I know it's been a while, I have excuses but I don't suppose you particularly want to hear them, what's important is I have a chapter for you. I hope you enjoy it because I loved writing this one!
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Alex was a firm believer that there were two sides to every story. Two sides of a coin. Two routes, always two options, if not more, that you can take. And Alex's coin toss was now. Live or die. Stay or leave. Love or lose.
The monitor beeped rhythmically in time with each passing heart beat Alex gave in her unconsciousness. There is nothing more distressing for a mother than seeing your child tangled in an assortment of machines and tubes, leading in and out, keeping them alive because they're not strong enough to support themselves. And on top of that, they're bloody and bruised and as a mother you can't bare to see your baby in pain. It crushes you.
Alex stood by her mother, her hand on her shoulder as she sobbed quietly, looking over her pretty mangled other self. What struck her as odd was the ease with which she had accepted that whilst her body was in a coma, her Sense of Being (She had rolled her eyes at that) was wandering the halls. But then she had watched If I Stay with Piper in AV club the week before so the idea wasn't that foreign to her.
She pulled herself out of thought and looked down at her mother who's sobbing had eased and realised she had fallen asleep. Alex wondered how long it had been since her Mom had slept in her own bed. She lifted the blanket that was folded on the end of Alex's bed and draped it over her Mom. With one last glance at herself Alex headed for the door. She had expected to find the hospital corridor on the other side but apparently that wasn't how things worked. "Principle Figueroa? What are you doing here?" Figueroa raised her eyebrow with that signature you-actually-think-I-give-a-shit-about-you expression. "Miss Vause. What a pleasure. As you can see you've walked into my office." Alex looked around the room. Shit. She was right. How did that happen? "So you've not quite grasped the outer body experience thing yet. Get over it. We have some stuff to cover. In a moment you are going to see how things could turn out. Notice could. You're not dead yet." Alex grinned. "Well on that cheery note—" Figueroa held up one perfectly manicured nail tipped finger. "I'm not finished Vause. So listen the fuck up. I don't know how this is happening, and honestly I don't give a shit either, but it is very important that you watch and listen. Needless to say you may find this experience…educating."
And then her image flickered, and suddenly it was as if she weren't looking at Alex at all but straight behind her. The phone rang. Figueroa swept a disgusted look over the room. "I should be doing better things than this. Principle of some ridiculous little school that can't even get their stereotypes right, I mean jesus christ." She stood and lifted the phone with her usual amount of aggression. Alex always wondered how she managed to wear heels all day every day, that seemed more alarming than whatever supernatural occurrence was happening right now. "Yes, hello, Natalie Figueroa, Principle of Litchfield High School what can I help you with?" She snapped at whoever was on the phone. "Hello Ms Vause, I've already assured you that that you need not worry about Alex's attendance record, these are extenuating circumstances after— Oh. On behalf of the school and student body you have our condolences Ms Vause. She was an exemplary student. She will be sincerely missed. Yes, I can't imagine the pain you're going through. Good bye, Ms Vause."
She placed the phone gently on the receiver and then crossed to the student files. "A.V, A.V, Ah there she is." Figueroa lifted the file from the draw, she took one unconcerned look over the file and then dropped the file into the bin. "One less for me to worry about."
Alex frowned from the corner of the room. "You're such a dick Figueroa." She waved her middle finger at her but the scene had already shifted away.
She was at the back of the gymnasium. And at the front. Her yearbook photo, that in this reality she would never see published, blown up so it covered half the wall. Alex had to say she did look pretty fucking good in that photo, well done Vause. Well done. She drew her attention to the crowd. No Nicky, no Piper but Polly, she was there and much to her surprise she was crying. Jeez, she never figured that she liked her that much. She would make the effort to be nicer to her when she woke up. If she woke up. Alex pushed the thought away. She tore her gaze away from Polly's shaking figure. There were a lot of people crying. People were weird when teenagers die. Random people you'd barely spoken too suddenly claimed you had been best friends, that they were mourning your loss more than anyone.
She noticed then that you're almost always beautiful in death. That's how they describe girls that die young isn't it? Beautiful. According to teachers, peers and loved ones anyway. That's how deputy principle Caputo started, "Today we mourn the loss of a beautiful young lady." Bullshit. Alex was much more than her looks; they could've started with anything, she was the quarterback of the school's all girl football team, she was an above average student, she was a badass - they could've picked any of those but no, that's how she would be immortalised, like every other person taken too young - Beautiful. She supposed there were worse ways to be remembered. She took one last sweeping glance at the scene, sobbing class mates and Caputo mid speech, and then the scene changed.
