker, is the first man that I've ever loved. I mean when I was little, me an' him always played together an' that but when he hurt his back, everythin' changed. Then I became a teenager an' it really went to shit. Plus there were the other little bleeders around.

I mean I still love him, he's me Dad after all, even if he's a right prat to me. But as long as he looks after me Mum an' the other kids, I'll keep me mouth shut. But things are better now that I've joined the Army. I think it gave me an' Dad the space we needed from each other.

Corp. Geddings from basic training is another man that I love. I thought the Corp fancied me 'specially after they UFASed Chris Ingrams, but now I can see that he was more about being a teacher. He loves me as a teacher loves a student, not somethin' I ever experienced at school, I drove the teachers balmy.

Corp. was always trying to teach me, like about the bloke, the class clown that fucked up on his tour or about first impressions an' tryin' make a good one. He'll kick my arse if he hears about the first impression I made on my first tour.

Qasseem is a lovin', gentle man who I love as a father figure. I think he survived one of the worst things that could 'appen to a person, losin' your family. My Nan would call him a true gent. He was calm, steady an' supportive, everything my old' man is not.

He understood how I felt about Bashira. He knew I felt responsible for her an' for all that 'ad 'appened to 'er. I think he felt a bit responsible for me an' all. He always spoke to me quietly an' gently 'specially if the Bossman 'ad given me a gob full about somethin' I'd done or said. I know it had something to do with me bein' the same age as his daughter, if she'd lived.

He was always on alert, looking out for me, on patrol. He was the one who heard that they were targeting me, he was the one telling the Boss they were trying to detonate the bomb strapped to Bashira. Qasseem always listened to me and he tried to help me talk to the locals, 'earts an' minds an' all. He persisted even when my attempts were appalling. Qasseem once told me that early on he wasn't sure that I actually spoke English. Cheeky bugger!

Then, God help me, there is the mob that are my self-appointed "big brothers" 2 Section. I love them all just like family. The boys always look after me, 'specially in Afghan. Our start was rocky, on that first day, the photo, thank God Smurf smoothed things over for me.

The turning point in my relationship with them was when I went after that Welsh wanker in the minefield. I could tell they were freakin' out so I tried to be as calm and professional as I could. I could hear 'em on the comms calling out to Smurf to talk to me. An' when the mine went off, they were callin' for me as well. I knew they were watchin' out for me an' Smurf, ready to pop the sniper if 'e put 'is 'ead up to take a shot. I could see them all cheerin' when we flew past, I bet the Boss gave them a right bollocking for not stayin' focused or alert.

After that the boys looked after me. Not always in an obvious way- someone would grab the kit and leave it by the med tent after patrol, a cup o' tea would appear when I'd be workin' late on medical reports and they'd leave me alone when I was sittin' watchin' the stars.

I love them boys, they don't half do my 'ead in and they take the piss more often than not, but they're family an' after all we went through in Afghan I feel responsible for them. They're my tossers.

Then there's the biggest pain in my arse, the Welsh tosser. I love 'im, 'e's me best mate in the whole world. He drives me nuts, half the time, more than half the time really. When I saw 'im that day at Brize and it turned out 'e was in my Section I knew I'd be in for it. Luckily he said the right things but then later on after I'd shared my concerns with the Boss, he slagged me off good an' proper to the boys, left me right out on me own.

Then he goes an' gets shot. In the middle of a minefield! I had to go get 'im, I didn't think the Bossman was gonna let me go, he kept sayin' I 'ad to wait but I knew 'e'd bleed out if I didn't get to 'im. I did my job, I got to 'im, patched 'im up an' got 'im to hospital. I wasn't gonna let him die, the Section would all blame me.

When we were home on RnR Smurf was my life saver. Bein' home, bein' "normal" was doin' me head in. After the welcome 'ome at mine I rang 'im. It was bleedin' obvious we were goin' through the same stuff so I headed to Newport. It was good to be together, we understood each other when no one else did or could.

When Smurf died right in front of me, it completely shook my world. Nothing would ever be the same again. Smurf loved me, wanted me to marry him, but he deserved a girl who would love him completely, for himself. I loved 'im as me best mate an' it was never gonna be anythin' more.

There's a small man in me life who I barely know but I love completely, Samuel Charles James. I first met 'im at the 'ospital with 'is Mum and Charles 'ad just recovered from his last op. He was so excited the nursing staff 'adn't rubbed off 'is message to his Dad.

'E's been around a few times when I've been there with Charles. We try not to be obvious about how we feel about each other until Charles has a chance to talk to Rebecca an' then to Sam. But I'm sure 'e's seen us 'olding hands maybe even kissin'. We can't 'elp ourselves sometimes after knowin' how close we came to not gettin' the chance to be together.

I love Sam, 'e's his father's child in looks an' how 'e acts an' talks an' the way 'e smiles. I love to see 'im an' 'is dad smile.

Then there's Artan. I love 'im because 'e pushed me toward the Army an' Charles, to get away from 'im an' the dead end life I was goin' to be livin' if I'd stayed. He was such a tosser. I don't know what I ever saw in 'im or the other wankers I 'ad as boyfriends.

But now, now I see exactly what 'e is. It only took experiencing the others, 2 Section, not that I'd 'ave any of them as boyfriends either, and spendin' time with Qasseem an' Bossman to know how I should be treated by someone who says they love me. I'm well rid of 'im.

Now I 'ave my Captain. 'E's the love of my life and 'e loves me an' all.

We didn't get off to a good start on the tarmac. He threatened to toss me off the plane if I couldn't do my job or fit it. Bloody first impressions! Mind you I didn't like him much neither but I did appreciate the way he filled out his uniform and his gorgeous brown eyes.

It all changed, I think, after I treated his blisters. Not that I treated him any better or worse, than any other numpty who hadn't thought to break in his new boots before wearing them 24/7 in hot, dry conditions. Then there was the incident with Smurf in the minefield. But I was only doing my job.

Goin' on RnR was one of the 'ardest things I 'ad to do. Bossman turns up in my tent, jus' after my shower, I was still dryin' me 'air, wantin' a favour. Next thin', I'm not sure how it 'appened, we were holdin' hands an' starin' at each other. I promised 'im I'd come back, we needed to talk about Afghan, what we were goin' to do in the future or if we even 'ad a future together.

I knew after 'is reaction to the news about me and Smurf spendin' time together that there was somethin' between us. I nearly 'ad an answer from 'im when we walkin' towards what turned out to be Sohail. An' then at the 'ospital Charles wipes away my tears so gently. I knew he 'ad feelin's for me. An' then he gave me that gentle kiss before it all went to shit on the bridge. Not that I regret that kiss at all. I remember everythin' about it! How Charles held my face, the smell of 'im, the heat of the room and how I felt in that moment.

I still wish it 'ad been me that was hit, not 'im, never 'im. But Lady Luck smiled on me one last time and gave me back Charles. It could 'ave been a whole different ball bag. I'm so thankful and I plan on lovin' 'im for a lifetime.