Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Love Hina or any of its characters.
Friends
Chapter Eight
Push
Her sword…
She never had to use it the way she feared she would, but she relied on it all the same. Her sword was something she could depend on. Her sword was always at her side and it was her solitary comfort in the world so it was only natural that with her hands wrapped around the hilt that she found her release.
When she wielded her sword, she drowned herself in the art. She swung it till her shoulders burned and went through the kata until her arms felt like they were going to fall off. She trained until she was out of breath, and then she trained some more.
Her training sessions were harsh, but it was more than just practice for her. It was a time of self-reflection. The motions she went through with her sword in hand were second nature and her mind never drifted even if her thoughts did. She was just as much of a sword as the weapon she held. She was cold and rigid. Sturdy and sharp. Practical and…
"Beautiful…"
That was what he called her.
From anyone else, she would have accepted the compliment with a humble nod and continued on her way, but he was not a liar. He was not the kind of person who said things unless he completely believed in them.
She swung her sword with a renewed vigor, catching her second breath as she thought about her landlord. She knew full well what happened last night. After fixing the steps, she went to talk to Shinobu and the girl broke the news to her in tears.
"Mitsune…"
A dangerous whisper made even more ominous with the sword she held. Again, she brought it down with enough force to divide thoughts. Her clothes fluttered, birds in the distance taking flight as the temperature around her plummeted.
She lied.
The vixen lied right to her face.
All along she was planning to dig her claws into their landlord and she played everyone for a fool. The woman was extremely crafty, Motoko would give her that, but her apparent lack of a conscience was the trait that bothered the swordswoman the most. Mitsune was sly, more conniving than a wolf covered in wool, but what she did was low even at her meager standards. She was…
"Disgusting…"
All she thought about was herself.
The only reason she wanted to be with him was simply because it was convenient. If she was in an ongoing relationship with the landlord then she wouldn't have to worry about rent. She wouldn't have to worry about going to the bars she frequented. She didn't have to go and find men to hustle since all she had to do was sweet talk her new boyfriend into doing whatever she wanted.
She was a disgusting sloth content with being lazy for the rest of her life. She didn't have any goals. The only thing she probably ever strived to do was make Keitaro give her the chance she never deserved in the first place.
She already knew that much and had planned accordingly even going as far as to approach both of them with her suspicions. She had expected the vixen to lie, but Keitaro's presence swayed her.
The sword was given a final swing before sliding back into its sheath and Motoko didn't even bat an eye at the turtle that flew past her and into the sky. She should have grabbed the girl's face and made it meet the steps when she had the chance. If she had known she would have been happy to…
Motoko sighed as she looked at the setting sun from the roof.
She was stronger than Mitsune. There was no doubt about it. She could just walk into her room and beat her up if she felt like it, but it wouldn't change what happened. More than that, violence was… unbecoming of a woman who knew exactly what it meant to use it against someone. She felt ashamed for even entertaining the thought, but the white fury inside her continued to burn.
"I thought I'd find you up here."
"Urashima…?" Motoko looked over her shoulder at him as he walked up to her. "I thought you would be with your girlfriend."
It was just like he expected it would be. As pitiful as it sounded, Motoko always intimidated him on one level or another. The dangerous look she always had in her eyes, her icy tone that always made him hesitate before taking another step, the way her hand oh so casually edged closer to her sword… It was the same Motoko that attacked him for every perceived perverted aggression against any girls in his vicinity. It was the same girl that swore up and down that she'd kill herself before marrying him.
"Motoko… I know you're mad and-"
"Mad?" She spun around, narrowed eyes burrowing into his soul as she took hasty steps in his direction. "You came all the way up here to talk about me being mad when you're the one letting that… harlot have her way with you?! I don't want an apology! I want to know what happened to us, Keitaro!"
"I…" He looked down knowing fully well what he had to say. "I don't know…"
It was the truth.
One moment he was happy with Motoko and, the next, Kitsune was giving him his first real kiss. It all happened so fast, but he had no excuses. He knew since he woke up that he took the easy way out. He came up to the roof to apologize, but she wanted nothing of the sort.
She wanted her boyfriend back.
"She's a liar, Keitaro!" She exclaimed, livid in her anger as she pointed at the man that gave her up in favor of someone who didn't even deserve his time. "I already told you all that she cares about is money! When your bank account is dry all she'll do is move on to her next victim and, after him, the one after that. She's a swindler and you are letting her do what she wants!"
"It's not like that." Keitaro raised his head and looked at her. Though she tried so hard to be impassive, Motoko was just as soft as Shinobu at heart. She was hurt just like the younger girl, both betrayed by a decision he made on the spot not daring to think about the repercussions. "I know she'll get tired of me eventually…" He smiled in spite of the things he said as the sun dropped below the horizon. "I feel like it's just something she's going through. You know, like a phase. After she gets what she wants then everything will go back to being how it was."