It was her hospital room, strangely quiet and unusually empty. Alex realised the machines that had been supporting her had been removed from the room. All that filled the room now was a sad empty chair, the depressing hospital bed and Alex. Twice. Paler than she had ever seen herself, the bruises and cuts less prominent than they had been when she had left the room, Alex changed her mind. She was quite beautiful in death. Alex approached the bed side slowly. Despite Alex's usual optimism this scene was something quite unbearable. If this reality played out she would never graduate, she would never have a career or have kids or get married, she would never watch anything grow, she would never hold Piper in her arms again, she would never see her brother grow into the man she knew he would become or be best man at Nicky's wedding, she would amount to nothing more than she was right now, at this instant. Alex had never feared death but at this moment with these realisations crashing into her, she was afraid. She wanted life. She wanted to make more of her life. She wanted to travel the world, to tell Piper she loved her, to spend another christmas with her Mom. She wanted to make every day count and remember how she felt at this precise moment so she would never take anything for granted again.
Alex looked down at her own face. Cold and lifeless. Frustration is an emotion that consumes. One after the other, rapid fire of things, facts, that shook her with frustration. If she'd been wearing a helmet. If she drove a car. If they had just stayed at hers. All this could've been avoided. But, no, she would never see the next iPhone or Adele's new album. She would never see the new Bond movie or the latest Star Wars. She would never see a cure for cancer or a female president. She would never know exactly how zips work or visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Some trivial but still horrendously frustrating facts. This was it, time would stop for her She was furious with the driver of the car that hit them and she was furious with herself. What if it was Piper in the bed in front of her? What if - Her thought stopped mid way. The door closed quietly behind her.
Tear stained and completely dishevelled, suffering coming off of her in tangible waves, Piper Chapman had never looked so broken. She stood at the door, her eyes filled with emptiness as though there was something missing from inside of her. She crossed the room. One, two, three. She counted silently under her breath the steps it took to reach Alex's lifeless side. She gazed into her face tears welling at her eyes. "Oh baby." Piper stroked her hair softly. "It should be me." She shook as the tears started rolling down her face and whispered to Alex's dead counterpart. "It should be me. If one of us had to die why couldn't it be me? I can't do this without you Alex. I don't want to live a life without Alex Vause. Alex Vause to make me smile and to kiss me in the hallway and to graduate next to and to marry some day. I would've done it all with you baby, travelled the world, settled down, whatever you wanted. I can't do this Al." Alex broke. She backed to the wall and slid down shaking. Sobbing violently. "Please. Please let me live. Please." She didn't know to whom she was directing the plea but she said it anyway, over and over as tears ran down her face and she ran her fingers through her hair and she listened to Piper's quiet sobs. "Please let me live. Please."
Once more the scene shifted. She was on the floor of Figueroa's office. "You look pathetic by the way." Figueroa snarled, She sat propped on the edge of her desk, one legged draped over the other inspecting her nails as Alex let the tears continue to roll down her face. "Why?" Figueroa rolled her eyes and threw a box of tissues at Alex. "You're so uninventive, everyone always asks why. Why is this happening to them? Why are they seeing this? Why do they deserve to die?" Alex took a deep breath and dried her eyes. She stood. "Not why then. How? How do I live instead of die?" Figueroa nodded in approval. "That's more like it. The point of this Alex Vause, is to make it very apparent to you that you are in control of your destiny or fate or more specifically, the How. I'll let you in on a little secret. This is How you made the decision, you couldn't decide if you wanted to stay or go. Not completely. Underneath this conscious level, part of you was thinking about leaving. Now you know, you want to live. All you have to do to live is to stop being a little pussy, that's how. All you have to do is wake up. It's been that simple the whole time. I'm only here as a formality." Figueroa stood up and walked towards Alex. "Wake up Alex. All you have to do is wake up." Figueroa was right in front of her now, raising her hands, laughing maniacally, her acrylic-nailed fingers hit her shoulders. "Wake up Alex." She dug her claws into her shoulders, pain piercing through her, a look of complete insanity crossed the principle's face. "Wake up." Then Figueroa shoved her through the open fifth floor window. As Alex hurtled toward the ground she heard one last thing before the familiar sensation of crushing against the tarmac and darkness over came her, "Wake up Alex Vause."
Will she we wake up or will Piper's crushed dreams become reality?
What do you think? Reviews and suggestions are more than welcome and appreciated!