"So you're letting her use you?"
"Kind of..." He rubbed the back of his neck as he looked up at the sky. "I want all of you to use me. That's what I'm here for, but it was the first time anyone ever really needed me… I mean anyone can fix doors and stuff, but she needed me so it just happened."
"Are you trying to imply that I didn't need you? That our date didn't mean anything to-"
"Motoko, I love you… more than you think I do."
Her heart skipped a beat and her breath caught up in her throat. He said it. Without any warning, he said something that made her lose herself. Her anger was swept away by the tide of pure emotion that surged inside her and then she remembered.
She was in love with him, too.
"I… I thought you were abandoning me."
She was smiling as she opted to look down. She wanted to jump him and give him a parade of kisses. She wanted to run over and hug him until he turned blue. He was returning her feelings when she needed them the most and she let out a breath she didn't know she was holding when she felt his hand on his shoulder.
"Listen. I kissed her Motoko…"
Ice.
What was warm became cold so fast she felt frozen. For a minute she was completely out of tune with the world. Her problems were her problems, but his problem became hers. She got confused and stayed that way until she had the presence of mind to realize exactly what he just said.
"I don't care about that."
She lied.
"We c-can kiss if you want to…" Motoko volunteered herself, ready to surrender and subject herself to his whims as long as he promised to stay with her forever. "We could do more than that, too."
She felt disgusting.
Her body, her overall appearance was flawed. She wasn't as pretty as the other girls and she knew her demeanor had the ability to instantly ward off any man that showed any kind of interest in her. The notion that she didn't need him was beyond silly because…
"Motoko."
His hand never left her shoulder. He gave her a solid squeeze, a reassuring comfort that told her everything was going to be okay long before he dared to speak his mind. He was smiling, his aura radiating with the kindness he enveloped her in just by being close.
"I'm… Well, I'm kind of flattered, but you don't have to give me anything." She felt disappointed when he removed his hand. The feeling and his touch were gone, but the thought behind the contact remained. "I'm just really sorry about all of this." His smile was gone. "I'm sorry I-"
"If you really love me then apologies are not in order."
He was the only man she could be with.
Keitaro Urashima was the only man she could truly love and the only one she would be able to make a life with. At first she merely tolerated him like she most of his gender, but he understood her. He understood who she really was. He knew why she did the things she did.
He knew how to make her happy.
She closed her eyes in thought before extending a hand and fostering a smile of her own. "I want you to-" She heard something. Someone was there. Someone was watching them. "Show yourself!" She yelled, the hand she held out snatched back to rest on her sword.
"Take it easy…" Kitsune smoothly walked out onto the roof with her hands in the air like she was being held up. "I was just coming up here to get you two. Shinobu said dinner-"
"No more of your lies!" Motoko marched past the landlord. "How long were you there?" She waited for the response that never came. "Tell me how long you were there!"
"Let's just go eat. She said she was-"
"Quiet, Keitaro!"
She gripped the hilt of her sword so tight that her knuckles started to turn white. Seeing the woman made her angry all over again. The way she smirked knowing that she was caught, the eyes she didn't open to see the threat that was in front of her, the way she wore her clothes, the way she held up her hands like she was the victim… All of it annoyed to the point she felt like she was going to explode if she didn't look away.
"How long was I there?" Kitsune echoed the question before answering. "Does it matter? Let's go eat Keikei."
"I'm—Keitaro, stay right where you are!" Motoko yelled, sensing the movement beside her. "I'm asking you how long you were spying on us?"
"Spying?" Kitsune chuckled, angering the younger girl even more with the way she acted. "Why would I do such a thing?" She put her hand on her chest, sighing as she pretended to be sad. "Are you trying to offend me?"
"Mitsune…" Motoko was shaking, her eyebrows low as she gritted her teeth in a lacking effort to keep herself from strangling the woman in front of her. "You…"
"Can you two please stop fighting…" Keitaro stepped between them. "Let's just go and eat dinner. After that, we can just sit down and talk about this. About everything."
"I don't want to talk with her! I don't want to share you with her either!" Motoko stomped towards him before pointing at her antagonist. "You said you loved me so tell her to leave you alone… Tell her to go away!"
"I'm not going anywhere." Kitsune stood her ground as she answered for him. "Keep throwing your temper tantrum if you want, but I came up here to get him and I'm not leaving until he comes with me."
"I don't have time for this." Motoko closed her eyes, the hand that rested on the hilt of her sword returned to her side as she started on her way to the kitchen. "Keitaro, I'll be expecting you after dinner. I'd like to speak to you in—No," She changed her mind after remembering who lived in the room across from him. "Come see me in my room."
The roof felt tranquil again, the lack of the sword and its owner contributing to the peace. Motoko left, but the tension that built stayed behind. Keitaro looked down at the tiles and Kitsune stared off into the distance, both of them wanting to say something but neither knowing exactly what.
Kitsune shifted her weight, the eyes she set on the horizon landing on her boyfriend. "I heard everything."
She eavesdropped on him again, her guilt numbed by the things she heard. Keitaro thought she was going through a phase, he still had feelings for Motoko, and he believed that she was going to get tired of him.
He wasn't shocked, the fact that she knew things he didn't tell her something that didn't surprise him at all.
"Ha… I'm not mad or anything." She wasn't. The truth was that she wasn't all that surprised, either. "I do need you to answer one question for me though." Kitsune took a deep breath before walking up to him and reaching for his hand. She held it, squeezing it before she thought to pose the question she needed to ask. "Keitaro, I… I'm not going to pressure you. I'm not going to cry or anything, either. I just want you to tell me the truth, okay?"
He nodded. "Okay."
"Do you love me?"
It was a simple question, one that only needed a yes or no, but the thought it required made it complex. She wasn't asking him to make her feel better and she wasn't looking for him to give in to her like he did last night. She wanted the truth. She wanted to know how he really felt about her.
"I love you, Kitsune." The worry that clouded her features left so fast it seemed like it was never there. "I love you, but I don't know about us being together like this… I-"
"Shh…" She smiled before putting her finger to his lips. "That's okay. Really, it's okay. I just wanted to make sure before I said anything else. I want you to know that I love you, too. I love you so that's why I'm doing this."
"No, it's not. It's not okay." He pulled her finger from his lips. "It's not fair to Motoko and it's not fair to you, Kitsune. I think we should go back to just being friends."
"Maybe I should just kiss you again."
"Kitsune, I'm serious." Keitaro sighed before he started to rub his temple. "We all need to talk this out so we there won't-"
"Keitaro…" Kitsune kept her smile as stepped backwards. "You're taking this too seriously." She spread her arms out as she spun around, her eyes looking towards the evening sky as she spoke. "At the end of the day, all of us are just trying to be happy. I'm trying to be happy. Motoko is trying to be happy. All of us… except you."
"Huh?"
"You don't want to be with Motoko for real either, do you?" She slowed to a stop, her spinning finished as she turned to face him again. "I'm already happy with this much. I told you how I felt. I asked you to accept me and you did so I'm happy, but I'm worried, too. What are you scared of, Keitaro? You don't really think I'll take advantage of-"
"No…" Keitaro offered a smile for her concern as he shook his head. "I trust you, Kitsune. It's just…" He dropped his head, his small smile fading as he looked at the tiles he stood on. "I'm not anything…" Someone told him not to say something like that so he trailed off, allowing himself to come up with a better way to put it. "I'm happy everyone wants to spend time with me all of a sudden, but I'm here to help all of you so I don't know about this."
"Keitaro…"
The reason he accepted her feelings wasn't because he wanted them. It wasn't because he felt the same way. It was because he cared. He wanted to make her feel better and he did so she would never let him be miserable alone.
"You can still do that, Keitaro. I'm not taking you anywhere, I just want to be with you." She touched him, the side of his face caressed by the hand she held out for him. "Don't tell me I'm too good for you, or something like that… I want you, Keitaro." She was serious, her eyes just as open as her heart as she told him how she felt. "I know I pulled this shit on you at the last minute, but don't think this temporary. Don't think I'm doing this because I'm trying to get back at one or them or something. Know…" She paused, someone that knew her way around words feeling lost as she tried to convey even a fraction of her feelings. "Know that I love you. If you really trust me, believe me when I say that I'm doing this because I love you. Only you."
He didn't know what to say. All he could do was take in what she said and the kiss that followed. The peck she left on his cheek was what she left him with before she turned around.
"Go talk to Motoko after dinner and sort out your feelings." Kitsune smiled at him over her shoulder as she walked away. "For now let's just go and eat, okay?"
Briefly, as he touched the side of his face, he wondered if she knew how much he cared about her. He wondered if Kitsune had any idea of how much he loved her and, as his fingers came into contact with the traces of her kiss, he believed she did.
Keitaro smiled before following her. "Okay."
0
Kitsune watched the resident chef collect the plates from the table and Shinobu made no mention of the attention as she piled the dishes in the sink. They were the only two left in the kitchen. Su left after her third plate, Keitaro and Motoko left together, and Naru didn't even bother to come. Thoughts of the latter came lingered in her mind until she saw Shinobu reach for the dishwashing liquid.
"Did you forget where the button-"
"No." She said it quickly, her back facing the table as she turned on the facet. "I didn't forget. I don't want to use it."
"I can show you again if you forgot." The older girl scooted her chair back and rose from it. "I mean, c'mon, no one likes to wash dishes."
"I do."
"Ha, you can't mean that." She laughed as the sink filled with water. "If you forgot, you forgot. Can't do nothing about that so you don't have to pretend to save face. You know you don't have to do that around me."
She turned off the water. "I didn't forget."
Kitsune moved towards the sink with the intention of reaching over her to press the button behind the facet, but the hands that landed on stomach changed that. With a little strength and a little leverage, Shinobu pushed her away. Kitsune stumbled, frantically taking a quick step back to right her balance before she tripped. She didn't fall, but the fact that she was pushed… The fact that Shinobu was the one that did it spoke louder than anything that would have happened because of it.
"W-What…" She was openly shocked as she looked at the girl. "What the fuck, Shinobu…?"
"I said I didn't forget!" Shinobu turned around, her lip trembling as she stared at the girl that ruined her dreams. She was upset. "Don't treat me like a child and don't, don't, act like we are still friends with each other!"
Kitsune looked down at the angry girl with narrowed eyes. "First of all, you—Look," She cut herself off before she said anything rash. Shinobu had the right to be mad. "I know you're mad. I saw the way you hesitated before you gave me my plate. I stayed down here so we can talk about it."
"I don't have anything to talk about with you."
"Don't be like that, Shinobu." Kitsune sighed. "All I want to do is say I'm sorry. What I did to you… What I told to you was wrong. I'm sorry, okay?"
"Kitsune," Just the fact that she said that much gave the older girl reason to smile. Shinobu sighed as well, the slump in her shoulders noted as she listened to the apology. "I am angry…" She admitted before returning to the dishes. "I'm hurt, too. It feels like my heart is going to burst every time I think about sempai…"
"I know how that feels, Shinobu."
"Why did you tell me sempai was with you?" Her anger burned itself out in face of understanding and apparent regret. "You told me that you didn't like him like that… What happened?"
"I love him." Kitsune closed her eyes as she said it, the warmth she felt at the thought a comfort she always took the time to relish. "I can't remember when it started, but I fell in love with him a long time ago. I tried to hide it so Naru could be happy, but I got tired of denying myself what I really wanted."
"I feel the same way…" Shinobu put a plate in the drainer. "You still didn't say why, though."
"I was desperate." Kitsune rested her back against the countertop, her eyes distant as she thought back to the other night. "You saw it too, didn't you? The way Motoko looked when they came back from their date."
Shinobu looked down at her reflection in the soapy water. She remembered the way Motoko laughed as she skipped through the door. It was rare to even see her smile so it wasn't hard to tell that their date went well.
"Shinobu, listen to me." Kitsune waited for her to look over her shoulder. "I was wrong. I'm sorry for patronizing you and I'm sorry for lying to you, but I need you to know something important." The older girl smiled, the hint of hope in her eyes promising that it wasn't bad news. "I want to be happy, but that's not why I'm going this far. I wouldn't even try if I thought he'd be unhappy with me."
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"
Was that supposed to be some kind of condolence? That was supposed to make her feel better because he'd be happy? That was stupid. Making him happy was good, she'd be happy for him, but what was the point if she wasn't happy with him?
Shinobu reached for the towel to dry her hands before pressing the button twice. The clatter of the dishes dropping into the hidden compartment under the sink covered the sound of her footsteps as she began to walk away. "I'm supposed to be okay with it because of that? What about my feelings?"
"Shinobu, I'm not trying-"
"I'm not stupid, Kitsune…" She threw the towel on the table as she walked by it. "You're not friends with Naru anymore, Motoko is angry at you, and Su wouldn't understand. You stayed down here because you wanted to talk to someone, but I'm not your personal cheerleader. I'm not going to pretend to be friends with you after what you did to me."
Words that didn't fit her left her mouth. They were sure and blunt, completely different than unconfident mumbling she did most of the time. She spoke her mind without stuttering or caring about what anyone else thought. Idly, she wondered why she couldn't do it before.
"Whatever you want to happen between you and sempai isn't going to work. He'd be happier with Motoko."
"Shinobu…" Kitsune gasped. The change in her was evident, but her words were still brutal. "How could you?" She knew she was angry, she knew she hurt her but to say something like that just wasn't fair.
The younger girl grinned a little, her eyes downcast as she never stopped walking. The reason she didn't always say what she thought was because she knew she'd hurt feelings, but it didn't matter anymore. If they didn't care about her feelings, then she wouldn't care about theirs. "I guess…" She started as she left the kitchen in search of her sempai. "I guess I just wanted to talk, too."
Continued…
Next chapter:
Parallel
"Why do you love me?"
